And you know what? I feel like begging for someone I loved is a crime? Cause, I was hurting my self during that time.

Why do you need to show love and hurt me at the same time?

Why do people love to show love and then leave that person behind?

I mean, I’m not your type anyway so I’m not gonna complain

Do what you want to do, and don’t controll me just because suddenly you liked the toy.

A toy with a remote control and you can break any time you want and can throw it away.

Why do people keep on doing the same mistake they did that caused you pain?

Why do people love to enter my life and make me fall for them then the next day they’ll leave?

Why would you do something that can give me hope?

A hope that someone can can love me the way I love

A hope that I didn’t beg for, or I didn’t cried for.

Am I just a game to you that you can play with if you’re bored

But, just for once, I want someone to be afraid of losing me, or lets just say I want you to care for me being in your life.

I knew that walking away is not an easy decision, and I have to think a hundred times for that.

But, a hundred times were just a second for you. For you to give up so easily, so how could I fight if I was the only one who’s fighting?

Do I need to stay? or should I just let you push me away?

I knew that I’m not your type. So, what’s the point of staying if your actions are telling me to give up.

Buti kapa ‘no, may choice ka? Akong naiwan, wala.

I thought I would never experience the countless heartbreaks I experienced from my past, again.

But I guess I was wrong, it happened again.

Why does it seem easy for you to leave? For you to cross the door only if you will just do leave me here?

I never asked you to enter my life, right? and yes here we go again, I was broken hearted because of what you did – you walked away.

And, yes. I find it really unfair.
Unfair, cause how do a guy initiated to stop what they called “a thing” when they’re the one who entered my life?

Why does it seem easy for them to leave me? To leave the one who accepted them wholeheartedly.

Yes, wholeheartedly. No matter what the bad side is, I accepted you, and you know that.

It’s just so funny because after all, it’s a guy who entered women’s life and then In the end, they’ll just leave.

I never asked you to enter my life, but why do I feel like something is missing when I let you go?

I think you took a little piece of my heart that’s why when you left, I feel so incomplete

Break me like a promise

When you love someone, you will learn how to be happy for them, even if it will hurt you… as long as they are happy, It’s okay. Romans 5:8 is translated to I love you at your darkest. You made everything colorful for me. Because, I use to see everything dark. But, when you came, you made me realized that colors are made to stand out. It is made to give more meaning to a certain lines and symbols. Not until, everything feels like you were just like a puzzle I needed and I wanted to solve. Because, when it comes to you, I was so confused. Because of your actions, if we’re just friends or more than friends.But, it’s okay. Because, I’m genuine when it comes to my friendship with him. To the point that I can’t imagine a day without his presence.

You know what? It’s hard when you get used to that one person, because you don’t know if they will stay or when will they leave. All I know is want to treasure every moment/s that I have with him and I wanna be the one who treasures him rather than just a person who knows his worth but does nothing to keep him.
In this world, you can’t go after the one you love without hurting anyone.

I don’t like my normal days. Until you came, you made my tea sweet and you became my honey to my warm tea. You made me walk slower because we talk in between of walking and I wanted to walk more with you so my footfalls gradually slowed down for us to talk more.

One day I already liked my normal days but only when I’m with you. I started liking my normal days, because of you. I like them when I’m with you. And so when you left me during my normal days, my tea doesn’t taste the same anymore. I added sugar in it to console myself but I don’t have an honey with me. Yet, the bitterness is still on my throat. I liked my normal days, I even loved them for you. And as I told myself that I would never trade them, but I did it for you.

You were the oddity in all of my normalcy; you weren’t normal for me. Yet, I still let you stay in my normal days, and maybe that’s where it all went wrong. I kept on telling myself that you weren’t part of my normal days anymore – yet you were those normal days. You’re my normal day’s. I love my normal days, just like how I loved you. But, you left me at my worst. And honestly while writing this down my tears are slowly falling little by little, just like how you broke my heart into pieces.

One day, we saw each other. You were looking at me, and hopes are gleaming at your eyes. Oh, God you answered my prayers. But, why is it at the wrong time? I know that he will eventually give up on me. He will have to follow his mom. And I didn’t want you to feel thorned.
I don’t wanna be the reason why you’re even more distant to your mom. I wasn’t prepared for this, but I don’t want you hate your mom that’s why I let you gave up on me, on us.

They say the world is a cruel place to live in but I beg to differ because God made you in this world, and you were the reason why I chose to continue to live in this cruel world. I am a girl who have a lot of problems, who cannot open up to others, and I used to deal my problems with on my own. Not until I met someone like you, and when you were here with me I can forget all my problems. I just can’t believe that you’ll leave me, and put me back in this situation. In this situation, which I have to rebuild the pieces of my heart again because of what you’ve done. But, you were the best gift that God gave to me, a gift that I will cherish forever. So, I chose to wait for you, even if you were already happy with someone else. Because, waiting is a sign of true love and patience. Anyone can say it through their actions, anyone can say ‘I love you’ but not everyone can wait and prove it’s true.

When I listen to the song ‘Araw-araw’ by Ben&Ben it reminds me of you. Because, our love will never be the same again but I will still choose you everyday. Anyone can say they love you but not everyone can choose you when things gets messy or difficult. And I think a part of me will always be waiting for you. I don’t even know why am I still waiting for you to comeback, even if I know that you’re happy with her, while you were just watching me drowning here and you can’t even save me. You told me that I have nothing to wait for and you always make me feel like I have never been a part of your life. The truth is, I also faced some battles but it seems like you were the hardest one. With all the things I’ve been through, leaving me is the only thing I can’t get over.I’m still thinking about you, even though I know that it won’t lead to anything.

You don’t even know that, because of you why I’ve been this happy, I just felt that feeling of contentment because I am contented in having you in my life. I just hope that it didn’t lead to the end. And I chose to move forward somehow, but now what? I just can’t because everytime you say ‘Goodbye' I always look forward to when you will come back. There was no time that you left that I didn’t wait for you, Every time you leave I always tell you to take care because I still want to be with you so many times. If you asked me how am I doing, I will tell you that it’s still a little sore, I can’t erase you yet. Everytime your name or anything connected with you is mentioned that’s it, all I hear is my heart beating, again.

I hope I can find and feel my rest, the rest where you are no longer the basis. I already accept it but there are moments that I still want to be with you. I’m fine, it’s not just that easy to erase you in my mind because I’m so used that you were always here. I’m sorry, because I didn’t think you would leave me like they did. And all I know is you are my most painful goodbye that I didn’t want to but I needed to.

I saved you several times, but you just let me drown in fear again and again. We broke up, but I can’t deny my longing, I always visit our meeting place because I dare to find you here because of my longing. It’s not like I’m lost, I’m still here even though we’re done, I’m still waiting for you to come back. And I’m still trying to fill the space you left, but until now you were still the one who will be able to fill those spaces because you were the one missing. You didn’t even complain, huh? You have long trained yourself to the possibility of my disappearance.

We don’t talk that much, but you can still let me know if you have a problem, I’m still willing to listen to you no matter how confusing or unclear our story is. I hope in my next tomorrows, I will just remember you, back in a way that it doesn’t hurt anymore

I miss you so much, Tangi.

But, that doesn’t mean I want you/us back.
I just want to thank you for being my rant buddy when I’m in pain, thankyou for being my comfort person.

I want to thank you for being the most understanding person when it comes to me. I want to thank you for treating me so well even though I’ve caused you pain so many times.

I know you’ll be wondering why am I writing this for you after everything that happened between us, and after everything that I’ve done.

I think I’m doing this because I’m still hoping that I could ease the pain?

Though, I know what you’ll never get the chance to see this, or read this.

I just want you to know how grateful I am for showing me the love that I didn’t experience before and for showing me how capable I am to love someone, even to the point of giving up on myself. I want to thank you for the adventures we had together. Those fun walk and fun long drives that we had were one of the best memories that I will cherish forever.

You are not as irreplaceable as you think you are and I want you to know that just giving someone a chance to love me hurts me more than it hurts you. Because, No one can ever replace you. Because, I love you in a different way now.

I just hope that there’s good in this goodbye. And, I’ll wish you all the good things in life for now.

I know this may sound unbelievable but I think I will always have a heart that cares for you.

Tangi, I’m so sorry if I chose to let you go this time.

I’m so sorry if I chose my happiness and peace this time. I’m so sorry if chosing myself this time will hurt you, but I don’t want us to settle in this kind of relationship, where we both know that there’s no ‘us’.

I’m really sorry for chosing myself a little more this time. This will be the best decision for ‘us’ to heal the wounds that doesn’t bleed but it’s aching.

We can still chase sunsets, right?

Because, we both know how much we love that beautiful ending. And so, you are my beautiful ending.

I’ve spent alot of time thinking about everything that happend between us, and you know what? I just thought that I needed to reach you out to express some things that has been heavy on my chest. But, I guess It’s a bit difficult so I think It’s better to keep it in here. You knew that at some point I know you’re busy, not only sa acads, sa bahay and pag s-serve mo, I just can’t help but to overthink back then, I just want to say sorry because instead of being an understanding partner I had prioritized being an overthinker. I’m really sorry because I told you a lot of bad word’s back then and I am really really sorry if I let those emotions dictate my actions instead of communicating properly. But, I hope you’ll remember how I value you so much and because of this I just realized how bad did it hurt you to the point that I regret being not more matured back then.

Today, I had a lot of regrets about that.

SOMETHING THAT I DEEPLY REGRET.

I hope I still have a chance to correct my mistakes. And I can make up, for my shortcomings : (