Selamat berusia 19 tahun, Nadia. Entah di jatah usia kamu berkurang atau bertambah, yang jelas ulang tahun kali ini membawa banyak keberkahan, setiap langkah kamu selalu dipermudah, setiap doa yang kamu langitkan Allah selalu mendengar dan di setiap perjalanan yang kamu tempuh Allah selalu nemenin, bahkan ketika kamu merasa dunia terlalu sepi.

Di usia 19 ini mungkin akan banyak rintangan yang datang. Tapi aku harap sekeras apapun hidup, kamu tetep jadi Nadia yang tidak kehilangan cara untuk tetap kuat, Nadia yang masih bisa tertawa lepas dan punya hati yang baik meski dunia lagi lagi sering tidak ramah.

Di usia kamu saat ini akan ada banyak hal yang berubah, cara pandang, pertemanan, mimpi, even cara kamu untuk memandang diri sendiri, but it is just part of process. Dan kalau suatu hari semuanya bener bener terasa berat inget aja kamu tidak selalu hebat disetiap saat buat jadi seseorang yang berharga.

Terima kasih karena sudah bertahan.

Terima kasih karena sudah mau berjalan sejauh ini.

Walaupun mungkin ada banyak perasaan yang kamu pendam sendiri.

Semoga di umur 19 ini kamu lebih sering dipeluk oleh kebahagiaan, dipertemukan dengan manusia manusia baik, dijauhkan dari rasa kecewa, dan diberi hati yang lembut.

Selamat berulang tahun, Nadia. Semoga kamu selalu punya alasan baik untuk membuat kamu tetap ingin melanjutkan hari.

With all the warmth and prayers I could ever give,
— Ardhya

“Oh Captain, My Captain”

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Back again with my memories that have long been tied to my own hopes.

I still depend on myself, unable to let go.

If Mr. Neil can break free, can I do the same?

Sometimes growing into someone we don’t want to be is not something we can control. But growing into someone who believes they can do it, we can do it with effort.

Thinking about doing my best but still stuck in my own expectations, when do i want to start? I hate myself when i think about getting up, but when I do get up, why doesn’t everything go smoothly?

“Seize the day” is the phrase I hold onto when I can’t do what I want, but when expectations and reality don’t align, what should I do?

After thinking about it, I realized I say “If” too often. Once again, I dream like someone who can’t find themselves in the hustle and bustle of the city.

I think too much about the future and the past. Until now, I’m still in the present. I forget that I live in the present. I prepare myself for my future self. I forgot that I live in the present.

“Seize the day” sounds so simple, but when my hopes and reality don’t align, I just think

I live today, I do it today, today is my day, tomorrow is tomorrow, and if tomorrow I’m no longer here, I’ll regret not doing it today.

The more mature I become, the more I realize that being someone who doesn’t meet expectations, in the sense of not being part of the plan, it’s okay dear.

It is imperfection that makes me grow little by little. Living in the present and enjoying it is also the most beautiful gift from God for us to remain greateful.

When i get lost within myself,

when I get trapped in my own expectations,

when I have to let go of everything I’ve planned,

when everything doesn’t go as I want it to,

And maybe that’s enough. I allow myself to let go, all expectations and realities, I let them go for myself to be free do what happens. I will let mayself not think about what if,

today I let everything happen.

Be gentle with yourself, it’s your first time living too.