I used to think that happiness is something that always lay ahead of me. Behind a promotion , behind conquering obstacles, after finding true love, after becoming a better version of myself. I spent years chasing it, and in that chase I forgot to just live.

Let me back up.

I am someone who thinks too much. Life, philosophy, the meaning of existence. I think about them everyday, not as occasional thoughts, but as a constant. At some point, the weight of it gets overwhelming. So I practised what I learnt during my endless search on Youtube and reading books: I started meditating, doing affirmations, manifestations. And it worked. I felt a new courage. I was genuinely happy.

Then the plateau hit, everything was back to baseline. Life got complicated in ways I was not prepared for.

So I started reflecting on my inner thoughts once again, I tried to make sense of everything I know and apply it in my life.

I asked myself one honest question: Am I seeking comfort, or am I seeking growth?

Because comfort to me meant that I enjoy my leisure a bit more, I spend more on things I like, eat to my heart’s content and not worry about what tomorrow may bring my way. The downside to this is that very soon I find myself at the end of a year, having achieved nothing. I look around me and I see people who were once at my par, my ex school mates, my ex colleagues… they have all made it pretty far in life.

On the other hand growth to me meant sacrificing my happiness now to possibly achieve something in the future. Using discomfort as fuel to learn, to workout, to work better, to become someone larger than my circumstances. Maybe those are two extremes. But that’s how my mind operates.

The one thing I kept coming back to was this: Get busy.

Not busy as a distraction, busy as a way of living. Where the doing becomes the point, not the destination.

I want to do pushups, feel the sweat, and enjoy the effort ;not wait anxiously for the six pack to appear, and loose my mind to body dysmorphia.

I want to learn something new at work, just break my routine of doing the same things; not to get a promotion.

want to love people openly, without keeping a tab of whether it returns equally.

This applies to every single thing I do in life. The moment I tie my happiness to an outcome, I’ve made a quiet trade: years of living, in exchange for a result that isn’t even guaranteed. That’s not a trade I want to make anymore.

So here is what I’ve decided. Define a direction, not a destination. Write down the process. Show up for it. Let the doing be enough.

This is why I’ll get busy in life.