Becoming a parent is a conscious choice, not an obligation, and I was one of those people who deliberately embarked on the adventure.

To me, starting a family seems natural, partly because I think of life as a relay race. You learn and build during the run and then pass on the accumulated knowledge and assets, the symbolic baton, to your heirs.

In its essence, life is a thread of challenges, with parenting being one of the hardest. Note that I used the word “challenges” instead of the more popular, “problems”. It’s because over the years I’ve adopted a simple concept that helped in attaining the can-do attitude, and it’s all about reframing the context by simply rephrasing the statement. So instead of “problems”, I face “challenges”. The word “challenge” simply sets you in the competitive mode, while “problems” may often cause anxiety and hesitation.

As I accepted the parenting challenge, here are the conclusions I’ve drawn and the skills that I’ve mastered so far that I find highly applicable in many areas of life and work.

Time is your rarest and non-renewable resource

Unfortunately, I started valuing time when it stopped running slowly. But life abruptly reminded me there’s no “insert coin to continue” (remember the pinball and arcade machines?) in reality.

When my daughter was born, I wanted to be present, to observe and absorb the growth of this tiny cherub. To make this possible, I had to reevaluate my priorities completely and begin investing my time wisely.

As a youngster, I thought of time as a renewable resource. Convinced that everybody’s gonna die except me, I was dispersing it in the most reckless ways. Working endless hours to prove the wrong things to people I didn’t even like. Having an ever-growing number of time-hungry hobbies. Browsing the internet like I just got back from 7 years in Tibet. It became important to me to curb that greedy curiosity and unconscious ambition.

Having less and less free time naturally taught me to build an impeccable system for ranking things by importance, with my key criteria being quality time, impact, purpose and contribution.

When someone tells me “I don’t have time,” my usual response is — “It’s because you make time, you don’t have it.”

“20 years from now, the only people who will remember that you worked late are your kids.” — Tim Denning

Be like water

This invaluable advice comes from the wise mr. Bruce Lee. What he means is that, just like water, we can overcome or flow through anything on our path.

I’ve never been among the first in the “Control freak” contest, but was often feeling disappointment when a plan crumbles down. I still have friends, though, who think they have the world under control, even the lotto numbers. If something goes wrong with their plans, as it often does, dark clouds overhang the sky, thunder shakes their meticulously arranged, fragile world.

When little kids start crawling around you, last-minute plan changes become the new normal. I know how comfortable it is to have a repetitive schedule and predictability in life, but it’s time for you to look for comfort in change.

Simply put, adaptability is vital in these ever-changing times. Learn to recognise and accept things that are outside of your control, and you will keep your sanity in the long run.

“The only constant is change.” — Heraclitus

Be calm as a Shaolin monk

In my youth, I was like a land mine waiting to explode. If someone touched me in the wrong spot, it would trigger an emotional and physical explosions. I’m not advising you to get rid of your emotions though, rather learn to control them.

Just picture the following story.

It’s the end of the year. Humanity is striving to complete all the work that has been postponed for 11 months. You’re about to wrap-up a key project, or three of them. Nothing seems to go as planned. Angry calls and emails pile up as fall leaves over your yard. Your partner is calling, the baby’s got a high fever. You drop everything and rush home wanting to drive like Schumacher (the legendary Formula 1 driver), except it’s rush hour and all vehicles are like frozen. The traffic jam spans to the horizon and back. Somehow, you get back home. Your partner is nearly at her wit’s end. The paediatrician doesn’t answer your flock of desperate calls. To top it off, the electricity goes out because of the heavy snowfall. You feel like screaming, crying and dying simultaneously, but realise this will hardly fix anything.

Unfortunately, such stress tests happen to almost all young parents and the only way to get through is to keep calm and deal with each problem with its priority. After several of these military drills, you get better at emotion management.

I’ve found that preliminary preparation and acting out different scenarios is a good way to be partially ready for the upcoming surprises.

Manage your energy like the Voyager space probe

Our internal energy is another precious resource that hardly anyone recognises as important in their youth, because it’s taken for granted.

When you’re single, you don’t think of energy conservation as a necessity. You don’t want to be perceived as lazy; I know. So your goal is to squeeze yourself out entirely by lavishly dispersing the energy wealth in all directions, to land home with a completely drained battery.

But in your new reality, the real action starts in the evenings and especially on weekends. It needs mental and physical readiness. Having to act as a human amusement park, you jump like a frog, build castles from pillows, chase around the flat. I can’t even remember the full list. And my all-time favourite — “Daddy, I want to be a rocket”, where I speed the kid around the flat making loud engine noises while burning around 600 kcal per minute. At some point, you question the laws of physics. How is it possible for such a tiny weightless creature to possess such energy?

Have you thought about your own energy sources? Meeting a dear friend, reading an inspiring novel, doing a trail run? Working on a humanitarian project?

“Go where the energy is. If something energizes you, lean into it.” — Tim Denning

You only understand it if you can explain it to a child

I was fortunate to have worked in the advertising field, so I was well aware of the power of simplicity in messaging.

“Daddy, what are the clouds?” “These are just a bunch of droplet friends that went out to play in the sky to return tired in groups as rain and create your favourite puddles.” This example may seem funny to you, but it’s a way to explain complex concepts to a child.

There comes a time when kids start shooting all kinds of questions with the speed of an A-10 Thunderbolt II. The only option for you is to learn to explain complex concepts in simple words in no time. You wouldn’t want Google to be a better parent than you, right? Just recently my daughter shot me in the head with “Daddy, you obviously don’t know this, just ask Google or ChatGPT.”

Funny enough, this skill is highly valuable in life too, because, as you may have noticed, there are a lot of grownups that keep running on their childhood brains.

Survive through practical creativity

It’s the end of 2019. Covid is taking over the planet. Your previously vast world has shrunk into a compact flat. You’re only allowed to go out to get food or medications.

Meanwhile, a nearly 3-year-old thermonuclear reactor is heating up in her room and fixedly staring at you. The living room became your main playground with some extension to the terrace. Castles built from couch pillows, sliders made from furniture parts, toy car races around the flat. Lego tower from floor to ceiling. Paper tape all over the flat. We had to come up with all kinds of entertaining ideas to keep our energetic toddler happy and engaged.

By conquering a challenge like this, you build confidence to face any obstacle.

The best part is that practical creativity is an irreplaceable addition to your personal and professional set of skills. Now you’re convinced that paper tape can fix everything.

Small is your favourite big

You don’t need big stuff. Many people fall into this trap by wanting to do things not for their own satisfaction or pleasure, but to impress others.

That little smile after a long day at work, that innocent look sprinkling the purest love there is, that gentle clumsy hug. The trembling voice that utters “daddy”, after seeing you for the first time in weeks. All these seemingly “little” things have such powerful impact on you.

This is all you need after a hard day at work, and would make diamonds falling from your eyes.

If you still have big dreams, go for them. Just remember your why.

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” — Van Gogh

Practical diplomacy

You’ve heard that donkeys are the most stubborn animals on Earth, right? But the saying is incorrect. Actually, the most stubborn creature in the entire universe is your kid. Your partner comes just after it. (I hope she’s not reading this) Sure, you can show authority and force the kid to do something, but the very moment you turn your back, she’ll continue doing whatever she wants. And it goes well beyond the age of 18.

Learning empathy and to balance the interests of the entire family is the only way to sustainable coexistence.

For arguments, do it in a persuasive and respectful way if peace is your goal. And it’s not that important who’s on the other side of the argument, a relative or a complete stranger, respect is a universal language.

Respect is a universal language.

Teach yourself to be a better teacher

There’s a big chance your children will pick up a lot from you both. They’ll talk like you, think like you, be interested in the things you’re interested in and so on. Do you think you are the best possible role model?

It’s time to fix the things you don’t like in yourself, before it’s too late. This realisation leads to many self-improvements, like watching your language, managing your emotions, reading more books, and so on.

It’s also the best time to fill in your knowledge gaps. Your kid will become the ultimate feedback machine by asking so many questions that’ll naturally map out your gaps.

Some people make the mistake of neglecting their identity and personal goals during parenting. There’s a thing called healthy selfishness, and it helps one to balance between personal and family interests. It’s essential for you to be the ultimate inspiration for your children, not just a slave, and for that, you need to be happy, content and physically well.

Luckily, there’s already enough scientific data on the most effective parenting strategies, so do yourself a favour and read more parenting books. Here’s one of my favourites:

📗 The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

Discover the beauty in the boring

We already concluded that time is a scarce resource. So If you can mechanically do something and keep your thoughts running, this means extra time for yourself. And we all want that. It’s time to learn to spend quality time alone in every possible moment.

It’s not rarely I hear people say “I hate doing this and that”, for repetitive tasks. These are people that just haven’t realised that repetitive tasks are the best time to gather your thoughts by calling it “me time”. If it’s repetitive, you don’t think about it, instead, you could dream, or make plans, or brainstorm ideas.

Suddenly you realise there’s plenty of time for those almost forgotten personal projects.

Relation💩 or Relation⛴️

It’s easy to live with someone while things are going well. But the genuine test for compatibility with your partner is when times are tough.

Before stepping into a commitment with your partner, be sure to stress test your relationship in some natural way. I know it sounds a bit robotic, but science loves this approach. If you skipped that step, having a child will uncover details about you both that could surprise you unpleasantly.

If after the second child things are going well between you two and there’s still plenty of respect and empathy left, congratulations, you’re on track to spend the next 200 years in harmony.

Let them experiment before committing

Don’t make your kids a copy of yourself. The combined genes of both parents will create a unique human being. Every living thing is an individual with their own strengths and dreams. Don’t project your unfulfilled ambitions on your kids.

Help your children explore as many topics, activities and challenges as possible and let them decide where to channel all that energy. Carefully observe how they feel, react and transform during these trails and help them choose mindfully.

If you still haven’t found purpose and passion yourself, just join your kids in their exploration journey.

Your friends and colleagues will benefit too. Having respect for different points of view and goals, not trying to convince anyone of your ultimate rightness is a powerful sign of intelligence.

“If I experiment enough, I get a deeper understanding.” — Terence Tao

Be a human VCR (videocassette recorder)

As we already agreed, life is a collection of moments, big and small. Create a system for capturing these moments through photos, videos, or words. It is a lot of work and dedication, but it captures a precious thing, your unique journey. Luckily, smartphones and cloud storage provide us with the means, but we still need to be persistent.

We humans aren’t particularly strong with memory, so capturing bright moments will fix that flaw. There are many difficult moments in life and in those low, grey periods, having the ability to remind yourself of the vivid side of the existence could be a lifesaver.

And who knows, your stories might become entire books someday. Your photos might warm many other hearts in the decades to come.

Wrap-up

Like a good book, parenting is a beautiful and sometimes daunting adventure, filled with tears, joy, some unexpected twists and invaluable lessons. It’s a challenge that pushes you, shapes you and ultimately brings the best in you. So let’s keep running, learning, laughing and passing on the best of ourselves to the next generation.

I hope my honest reflections will be of value to you, current and prospective parents. What about your own experience, anything I’ve messed or missed?

Suppose I’m to hire a Visual/UX or other designers in 2023. In that case, I’ll be looking meticulously for a skill most people don’t even associate with the majority of design related careers — writing. I should clarify that by “writing,” I mean the entire skill subset of verbal and written communication, which naturally takes shape after acquiring the primary skill. But let’s stick with “writing” for the sake of simplicity.

It’s a shame that Chat GPT is already better in writing than 95% of the people that take pride in their skills.

After almost 20 years in the game, it’s fair to say I’ve seen it all. Or, as Metallica puts it eloquently in their famous punk song cover — “I’ve been here, I’ve been there, I’ve been every-f*cking-where.” I’ve read and written tens of thousands of emails. I’ve attended months of video calls. I’ve given and heard tons of presentations. And, unfortunately, I own a collection of hundreds of rejected ideas. My effectiveness could have been better if I had known the importance of writing in my early career days.

“I wish someone had enlightened me to this simple truth 20 years ago.”

Acquiring writing skills is especially hard for non-native English speakers like me cause I got two languages to cover. And that’s not even my sole or main goal in life. Nevertheless, it’s motivating to hear a foreigner speak better English than most natives. Remembering this helps me a lot when I’m low on self-confidence. Obviously it is possible!

What does good writing mean anyway? Well-structured, logical, practical, short, beautiful, and natural. Your thoughts are convincing, easy to read, understandable, and evoke strong emotion. It makes people highlight them in Medium. Or print them on t-shirts.

I’ve seen the opposite case, too — designers with impeccable writing skills but lacking the primary set. Creative thinking, Design History, Aesthetics, Critical Thinking, Lifelong learning, Entrepreneurship, and Experimentation — this foundation, combined with writing, will set you apart from your colleagues. I’ve heard people saying that a design career is a piece of cake, and I don’t blame them, it’s just how it looks from aside. Sorry to disappoint you, guys; in reality it’s nothing like an easily digestible Netflix show.

“U fo’ real bruv? I just wanna push them pixels, you know.” Well, yes, keep pushing, but let me explain why good writing will make you an even better, more effective, and happier pusher.

Let’s delve into the cases where writing skills will be immensely helpful.

• We are merchants. We sell our work either to clients or to our teams. And our designs aren’t good at selling themselves. In fact, the simpler the design proposal, the more argumentation it usually needs, so the people on the other side don’t think you’re trying to sell them compressed air. Writing is that critical bridge between your design work and clients.
• Have you ever dealt with case studies for your portfolio in pursuit of getting the attention of your next employer? Basically, case studies are like short stories, well-told, containing just the essence of a sometimes long and tiresome experience.
• Remote work. We’re privileged to be able to work remotely. It’s the realm where writing skills will directly impact your performance and happiness. After doing it for more than 6 years now, I consider myself a veteran.
• Have you ever wondered why these Zoom calls are so long, exhausting, and ineffective? Why are these email threads sometimes longer than books? The ability to synthesize your thoughts and present them effectively and concisely will make you love Zoom and email again.
• If there’s one genuinely universal skill that’s always useful, it is writing. You’ll be negotiating for all kinds of weird stuff throughout your life, so you’ll need it around the clock. To lower the rent, to get a better price for your old car, to go for higher salary, I can overdose with examples.
• Is your salary getting tighter? Consider an additional income stream that could support you and your family. Start a blog, write articles and ebooks, and share your knowledge with the rest of the world.
• One of the essential missions of each generation is to enrich and pass on valuable information to their heirs. That knowledge transfer happens mainly through writing. Be one of these people.
• We all grow in our careers. You’ll lead an entire team or even your own company one day. And good leadership is all about the quality and effectiveness of communication.
• Capture your life in stories: the good and the bad. One day your kids will thank you for that.

Now let’s look at some practical ways for improvement. Below is my personal strategy, that’s been absolutely efficient so far. Of course, you could still upgrade or personalize it for a better fit.

• Do monologues as often as possible on topics that аppeal to you. I do so many of them that I’d be considered mad if anyone had been listening to me all these hours. Composing thoughts verbally trains your brain to recall information quickly and to structure entire concepts mentally. The exercise differs from writing because time and fluidity are not factors there.
• Start a diary. Write the stories of your life, big or small. Write about all those things you admire. It’s not a secret that we humans aren’t particularly memorable, so it’s a way to ensure you remember everything of importance. One day this diary could quickly turn into your memoirs. You’ll be the treasurer of your family, full of funny and tearful stories.

“Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.” ― Kurt Vonnegut.

• Permanently switch to the language you want to become fluent in your daily communication. Of course, this one applies to those of us who study a foreign language. Pretend to be a foreigner in your own city. Some hilarious and absurd stories could be born this way.
• Refrain from passing by unfamiliar words even if you get the meaning of the entire sentence based on the context. I do this even in my mother tongue cause it helps me understand all the nuances. After checking its meaning, write it down several times, even construct some sentences in your head with it. I’ve kept it a secret until now, but actually, Google Translate is one of my best friends.
• Find a native speaker in your town and bother him as often as possible. It’s the easiest way to put your theoretical knowledge into practice. And say “hello” to the peculiar world of idiomatic expressions.
• Install Grammarly.com. It’s a priceless instrument for language or writing learners. This incredible multiplatform software uses AI to seek and destroy typos and suggests stylistic improvements based on your goals and target audience. Of course, Grammarly is not the only option, but I’ll leave the research fun to you.
• Take courses on writing. There are several worthy ones on Domestika.org, but you’ll find plenty of other choices. (I wish it were a paid partnership, but it’s not) You’d want to pick those by established professionals with proven records of success — writers, journalists, and others alike.
• Read daily. Add it to your routine. Pick pieces that are slightly beyond your comfort zone, so you feel enriched after each article or book. Nowadays, there are so many ways to consume information that it’s possible in almost any context. Podcasts and audiobooks are my favorites when I’m on the move.

A few articles a day keep the airhead away.

• Watch movies without subtitles. This one will teach your brain to recognize sounds and interpret these into meaning. Replay the film in a month; you’ll understand an even bigger portion of the dialogue.
• Push your boundaries, and do more things that scare you off. Speak to a large audience, present to important people, or post a thorough article on a complex subject. You will be absolutely amazed at the immediate effect on your mental abilities.

“The mind that opens to a new idea never returns to its original size.” — Albert Einstein.

• Read classic books. It will expand your vocabulary and help you understand the history and evolution of human thoughts and ideas. After all, the primary goal of reading is to develop our intellectual capacities and expand our perspectives. Our writing is simply an indicator of the current progress.
• Ask ChatGPT about writing. I told you, it’s getting better than most humans. I see a powerful and universal teacher in it already.

Afterword

It should be clear by now that writing alone will not make you the most fabulous designer in the Universe. Keep a good balance within your skillset, expand it regularly, аnd you already have the prerequisite for a promising and influential career. Meanwhile, don’t underestimate the importance of being an excellent example for those who walk behind you.

Mastery in writing will not come in a day, and it may never come for some of us that are always looking for the next level. So I encourage you to set gradual goals, and I’ll wrap up by sharing with you my own goal, hoping that it’ll inspire you. The moment I’m able to make readers either burst into tears or choke with laughter, I’ll quietly say to myself, I’ve arrived.

Book recommendations (to be continued)

Microstyle: The Art Of Writing Little by Christopher Johnson

“Makes accessible a number of ideas that most of us need to learn if we are going to thrive as writers in the 21st century. With advice for writing compelling blogs, pitches, ads, slogans, and social-media postings, Johnson s sophisticated, richly referenced, and example-filled microstyle guide is distinctive, instructive, enjoyable, and inspiring.“

I love feedback. Reach out to dp@norre.co for any comments or suggestions.

The most underrated skill for an exceptional design career was originally published in Bootcamp on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

One of those tiny ideas with significant potential impact over time.

It’s a winter Friday evening. You’re huddled in your bed like a sleepy brown bear, planning not to crawl out of it before spring starts showing signs of existence. You got these tons of articles saved in Medium and nights are the only quiet and comfortable time you’re able to delightfully feed your ever starving curiosity. The lights in the bedroom are soft, caressing, barely noticeable. Your phone is on dark mode as you’re trying not to harm your already tortured eyes, which have withstood two whole decades of staring at a plethora of screens, still refusing to wear prescription glasses. You move through the lines and thirstily absorb the pieces of information. Then, suddenly, boom, the brightest image on Earth emerges from the bottom of your screen and gets stuck in your eyes like a bow arrow. It feels painful, almost as an intense laser beam, trying to burn the inside of your head. The bedroom is lightened up like a stadium amid a match. You’re pretty sure a dozen of pixels have died in each of your eyes.

Night owls like myself probably find the picture above way too familiar. So yes, we are grateful for life to the guy that invented the dark mode, but I think it needs to update to 2.0 as quickly as possible before we start losing our eyesight.

Just imagine a world in which all articles have alternative images for dark and light modes, and no light will harm your tender, nighty eyes anymore!

Apple is already doing it with their wallpapers set, but that’s just the beginning.

Sure, there will be challenges for the writers; they’ll have to invest more time and effort finding both light and dark images for their articles, but it’ll be worth the experience. On the other hand, a possible automatic conversion will probably make their lives easier by offloading additional efforts.

Here are the main benefits of this feature:

• Longer battery life. Brighter screens use significantly more energy.
• Longer eyes life. Well, we’re not DSLRs with replaceable lenses.
• Less energy consumption. Your phone won’t need charging that often.
• More engaging user experience. Customers will read longer.
• Longer device life. Greener World.

As the list of the articles I’m planning to read through my life is not shrinking, I’m looking with hope towards all product owners and developers, trying not to stomp my feet too nervously. Sometimes the tiniest yet clever ideas have a significant impact over time.