Living with someone is very different from hanging out with them.

Over the past year and a half, I have lived with 4 different roommates. Some I’d known for years, others less than a month. From that time I've learned that conflict is easy to find, but not always easy to manage. When too much wears too thin, people get hurt, friendships get injured, and TVs get hurled out of two story windows. I don’t think anybody wants that. So-

Here are 5 tips on how to make your living space feel less like a Hunger Games arena and more like a home:

1. Set house rules on Day 1

You may think this unnecessary, but I've found that clear and distinct rules work much better than “Oh, just use common sense.” Face it. Everyone is raised differently. To have a functioning household you need to make determinations on several topics, for example:

• Cleaning Expectations
• Privacy
• Guest Policy
• Boundaries for any Visiting Boyfriends/Girlfriends
• Parking
• Curfew

Make sure your decisions are ones you can all agree on, and be willing to compromise within reason. Once you have your rules written down or typed up, keep them somewhere where you won’t lose them. You can even get creative and design a rule poster to hang up on the wall or fridge.

2. Communicate

Communication is the number one issue in relationships of any kind. When tension or problems aren't addressed, they can grow over time and turn into something huge inside you. Have you ever held something with your arm out-stretched for a long time? Maybe it didn’t weigh much, but the longer you held it, the heavier it got. The same thing happens when you dwell on a problem you have with someone.

The best way to handle the situation is to treat it like a game of Whack-a-Mole — as soon as an issue presents itself, tackle the sucker immediately, before your opportunity slips away. Now, maybe you’re like me and you absolutely hate confrontation. With a passion. In that case, remember that ignoring the problem not only hurts you but encourages the negative behavior causing it. You have to communicate to survive with each other.

Now, on the manner of addressing a problem…

3. Fight for peace. Not for victory.

Let me first make it clear that yelling and slamming doors will not solve your issues. It just makes everybody feel like crap. Remember:

Being “right” does not give you the right to be rude.

Instead of fighting for personal victory, fight alongside your roommate for peace. Work together to bring an end to the conflict and find a positive solution. Don’t accuse or demean them. That will only activate an automatic defensiveness mechanism. Instead, respectfully point out the problem and ask for improvement. For example this-

“Hey, dude, I noticed you've been leaving your dishes in the sink a lot. Do you mind cleaning them? It’s a pet peeve of mine and it attracts bugs.”

-will receive a much more cooperative response than-

“Really? You left your dishes in the sink again? I’m not your maid, you know!”

Even though each one addresses the same issue, you have to remember that there are hidden messages in the words you say. The first says: “You’re my friend, and even though you’ve been doing something I don’t like, I don’t judge you or think any less of you.” The second one says, “You’re an annoying slob. It’s a burden living with someone so immature. I’m better than you.”

Delivery is everything, and if you want the problem solved without flaring nostrils or smoke coming out of your ears, see to it that you use respect.

4. Understand boundaries

I have some pretty funny stories about this one, kids. But I can’t actually tell you them because they’re pretty personal and I’d be overstepping my…

Boundaries! That’s right! Look at you paying attention and stuff.

Anyway, a very important key to surviving roommate life is knowing each others’ boundaries and respecting them. You may be completely comfortable walking through the house butt-naked, but that doesn’t mean your roommate is comfortable seeing it. Then again, maybe you’ve been friends since you were toddlers and they’re completely fine with it. The point is — it doesn’t always matter where the line is. It does matter knowing where the line is and not crossing it. If you don’t know, ASK. It’ll save you a whole lot of awkward. Other boundaries you should know:

• Do I need to knock before going into their room?
• Is it okay if I use the restroom while they’re showering?
• Is is okay if I go into their room while they aren’t there?
• Is it okay if borrow their clothes?
• Are they comfortable with me teasing them occasionally?
• Is it okay if I read their diary?

That last one was a joke. Don’t do that.

5. Keep the shared spaces clean

This one is pretty self-explanatory. A clean home is a happy home. The living room, kitchen, and any other shared spaces should be a team effort in keeping tidy. It gives everyone a little more sanity and keeps your home prepared for guests. As far as your bedroom goes, that’s your business.

And there you have it! Enjoy adulthood!

Photo Credits:

1. Picture One
2. Picture Two
3. Picture Three
4. Picture Four
5. Picture Five