Today, I was contacted by a person that I once held close to my heart. Over a year has passed since we last spoke. They were really quite important to me and we shared a special connection, one that dissolved in essentially an instant, not the connection, but our communication. It hurt.

Today, someone who was once special to me took steps that confirmed our connection will likely no longer be what it once was or what I thought it might be. Things were a bit muddy — timing, loose ends and all that. But I made a choice yesterday, that I’m certain ended any opportunity. The solidifying of this was always just around the corner, I’m guessing they would say the same. It hurts.

We humans sure hurt, and know how to hurt. It’s inevitable. Rarely are our connections without difficult moments that often alter trajectories. Some of the moments are explosive, while others seem benign and yet hold an even greater impact. Boy we are a messy bunch.

I’m glad for both of these humans and our shared experiences. I’ve learned and grown so much during the time that I have known them.

And both of them, I believe, honoured me as I trudged through my personal growth. Both allowed me to be vulnerable, and both saw my messy side, which doesn’t come easy.

Life is strange. We weave in and out of the lives of others, changing as a result of those shared interactions. Sometimes not always is it for the better. But sometimes, you get it right, even if it’s not forever.

There are beautiful humans out there. Loving, incomplete, baggage laden, beautiful humans. When you meet them, and by them, I mean those ones, grab their hand, hold on tight and enjoy the magic of the moments you share. At least, that’s what I intend to continue doing.

❤️

But what has he done to prove himself? What decisions have you seen him make that instils confidence that he will always make the decision best for you?

The rush of emotion you are experiencing is not unique. It’s a very common thing that new subs experience. It’s called sub frenzy.

I know you don’t want to consider this, but the odds of this ending well, are not good. What if he leaves? Are you prepared for how that feels? Think of the high you are currently riding and now pull him out of the picture… if you’re even able to do it. I bet you can’t even put yourself in a pace that believes it could end.

The truth is that you. just found this world and you are setting yourself up for a heartache and hurt that will take a lot to recover from. And when that happens, you may end up closing the doors on a world you have waited a lifetime to enter.

Consider if this was vanilla dating. Would you give your new date the keys to your house and access to your bank account after a date or two? No. So why are you giving someone complete access to YOU?

Having been on this website for over three years I’ve witnessed this more times than I can count. Typically those submissive as that are quick to submit and hand their themselves are soon left heart broken and regret how quickly they moved.

This isn’t the first time I have written about sub frenzy and it won’t be the last. Every time I have taken the time to post about it, it’s because something has happened to someone in my life and it deserves to be repeated. There are always new people coming to this scene and new subs losing themselves and making poor decisions.

My advice, as always, is befriend another sub and talk things through. Have someone there to remind you to apply the brakes and slow your roll. If you don’t submit fully this moment, it’s ok. The right Dom-for-you will be patient and expect you to take your time submitting. Good things take time to build and you want to make sure you have found someone worthy. (And don’t you want someone who exercised restraint as well?)

Trust me. I’ve been there and have the sub frenzy t-shirt to prove it. It will pass. I promise. And when it does, your thoughts will clear and you will once again be able to trust your yourself and live out all of your fantasies… safely.

He had me standing in the the kitchen, placed in such a way that my ass was facing the living room. My legs were shackled to the device he had made just for today, although I’m sure there would be many future uses. The device allowed me to stand or bend over a cushioned table. The table’s length was cut so that my chin rested just before the edge, allowing my face to be used if that is what he wanted at that time. My wrists were cuffed to the side to ensure I didn’t resist.

I had known that today was going to be special. He had prepared me and told me that he was going to be teaching me a lesson about controlling my slutty holes. He thought I was too horny and that I asked to orgasm much more than I should. He had tried other methods to slow my requests, and they would sometimes work, but within a couple weeks I would be asking to orgasm twice a day again. He didn’t mind saying no. Sometimes it was with words and other times with his hands. Oftentimes he would fuck me and not allow me to cum, but that didn’t stop me from asking. He knew those punishments weren’t much to deter me.

It was just before 11am. I was freshly bathed, shaved and ready for what he had prepared. He had shared no details. Like always, I got into my kneeling position and waited to be collared by the foot of his chair in the living room. I waited with my eyes down and felt the play collar close around my neck. Without a word he took a handful of my hair and led me to his creation and strapped me in. I laid my torso on the table part and admired at how perfectly it fit my body.

As I laid there, I could hear him getting ready for his day. I could hear noises and made guesses as to what he was doing, but was mostly left to my own thoughts and listening to the tv that had been left on. I was surprised when I saw him in the kitchen with trays of vegetables… and then I became afraid. He always had me prepare food when we had company over. My mind really started racing…

It was probably about 11:30 when I heard the first brief knock on the front door and footsteps into the house… and my fucking stomach dropped. I couldn’t see who it was, but I recognized the voice when he said hello to Sir. They made their way to the living room and I froze. My bare ass was facing them. I immediately raised to my feet, so as not to be giving a full view.

“Bend over.” Sir ordered.

I did.

Without addressing me, the man started complimenting Sir on my physique and then they shared words about the device that he had created. They chatted and I stayed bent over. I wanted to turn my thoughts from their conversation and lose myself in my own mind, but I was too present to ignore them. I tried to monitor myself. My heart would begin racing and then slow. My face would turn red and then I would calm myself again. My pussy… well, despite the nerves and the discomfort of having my pussy facing a stranger, my pussy was very wet. I hoped they didn’t notice. My mind was focused on them again. I caught that there was a sporting event on today and it was the apparent reason they had gathered… and that’s when I heard another knock.

When the next man entered, it was essentially the sames routine. They talked about me and the game, but this voice I didn’t recognize. Then another knock… and another. The parade of people continued over the next half hour. I hadn’t thought to keep count, so I could only guess at the number… maybe six of them. Even by trying to listen to the different voices, I was unable to place the number of people — was there ten?

Sir had never done this before. We had played with others and he had had friends around on occasion and I would be their sexy servant for the day, but nothing like this. I understood what Sir was doing, he wanted to humiliate me into good behaviour. Make me show off my slutty wet cunt for his friends… I was embarrassed and aroused. I would be able to get through it though. I knew it…

And that’s when I felt the first hand on me. I flinched.

“There. There… Be a good girl and stay still.”

It was the voice of the second man that arrived. I froze. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. His hands began exploring and groping me. First rubbing my ass, then my tits. Then I felt his fingers push into my cunt and I gasped. That didn’t stop him.

I then sensed someone by my head. I could tell it was Sir. He leaned down to my ear and whispered “You are never sated you dirty whore and it’s about time you were taught that that my pussy needs more self control. You will learn your lesson today. You can cum as many times as you like today and I promise no repercussions, and you don’t need to ask.”

I started to speak. Words started to fly out of my mouth, I’m not sure what they were, but I was resisting and begging… but that didn’t last for long. I felt Sir’s cock hitting my lips and I opened my mouth instinctively. He pushed in deep just as I felt the other man’s cock push into my pussy and something touch my clit. I choke and then moaned.

And then there was another sensation, someone was holding a hitachi up to my clit. It felt good… really good. As much as I wanted to resist, I began to lose myself in the sensation. I started grinding against the hitachi in rhythm to the man fucking me. It didn’t take long for me to orgasm. By this time, Sir had decided to stop using my mouth and I was left with just the hitachi and the man fucking me. He probably used me for 15–20 minutes before he came. I came twice during that time.

As soon as he pulled out, I felt new hands grabbing my tits and exploring me. Within a minute a new cock was in me and the hitachi was back on my clit.

“Please, not yet,” I asked. I was ignored. He was bigger than the last man and more rough. He spanked me and pulled my hair and fucked me hard and had me cum… and cum again.

This continued for the next couple hours. Sometimes there would be two using me, sometimes just one. Some fucked me in the pussy and others in the ass, but every single one of them used the hitachi on my clit. And my poor body couldn’t handle it. I started off the day with quiet moans and enjoying the attention, but by the first hour had ended, I was crying, begging for them to stop, or at least give my clit a rest. The orgasms were too many to count. There was cum all over me, the floor and the table. No one bothered to clean up after each other or clean me up.

I had been reduced to fuck toy. A human with holes made only for their pleasure.

The longer it went on, the nastier they became. They had ignored me at first, but as the day progressed, they started telling me how dirty I was and how they were going to fix my slut and make me better and cure me from my needs. Some took a more comforting approach, telling me it was in my best interest and they knew I could do it. Some couldn’t get hard anymore, so they just used the toy on me and used words to do the job…

And I cried. Every orgasm, I cried more. I started to scream for them to stop and that’s when the ball gag was put on. I spent the rest of the time crying and moaning and instead of my body refusing, it became limp. There didn’t seem to be any time between orgasms. My clit and pussy lips must have been engorged beyond recognition because they put the hitachi away and began using just their fingers. I was grateful that they allowed me to this, although their fingers were just as effective at this point and the lightest touch sent me convulsing.

As soon as they forced me through my last orgasm and the touching stopped, I passed out cold leaning over the table. I was woken up by my Sir unshackling me. I noted that the ball gag was gone, he most have removed that when I was asleep. Once the shackles were undone, he carried me to the bedroom and laid me on the bed. I had dry cum all over me. Mascara and tears covered my face. Sir held me in his arms on the bed and kissed me gently.

“You did well today and I am hopeful that you will have learned your lesson.”

I nodded. I let my fingers make their way down to my pussy. They didn’t recognize what they felt. I couldn’t believe my body could swell to the point that I didn’t recognize it.

“You will heal. It won’t take long.”

I nodded again.

Sir then released me from his arms and pulled me to the edge of the bed so that my legs were hanging off. My limp body immediately tightened. He wouldn’t, would he?That’s when I felt his hand cover my mouth. I went to fight, but there was nothing left. I felt his cock push deep inside me and him start to pump. My eyes rolled back into my head as I started another series of orgasms. As the tears started to again flow, he kissed them away. And in between those kisses he told me how good of a girl I was and that I would be better now.

For some reason, in that moment, I almost believed him.

Communication is extremely important in this scene. It is required in order to feel valued and even more importantly, to avoid confusion and mistakes (sometimes very costly ones).

When you ask people to describe what they look for in a partner, many will list “good communication skills”. And I imagine if you asked most people, they would tell you that they personally have great communication skills. but what does that actually mean? Does it mean that they can correctly identify and share the emotion they are experiencing, or does it mean that if you ask a question, they will give you a direct answer or does it mean something else entirely? Considering it doesn’t encapsulate one specific thing, how one person defines good communication is likely very different than how another would.

I personally value good communication and for me this means that I like when someone is able to articulate their thoughts well, that they communicate in a consistent manner and that they make themselves available to engage in back to forth dialog.

But there are so many different ways for this to be measured:

• Topics. Some people may be decent at sharing their ideas and thoughts on most topics, but incapable or unwilling to discuss more difficult topics such as openly discussing issues within the relationship.
• Amount and volume. Some people prefer succinct communication while others value more detailed interactions and responses.
• Direct vs indirect. When communicating, some may want people to lead in to more difficult topics while others just want the band-aid ripped off.
• Availability. Some people need to communicate often throughout the day, while others only require the occasional check in, to have their needs met.
• Timeliness. Similar to above, but more specifically, when a question or issue arises, some may want an immediate reply, while others are content for the other person to respond once they have a chance to form their response/return the phone call.
• Delivery. A person’s ability to express themselves can be different depending if it’s text, a phone call or in person.
• Emotional state. People communicate differently when they are upset or angry, then they do when they are calm.
• Kik & Whatsapp. I’m referring to how someone copes if their message has been received, but not replied to or even if someone has been on their phone but chosen not to read a response.
• Emojis. Some people hate them, some love them. This may seem like a silly point to address, but I’m sure we all have a friend that communicates almost entirely with emojis, and then the friend that still uses : ) as a smiley face.
• Vocabulary and grammar. Some would define good communication as having a strong grasp of the language and using the correct sentence structure to articulate it.

Some could argue that some of the above is not “communication”, but I would argue that although it may not, it may be how some people define whether a person is good at communicating… Whether it fits the actual definition of communication is irrelevant if your partner feels that it is related to communication.

Ultimately, I think when most people say they want someone that communicates well, they mean they want to meet someone whose communication style matches there. If they text frequently throughout the day, they want someone who can match that. If they are articulate and love to have lengthy conversations about the nuances of their D/s dynamics, then they will want someone who will match them in this way.

As I sit here, I can remember your touch and how you painted my body witall shades of you… the blues and reds and purples, but it all blurs together. I can recall moments. I can remember the emotions I lived and the pain I felt. I can remember how you made me feel.. the hurt and exhaustion. I can remember how your words tested and shamed. I can remember craving and longing… and being denied.

I remember those parts in frames. Frozen snippets, filled with words and emotions. But only snippets.

However, there is one memory that moves. The one right after. By then, sadist and masochist had been tucked away and it was just you and me. Everyday us. Stripped raw, left only with our breath. Our eyes refusing to move. Unwilling to unlock for fear of breaking that… that thread… or whatever word one chooses to describe that invisible draw.

Another breath…. and another. How long were we there? How many breaths? My memory keeps replaying that moment. And I’m struck by how open I felt. Did I feel your eyes willing me to let you into that space?

Is that the real draw? Is this what we lead up to? To feel those moments. The contrast between the strikes and the pain, to be followed by a calm that can only be described as serene. Stillness of both body and mind. That gift of being in that moment only.

My mind returns there, and I wonder if my memory has blurred the others so that I have only this one to replay. All the others led to this moment, but their only relevance seems to be that they were necessary to bring me to this one. The one I see right now, playing again…

Please don’t move just yet. Please pause. I like this space you made for us here. Just one more breath. Only one more. Please.

Sigh

Will you take me there again? I want you to help me remember how you made me forget.

Please.