As I was walking back home after teaching a class, I stumbled upon IACER college in Baneshwor. Doing a Ph.D. was always on my mind. But due to some circumstances, aspiration had been on the back burner for some time. I longed to take steps toward my Ph.D. goal and with some hesitation, I stepped inside the college premises.

I inquired about the courses of Mphil at the front desk. Master of Philosophy (Mphil) is a post-graduate research one and half year-long program. In some countries, it is a prerequisite for P.h.D.

The courses were interesting and then the evening classes also worked for me as I taught in the mornings. The receptionist told me that the classes had already started but they were still admitting students. I had to give an exam and sit in for an interview for admissions.

I wasn’t quite sure until then if I could get admitted. My daughter was just six months old at that time. And being a student would mean preparing for classes, reading, taking classes, maintaining notes, doing assignments, presentations, research, sitting for the exam, and much more. I discussed this decision with my family and they were quite supportive. This gave me confidence and the next day I met the Principal of IACER, Mr. Krishna Niroula. He explained to me the program in detail and I was convinced to join Mphil in English.

I had to give a two-hour exam which was similar to GRE. I remember some questions relating to vocabulary and writing. Prof. Arun Gupto interviewed me and explained to me why an interdisciplinary course is beneficial for a researcher. He gave me an example of two researchers both researching a cup. One researcher is only looking at the cup, whereas the other researcher is looking at the cup as well as the table, and other things in the room. In this case, the second researcher will probably do a better job because he has a holistic view.

I come from a management background; I studied plus two management and then did my Bachelor of Business Administration from Ace Institute of Management. I completed my Master of Business Studies from Shanker Dev Campus. Even though I studied management, I was always interested in interdisciplinary courses and Mphil in English was just that.

For the first semester, I had to study:
1. Sexuality Studies: Thinking Masculinity and Cultural Production
2. Multiculturalism Then and Now
3. Research Methodology and Academic Writing
4. Nature and Spirituality

I enjoyed taking classes, presenting in the class, writing term papers, having a conversation with friends in the canteen, and reading the required texts. However, during the board exams, I suffered from dengue and had to drop one paper. Anyways, I can appear for this paper in March 2023.

I may not ace my papers but I have enjoyed the learning process. My worldview has broadened. I have understood masculinity from a different lens and I am more empathetic towards men as well as the LGBTQI+ community. I am no longer an unaware person who didn’t know what intersex was. I am grateful to Prof. Dr. Sangita Rayamajhi for her guidance and encouragement.

Prof. Dr. Susmita Talukdar taught us Multiculturalism Then and Now. In this course, we read texts like Bisheshwor Prasad Koirala’s Sumnima and contemporary writers like Jhumpa Lahiri. We discussed the issues of recognition, identity, globalization, and many more. One thing I liked about this class was that Prof. Talukdar always encouraged students to speak up in class. She would make those who rarely spoke in the class to present their ideas. This course has made me even more interested in reading fiction from writers such as Hamid and Lahiri. This also gave me a chance to reflect upon the books that I already had but didn’t give much time and attention to go through.

Research Methodology and Academic Writing came in very handy to me. I am teaching Composition to undergrad-level students and the things I learned in this class were quite helpful in my teaching. Also, Dr. Tara Prasad Adhikari made efficient use of google classroom to share resources with us. It was also convenient for us to post our assignments in google classroom. He presented his ideas and lead the discussions which were quite insightful. I particularly remember a class on the neo-liberal agenda in higher education which was quite interesting. All the groups presented their ideas on a theory they choose at the end of the class.

Lastly, Nature and Spirituality was a course that aimed to study the interconnectedness between environment and religion. Prof. Jawahar lectured us on world religions and have impact on the environment and vice versa. Exploring ecofeminism and the chipko movement in India as well as understanding how our traditions are linked to the environment was enlightening.

Overall, I would say the first semester exposed me to different ideas which I would not have pondered upon if I had not joined Mphil. The experience so far has been great and I hope to gain more in the upcoming semester. The only thing I felt could have been better this semester was time management. We had only about two months of classes which were not enough to cover the depths that these courses offered.

Lastly, I joined this course because I see myself working in academia. I enjoy teaching, writing, and researching. Therefore, doing Mphil provides me with the resources and skills to prepare for P.h.D and a career in academia.

#4

Recently in a public forum, a mayoral candidate outpoured rage against a female student who asked a question to him. Since two women have alleged the candidate of sexual harassment, she questioned, “Will I be safe when I visit your office if you become the mayor?” She also added if he has done this crime will he admit it? Or will he just hide? She also said that if the allegations are true then he doesn’t deserve to sit in the chair and it is better that he leaves. He reacted to this question by saying that she is a “nice lady” but “thutuno thik bhayena” which roughly meant she doesn’t have an appropriate manner to ask a question.

After watching this debacle, I also came across another interview where the woman who made this allegation spoke about how she was harassed years back by this candidate.

This saga gave me some food for thought. Here are my five observations:

1. Why didn’t she go to the court then?

When a woman faces harassment of any sort, it is the victim who is blamed at first. Also, people question her why didn’t she go to court then? Why now? But even today when women have shown the courage to speak up there have been instances where their voices were silenced. In such a scenario how can she go to court?

Even when a woman is raped, she is blamed for wearing skimpy clothes. Most men don’t understand how difficult it is to be a woman in a man’s world. And they also don’t understand their privileges.

2. Position of power

The perpetrator has an upper hand when they are in a position of power. In a patriarchal society, men are considered more powerful. And then they are in a position of power, most men do feel entitled. This creates an unequal field and a woman who has just started their career feels inferior, in this circumstance, she can be easily manipulated and harassed.

3. Why doesn’t she file a case now?

People again ask why doesn’t she file a case now? The victim has answered that in an interview that she shared her story to raise awareness against such behavior that humiliates and dominates women.

4. Youth will hold you accountable

Gone are the days when youth could be fooled through high hopes, unrealistic dreams, and false promises. Today’s youth are informed, knowledgeable and courageous. We are not afraid to speak our minds and held people in power accountable.

5. “My vagina will vote you out”

Hima Bista, Executive Director, WomenLead in a public forum said, “my vagina will vote you out.” Women have been oppressed since time immemorial and this is the time for us to rise. We have endured a lot and it is time for us to be vocal about our sufferings.

#3

We take a lot of things for granted. However, the past two years have taught me a lot. For instance, I have been riding a scooter for more than a decade now (what did you think I was riding? :p) but I never thought of it as a joyful activity. My scooter was just a means of commute. A vehicle that took me from one place to another.

Then a fine day in April 2021 I found out that I was pregnant. Even though my doctor suggested that I could ride my scooter at a low speed cautiously, I didn’t have the confidence. Not that I was not confident about my riding but I did not find the road condition safe for riding a scooter during pregnancy. Potholes, bumpy roads, and unmanaged parking spaces made commuting on my own difficult. Particularly, I felt taking out my scooter from a crowded parking space inconvenient. So, I decided that I would not ride on my own during pregnancy.

Since there was a lockdown due to coronavirus outbreak, I didn’t have to travel much. I could work from home most of the time. I am fortunate to have my father and my husband who dropped me off or picked me up whenever I needed. Initially, not being able to ride on my own didn’t bother me much. However, as time passed I felt like a handicapped person because I could not ride on my own. I realized how expensive taxis have become in Kathmandu. I didn’t even want to think of getting on public transport.

Mobility is a challenge for most women. When it is a challenge for us to go from point A to B easily, how will we progress? My friend, writer, and editor Bandana Dhakal has written a detailed article in Nepali regarding how arduous it is to commute during pregnancy and periods in Nepal.

She shared that it is one of her dreams to ride on her own and finds it liberating.

In the third month after giving birth, I hit the road again. I realized how riding on my own gave me wings. I didn’t have to depend on anyone to go where I want to go. I didn’t have to wait for anyone. I could go on my own and save commute time. I also value autonomy and being able to ride gives that to me.

I am still recovering and it is impossible to miss those potholes on Kathmandu roads while riding. However, I find joy in riding, and something I won’t be able to take for granted again.

Why I find such posts offensive?

#2

The wedding bells have started ringing this season. The time of the year when your social media feed starts to fill with lavish wedding pictures. Professional pre-wedding photo and video sessions are quite popular these days. Couples along with a team of professional photographers, make-up artists, and even stylists in some cases go to an exotic location for a photo/video shoot to create beautiful memories for a lifetime. They use props to make the photos more interesting for their social media audience.

I recently stumbled upon a picture of a couple on their wedding day on my Facebook account. The couple seemed to be happy and smiling. The groom carried a placard that said, “I got my cook” with a clipart of a woman who was cooking in a kitchen. The bride’s placard read, “I got my ATM” which included a woman near the ATM.

Even more surprising were some of the comments in that post. Most people were not satisfied with what they were carrying and commented, “Both placards are attacking females more than men”. However, there was a comment which read, “Don’t assume anything. They might be perfectly happy. Their life, their choice.”

Most people take these things very lightly and don’t think that it is offensive at all. However, this mentality of limiting women in the kitchen and considering men as money-making machines exploit both genders. Claudia Rankine’s book Citizen published in 2014 has many such anecdotes where she expresses the instances of discrimination through small acts. For instance, she writes about a time when her friend called her, “a nappy-headed ho” and insisted that it was a joke. However, she was hurt by such language.

I found out that these placards, “I got my cook” and “I got my ATM” were famous. Couples in Nigeria, India, and now in Nepal are seen posing carrying these, and I also found a couple T-shirts custom-designed with these words. Yes, there exists in 2022! I wasn’t shocked but it did raise many questions.

I re-shared the photo with the caption, “Gender roles are so ingrained in our brains that men are still treated as money-making machines and women’s primary role is that of a homemaker.” A few “haha” and “sad” reactions, likes, and comments. My husband commented, “Don’t worry, you have switched the role…Enjoy being my ATM and Fonepay scanner”.

Growing up I saw my father was the breadwinner of the family and my mother was a homemaker. My mother prepared meals and made sure that the house was clean and there was food in the fridge. She never called him by his name. There is this norm in our families, the wife doesn’t call the husband by their name. If my mother has to speak with me about my father, then she refers to him as “your daddy”. It is inappropriate to call husbands by their names in our culture. Even my sisters-in-law and aunts while talking to me about their husbands as “your brother” and “your uncle”. And now they have passed this on to me. This is one simple thing, but this shows the power dynamics between the two genders.

“I got my cook” and “I got my ATM” reflect deep-rooted patriarchy. A woman may not know how to cook but she might be a successful entrepreneur. In the same way, a man could be great at household chores but not have a career. Or both might be flexible enough to help each other in whatever ways possible not focusing on the traditional roles.

Young people learn what they observe and not what they are spoon-fed. Post that limits women to a specific traditional role impact the psyche of young people who consume it. When a young girl observes her mother holding the broom and cleaning every morning, she will think that cleaning is her job. When she sees her mother hurriedly cooking every meal, she will assume cooking is her sole responsibility.

Being a mother to a daughter, I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that doing household chores and taking care of family members is her sole duty just because she is a girl.

More women have taken seats at offices and have graduated from colleges. However, this idea that women are still homemakers first and then professionals, burden them. It is unfair for women to be expected to be great moms and women leaders at the same time.

Posts like, “I got my cook” and “I got my ATM” might be published for mere fun but they might have a serious negative impact on an individual’s subconscious and on society at large.

References

https://theconversation.com/the-secret-to-a-happy-marriage-flexible-roles-101275

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/husband-v-wife-the-changi_b_441444

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/24/opinion/24tsingloh.html

Today is Nepali New Year 2079. The first day of the year. Even though I love writing, I have been irregular. I am a creative person, but then I lack an outlet to express my creativity. So, from today, I want to use this platform to express creativity and ingenuity. The time I spent uselessly scrolling on social media, the time I waste slacking will be now put into this blog.

This is not a new year’s resolution that is made and forgotten in a few days. This is my genuine effort to do more of what I love. I am a new mother and it is not as easy for me to do the things I used to do before. No spontaneous travel, no hanging out with friends for long, or just wandering. However, rather than complaining about my constraints, I wish to do what I can from where I am.

I don’t know what I will blog about. I don’t have a plan or a script. I don’t even have a list of topics or categories. I will just share about the everyday events of my life and the things that matter to me. I write and share with the hope to be a positive light in the world. In a world full of negative news, misinformation, and disinformation, I want to be a beacon.

The beauty, mess, and joy of being a mother.