One morning, I’m fixing my sports bra (because OF COURSE the pads moved again 🙄) as I’m getting dressed in the women’s locker room, and I said out loud in frustration, “I wish men knew all the things women have to do because of them.”

Two other women who heard me didn’t even hesitate, “Oh my God, yes!” And that was it. Instant solidarity with no explanation needed. Because if you know… you know.

And if you don’t? Let me explain.

Sports bras come with these pads to “protect modesty,” but they move ALL THE TIME. But it’s not just the sports bra. Women wear nipple covers when they don’t feel like wearing a bra, but also don’t feel like being stared at like they just walked into a room naked.

It’s explaining to your partner why “men can’t help but look” is not comforting. It’s actually the problem.

I remember reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus years ago, and the whole idea was that men and women just communicate differently.

I understand what the authors were trying to say, but the older I get, the more I feel like it’s not just Mars vs. Venus.

It’s more like, “One planet exists and the other… survives.”

I’ve worked in tourism most of my adult life and have had the chance to travel a lot, meet people from other cultures, and enjoy many random conversations that stay in your head longer than they should.

On one trip, I was talking to a woman and she casually told me she had been drugged before.

TWICE.

The first time, she was lucky and had left with a friend before the drug took effect. The second time… she doesn’t remember what happened. And the way she said it sounded as if she had accepted it as a part of life.

Like, “Oh yeah, that happened. Anyway…”

And I remember thinking, “Does she think that’s normal?”

Then, because phones are clearly listening to everything we say, my algorithm shows me a story about Millie Taplin.

Millie had just turned 18 and was celebrating that night at a bar when she accepted a drink from a stranger who simply asked her to try it.

A few sips in… and her body shut down.

Her face went numb.
Her fingers curled into claws.
Her body became stiff.

She couldn’t move, but she was fully conscious.

I can’t imagine being trapped inside your own body while something is happening to you.

Doctors believe she was given a mix of drugs: one to paralyze, one to sedate.

She survived, but wait. It gets worse.

Because under that story, some random woman (not even the main IG post) left a comment:

“How many times have you been drugged/roofied? I’ll go first, I’m 44 and I’ve been roofied twice.”

106 women answered.

One. Hundred. And. Six.

The really sad part is that most of the women answered more than once.

To Free or Not to Free, the Nipple!

I couldn’t finish reading them. Honestly, I didn’t want to carry that much pain from strangers in one sitting.

But some of their answers…they don’t leave you.

• “Once, ended up trafficked and sold… I’m glad it was me and not my friend.”
• “I was raped right after. Now I have seizures because of it.”
• “54. Twice. First time I woke up with a man on top of me.”
• “27. Twice, that I know of.”
• “37. Once. From someone I trusted.”

Even the woman who originally asked the question came back and said:

“I didn’t think this was going to be this sad.”

There were also a few men in the comments:

“Sometimes I feel disgusted being a man.”
“I’m sorry this happens.”

And I appreciate that. I really do, but sometimes men just have NO IDEA what it’s like to be a woman.

Here’s another piece I wrote…

Things Women Do That Men Don’t Understand

And this is the part that’s hard to explain if you’ve never lived it. Because for women, safety isn’t a reaction.

It’s a routine.

You know, the “little” habits we women live with every single day:

• Parking where there’s light
• Locking the car immediately after entering
• Avoiding empty streets
• Being aware of who’s behind you

But read the comments on that article, and you see some men are genuinely shocked.

About things that are automatic for us.

Now, let me be clear, I’m not saying I want to live in a world without men. There’s a reason I’m in the type of relationship I’m in.

I like men.

This is why I don’t live in places like Latvia, where there are about 20 women to every 1 man.

It wouldn’t be perfect. But it would be… lighter.

You’d walk without scanning.
You’d go out without planning escape routes.
You’d wear what you want without calculating risk.

But I wonder how it would feel not to have to think about safety every minute when I’m out.

How Can We Do Better

So no, this isn’t about blaming men. But it is about awareness.

Wanting to feel safe is not asking for too much. Wanting to go out and not worry about being drugged, raped, or trafficked is not unrealistic.

Wanting to exist without fear is not dramatic.

It’s basic.

And, if you’re a man reading this: Don’t just feel bad.

Because sympathy is easy, and understanding takes effort. But the part that actually changes things is responsibility.

Pay attention and speak up when something feels off. Call out behavior that shouldn’t be normal. Drink spiking won’t stop because of a few “that’s messed up” comments.

It changes when more people decide it’s not acceptable.

And if you’re a woman reading this?

Don’t normalize this.
Don’t brush it off.
Don’t make it “just how things are.”

Because the more we accept it… the more it stays the same.

We don’t need Mars to understand Venus. We need Earth to do better. And is that seriously too much to ask?

Thank you for reading and don’t forget to clap if you enjoyed or leave me a comment.

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