My unexpected journey after genetic testing

“You will need to have your stomach removed and then a double mastectomy”

How life can change in an instant with one sentence.

I had genetic testing in Oct 2018, only to find out I carry a genetic mutation called CDH1, a very rare mutation that was passed down from my mom, who died young, and that no one knew was in our bloodline. It causes Hereditary Diffuse Gastric Cancer — with an average onset age of 38 (for which I am today.) My brother & aunt also then tested positive, and all three of us had our stomachs completely cut out, now just having our esophagus connect to our intestines.

There are only a handful of hospitals in the country that can properly deal with CDH1 patients and Sloan Kettering and the University of Pennsylvania here are Philly are two of them. In addution, the NIH and Dr. Jeremy Davis are actively studying CDH1.

After meeting with Dr. Robert Roses at Penn he concluded that we all need our stomachs completely removed and that I too would likely elect to have a double Mastectomy. The stats were basically an 80% chance we would get HDGC and a low survival (5%) if we didn’t get our stomach out and the guidelines suggest this is actually our only effective option. The odds were not in our favor, so they took them. What started as an innocent genetic test where I thought I would perhaps be told I qualify for early colon cancer screening since it runs in our family turned into a whole lot more.

On December 7th, 2018, my brother and I both had our stomachs removed in a total prophylactic gastrectomy on the same day. We were the first siblings to have the same major surgery on the same day with the same Dr. and also the first co-ed roommates for 10 days at Penn that December.

The kicker? We found out we both already had stage 1 stomach cancer and didn’t know it. I subsequently had a double mastectomy on March 20th, because of the 62% chance of breast cancer and because I want to rid my body of this, and I have two small children I want to live for who sadly have a 50% chance of carrying this gene, as does my nephew, but they can’t be tested until they are 18.

We are on the road to recovery now and feeling better every day. If I never opted to provide a simple saliva sample in a tube, this would have killed us both at a young age. While genetic testing is new and most commonly associated with the BRCA1 & 2 genes, it’s important people understand that if they have a strong history of cancer, they can get a simple test at the local hospital & ensure it’s not something as serious as what we have.

Sites like Ancestry DNA and 23 & Me don’t test for these things, as people often believe, so it’s important to share that awareness.

The amazing team of surgeons and staff at Penn have saved our lives. It’s been a long road and we have remained positive through this unexpected journey because we both wanted to choose life. My aunt, 30 days later too decided to have her stomach out, on January 7th and just started back to her hockey games, she’s 65 :) People can live life without a stomach and we are proof of that.

Do you know the crazy part? Even with a clear pre-surgical endoscopy, where they took 60 samples of my stomach and found them to be clean, they found out post-surgery that I already had stomach cancer and I didn’t have any symptoms. Stage 1 signet ring cell adenocarcinoma. What??

I did genetic testing at my local hospital and while it has opened a new chapter, it saved our life. I have lost over 20lbs, got my digestion under control thanks to @MelissaHartwig and @Whole30, the eating style helped me recover better and heal a bit quicker because I was feeding my body with real food and real fuel.

I am happy to say now, I feel like myself again. You can live a normal life without a stomach, who knew…I just don’t eat as much as others in one sitting but outside of that, life is back to normal, minus a few major organs.

I wanted to share my story because it may too save your life. There are many genetic mutations out there today. Most people have heard of BRCA, but others and in my case CDH1 have flown a little more under the radar.

This mutation would have killed me and left my kids and husband without me. Life isn’t easy, but a positive and proactive approach saved my life and damn sure beats the alternative. I encourage everyone to reach out to the genetics department at your hospital, they can help guide you, learn about your family risk and do proper genetic testing. Sites like Ancestry DNA and 23 & Me don’t test for this mutation, so it’s important to understand and educate yourself.

Learn about your family history, it may just save your life too.

Courtney Zentz is an award-winning entrepreneur, baby Sleep Expert, and Founder of Tiny Transitions Sleep Consulting and works around the world providing parents with a solution to their sleep struggles, that is backed by science and balanced with your love and support.

As parents, we bear an enormous responsibility. It’s not just about keeping our little ones alive, warm, fed and happy. We’re all looking to raise exceptional human beings. We’re responsible for the quality of our kids’ lives long after they’ve left the nest, and many of the decisions we make today are going to determine who they are throughout the rest of their lives. I always say to my husband that I just want our two kids to be kind. Obviously, I want the world and more for them, but in a world filled with hate, bullying, and judgment, I want them to be kind.

Many families I work with through my sleep consulting business come to me to learn about my services and characterize themselves as ‘attachment parents’ or ‘helicopter parents.’ I feel like most new parents are all about holding baby close, meeting their needs the moment they arise and protecting them with all they have.

So what is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting by definition is a parenting philosophy that was popularized by Drs. William and Martha Sears in their 1993 publication, “The Baby Book.” The idea, in a nutshell, is maximum closeness and responsiveness. You wear your baby, you share a bed with your baby, you breastfeed on demand, and you answer their cries immediately.

In theory, this creates a strong attachment between mother and baby, which results in well-adjusted children who grow up to be happy, healthy, contributing members of society.

Research does not prove one style of parenting is any better over another. Do you love your kids? Are you doing your best? Are they safe, healthy and happy? Well, consider that a win.

I have worked with more than a few clients who subscribe to the attachment parenting ideology and they usually feel like they’re “cheating” a little when they call me. You see, the important thing to note here is that Dr. Sears included a catchy bullet point list of the principles of attachment parenting that he refers to as “The Seven B’s.” They are, in no particular order…

• Birth Bonding
• Breastfeeding
• Baby Wearing
• Bedding Close to Baby
• Belief in the Language Value of Your Baby’s Cry
• Beware of Baby Trainers AKA Sleep Consultant (that’s me)
• Balance

As you can see, he had to stretch a little to get these to all fit into a “B’ category, but I think you he is a pediatrician, not a poet. I would like to add a rebuttal after 6 and call it ‘Bullshit.’ To shoot down the importance of consolidated, uninterrupted sleep in children is terrible. Research every day proves that sleep is a vital component of our children’s development. Every single child and family I have worked with finished with a child who sleeps well, it’s gentle, effective and tailored to their beliefs and parenting style.

You can bond with your baby as much as you want, breastfeed until you’re blue in the face, and wear your baby in a sling everywhere you go, and as a pediatric sleep coach, I would tell you that’s all fine and dandy — heck, I have two kids that I did this with AND they slept, well I might add. They still do, and today they are 3 & 5.

Sleeping close to baby is another term for bed-sharing, which Dr. Sears is a big fan of. As a sleep expert, I follow the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics around safe sleep, a bed is not safe, there are blankets, pillow, 2 feet to drop to the floor and two humans who are heavy and in many cases, in a deep state of sleep. If it’s working for your family, awesome, the beauty of this world is that you are free to do what you believe is best and I don’t intend on trying to change that. You have your approach and beliefs and I have mine.

Does that mean if you want to co-sleep/bedshare that you can’t sleep train? How can I say this….well….yep. Teaching babies to fall asleep independently isn’t really feasible when Mom is in arms’ reach at all times, waking every 45 minutes to breastfeed back to sleep, that’s not what would be commonly described as “restorative sleep.”

For anyone who wants to keep their little one close but would rather not wake up to baby’s toes in their nostrils ten times a night, I suggest sharing a room instead of a bed. As long as the baby has a separate space to sleep, like a crib or a pack-n-play, then sleep training is once again a viable option ( & something I do a lot with families in large cities, like New York (NY), Philadelphia or D.C., where I have a lot of sleep consulting clients.

Let’s Talk Now about Sleep Training & Crying-it-Out

A lot of my clients are surprised when I tell them that sleep training does NOT require them to close the door, leave the baby and let them “cry it out.”

As a parent, our instinct is to protect our children, to support them, reassure them and to encourage them in the many stages of their lives. I have never met a parent who says ‘crying’ — doesn’t bother me, I could listen to it for days. Instinct and the culture we live in today have created a perception that children should not be crying and that it’s our job as parents to make them stop.

The foundational element to crying is that it’s the way babies communicate and we certainly want to respond to that cry but doing in a way that best supports the baby, but how is hard because every child is different. Sometimes, how we respond and what we believe is best coupled with anxiety and stress they hear in us is felt by them, causing them more stress and anxiety, not allowing them the time to process through it & clear the feeling.

If we respond to the immediate impulse to stop crying, we are less likely to give them the chance to work through the tension they are feeling. Instead, we replace it with another feeling and they don’t ever learn how to process and work it out. A cry is a natural healing mechanism and helps the body decompress. Research shows that stress-release crying early in life will help prevent emotional and behavioral problems later on in life. (Solter)

There are 5 benefits that I believe it’s important for my clients to understand about crying, as there will be some tears during the changes we are making, I make no secret of that and anyone who says they won’t is lying to you.

1. Crying is a Natural Detox for Our Body. Emotional tears are the type of tears we see most when working on sleep with families. They contain hormones and toxins and research is starting to show it’s helpful to flush these from your body.
2. Crying Helps Create a Self-Soothing Mechanism. Researchers at the NIH have found that crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system. This helps the body to rest and digest. The benefits are not immediate, it takes several minutes of crying to feel the soothing effects of crying.
3. Crying Releases Endorphins. These are feel-good opioids that can help with physical and emotional discomfort. Oxytocin that’s release gives you a sense of calm or well-being, another benefit of a child learning to self-regulate.
4. Crying is a Call for Interpersonal Support. Crying is an attachment behavior and allows us to signal we are looking for care and comfort as we work through the feelings we are having.
5. Crying Helps to Restore Balance. It is a way to restore balance emotionally for a child who is sometimes processing or protesting something they are yet unsure of. Sometimes our little ones will cry when we go to the bathroom, take a shower, go into another room or when a stranger approaches. If we try to mitigate all of them, life as a new parent becomes far less enjoyable.

Let me try to add some context to this. If a child was crying over not getting a brownie for breakfast, should we give in to that cry? If we do, we simply teach them that crying is a tool to get a response to something they desire — whether they should have it or not. I don’t know many parents who want their kids eating brownies for breakfast.

What I can tell you is that I don’t teach “Cry It Out” or leave your baby to cry for hours alone. As a sleep consultant, I teach families about listening to their children’s needs. Infants are especially sensitive to their parents and what their parents are projecting. They also want to be heard, understood and supported. I encourage parents to always remain calm and steady in their interaction with their children, as hard as it is, but calm breeds calm. First and foremost, we want to tend to our child’s needs and ensure that they are OK.

So, when someone says “Beware of baby trainers,” — that’s unfair.

I can’t speak for everyone in my profession, but as a top-ranked Pediatric Sleep Expert, I am part of a collaborative network of pediatric sleep coaches in the world, and we all have one thing in common.

We’re passionate about helping families.

We’ve been through this issue ourselves, we’ve found a solution, and we’re devoted to helping others the same way we helped our own babies because we know first hand, the difference it makes in people’s lives.

We work with people in their most frazzled, desperate moments, and it is challenging work. The reward is in the results; the smiles of those happy babies and the relief in the eyes of the parents who are feeling reinvigorated and re-energized about raising kids now that they’re getting enough sleep.

My only other issue with the attachment parenting style outlined by Dr. Sears lies in the last of his seven rules.

Balance.

“Wear your baby everywhere, breastfeed on demand, respond immediately to every whimper, sleep next to them, and hey, remember to take some time for yourself, because it’s all about balance.”

But on the fundamental principle of balancing your parenting responsibilities with your self- care, I totally agree. Being a mother is a priority. It can easily be argued that it should be your main priority. If you’re going to be the best parent you can be, you absolutely, inarguably, need to get regular, sufficient rest. No mom I know naps when the baby naps.

Parenthood is hard work, it really does take a village. You have to be patient, understanding, energized, empathetic, entertaining, and focused to be a good parent. Ask yourself, how many of those qualities would you say you possess on four hours of sleep?

It reminds me that we, like our babies, are unique, and all of these parenting recipes need to be tweaked and adjusted to suit our individual familiar needs. If attachment parenting is your thing, more power to you.

The best parenting strategy is the one that works for you and your family.

But if your little one isn’t sleeping and bed-sharing doesn’t seem to be rectifying the problem, I urge you to consider bending Dr. Sears’ rules a little and getting some help. You can still snuggle, wear, enjoy and balance that with a great night of sleep for both you and them. Remember, how you feel in the morning your baby feels. I won’t tell Dr. Sears if you don’t.

My name is Courtney Zentz, a Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Lactation Counselor and founder of Tiny Transitions. As an award-winning specialist, I and my team help exhausted parents teach their infants & toddlers to sleep well every night with gentle, customized solutions and both group and private coaching options, so your family can all be at their best. Based in Philadelphia, I work in-home and virtually to provide the support that families need to all be at their best. Looking for support today? Join my free private sleep community here, Slumber Made Simple, where I provide weekly live training, content, and support on your parenting journey.

My first answer is going to be a clinical one. If your child’s six months or older, gaining weight as expected, and your doctor says you’re okay to end nighttime feeds, in my experience, then you are good to go.

Chances are, what you’re really asking is, “Why does my baby refuse to give up his night feeds?”

Because if you’d pulled his night feeds and he just accepted it and started sleeping through the night, you wouldn’t be online looking for information about it. You’d either be in bed, enjoying eight hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep, or you’d be at the playground, telling all the other moms how easily your little guy gave up night feeds, and how this whole parenting thing is such a breeze!

(Don’t do that though. Moms hate that.)

So let’s discuss the real question. Why does your baby continue to wake up at night and demand food if they’re supposedly ready to give up night time feeds?

The reason is actually probably pretty simple. That’s how they get themselves to sleep.

Feeding and/or nursing to sleep is just about the biggest sleep prop I see as a sleep consultant. People don’t usually think of it as a “sleep prop” because of how natural and necessary it is. They tend to associate the term with pacifiers, mobiles, and lovies. But a sleep prop is really anything external that your baby relies on in order to get to sleep. Night weaning some babies will do on their own, but many need some help and support from you.

So if you’re still feeding your baby to sleep at bedtime, chances are, that’s where you need to make some changes.

“But I’m not!” I can hear you saying. “I put him to bed while he’s still awake, and he falls asleep independently! No props, no nothing! But he still wakes up three times a night looking to eat!”

Although it’s a less common scenario, I do see this fairly often. Mom is doing everything right at bedtime but is still feeding the baby to sleep when they wake up in the night. If they are taking in ⅓ of their calories at night, then they will continue to eat, out of both habit and hunger. Babies need 24–32 oz of milk in a given 24 hour period, so adjustments need to be made to when they eat, to get over the true hunger side of things.

Some babies are just habitual nighttime eaters. It’s not that they’re hungry, or in need of calories. They’ve just managed to disassociate bedtime sleep with waking in the night, and if Mom’s still willing to give up some milk in the night, well then, so much the better!

The bad news is that you’re going to have to break this association by night weaning so that the baby can sleep through the night.

But the good news is that, since your baby’s learned to sleep without props at bedtime, that means they already have some strong sleep skills, and that is the foundation of all this. Sleep is a skill, and once kids sharpen that skill, provided you adjust feedings to daytime hours, they can and will sleep through the night.

So what’s the strategy for this? The same as it is for quitting just about everything else. Cold turkey. Stop tonight and don’t start again. “You are crazy Courtney” may be what you are thinking right now. So, let me share a little more about getting there.

• Monitor milk intake for a complete 24 hours. Track how much and when the baby is taking their milk. Remember, you need to be at 24–32 oz.
• After you know when they take the milk, let’s say 6 oz is overnight, add in 1 oz to every feed, either more in the bottle or 1 oz from a bottle after nursing. This helps ensure you top off baby and shift milk from the overnight to daytime hours.
• Lessen engagement with props, so if they rely on patting to sleep, lessen that each night.
• Give them a chance to settle, provided they hit their goals in the daytime for milk, give them a chance to settle when they wake. Some kids just need a few minutes to process through the waking before going back to sleep.
• Setup time to talk, every family is different and equally complex and we can help guide you through it with gentle, effective support.

The sooner your little one learns those skills, the sooner he’ll be sleeping through the night. That’s great news for you and your partner, but it’s even better news for baby! More uninterrupted sleep means a baby’s mind and body get more of those glorious restorative effects that take place during the night, making for a happier, healthier child. Sleep amounts in babies ‘ changes quite a lot that the first year and they need more than many families realize.

My name is Courtney Zentz, a Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Postpartum Doula, Lactation Counselor and founder of Tiny Transitions. As an award-winning sleep consultant, I help exhausted parents teach their infants & toddlers to sleep well every night with gentle, customized solutions and both group and private coaching options, so your family can all be at their best. Based in Philadelphia, I work in-home and virtually to provide the support families around the globe that need to all be at their best. Read more about us here & let’s chat!

Tips, Tools & Resources to Regain Control

Toddlers are fascinating little humans, aren’t they? Watching them develop into thinking, creative little people is such a fascinating time, and one that parents often wish would last a little longer. The innocence and genuine curiosity I love. The toddler bedtime can be a battle though — especially with Back to School season here.

Of course, they usually wish that after the baby’s grown out of the toddler stage because along with that creativity and growing independence, we usually see a lot of boundary-testing, which can be a frustrating experience. My son Max is 5, has literally done the same bedtime routine for his entire life and still tries now and then to crow-bar another book, hug, head-rub or snuggle out of us in an attempt to prolong his day and hang out just a bit more. I mean, who could blame him, we are fun parents.

When I have my initial consultations with the parents of a toddler or school-aged child, there’s usually some kind of amusing story surrounding bedtime. They’ll tell me, sometimes a little sheepishly, about how their little one gets three or four stories a night, sometimes five, and then they usually ask for a glass of milk that they’ll only drink a few sips of, then they want to say goodnight in a very specific, drawn-out way, and the parents will end up looking at each other wondering how on earth they got to this point.

Parents lay in their room for hours on end, waiting for their little one to fall asleep, then they add 10 minutes, then they tip-toe out of the room like a ninja and cross their fingers that they will sleep through the night.

And it always happens the same way… a little bit at a time.

Kids love to test boundaries, especially at bedtime and they know that the one thing you want from them at bedtime is for them to go to sleep, so they’ll use that to their advantage. I know it sounds a little diabolical, but it’s their way of seeing where your boundaries lie and how much authority they actually have.

Children crave routine and structure and actually have a sense of calm knowing what is coming next in their day, despite trying to test the boundaries. It actually helps them to reduce their bedtime anxiety, as they look to you to be the source of authority and confidence.

So one night they ask for a glass of milk, and the parents think, “What’s the harm?” The next night, they ask for a glass of milk and an extra story. A week later, they want a glass of milk, an extra story, and three hugs and two goodnight kisses. Little by little, these crazy bedtime routines get established, all according to what the toddler wants.

So there’s a simple, two-step solution to this issue.

Establish a short bedtime routine. The routine should not last more than 30 minutes and should be consistent every night. An example routine would look like this:

• Bath or a washcloth to the face
• PJ’s & then a final drink
• Brushing teeth & potty
• A story or song
• Hug & Kiss
• Lights off!

Never deviate from it.

That’s it. It’s that simple. I won’t kid you, sticking to the rules can be a challenge, because they’re going to ask, test and complain, but if you stick to your guns, they’ll understand sooner rather than later that the bedtime routine is not up for debate.

If you start allowing them to make the decisions, they actually start to feel like they’re in charge, and that feeling that Mom knows what she’s doing starts to fade.

Additionally, a predictable, repetitive bedtime routine is greatly conducive to a good night’s sleep. It signals the brain to start secreting melatonin and signals the body to start relaxing muscles in preparation for a restful, relaxing snooze.

Now, who can put your little one down? Only mom? Only dad? My best advice here to alleviate parental preference is to take turns. Set the precedence that there may be times where mom or dad is gone. This avoids sending bedtime into a tailspin. The key to success is to plan out what works best for your kids, based on their age. Older kids can be more self-directed. Babies, especially under 1 can really be impacted if the timing of bedtime is off, so it is important to get them down at the right awake window.

Reward charts are a helpful motivation for a toddler at bedtime and can be used for children who are 2 years and older as they will grasp the concept and love the ability to have some positive vibes added into bedtime. I am going to be sharing more reward charts later this week on my site but wanted to share one now to get you started.

So how do you use this the right way? You want to start by customizing a few easy wins. Things like taking a bath or brushing teeth. Find something kids will do and immediately be rewarded with a sticker for making the right choice. Toddlers LOVE the control and ability to be the one making the decisions. When they complete that task, they get the sticker. Then you add in perhaps a challenge area, like going to the potty, where once they do, they again get a sticker.

See what we are doing here? Positive praise and rewards. Kids feel special and in control, even though you are calling the shots. Then, for the remainder of the evening, you reward them based on what you want the desired behavior to be. So, for example, staying in bed all night, not waking until their clock comes on, not throwing things at their sister. Whatever it is in your house, reward the right.

Set up a goal, whether it’s a daily goal or something cumulative over the course of the week. Give them something to work towards. Show excitement and consistency in using the chart too, so it doesn’t lose its luster.

If you find your child is struggling with things like anxiety at bedtime, a fear of the dark or perhaps had a traumatic situation happen that is derailing bedtime, a few additional things you can do here can help you with that transition to sleep.

For anxiety, I have found that the Calm app or Relax Kids to help with guided meditations. I also share with clients to spend time during the day with their children drawing. Discuss what they have anxiety about or what dream seemed so real that it scares them to sleep. As a family, draw out the dream or fear, like monsters. You see, like gum, whatever the dream is loses its flavor when it’s discussed.

Draw monsters, all of you, as a family. Make masks, then trade and everyone draw funny faces on the masks and have a monster dance party. See what we are doing? Making Monsters fun and funny. That’s the memory of monsters they have tonight, not the scary one of them being under the bed.

Then, at bedtime, after you have read a book, grab the funny masks and have them tell you a story about the monsters coming with us to the amusement park. Tell them tonight, if they wake up, think about the monster on the bumper cars or the swings. Turn it into a fun positive adventure. The more you normalize the thoughts and discuss them, the less scary they are and like gum get tossed in the trash.

Doing this will send them to bed with a goal, a positive head-space and a little sense of creativity. The most important part though is to follow through. In the morning, be sure when they wake that you ask them what they did and where that adventure took them. If you don’t ask, it takes the goal and fun out of it and kids won’t waste their time because they believe you do not care if you do not ask.

I am not a fan of night lights but know in older kids they can sometimes help. I like the Projectables® night lights because after your kids are asleep, you can turn the ball, so it’s a bit darker, but still shows up on the wall faintly, if they need it.

In summary, it’s important to set a consistent bedtime routine that is realistic and can be something you stick to. Listen to your children, they have real fears and anxiety but be sure to differentiate truth from stalling. Support them, because as parents, that is all we are trying to do as they learn this brave new world and finally, love them with all your heart, these years fly by quickly.

My name is Courtney Zentz, a Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Lactation Counselor and founder of Tiny Transitions. As an award-winning specialist, I and my team help exhausted parents teach their infants & toddlers to sleep well every night with gentle, customized solutions and both group and private coaching options, so your family can all be at their best. Based in Philadelphia, I work in-home and virtually to provide the support that families need to all be at their best.

Throw Bad Dreams in the Trash — just like Old Gum was originally published in Thrive Global on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Hey new breastfeeding mom, yes, you too can sleep. Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp? I speak with so many moms and see so much chatter online that draws this major line in the sand about nursing and sleep and it’s not fair.

There seems to be this unspoken tension between people like myself, as a Certified Pediatric Sleep Specialist and postpartum care professionals. The immediate reaction to the fact I help educate parents and teach babies healthy, safe sleep habits from birth in their mind means I condone a newborn to starve all night or ‘cry-it-out’ and resist parents being able to support and comfort a child. That is 100%, not the case.

Building a healthy breastfeeding relationship with your new baby is amazing. The health benefits of nursing are indisputable. I was always proud that I solely with milk I made could sustain life. When it comes to sleep, that’s where the public opinion, misconception, and judgment on new moms are too harsh. We shame new moms into thinking sleep deprivation is a badge of honor in the name of breastfeeding, that you shouldn’t introduce a bottle for fear of nipple confusion and that you should want to be available every 3 hours of every day for a minimum of the recommended 6 months to exclusively breastfeed your baby.

That is a lot of pressure on a mom who is already missing sleep, may be struggling with the adjustment to motherhood and is trying to navigate a very judgemental society as a new parent.

Sleep deprivation and the health impacts of poor sleep are also indisputable. Many new moms are just trying to make it from one feeding to the next. We use whatever approach we can to get our baby to sleep and how we do that the first weeks of life turn into the habits that our babies have.

Between 3 & 4 months, when the babies sleep patterns shift, so too does the ability for your baby to stay asleep for the longer stretches and what many parents refer to as their babies first ‘regression.’ Babies are taught how to fall asleep and if that includes feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, bouncing to sleep, etc. then that, of course, is the only way your baby knows and believes they can fall asleep.

When you build up a chronic sleep debt, you start to increase other health risks, like a rise in depression, obesity, blood pressure and so much more.

So what does this mean for breastfeeding and sleep? You can do both. Sleep is a skill and we teach many new families how to structure it all so that your baby is getting the total daytime sleep they need, eating when they are hungry throughout the day and night and learning the valuable skill of independent skill, no tears necessary. Many nursing mothers who I support actually tell me their supply is better because the baby is taking full feeds and is rested, so they nurse more efficiently. Do you know the best part, you can start to be educated when they are born. Understand their cues, avoid them getting into an overtired territory and help support their needs too as new little humans.

We do a terrible job as a society educating new parents on sleep and what to expect. They leave the hospital with a whole folder you basically sign with the blood that’s crusting up on your raw and chafed nipple, to do whatever you can to continue breastfeeding yet there is not one mention of sleep. The hospitals locally I have reached out to about discussing sleep education with parents have politely declined yet parents those first months are in a very sensitive state.

There does not have to be this line drawn in the sand. We as postpartum care professionals can and should work together to promote healthy feeding and healthy sleep. Both make the first months of this new transition to parenthood a much better experience.

My name is Courtney Zentz, a Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Lactation Counselor and founder of Tiny Transitions. As an award-winning specialist, I and my team help exhausted parents teach their infants & toddlers to sleep well every night with gentle, customized solutions and both group and private coaching options, so your family can all be at their best. Based in Philadelphia, I work in-home and virtually to provide the support that families need to all be at their best.

Breastfeeding Moms Can Sleep Too was originally published in Thrive Global on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

As a mother, the sight of your baby sleeping means they’re relaxed, feeling safe, and content with everything around them.

However, the adorable purr coming from my child was not as innocent as I believed it to be. Interestingly enough, snoring and mouth breathing were both signs that something wasn’t quite right, and that I probably needed to take some action.

There are a few reasons why nose-breathing is better for you than mouth-breathing, and they’re not minor benefits. Breathing through your nose increases the amount of oxygen we get to our lungs, expels more carbon dioxide, lowers our heart rate, increases lymphatic flow, and reduces stress on the heart. It also produces nitric oxide, which helps expand blood vessels and increases blood flow, and all the hairs and mucous in the sinuses help to filter out impurities from the air.
Mouth breathing, on the other hand, has some pretty nasty downsides.
Long-term, chronic mouth breathing in children can actually affect their facial growth, mess with their teeth, cause gum disease, throat infections, stunted growth, and a little closer to my heart, lack of quality sleep.

As you probably already know, we all sleep in cycles. We go from a very light sleep into deeper sleep, then deeper still, and then into the dreaming stage known commonly as REM sleep. During that first stage of light sleep, as well as in the REM stage, we’re very easily woken up. The cat jumping on the bed, your partner rolling over, or involuntary muscle twitches can startle us out of our glorious snoozing session, and then we’re back to the starting line, trying to get back to sleep.

In adults, these cycles last around 90–110 minutes, but in babies, they’re closer to 45, so the opportunity for them to wake up occurs more frequently over the course of a night.
And what causes baby to wake up in those light stages of sleep? More than anything else, noise. Barking dog, garbage truck, washing machine getting thrown off balance during the spin cycle, and quite often, the sound of their own snoring.

That’s not the only reason for waking up, mind you. If their airway is obstructed to the point where they temporarily stop breathing, what’s known as an obstructive apnea, the body tends to startle itself out of sleep. (And I’m sure we’re all happy for that little fail-safe, even if it does lead to nighttime wake ups.)

Now, I could rehash all the things I’ve said before in my blog posts about the benefits of solid, consolidated sleep, as well as the detriments of sleep deprivation, but I’ll leave it to the National Institutes of Health and their extensive study on the subject if you want a refresher. Suffice it to say, your baby needs a lot of sleep, and it’s bad for them in a whole lot of ways if they don’t get it.

So that brings us to the question that every person who’s ever slept next to a snorer has asked themselves. “How on earth do I stop this person from snoring?”

The first thing you should do is grab your phone and make a recording of your little one breathing while they sleep.

The second step is to take that recording to your pediatrician and play it for them. Just going to the doctor and telling them your baby’s snoring might not spark a lot of concern on their part, but being able to demonstrate the severity of the issue can light a little fire under them to take the concern seriously, after all, you know your child.

If your little one’s snoring isn’t severe enough to warrant surgery, however, you might benefit from some nasal strips, which you’ve probably seen advertised. They’re just thin strips of metal in a cotton sheath with adhesive on the back that stick to the outside of the nose and gently pull open the nasal passageways. It’s not the most elegant solution, but it does solve the problem temporarily.

Just a final note to add here. If your baby is sick or congested, don’t jump to the conclusion that their snoring is permanent. A little nasal congestion due to illness can cause baby to snore, but it should clear up when they get better. Try using a nasal bulb to suck the ickiness out of their nose and then a saline solution to clear up the passageways.

I know that, as parents, we’ve got plenty to worry about without throwing unnecessary concern into the mix, but if your child is snoring, it can have some serious consequences, and you should take it seriously. It’s preventable and a better night’s sleep is waiting on the other side of the solution for your child as well as the rest of your family.

About the Author: Courtney Zentz is a Certified Sleep Sense Consultant, Certified Lactation Counselor and the owner of Tiny Transitions, based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She has worked with families all over the world to help support and educate everyone on the importance of sleep, as well as how to obtain the proper sleep for children of all ages.

It seems that way, doesn’t it? You have a night of broken, interrupted, just plain lousy sleep, and the next day people are driving like they’ve been lobotomized, humming and hawing about their Starbucks order in front of you and asking you the same stupid question at work that you’ve already answered half a dozen times. My cousin just had a beautiful little baby boy this month and commented this morning about how she ‘misses her sleep.’

Seriously, is the universe just messing with you? Is there a hidden camera somewhere and a group of sadistic YouTube pranksters sending these cretins into your path?

Maybe. I’m not saying that’s not a possibility, but a more likely explanation is that your lack of sleep is making it impossible for you to react rationally to frustrating situations.

Researchers from the University of Arizona released a study back in 2006 which, forgive me, I just discovered last week, that showed people who were deprived of sleep over a 55 hour period had…

An increased tendency to blame others for problems

Reduced willingness to alleviate a conflict situation by accepting blame

Increased aggression

Lower willingness to behave in ways that facilitate effective social interaction

I know this might not seem like especially earth-shaking news, but it speaks to a broader point.

So let’s imagine that you and your partner are the proud parents of a new baby. Your lives are undoubtedly blessed, but let’s not kid each other; a new baby is a mammoth responsibility, and they require their parents to make, on average, one zillion decisions a day. (I’m estimating there, but it’s for sure in the ballpark. Let’s say a zillion-ish.)

And for every decision that has to be made, you and your partner need to come to some sort of an agreement that it’s the right way to go.

What time should we put him to bed?

What do we do when he starts crying?

Are we going to breastfeed? Are we able to?

Those are all questions that need to be agreed upon and then reevaluated if things aren’t going smoothly, and those are just three of an infinite number of choices you’ll make in the first few weeks alone.

And every one of them presents an opportunity for disagreement.

Now, you and your partner might have a great method of solving your disputes, and you may have already agreed on a lot of these questions before you even got pregnant, but as any parent knows, all of those decisions are up for renewal the second things start going off the rails.

So here you are, faced with all of these decisions, all of which need to be approved by you and your partner, you’re frustrated because things aren’t going smoothly to begin with, and to top it all off, your ability to recognize and respond to each other in a rational, civilized manner has been seriously compromised.

Two people forced to debate the most important decisions they’re likely to make in their lives, and they’re psychologically primed to blame one another, get angry, and less likely to play fair or accept responsibility.

Nightmare, right?

On top of that, couples who don’t get enough sleep are less likely to show gratitude towards each other, and significantly more likely to feel unappreciated, according to Amie Gordon, a doctorate candidate in social-personality psychology at UC Berkeley.

And as though that’s not enough, consider the fact that lack of sleep decreases libido, which means you won’t be having sex as often, if at all. Many of the parents I’ve worked with have told me they’ve stopped having sex altogether, since one of them is sleeping on the couch, or sleeping next to baby, and in those rare opportunities where they get the opportunity to fool around, they both say they’re too tired and just not in the mood.

Loads of couples get through this period in their lives with their partnership intact, and I’m not trying to suggest that sleep deprivation is going to be the end of your relationship. A baby who isn’t sleeping isn’t necessarily going to result in divorce, but I can say without reservation, it’s certainly not going to help.

Babies are amazing, right? I mean c’mon. What can possibly compare with those first few months when you and your partner stand over the crib together and look down on that precious new life that the two of you created together? It’s the most romantic experience I can envision, and it’s a period in your life that deserves to be cherished. That’s not so easy to do if you and your partner are constantly fighting towards each other because neither of you are getting enough sleep.

There are so many reasons to make your little one’s sleep a priority when it comes to their well-being, but I’d ask you to take a selfish little detour for a moment and consider what it can mean for you, your partner, and your relationship. After all, if there’s one gift your kids always appreciate, it’s seeing their parents happy, united, and in love.

So before you commit to couples therapy, before you move to separate bedrooms, before you even get into one more heated argument over which route to take to daycare, try taking a week to commit to getting your little one sleeping through the night and see how you feel once you’re all getting the rest you need. Head over to my website and start with my downloadable guide, it’s a great first step!

The results, I promise you, are nothing short of amazing.

About the Author: Courtney Zentz is a Certified Pediatric Sleep Specialist, Certified Lactation Counselor and the owner of Tiny Transitions, based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She has worked with families all over the world to help support and educate everyone on the importance of sleep, as well as how to obtain the proper sleep for children of all ages.

When people ask what I do, it’s often met with a stare and awkward curiosity. “You help kids to sleep?” — yes, and it’s the most amazing job in the world.

As a certified sleep consultant, I can tell you the research and very fundamental reason for the start of Thrive Global was as a result of the toxic things that happen to our body when it doesn’t get the sleep it needs & exactly what happened to Arianna Huffington. Study after study is concluding the same thing, lack of sleep is detrimental to our body, health, immune system, decision making ability and contributes to diabetes, obesity, mood swings, depression…..… and the list can go on and on.

The first thing people say when they find out you are expecting, is say goodbye to sleep for the next 18 years. I beg to differ on that, because sleep is a skill that a child learns how to do, just like crawling, walking or any of the 4,563 milestones they will have in their life. If the only way we teach our children to sleep is by doing something to get them there, then of course, that’s how they are going to believe they need to fall asleep. Then, once they make the transition to a toddler, this brand new world of a bed offers a new found freedom and limitless boundaries to see what is and is not acceptable in their day. A lot goes into how well a child sleeps. The structure of their day, their schedule, bedtimes and avoiding the most detrimental thing parents face when trying to help their kids sleep, the vicious cycle of overtired, leading to trouble settling, trouble staying asleep and often early morning wake-ups.

Somewhere in-between a newborn and a toddler is where I typically come in, rescuing couples and parents from the exhaustion, frustration, fighting and personal strains they are facing, as their child just won’t sleep and they don’t understand why or how to make them stop waking.

As a pediatric sleep professional, I trained under one of the top specialists in the world on sleep education. I studied to become a Certified Lactation Counselor and Post-Partum Doula, in addition to countless certifications that have enabled me to become an expert in the field of all things children sleep. The truth is, all kids can sleep, including yours, you just need someone like me to help put the jigsaw puzzle together and teach you how it all works together.

So I have compiled the top 3 reasons why a sleep consultant is the right choice for you to get back the sleep that makes you and your child perform at their very best. Recently, Jeff Bezos discussed the need to get 8 hours of sleep a night to ensure he was not making poor business decisions at the office. I have been trying to read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, but find that when I hop into bed at 9pm, by 9:15pm I am tired and look forward to getting to sleep, knowing that the sleep is more important than reading about it. I am getting there, but I take the importance to heart, sleep is amazing. So here are my top 3 reasons why families come searching for my help and how I can help your family too.

Reason #1: Your Kids are Up Several Times a Night. In my experience, from about 6 months on, it’s safe to say that most kids can and should be capable of sleeping a solid 11-12 hours a night, depending on their age. When kids are up, so are parents and often, many resort to doing whatever they have to in order to get through that night and the next day with some semblance of sanity. Those “things” become the prop your child wants to get back to sleep. Notice I said ‘wants’ not ‘needs’ here? When they fall asleep in some way other than independently and they wake through the night, they rely on whatever that is to get back to bed. That habit is what they know and what they believe to need and parents do their best because they just don’t know what else to do and don’t realize help is out there. Think about the last time you won’t up from a broken night of sleep. How did you feel? Terrible right? That is how your children feel too, they most often times just can’t express it.

Reason #2: Your Performance at Work is Suffering. I have worked with CEO’s of major companies, CEO’s of the house, major sports team members and professionals across various industries — and every job is critical and sometimes a lack of sleep can be a danger not only for yourself but for others. A recent client I began working with is a pilot and there were concerns about their lack of sleep and the long flights that they were on with planes full of passengers. Would you want to be on that flight? All jobs require focus and attention to be performed their best and sleep helps us do that. Don’t jeopardize what you have worked for to provide for your family.

Reason #3: Your Marriage is Suffering. Kids are HARD work. I have two myself, Max, 4 and Sovella, 2 and let me tell you. Working full-time, caring for a house, kids, coaching sports, managing everything that goes into it and still trying to find time for self-care and sleep, it’s tough. I have starting saying no to things, to preserve and protect what limited time I do have. My husband and I do a great job at splitting up responsibilities, communicating when we need help or when something is no longer working. We try to have some alone time and schedule the occasional date night out, because it’s important to keep that connection. We have to work at it, like everyone. My close friend Sarah recently told me of an experience she had at the airport with an order married couple, who said, “Marriage is a highway with no exits. Sometimes you get a flat tire or the car breaks down. You just have to work together to repair it and keep moving.” A child sleeping in your bed or waking several times a night still may work for some families and that is a OK. If it’s working for you, then keep on at it. If it’s not working and you are noticing a struggle here, help is available and it can mend the suffering of your marriage and get your child resting and perform too at their best.

Chances are that you have read a few books on the topic, or even received some advice from a friend, a Facebook group or a co-worker and chances are, it didn’t work. That is because sleep is complicated and every child has different things going on that you may not even have realized are contributing to their sleep challenges. If it was that easy, every child would sleep every night. Working with a sleep consultant is not a luxury, it’s a need. Selecting the right one and understand their style, approach and support is going to be crucial. I have seen some terrible ones out there, so be sure to do your research on who you are working with, their success and what you can expect from them in support. Take back control of your sleep and give your children that most amazing gift — sleep. It’s so crucial for them and for you.

About the Author: Courtney Zentz is a Certified Sleep Sense Consultant, Certified Lactation Counselor and the owner of Tiny Transitions, based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She has worked with families all over the world to help support and educate everyone on the importance of sleep, as well as how to obtain the proper sleep for children of all ages.

3 Reasons You Should Hire a Sleep Consultant to Help Your Children Sleep was originally published in Thrive Global on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

One of my biggest rules for parents who are sleep training is to remain consistent. Whether it’s the bedtime routine, where baby sleeps, or what the consequences are for leaving their room in the night, consistency is absolutely essential to regular nights of quality sleep.

However, there’s this crazy little thing called life that tends to get involved and throw the occasional curve ball into your routine. Special occasions, family functions, and the occasional emergency can all call for an exception to me made and for your little one to stay up past their scheduled bedtime or miss a nap.

So when can you make exceptions? Well, I would say, “As rarely as possible, but as often as is absolutely necessary.”

The truth is, is you’re visiting family or friends, having extra fun in the park, or you let your little one stay up late in order to extend their visit, they’re probably going to be a bit of a handful the next day. So ask yourself, is it worth it to have a grouchy baby on my hands tomorrow in exchange for a couple of hours of fun tonight?

Another important thing to consider is how well your baby adapts to a change in routine. Some kids are quite good at dealing with a slight change in the schedule, whereas others can get thrown for a loop for the next couple of days if they so much as go down late for a nap.

But I don’t want to sound like I’m condemning parents and kids to a lifetime of repetition. It’s important to have some new experiences and to enjoy life, so yes, exceptions should be made. Just make sure that you evaluate the costs and benefits and prepare as best as you can for the situation.

In addition, I would advise against making any changes too early into the program. If you just started sleep training a week ago, don’t pick this moment to go on a trip or stay overnight at someone else’s house. Once you’ve had a month or two of really solid, quality nights, then you can start playing around with the rules on occasion.

The other piece of advice I would offer when it comes to breaking the rules is, “Try to bend them instead.”

If you’re going to be at a friend’s place when baby’s supposed to be taking a nap, consider bringing along a Pack and Play or a stroller so that they have somewhere to lay down when it’s time for a snooze, or if you have a bit of a drive involved, try to plan so that baby can sleep in the car when they would normally be going down for a nap. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than skipping a nap altogether. Overtired is always harder to settle.

This may all sound a little authoritative, but overtiredness is an absolute monster when it comes to bedtime. Kids who are overtired will have a harder time falling asleep, which leads to a bad night, which leads to more overtiredness, and so on. It’s a cycle you really don’t want to get into.

So you’re ultimately the only one who can decide when it’s okay to break the rules. If you feel your little one can handle it, give it a try. If not, I suggest you play it safe. As they get older, you’ll find they’ll be more accepting of changes in the schedule, but developing them into champion sleepers in these early years will go a long way towards that goal.

About the Author: Courtney Zentz is a Certified Lactation Counselor and the owner of Tiny Transitions, based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. As a sleep consultant, she has worked with families all over the world to help support and educate everyone on the importance of sleep, as well as how to obtain the proper sleep for children of all ages. She began her journey into the world of sleep after the birth of her 4 year old son Max and offers programs to help gently guide families back to sleep.

Unfortunately, the Tribune admitted later on that it had completely fabricated the story, but that didn’t stop people from blaming Catherine and her cow from being widely blamed for one of the greatest disasters in US history.

What’s this got to do with teething, you ask?

Nothing really, except that they’re both victims of some unnecessary scapegoating.

Teething gets blamed for just about every ailment imaginable when it comes to babies. Baby’s got a fever? Probably because she’s teething. Baby’s crying more than normal? I bet it’s sore gums from those teeth coming in. Baby’s got runny poop for a couple of days? I’ve heard that diarrhea can be caused by teething.

Now, all of those things are potentially the result of a tooth coming in, that’s true. But most parents are too quick to blame teething for any and all deviations from the norm as soon as they notice that first tooth appearing below the gumline.

And this is especially true when it comes to sleep.

As parents, we’re predisposed to preventing discomfort in our babies, and that’s a good thing, obviously. But the natural reaction when baby starts crying in the night is to go in and do whatever we can to soothe them, which can lead to baby being unable to get to sleep without that comfort.

So let’s say you’ve been sleep training for a couple of weeks, everything’s going well, and then suddenly, you start to see a regression. Baby is suddenly waking up crying two or three times a night. Naturally, you’re going to look for a reason why they’re slipping back into old habits. And if there’s a tooth coming in, that provides a quick and easy answer.

And, of course, it’s not fair to leave baby to cry if they’re actually in pain and not just looking for Mommy to come nurse them back to sleep, so you give in and decide you’ll get back to sleep training once this whole teething thing is over with.

Cut to a year later, and baby is still getting rocked or soothed to sleep every time they wake up, because hey! I think there’s a tooth coming in!

So… just a couple of things to bear in mind before you give up on your sleep training routine due to incoming choppers.

First of all, teething symptoms last for around eight days, so if you’re looking at two weeks of baby crying through the night, it’s either due to some other ailment, or baby has once again learned that crying when he wakes up will bring his favorite person into the room, and she’ll be helping him get back to sleep.

Second, teething symptoms are not nearly as uncomfortable as parents typically imagine they are. We hear about teeth “breaking” or “erupting” through the gums, which conjures up some cringe-worthy images, but nature is not nearly so heartless in this instance. Baby’s gums move out of the way to allow for incoming teeth.

Long story short, according to many experts, teething doesn’t cause a significant amount of pain.

So, once again, I’m not suggesting that you should ignore the teething thing altogether. Just bear in mind that new teeth are not the villain they’re often made out to be. And remember, baby’s going to be a lot happier while going through the process if he’s getting full nights of uninterrupted sleep.

The same thing goes for his parents.

About the Author: Courtney Zentz, owner of Tiny Transitions is a Certified Lactation Counselor and Sleep Consultant, based in Philadelphia / Main Line Area of Pennsylvania. She has worked with families all over the world to help support and educate everyone on the importance of sleep, as well as how to obtain the proper sleep for children of all ages.