One was raised to become something, the other was protected from becoming hurt, while the one in between was simply expected to understand.

Understand the tired voices.

Understand the unfairness.

Understand why some mistakes were met with gentleness

While theirs were met with disappointment.

Understand why they had to be mature early, quiet early, independent early.

And so they did.

They learned how to swallow hurt without making noise.

Learned how to sit at dinner tables feeling absent while still occupying a seat.

learned how to celebrate others loudly while secretly grieving the ache of never being celebrated the same way.

Because there are wounds that do not come from cruelty.

Some come from being overlooked too many times until invisibility starts feeling natural.

They notice everything, too.

The difference in tone.

The softer eyes.

The extra patience.

The way affection flows effortlessly toward certain people

While they have to earn every ounce of it through achievements, obedience, usefulness.

and after a while,

they stop asking for love directly.

Instead, they become helpful.
Responsible.
Understanding.
The one who says “it’s okay” even when it never was.
The one who convinces themselves that needing less
makes them easier to keep.

But deep inside, there is still a younger version of them
quietly wondering what is so wrong about standing in the middle.

Wondering why they always had to shrink for peace to exist in the room. Wondering how long a person can survive on being tolerated instead of truly seen.

And perhaps the saddest part is this

—they do not even crave to be loved more than anyone else anymore. they just want to know what it feels like to be chosen without having to bleed for it first.

Ang hindi ko alam, hindi pa pala ako handang magpatawad.

Kasi iba pala ang sakit kapag ang sugat ay nanggaling sa tahanang akala mong magiging pahinga mo.

Kapag ang mga kamay na dapat sana’y unang humawak sa’yo nang maayos, sila rin pala ‘yung unti-unting nagturo sa’yo kung paano masanay sa pagkabasag.

Lumaki akong pilit inuunawa ang lahat.

Bakit may mga gabing mabigat ang katahimikan.

Bakit may mga matang marunong ngumiti sa harap ng iba, pero marunong ding manakit kapag nakatalikod na ang mundo.

At nang tuluyan kong maintindihan ang lahat, akala ko magiging madali na. Na sapat na ang katotohanan para mapalaya ako sa sakit.

Pero hindi pala gano’n.

Kasi paano mo patatawarin ang mga bagay na hanggang ngayon, dala-dala pa rin ng katawan mo?

‘Yung hirap magtiwala.

‘Yung pakiramdam na kailangan mong maging matatag palagi dahil walang ibang sasalo.

‘Yung takot na baka isang araw, matulad ka rin sa mga bagay na minsang sumira sa’yo.

May mga sugat kasing hindi dumudugo, pero buong pagkatao mo ang unti-unting inuubos.

At kahit anong pilit kong sabihin na “naiintindihan ko naman,”
may batang bersyon pa rin ako na tahimik na nagtatanong

“Bakit hindi naging sapat ang pagmamahal ko para piliing hindi ako saktan?”

Siguro balang araw, darating din ang tunay na pagpapatawad.

Pero sa ngayon, inaamin ko munang nasasaktan pa rin ako.

At marahil, iyon muna ang pinaka-tapat na paraan ng paghilom.

Continue, even when it hurts.
Even when every step feels heavier than the last,
and your heart whispers that it would be easier to stop.

Continue—
not because the pain is small,
but because your purpose is greater than what you feel right now.

There will be days when healing doesn’t look like progress.
Days when you fall back into the same thoughts,
the same wounds, the same questions.
But even then, you are still moving—
because choosing to stay is already a form of courage.

Continue, even when you don’t understand why things had to break.
Even when prayers feel unanswered,
and silence is all you hear.

Because sometimes, growth happens quietly.
Not in the moments you feel strong,
but in the moments you refuse to give up.

Continue—
when forgiving feels impossible,
when trusting again feels dangerous,
when loving again feels like a risk you’re not ready to take.

You don’t have to be fearless.
You just have to be willing.

And if all you can do today is take one small step,
then take it.
If all you can do is breathe and make it through the day, then that is enough.

Continue, even when it hurts—
because one day, you’ll look back
and realize that the very thing that almost broke you
was the same thing God used to rebuild you.

And in that moment,
you won’t just see the pain anymore—
you’ll see the purpose.

Habang sinusubukan kong silipin ang kinabukasang naghihintay sa’kin, lalo ko lamang napapansin ang dilim na dala ng mga “Paano kung.”

“Paano kung hindi ako sumapat?”

“Paano kung ang mga pangarap ko ay manatiling pangarap lamang?”

“Paano kung maligaw ako sa landas na pinili ko?”

Maraming mga gabi na tahimik ang paligid pero ang isip mo ay puno ng ingay — punong-puno ng mga tanong tungkol sa kinabukasang parating pa lamang.

Pero isang bagay ang unti-unti kong nauunawaan. Darating ito —handa man ako o hindi.

Hindi ko kailangang talunin ang anino. Hindi ko kailangang patunayan na wala akong kinatatakutan. Ang kailangan ko lang tanggapin ay darating din ‘yan. Kailagan mo ‘yang harapin.

Dahil baka, sa dulo ng lahat ng ito, ang aninong kinatatakutan ko ay hindi pala hadlang—kundi bahagi ng liwanag na matagal ko nang hinahanap.

At kung darating ang araw na ako ay manghina muli, babalikan ko ang sandaling ito—ang sandaling pinili kong huwag tumigil.

Sa anino ng bukas, pipiliin kong magpatuloy.

Tama nga ang sabi nila, minsan pinipilit mo lang isipin sa sarili mo na okay kana. Pero ang totoo? Basag ka pa.

Madaming pagkakataon na sinasabi ko sa aking sarili na kaya ko na mag-isa.

Bakit?

Dahil nasanay akong mag-isa.

Dahil nasanay akong sarili ko lang ang kasama ko.

Dahil do’n, akala ko okay ako.

Akala ko, matapang ako.

Akala ko, sobrang galing ko.

Pero ang hindi ko alam,

Unti-unti kong nilulunod ang sarili ko.

Unti-unti kong nililibing ang sarili ko.

Patuloy ko lang sinasabi sa sarili ko na, “Uy! healed ka na. Okay kana!”

Hanggang sa unti-unti naring lumalabas ang mga sugat na matagal kong tinago.

Ang mga sugat na pilit kong kinakalimutan.

Pero mumultuhin rin pala ako sa huli.

At naisip ko,

“ah, akala ko

kasi p’wede na. pinilit ko lang pala.”

Hindi dahil takot ako.

Hindi dahil ayokong magpa-kita ng kahinaan.

Kundi dahil kinailangan.

Dahil Kailangan.

Are you still the happiest version of yourself?

Are you still the strong one?

Are you still the one who shows up?

Are you still the last one to cry?

Do you still pretend you’re okay?

Sometimes, I choose to stay behind close doors.

Closed doors where:

I can cry.

I can shout.

I can be who I really am without worrying of what people would think.

They may say,

“try going out. Try voicing out what you feel. Trying coming out of your comfort zone.”

I have.

I did.

I tried.

All I had in return were shameful remarks saying,

“You’re too weak.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

So I chose to be quiet.

Not because I wanted too.

—but because I had too.

Sino ang tatakbuhan mo kapag nasanay kang ikaw ang takbuhan ng lahat?

Kanino mo aamining hindi mona kaya?

Kanino mo sasabihing pa-suko kana?

Kanino ka iiyak sa tuwing kailangan mo nang taga-punas ng mga basang marka sa iyong mukha ng dahil sa iyong mga luha?

Kanino mo sasabihing pagod kana?

Kanino nga ba?

Madalas ko itong matanong sa aking sarili dahil, nasanay akong bitbit ko lahat.

Madalas ko rin itong marinig mula sa ibang tao dahil, sino nga ba ang sumbungan ng isang taong katulad ko na walang ibang ginawa kundi yapusin ang mga taong kailangan ng kalinga.

I questioned myself.

and I have been reminded that, all I had was myself.

No one knew who I really was.

No one paid attention to what I was.

Tanging sarili ko lamang ang nagsisilbing takbuhan ko.

Maraming mga tao ang darating sa buhay mo. Pero marami din ang aalis.

Mayroong mga taong umalis para mag-iwan ng sugat.

Mayroon ding mga taong umalis para ikaw ang mag-hilom.

Just like in restaurants.

No matter what food they serve and how good it is, they’ll leave.

Because they’re meant to leave.

But you’ll stay. hoping that maybe,

maybe they’ll comeback.

—but they never will.

It will hurt.

It will leave wounds.

But maybe all you had to do is step out of that restaurant.

Walk until you find home.

Walk until you find you.

Because that home — is you.

“What happened to you?”

“I thought you were bright?”

Questions here, questions there.

And to be honest, I’m so tired of answering it all with a smile. Sometimes I just want to answer them with the truth — but I can’t.

Some truths are meant to be hidden.

Even if it kills you.

There were so many blinds and windows that were kept closed during hail storms and tornadoes.

Just to make sure the floors and walls are kept clean.

That’s what they do.

The storm is so obvious. But they hide the cracks that comes with it.

Cracks that are begging to be fixed.

Cracks that are begging to be seen.

But they have to be kept hidden.

And when questions are asked..

All we can do is smile.

because, they don’t know.

—and they are not supposed to know.

“Buti kapa maalam ka niyan.”

I laugh whenever I hear people’s comments about me.

Who am I without any of these?

I am a collector of beginnings, skilled enough to touch everything but never staying long enough to own it.

I collected skills to prove my worth.

I collected scars to show my trophies.

But in the middle of collecting and learning, I lost myself.

I gave up.

Before I could fully learn.

And maybe, that’s what life is telling me .

Maybe that was enough.

Maybe I was already enough.