Stories by Damal Chele on Medium

It’s Ok to Have a Shitty Thanksgiving

Damal Chele — Sat, 21 Nov 2020 15:14:31 GMT

Take it from me, an orphan. I’ve spent many Thanksgiving’s alone, in drive thru’s and/or totally miserable. I’ve also spent the holidays with my sister and friends, surrounded by love and delicious food that I most certainly did not make. While I would prefer the latter, this year I am choosing to keep my ass at home, with my dog, where I will attempt to make a solo feast unsuitable for the diet I am now on, thanks to quarantine.

This has been a shitty year for everyone, especially for those of us who have socially distanced, worn our masks, washed our hands until they cracked and bled, canceled vacations, weddings, celebrations, and various life events we were looking forward to. We’ve been forced to mourn the loss of loved ones over Zoom, FaceTime, and at smaller, socially-distanced funerals. Or we haven’t been able to say goodbye at all.

If you’re like me, your heart, while still beating, has been broken. You’re tired, you’re worn out, all you want is to gather with your family and friends, for things to feel “normal” again. I get it. I get it so much I wish I could take you into my arms and give you the hug we both desperately need.

Unfortunately, Covid isn’t over. Things are worse than they’ve ever been and we can’t give up now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Vaccines are on the horizon and their effectiveness is promising. What’s not promising is this Covid fatigue we’re all experiencing. Now is not the time to say “Screw it, I’m done with this.” Covid is still floating around, largely in part to the people who never took this seriously in the first place. We are suffering from their actions, or inaction, rather. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it is our reality.

Like I said, I don’t have parents. No one is putting pressure on me to return home or even worse — telling me this is all a hoax. I know it hurts to tell friends and family you won’t be visiting now or anytime soon. For the past eight months, I have been separated from my sister, who is disabled and lives in a group home. Like many people living in a care home, she is confined to her room with the exception of using the bathroom and showering, to avoid contact and potential spread with the other residents.

My sister doesn’t understand why I can’t take her in the car anymore or why we haven’t hugged since March 7th. The last time I visited, it was through a window. I played her favorite Winnie the Pooh song on my phone and danced while my heart ached.

This pandemic has been painful and life-altering for everyone. As one human to another, I feel your loneliness, your struggle, your anger and frustration. It is okay that you are feeling all of these things, it is more than okay, it’s to be expected. Everything sucks right now. I do believe it is temporary, as everything is. I have faith that we will get past this, we just have to hang in there a little bit longer.

Faith is believing in things you can’t see. What gets me through the day is fantasizing about hugging my sister and friends and laughing when they ask me to let them go. I envision the meals we’ll share, the vacations we’ll take. I imagine the job I’ll have again to be able to pay for such things. Mostly, I imagine being with the people I love once again. Just being. This Thanksgiving, I am staying home because I value my health and I value yours.

By the way, being alone doesn’t have to be shitty. It can be awesome. You can stay in bed all day, eat whatever you want, watch whatever you want. Enjoy not having to talk to the relatives who would normally get on your last nerve. If you’ve lost someone this year or any other, give yourself the space to cry or feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. It’s okay to have a shitty Thanksgiving. We put so much pressure on ourselves to put on a smile during the holidays when we’re feeling anything but happy. Embrace the shit. This is life. How lucky we are to still be here.

Mother Teresa once said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” This year, if you want to change the world, stay home.

The Truth On Trump’s Recent Firing Of My Father

Damal Chele — Sat, 21 Nov 2020 13:37:17 GMT

Source: pic via

I was working out on Tuesday morning when I got the call from my mom. She doesn’t usually call in the morning unless something is happening.

She said, “Hey. So just a heads up. Your dad is leaving a bit early. There’s something breaking on Twitter right now.”

I got off the phone and thought, “Here we go.”

Three years ago, my dad took the job as the Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence. He oversaw a number of big agencies. The heads of the National Security Agency (NSA), The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA), and others, reported directly to him. That all ended on Tuesday night at midnight.

I wanted to clear up a few things because my world has been blowing up over the past few days.

The context because it matters

A military career is very much a family experience. When a soldier takes new jobs and promotions, that almost always means lots of change and moves (for us, 12 moves before I turned 18).

Consequently, you are always pushing reset. Your dad’s career becomes particularly relevant in your own life. You are primed to pay attention, even after you leave the nest.

We never thought it would go this far. Back when dad was a junior officer, he planned on doing his 20+ years. Then he was going to take a quiet job as a high school math teacher. He went on this great run, but it wasn’t without merit.

Dad finally got out of the military and landed a good corporate job. He was building his finances back up. Having two screw-off kids and constantly moving wasn’t good for my parent’s retirement account.

He got the call to serve as undersecretary. I was actually apprehensive about him taking the job. He already had a job and a boss he liked. The president was already churning through employees with an unceremonious and troubling velocity.

Dad has always felt a strong calling to serve the country. He saw this job as an opportunity to help improve national security. He moved forward. I had the unique experience of watching him get grilled during his confirmation hearings on C-SPAN.

Watching John McCain question your dad on national television is totally surreal. I would equate it to those Olympic videos of parents squirming as they watch their kids on the balance beams. Only, instead of “don’t fall, don’t fall”, it is “don’t say anything stupid”.

“I heard your dad got fired!”

After I got off the phone with my mom, I went on Twitter and it was right there in my feed:

Author via Twitter

I’ll admit I had a moment of rage, “Really?”

Dad was leaving this job anyway. He’d been planning it for months. And this was to be his last month, as planned.

Monday’ firing of the Defense Secretary, Mark Esper, was completely unexpected. It had the entire Pentagon on edge. But then it got worse. Trump knows the election is slipping away. His court cases aren’t going well. Pentagon officials were worried he’d act out. And, sure enough, he did.

Dad’s resignation letter was already waiting for weeks. The new Secretary of Defense iterated the White House might be wanting him to leave early. Then, they realized early meant that very day.

An aide came to my dad and said, “I saved you for last because you’re one of the nicest ones I’ve dealt with.”

The aide then said, “The White House wants your resignation letter by 4 PM or you’ll be fired.”

It was certainly one of those moments where you don’t want to miss your deadline

Author via CNN

Job security where there truly is none

Outside of an initial irritation on my part, I’m actually good with it all. The whole family is.

Trump has mistreated other family friends who worked for him. Joe Maguire was his Director of National Intelligence and got pushed out for having the audacity to do his job

Dad, Me, Joe Maguire

Trump’s Chief of Staff, John Kelly, got tossed around while trying to wrangle the chaos.

We’d seen the cycle. The president treats his new employees like his favorite pet. Then, everything changes.

Sure, it would have been nice if Trump acted a little classier about the whole thing. But nobody is surprised. This is just history repeating itself. Dad didn’t take this job for the money or the glory. But he still deserved more respect on his way out.

For the record, he doesn’t actually like it when I write about him, so I try not to. But we’ll chalk this up as a special occasion.

The conclusion of this tenure

Whether we call it ‘fired’, ‘resignation’, or ‘forced resignation’ is a bit of a moot point at this stage.

After all, getting canned by Trump has become a club of sorts. There’s a long list of incredible people who have gotten the boot. Trump has come to symbolize the ultimate bad boss. You can be the highest performer, turning figurative water into wine, and you still aren’t safe.

Dad’s tenure is complete. They’ve already updated his Wikipedia. I was a bit sad to hear his security driver gave him his last ride home from work on Tuesday night. There are lots of interesting bonds that form during jobs like this.

I wrote this piece to hopefully clear the air. I’ve been getting a flurry of questions from all directions. Two journalists have called as well. There’s a lot of concern about what is going on at the Pentagon. I can’t speak to any of them. But hopefully, this answers the other questions.

My family is fine. We aren’t salty. I’m the only one who raged about it. Dad did his job right, as he always has, and will go on to his next green pasture. He’s just another casualty of a tantruming president who is being shown the door by democracy.