These last two weeks have been so hard. The tragedy unfolding in Afghanistan and the horrific loss of life in Kabul last week, a renewed surge of COVID deaths, over a million without power and basic support in New Orleans…these events fill the headlines threatening to overwhelm our senses and numb our ability to empathize. In this time of crisis, instead of our leaders calling us to action as one people and one tribe, we see our leaders stoking the fires of hate and fear — blaming, criticizing, hating, demeaning, and pointing fingers in an ever escalating war of self-interested cowardice. Right now, in this moment, it seems as if the very idea of America is coming apart at the seams.

We need hope. We need to believe.

Ten months ago, I started writing letters to my daughter, Trinity. After fighting so hard and for so long to protect and preserve the idea of America, I had fallen into a deep sadness as I watched us tear each other apart while our enemies sat on the sidelines laughing. I consider myself a man of hope and possibility, but I found myself losing all hope. I wanted to do something…anything…to shake myself out of the terrible sadness and despondency that had gripped me. And it was in that moment, that I looked to Trinity. She became my anchor and the spark that would awaken my fire, my fury and my passion for the idea of America…for our people and what we can be.

I started writing to her. I channeled all my energy into translating deep feelings and values that I had been wrestling with for months into words on paper to another human being whom I loved more than my own life. I was raw, unfiltered and honest. And it was in the sharing of those words with her that I began to find hope again. I wrote to her about the power of an idea…an idea that exists outside of time. An idea that stands for the freedom of lasting meaningful choices for everyone, everywhere. I wrote to her about why I believe this idea is still worth fighting for…and what we must each do to protect it.

After writing the first few letters to Trin, I found that my family and friends connected with them on a deep, visceral level, and they encouraged me to share them with others. I began to post them here — to share with all of you to see if there was something in them that could awaken hope in others as well. And then something miraculous happened…

You began writing back. But not to me…to your own loved ones.

You shared your own dreams for what America can and should be, in the hopes of turning over an inheritance to your own children of strength, hope and courage…not fear, hatred and divisiveness. You inspired me.

I began to realize that, in this highly divisive time of fear, we as a people must lead our country to a better place. We cannot wait for a person in the White House or in the halls of Congress. As Americans, we have become a people of fear, but through our own courage and bold actions, we can shake off the soul-crushing chains that media celebrities and self-interested leaders have tried to shackle us with, and we can once again become a people of hope.

And now…I want you to block out all the noise of this day and hear me talking to you — as if there is no one else — just you. I am now writing and speaking directly to you. In many ways, what happens next can only come from you, and you alone.

Starting today, I want you to take one small step. It’s not a panacea for all the daunting challenges we face…it is a start. I want you to write. Not a book or an OpEd or a thesis. I want you to write a letter. I don’t want you to just “like” or “share” these words that I have written to you today. I want you to write. This is not a letter to the editor or a letter to your Senator. I want you to write a letter to someone you love more than your own life. I want you to tell that person how much you love them. I want you to tell them the vision you have for a better community and a better America and a better world for them…where they can live and breathe and dream and be free.

I am reposting my first letter to Trinity here. I want you to write your letter and then send it to me by following the link and hit “Submit a letter.” And starting tomorrow, I am going to start posting your letters here…one from a different person each day. I want you to come back here and read each of the letters posted. Come back here each morning and start your day with hope. Each day, you will read the hopes and dreams of one of your fellow Americans. We need to hear from each other. We need to talk to one another. We need to be vulnerable with one another. We need to get past the pain and write from a place of love and hope for a better America that we can only create together.

I ask you to join me. Write, read and let your voice be heard. Let’s show our leaders who we are as Americans. Let’s show them that we are bigger and bolder than fear. That we are bigger and bolder than the division. That our differences are actually our core strength. Let’s show them collectively what America is and what we can become. Let’s show them the path. I know that we can do it. I believe in us. After all, America has always been a nation that we the people must own. Join me in this fight…it’s ours to lose.

https://action.mpu.us/letters

Dear Trinity,

Sunday is an important day. Across the country, people will be traveling to see family members they haven’t seen in months, eating great BBQ, and watching fireworks shows that span the spectrum from Mammy and Pappy setting off a couple ground spinners on their farm in West Virginia to massive coordinated events like what we will see here in DC. It is a time of celebration…a time to celebrate the idea of America.

But this year is a little bit different, and I feel a twinge of sadness as the holiday approaches.

The Fourth of July is a holiday where we celebrate our independence as Americans. It’s a day full of patriotism — a day to be proud of our country and proud to wear the American identity. We think of freedom and opportunity. We think of the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” — words used by our Founders as they drafted the Declaration of Independence.

I am a patriot. I am fiercely proud to be an American. But sadly, the word “patriotism” has been hijacked and has become almost a dirty word today. It doesn’t mean the same thing that it used to. There are those in leadership today who abuse the word and twist its meaning — turning it into a dark reflection of what it is meant to be.

When these leaders speak of patriotism, they focus solely on individual freedom and individual rights — often at the expense of others. These leaders pit us against one another in a zero sum game — telling us that we must hold onto and protect the individual freedoms of our own little group at all costs — regardless of the impact on other Americans. We have fractured into many groups in this country — into tribes that believe we have a right to act and do and say whatever we want, whenever we want. We have been fooled into believing that this is American freedom.

This, in fact, is not American freedom. A devotion to that idea is not patriotism…it is selfishness. That is not the freedom that my buddies and I and millions of other courageous men and women throughout our history fought so hard on foreign shores to protect.

Patriotism is defined as a love for and devotion to one’s country. Being an American patriot means having a commitment to the idea of America…a commitment to a nation that stands for the freedom of lasting meaningful choices for all. America is a nation of, by and for the people. That means that as an American patriot, my commitment and devotion to the betterment of America is a commitment and devotion to the betterment of its citizens. It’s a commitment and devotion to one another — not just to myself or those in my little group who think, look and act like I do.

Yes, American Democracy provides unparalleled freedom and rights — but with those rights and liberties come duty and responsibility. Our freedom isn’t free, and the cost of that freedom is not meant to be borne solely by a warrior class of men and women in military uniform, as too many Americans seem to think. For American Democracy to work, the cost of freedom must be borne by all American citizens — by all of us.

None of us lives on a deserted island. We live in a country with 330 million other people of every shape, size, race, color and creed. Our actions have an impact on other people — on other Americans. All of us rely on other Americans so that we can live a life of freedom, happiness and hope. We all depend on each other.

We need to redefine patriotism. We need to take it back by living out a new patriotism. But what should this new patriotism look like in action?

To answer that question, I want to tell you a story about something that happened a few weeks ago. The hero in this story is not me. In fact, I am regrettably the villain in this story. The hero of the story is a kid only slightly older than you. I hesitated to tell you this story because I am pretty ashamed of my thoughts and actions during this event, but the point of the story is important, and the hero of the story has given me hope for what our country can become, so I want to share it with you.

A couple months ago, a group of hackers forced a company called Colonial Pipeline to shut down its network of 5,500 miles of pipeline, triggering gas shortages and panic all over the country. Then people caused even more severe shortages as they rushed to their local gas stations and tried to fill their vehicles, jerry cans, jugs, and any other container they could find to ensure their families didn’t run out of fuel.

We were getting ready to travel to visit Mammy and Pappy in West Virginia, and because of the shortages, I decided to go out and try to track down some gas so we could make the trip.

I went to gas station after gas station — all of them with “No fuel” signs posted prominently. Finally, I pulled into one of the few remaining stations in the area — an Exxon station in a more rundown part of the city. There was a long line of cars, so I maneuvered our car into the line and began to wait. I was annoyed — this was going to take a while.

As I inched the car forward, I began to take notice of the car directly in front of me. It was an old beat-up jeep with numerous dings and dents in the body and a badly-rusted quarter panel that looked like it was about to fall off — reflecting either neglect by the owner or just an inability to take it into the shop to get it fixed. There was a young kid behind the wheel — barely older than you. He had his window rolled down, and he was blasting the radio — dancing in his seat to the beat of the music. I rolled my eyes and waited (I know, I know…I’m a terrible, grumpy old adult).

Finally my turn came, and I eased the car up to the pump. As I got out of the car, I saw that the kid was parked at the pump in front of me. As I walked up to the pump, he saw me and started walking toward me. “Oh great,” I thought. “This kid’s going to beg for money…or ask me to pay for his gas…or buy him alcohol or cigarettes.”

“Hey Mister,” the kid said as he got closer.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I said as I braced myself, thinking of all the various excuses I could use to get out of giving him money.

“Do you need gas?” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked with a confused look on my face.

“Well, I was just wondering if you need gas. I pre-paid $30 at the register inside, and I’m full now. There’s still $6 left on this pump, and I just wanted to see if you wanted it,” he said with a kind smile on his face.

I felt flush as blood raced to my face in embarrassment. I fumbled and stammered my words, “No…kid, that’s ok. I don’t need it. Just…just go inside and get your change at the counter.”

The kid looked back at me with an almost sympathetic look on his face. “No, seriously, man…just take it. I know there ain’t much gas around here, and times are tough for everybody. I don’t need the change right now.”

I stared back at him in complete disbelief — a feeling that was immediately replaced by an overwhelming sense of wonder and gratitude. “Thank you, kid,” I mumbled. I felt like crying or giving him a hug right there in the gas station parking lot.

“Sure thing,” he said with a big grin on his face. “Have a great day, man.” And then he jumped into the driver seat, cranked up the music, and drove off dancing in his seat.

I was stunned. That boy obviously needed the money. He had to pay cash for gas because he most likely couldn’t qualify for a credit card — a luxury that I just took for granted. His clothes were worn and his car was on it’s last leg. At an uncertain moment when we were in the middle of a nationwide gas shortage, instead of him wondering, “How can I get mine?” he went out of his way to think about someone other than himself. He was willing to sacrifice something to help me, a total stranger, with absolutely no expectation of anything in return. With that one small act, he spoke clearly to me that we’re all in this together.

What does it say about me and about the state of our country when a simple, humble act of selflessness and sacrifice from that kid could move me almost to tears? Something is broken inside of us…inside the American identity…and that kid has the secret to fixing it.

“That boy is our future,” I thought. “That is what patriotism is and must be. That is how we get out of this mess.”

It’s time to reclaim the word patriotism. We need to inspire and spread a new patriotism — one defined by a fierce pride and devotion to the idea of America and also characterized by acts of selfless sacrifice and service to others. We need a new patriotism that is characterized not by what my nation owes to me as an individual citizen, but by how I can give of myself to make the life of my fellow citizens more hopeful, happy and free.

We don’t need a President to save us, Trin. We don’t need Congress to save us. We don’t need social media celebrities to save us. We just need us. We need you and me. We need an army of everyday citizens emboldened by this new patriotism.

I am a proud American, but that doesn’t mean that I believe that we’re perfect. We have many flaws and imperfections. We have made many mistakes. But as we live out this new patriotism, we can be better. We must work together to be what we are meant to become. Because it is in the striving that we can become a nation that can deliver on the promise of freedom and inspire hope for all Americans and to the rest of the world.

You and that boy at the gas pump are part of a generation that can be defined by this new patriotism, Trinity — a patriotism that can save our democracy and rescue all of us from ourselves. I have hope for you and for him and for what can be for all of us.

This weekend as we watch the fireworks and eat really good BBQ with family and friends, I want you to remember my words…and remember that through this letter, I am committing to you that I will work tirelessly to spread this new patriotism…a patriotism that defines the America I fought for — a nation that you, too, can be fiercely proud of.

I love you,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

We made it! Your mom and I are married, and I am officially your stepdad! The rain held, and the day was absolutely perfect in so many ways. It was truly the happiest day of my life, and I’ll never forget how blurry my vision got with tears as I watched you walk down the aisle ahead of your mom that day. It was a day and a series of moments that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I want to write to you about one of those moments in particular today.

As we talked and laughed together under the trees and lights that night during the reception, one of my closest friends got up to give a speech. Alex is particularly memorable because he is bald and hilarious, and I had assigned him the important role of emcee for the dinner — a decision which was the moral equivalent of handing a toddler a can of gasoline and a lighted match and then asking him to be careful.

As Alex took the mic, I took a deep breath and prepared to be absolutely roasted for the next fifteen to twenty minutes. Instead, he gave a powerful, touching speech about your mom, you and me and this journey that we were about to begin together. He finished his speech with a challenge and a quote for a way to live and a way to love each other…

“Never above you.

Never below you.

Always beside you.”

Alex and I served in the same unit in the Marine Corps with many of the same Marines and in many of the same tough places overseas. Several of the guys that stood by me that day as you and mom walked down the aisle, served with me to fight to protect and defend the idea of America.

Those words that Alex spoke at the wedding were part of a set of values, beliefs and principles that guided my thoughts and actions while I served as a Marine, and they still guide me to this day. The words were part of a creed…a code to live by in the pursuit of a better world, both for our families and for millions of people we would never meet.

The unit I served with was a special place. It is a team made up of Americans of all shapes, sizes, colors, education levels, and cultures. We came from wildly different backgrounds, opinions and beliefs, but when we came together, we worked as one family with one purpose and one mission — to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. We stood side by side — at times against seemingly impossible odds — to fight for the idea of America. Our focus of purpose bound us together. The code we lived by ensured that those bonds would never break.

The code we lived by was not a lengthy document of rules and regulations — we were men of few words (except maybe Alex). It wasn’t a long list of do’s and don’ts that tried to anticipate every possible bad behavior to prevent team members from stumbling. Instead, it was a simple set of unwritten values and principles that guided our thoughts, words and actions as we pressed the fight together day after day. The code was the glue that held us together. The code was a living, breathing framework of leadership principles that great leaders from our community added to from time to time. One of the most inspiring leaders of the community and a personal hero of mine was Doug Zembiec — a servant leader who inspired all who met him and fought ferociously for the idea of America.

Doug lived by the code, and he documented elements of it as principles that had been passed down to him in a combat journal entry that he made before he was killed during a raid in Iraq in 2007:

“Be a man of principle.

Fight for what you believe in.

Keep your word.

Live with integrity.

Be brave.

Believe in something bigger than yourself.

Serve your country.

Teach.

Mentor.

Give something back to society.

Lead from the front.

Conquer your fears.

Be a good friend.

Be humble and self-confident.

Appreciate your friends and family.

Be a leader and not a follower.

Be valorous on the battlefield.

Take responsibility for your actions.

Never forget those that were killed, and never let rest those who killed them.”

The code we lived by was about being a quiet professional — doing the job because it was the right thing to do, knowing that most likely no one will ever know or understand what you did or the sacrifices you made to do it. Living by the code was about serving others. It was about putting aside your own needs and giving your all to ensure that others could experience freedom, hope and goodness in the world.

Those who live by a code understand that you just don’t break the code. It becomes a part of who you are — part of your core identity. Breaking the code means turning into someone you are not. Breaking the code means turning your back on your team…turning your back on those you love…those who depend on you.

Today, we as Americans have been infected by a disease…a disease far more destructive than covid or any other infectious disease. Our communities and the American idea are being slowly killed by this disease — a disease of divisiveness and fear. We the American people must be the ones to pull our country out of this increasingly dangerous mess. It’s time for all of us to come together and commit to living by a code. A code that unites us. A code that brings us to higher ground and reminds us all what it means to be Americans. A code that shows us that what unites us is far more important than what divides us.

My team and I at More Perfect Union have created a Code of Conduct that we hope can be an antidote to the divisiveness and fear that is ripping our country apart. We hope that it can be a starting point for uniting us and turning the nation back from the brink of destruction. There is a way out of this. If we as citizens can commit to living by this Code, then perhaps we can move past the hateful rhetoric and fear of the “other,” to discover that there is no “other”…there is only “us.” There is only “Americans.”

You will hear a lot of leaders talking about trying to find common ground. Instead of common ground, I think we need to go beyond that. As a Marine, our mission was often to take the high ground in an effort to gain an advantage over the enemy. In order for us to defeat the enemy within us, we as united American citizens, must now push to find higher ground. This mission can begin by agreeing to live by a new Code…

A Code that can guide our thoughts, words and actions every day.

A Code that can help us get past the fear of one another.

A Code that allows us to give one another the benefit of the doubt — to assume the best, and not the worst in each other.

A Code that helps us stand in one another’s shoes for just a moment instead of judging one another.

A Code that will help us overcome seemingly impossible obstacles together.

A Code that can enable” we the people” to deliver on the promise of America for all of us.

A Code that can propel America forward to become the leader and beacon to the rest of the world that we have the potential to be.

Trinity, my generation and those who have gone before us need you now. I have watched you and your friends wrestle with what is happening all around us. I have watched as the divisiveness has even crept into your school and friend groups. We need your generation to help lead the country in committing to this Code and ensuring that the light of American democracy is not snuffed out. Your generation did not get us into this mess, but we are going to need you to help lead us out of it if we hope to preserve the idea of America.

You are not tainted by the cynicism, doubt and anger that have claimed so many. You are innocent enough to believe in the impossible. You are young enough to still see and feel authentic hope. That is your strength. It is your superpower, and we need you as the next generation of heroes to show all of us what is possible. I can’t wait to watch you save the day.

Thank you for inspiring me and for giving me hope. Because of you, when I pick my head up and look down the road, I don’t feel fear as the path veers out of sight to the left or right…I feel only hope and possibility for a new day and a new America.

Love always,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

Only a couple of days left. I have been waiting for this day for months now. This is without question the most important week of my life…but not for the reason you may suspect.

It’s an important time for our nation. We are living in a unique moment during which I believe the very fabric of our democracy is in danger of being torn in two. You know that I have been quietly working with a courageous team of leaders to build a new path forward to protect and preserve the idea of America. This is a big week for those plans…and I’ll get to that in a minute. But that’s not why this week is so important to me.

This week is the most important week in my life for one reason and one reason only…because on Saturday, I get to marry the love of my life, your mom, and I get to officially become a father to you.

This letter is going to be a little bit different than the other letters I have written to you. I will get to the importance of our nation and how we can fix it, but I want to start this letter by making sure that you understand what is most important to me and why.

When I applied to the Stanford Graduate School of Business, I had to fill out a very nerve-wracking application that included essay questions that had stumped applicants year after year. The most difficult and harshly critiqued question that was asked was a seven-word question: What matters to you most and why? This question had caused applicants many sleepless nights. I can’t tell you how many versions of the answer to this question I drafted at the time — ripping out sheet after sheet in my notebook because I couldn’t create a statement that was “impressive enough.”

I’m laughing at myself a little bit right now as I write these words because I know that if I was asked to respond to that question today, my answer would be very simple:

“Mina and Trinity…because they taught me what authentic, unconditional, true love is.”

This has been a hard year for us. When hard times come, they have a way of forcing us to stop, take a deep breath and ask ourselves hard questions. Hard times help us get our priorities straight and figure out what’s important and what’s not so important.

For so many people across the country and around the world, this has been a really hard year. Many have lost loved ones. Many more have lost their livelihoods and their hope that things can get better. I think in many ways, our nation has been forced to stop, take a breath and start asking ourselves some hard questions.

Will our country be able to make it through this difficult, divisive time?

Can we work together to fight fear and hatred and find common, higher ground?

What does it even mean to be an American?

These are tough questions, but there are answers to be found. The long night will eventually come to an end. There is hope on the horizon…if we choose to do the hard work to chase it. It is in the striving for the answers to these tough questions that we will find healing, redemption — and ultimately — unity.

Today, my team and I are publicly unveiling the work that we have begun…an effort to help build what the Founders intended when they spoke of forming a More Perfect Union. We are creating a citizen-led movement that works to heal the divide in our nation and make our government work for the people. We are building a strong center in American politics that weakens the divisive voices that threaten to destroy us on both sides.

You are my purpose and drive behind this work, Trin. You’re the reason that I’m choosing to jump into this new fight. The idea of America is an idea in transformation…a promise offered with the power to bring lasting hope to the world if fully realized. But that idea is now in danger of being extinguished forever. To save it, we are going to have to fight for it, together. America is at a crossroads. We must now choose what path we will take forward. I choose to fight to make sure that you inherit a nation of dreams and possibilities…for you and for all who wear the American identity.

The work that we’ve started — the movement that millions of our fellow Americans will help build and lead in the coming years — is important work. But I want you to always remember that before the job, before the mission, before the calling…comes the reason. You and your mom will always be my reason.

Saturday is approaching quickly. As you know, this wedding has been cancelled three times. And now on this fourth attempt, the weather forecast is calling for an absolute downpour on Saturday. Life isn’t always fair, and nothing usually works the way it is supposed to. But you can’t always wait for the storm to stop before you take a chance and step out into the rain.

On Saturday, there will be a beautiful union. It may be just you, me, and your mom standing in the pouring rain saying, “I do.”

…but if so, the day will be filled with joy, and it will be perfect.

I love you,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

Each week after I finish my letter to you, I think, “Ok, this week was weird, but next week things will start to calm down and I can go back to writing to Trin about more normal topics.”

Unfortunately, the events that are unfolding right now in this country continue to defy predictability. We are living in a unique moment in American history, and there aren’t too many precedents for me to point to as a way to help explain to you what is happening.

On January 6th, the U.S. Capitol was assaulted by American citizens. Five Americans were killed — including a Capitol Police officer who was beaten with a fire extinguisher. On January 13th, The House of Representatives voted to impeach President Donald Trump for “incitement of insurrection” (a violent uprising against an authority or government) — making him the first President in American history to be impeached twice. And now, as Joe Biden prepares to be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States on Wednesday, thousands of National Guard troops are mobilizing in Washington, D.C. and in state capitals across the country to prevent violence from breaking out this week.

So, what is happening to our country?

I have watched with sadness over the last several years as a chasm has formed, dividing Americans and tearing apart families, friendships and communities. In the last year, that chasm has grown deeper and wider at an alarming rate. Fear and hatred are gripping the nation in our cities, suburbs and rural communities across the country. Why? What is at the root of this fear, anger and resentment?

I believe the division starts with a lack of meaningful choices, and in my letter to you today, I want to talk about what happens to people when you take away the freedom that real choices bring.

I had a very sheltered childhood growing up on our farm in West Virginia. We were poor, but we never really wanted for anything. We had plenty of food that we either grew on the farm or hunted. Our dairy cow provided milk, butter, and on special occasions, even homemade ice cream.

We lived in a small house that Pappy built in 1975 — the same house that you have come to know on our visits to the farm. We had plenty of firewood and coal to keep us warm in the winter, and although many of the clothes we wore to school were hand-me-downs, they were always scrubbed clean and free from tears and holes.

I went to a good school — a county public school where town kids and farm kids mixed and mingled working to navigate the ins and outs of adolescence as we tried our best to study hard and get good grades. I had good teachers who wanted me to win. They encouraged me, telling me that I could do anything that I set my mind to.

Pappy worked two jobs — one as a bus driver for the County Schools and a second as a manager and loader at the local feed and supply store in town. It was hard work, but the bus driving job covered us with health insurance and the steady income ensured that the four of us kids had what we needed for school and sports. Mammy worked long hours — maintaining the farm, washing, sewing, cooking and cleaning. My parents worked their fingers to the bone to make sure that my brother and sisters and I had a great life. They worked tirelessly to try to create a better life for their kids, and over time, they saw the fruition of that hard work.

I was one of the lucky ones. Sadly, there are many kids and parents in our country today who simply don’t have the opportunities that my family had. I was blessed with so many choices, Trinity. Even though we were poor, my parents knew that their children would have a better life than they did. They knew that we would have choices — so many choices. Dreams were important…and they could become our reality.

For a large number of families in our country today, that is no longer true.

Across the country, families are struggling, and for the first time in American history, many parents don’t have any hope that the lives of their children will be better than their own. They see the challenges of everyday life and see no way to change their situation or provide a better life for their kids.

Americans feel like freedom is being stripped from them. They no longer feel like they have meaningful choices in their lives. They are desperate for change. And desperate people do desperate things.

I learned this lesson a long time ago. During my first combat tour, I saw firsthand what a lack of meaningful choices can do to a person.

In April of 2003, I found myself in a fighting hole facing north along Highway 7, the main avenue of approach for American forces during the early days of the Iraqi invasion. We had just survived the first major contact in the war in a place called Nasiriyah where Marines had been ambushed and we had fought our way through the city to set up a position to the north. My guys and I were exhausted, hungry and on edge.

Southern Iraq at the time was extremely impoverished, and there was a severe lack of food. As we moved through the south, regular Iraqi troops had been retreating to make a final stand in Baghdad while Iraqi paramilitary troops called Sadaam Fedayeen were going hut to hut in desperately poor rural villages, recruiting poor farmers to fight us. They would promise food and money if the farmers would fight, and if they chose not to fight, they would rape and murder their families right in front of them. These farmers had no choices at all — they could watch their children starve to death or pick up a weapon they didn’t know how to use and go fight a people they knew nothing about. Those conditions set the stage for an event that would change my life forever.

As I walked the lines checking on my guys, I looked up and saw a vehicle rapidly approaching our position from the north. The enemy had just started using cars loaded with explosives to run into our positions. We thought it was a suicide bomber who had packed explosives in the car, so I grabbed three of my guys and we started running toward the vehicle to get it to stop.

Finally, the car stopped about fifty meters away, and the driver, a gaunt, young Iraqi man, jumped out of the car and began running towards us frantically waving his arms. I thought that he must have strapped a bomb to himself, so I sprinted towards him and raised my weapon. Suddenly, a black military vehicle drove up and stopped behind the man’s car. Six men in black jumped out and began shooting into his car. The Iraqi man stopped in his tracks, turned around, screamed, and began sprinting back towards his car. It was then that I realized what was happening — this man was just one of those poor farmers who didn’t want to fight, and he was trying to escape across our lines to safety with his family.

I yelled at my guys to take out the Fedayeen, but it was too late. By the time I reached the man’s vehicle, his wife lay dead in the passenger seat — she had been shot in the face and in the chest. He had a baby in the back seat whose arm had been shot off and she had been shot in the head. He knelt on the asphalt next to the car — sobbing and cradling the body of his 5-year-old girl who had been shot in the stomach and was choking on her own blood.

For the first time in the war, everything slowed down for me, and I put myself in this man’s shoes. I thought to myself, “I live in a world of choices. Where do I want my kids to grow up? What do I want them to have for breakfast? Where do I want them to go to school?”

What were this guy’s choices when he woke up this morning? He had nothing. He could watch his kids starve to death or fight the Americans with a weapon he didn’t even know how to use. He had no choices.

A fierce anger awoke inside of me…it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that this man and his family had no choices just because of where they were born.

There is real freedom in lasting meaningful choices. That freedom became a battle cry for me and a focus for my life’s work. In the years that followed my time in Iraq, I started an organization called Nuru International that would help extend lasting meaningful choices to families living in desperate conditions in far away places. After Iraq, I continued to see again and again how a lack of meaningful choices fueled violence and instability in places like Somalia, DRC, Nigeria, Ethiopia and Kenya.

I lived in these remote communities overseas for years — working with courageous leaders on my team and courageous leaders in the community to fight extreme poverty and give families real choices as alternatives to supporting violent, oppressive extremist groups attempting to exploit them and their children. Time and again I saw desperation transform to hope as moms and dads began to have real choices again for their children.

Not in a million years did I ever think that I would see the same desperation in the eyes of American citizens. But people are people, and that same lack of meaningful choices that plagued the farmers I worked with overseas is now bringing our own country to the brink of instability and violence on a national scale.

In 2015, I moved back to the United States to participate in a new leadership program that I had been selected for. I had been living overseas for almost fifteen years — first as a Marine and then in the villages I worked in with Nuru. When I got back home, I was shocked at what I saw…I did not recognize the country I left to fight for as a Marine. Fear and hatred was tearing the country apart, and many citizens, leaders, businesses and media companies had divided themselves into two warring factions — the Republicans and the Democrats.

I was an outsider coming back to the home I loved after many years, and I could not have been more disheartened by what I saw. My friends and I had been downrange fighting for the idea that America stands for — the freedom of lasting meaningful choices for everyone, everywhere — only to come home to see that it wasn’t going to be Al Qaeda or ISIS or China that would destroy our democracy and the American way of life…it was going to be us.

Americans had lost their voice. They had lost the ability to make the lives of their children better. They had lost their freedom of meaningful choices. And it was the system and the leaders leading that system who were failing them. Americans had lost their trust in the institutions that are supposed to protect and preserve the American dream — to protect and preserve their fundamental freedoms and the American way of life.

They had lost their faith and trust in the leaders who are supposed to represent them. They watched as these leaders pandered to corporations, wealthy donors and other special interest groups, and then turned a blind eye to the needs of the families who elected them. Their leaders lied to them repeatedly — fabricating falsehoods and conspiracies in order to tap into the anger and frustration their people feel just so that they can hold onto power and prestige.

Americans had lost faith and trust in the news media. Newsrooms that once could be depended on to report truth and facts had descended into a world of spin, deception, and sensationalism to drive ratings and profit. A lack of empathy and an increasingly tone deaf attitude of condescension and elitism from these same newsrooms had pushed Americans into the arms of fringe groups and charlatans who pose as actual news outlets as they fuel viewers’ frustrations, loss of agency and feelings of disenfranchisement.

They had lost faith and trust in law enforcement. In some communities, parents were afraid to let their children walk to the store to pick up groceries for fear that their child would be shot because of a misunderstanding exacerbated by the color of their skin. They no longer believed that the authorities would protect them — nor that they would get equal justice under the law.

Citizens across the country of every color, race and creed…in cities, small towns, farms, and suburbs — all felt like they had lost their voice. They were desperately crying out for change but felt as if they were screaming into the wind.

That was only a couple years ago. A lot has happened since then. As you are seeing in the news, things have gotten worse, and we are now standing on the brink of instability and violence. America is at a dangerous crossroads, and it is our leaders who have brought us here.

As I watched events play out last week, I saw authorities beginning to charge and prosecute various individuals who helped coordinate and carry out the assault on Capitol Hill. Are they really the ones to blame? Of course, we all must be held accountable for the things we say and do, but are these Americans the real culprits here?

For months now, these Americans have been living in a world where the celebrity leaders they watch and listen to in the media, their elected Representative and Senators in Congress, and the President of the United States himself have all been lying to them consistently day, after day, after day. They have been told repeatedly by these leaders that the 2020 Presidential election was rigged, that it was a complete fraud, that their vote has been stolen from them and that Donald Trump actually won the election in a landslide victory. They have been told that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are leading a socialist revolution that will turn America into a communist state — stripping them of their freedom, of their faith, of their family, and of their way of life.

These are all proven lies, and the leaders in government, business and the media who are spreading these lies know that the stories they are telling the American people are false. But they don’t care. Anger is good for ratings. Anger is good for political fundraising. Anger is good for turning out the vote. They don’t care about the truth. They don’t care about the American people or democracy or doing the right thing. They are doing it for one reason and one reason only…they crave power.

But now imagine if you were one of those Americans. Imagine that’s all you heard every day from leaders you trusted. Imagine if they were telling you that evil communists were stealing the country you love away from you forever and that your children were going to suffer? Imagine how those parents must feel? If I was one of those parents, I would be furious, and I would be afraid for you. I would feel desperate, and I would begin wondering whether or not I should take things into my own hands in order to protect you and mom. Now multiply that feeling and desperation by millions, and we end up with a large group of American citizens who are desperate for change and feel trapped.

So, whose fault is this?

The current crisis that America faces is the fault of power-hungry leaders who have lied again and again for their own gain…leaders who are unwilling to do the right thing…leaders who are afraid to admit that they were wrong. And now, those leaders must be held accountable for their actions so that we can start to pull our nation back from this dangerous precipice we are approaching.

There are those who would say that some of these leaders didn’t know that the information they were passing to their people was full of lies and conspiracy theories, or they would say that these leaders received enormous pressure to just go with the flow of deception and lies.

That is not an acceptable excuse. There is no acceptable excuse. Leaders have a really tough job. That’s too bad, it comes with the territory.

A leader’s job is to seek truth and act on it / not follow trending ideas on Parler, Facebook and Twitter.

A leader’s job is to step out from the herd and do the right thing / not follow others like a mindless lemming too weak to think for themselves.

A leader’s job is to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. I’ll do better.” / not double down on the terrible mistakes they made and pass the blame to others.

There is no excuse for the leaders who led us into this crisis, and in order for us to heal as a nation, these leaders must be held accountable for their lies and deception. Yes, forgiveness is important, but leadership is about owning responsibility for your mission and your people. As a leader, you must own your mistakes. And if leaders refuse to own their mistakes, then we the people must hold them accountable. If individuals are going to be held accountable for events like the Capitol assault of January 6th, then we must start at the top with our leaders.

But beyond holding our leaders accountable for their actions, we the American people must find our agency again in order to heal our nation. We need to find our voice. American democracy is a system of government of the people, by the people and for the people. We must use our voice and power to change the American political system so that our government can actually function for the people. We must use our voice and power to elect leaders who will put the country ahead of their own interests…leaders who will protect and preserve the freedom of lasting meaningful choices for the American people.

All Americans..regardless of age, gender, hometown, color of skin, political party, or religion…all Americans must fight right now for our democracy if we want to save it. This is our country, and it’s ours to take back. We must come together to heal, and healing cannot happen if we insist on judging others based on their worst moments while we judge ourselves based on our best intentions. We must learn to forgive each other. This healing won’t happen on its own. No one is coming to save us. It’s ours to do, ours to act, ours to choose. We all must do our part. There are simple actions that we all can take each day.

Tell the truth.

Choose to love.

Serve one another.

Learn to apologize.

Listen more, talk less.

Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Choose to see the best in other people.

Trinity, we have the power to save it. We have the power to turn our country around. As we find our voice again and the freedom of meaningful choices is restored, we can heal the divide and become the nation we were founded to be. Only then will we finally deliver on the promise of America to all who wear the American identity and to the rest of the world.

And only then will I feel at peace about the nation I will leave to you…a nation where your dreams, too, can one day become your reality.

Love always,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

I sat here and watched the cursor blink on and off on my computer screen for what seemed like an hour before I could start this letter. How do I explain to you what happened today?

I am full of emotions right now…disappointment, rage, confusion…and above all, a heavy curtain of sadness. I feel an overwhelming sense of loss — like the passing of an old friend I have known and loved for many years.

It has been a dark day for American democracy.

The events of today left me stunned. I was on a call with one of my team members, discussing the 12 and 140 from my last letter to you. We were talking through the various consequences that could transpire as a result of these leaders seeking to overturn the election results and reject the electors, when he suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

“Are you watching this?” he said with alarm. “They just said they’re evacuating the Vice President and Speaker. It must be some sort of bomb scare.”

There was a long pause. We tried to continue the meeting. Then another interruption: “Shots fired in the Capitol?!” he said in amazement.

We stopped and turned toward our monitors and phones to watch as cameras depicted an angry, frenzied mob — some carrying weapons — overrunning an undermanned, ill-equipped team of Capitol Police in an all-out assault on the Capitol Building — the home of the United States Congress, the “People’s Branch” of government. The United States Capitol building had not been breached since the British set fire to it in August of 1814.

We watched in disbelief as rioters climbed the walls, broke through windows and ransacked Member offices. Members, their staff and journalists hunkered down inside a locked chamber as Capitol Police barricaded the door and drew their weapons, aiming in on rioters attempting to shatter the windows and break into the chamber.

“So, it’s finally come to this,” I thought. I felt as if I was watching part of me dying right before my eyes.

We quickly ended the meeting. I stayed glued to my monitor trying to figure out what was happening as events played out on the screen. Fear, chaos and confusion were rampant.

My phone buzzed as an alert came through with a message from Mayor Bowser mandating a city-wide curfew for D.C. from 6pm until 6am the next day. I looked outsides as fleets of police cruisers raced past our house down 16th Street heading toward the Capitol.

I somberly walked out to the garage to make sure we had the go-bags prepped in the car in case your mom and I needed to leave quickly tonight. I’ve been missing you a lot lately, Trin, but tonight, I’m glad that you are safe with family in Texas. It looks like it could be a long night.

How did we get here? Is this the country that my friends and I and so many other brave men and women in uniform fought so hard to defend?

I had seen this story play out before…but not here. Not in our home. Not in America.

My thoughts flashed to December 27, 2007 when I found myself sprinting through the streets of Nairobi, Kenya alongside my friend Boke — our hearts pounding, as an angry mob of hundreds closed in behind us with machetes and AK-47s.

Kenya had been the shining star of democracy in East Africa before that fateful day when an election gone poorly and lies and conspiracies seeded by elected leaders caused violence to explode across the country as hundreds of thousands of Kenyans rose up in frustrated dismay and rage — seeking to violently take back what their leaders told them had been stolen from them.

Over 1,000 men, women and children lost their lives and 600,000 were displaced from their homes in the dark days that followed.

I never dreamed that I would see fear and divisiveness like that here at home on our own shores.

An overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me as I watched the mob in the occupied Capitol grounds. This was the representative seat of American Democracy…the symbolic center of power for the very people who now seemed bent on destroying it.

Then, slowly…like a small spark that grows into a blazing forest fire, my sadness turned to rage. This is what happens when we do not value moral courage in our leaders. This is what happens when we compromise and accept leaders who trade virtue and integrity for expediency and short-term gains.

I thought back to the words I wrote to you less than a week ago in a letter about the 12 and 140:

“…but today, I need to talk with you about the actions that our leaders are taking right now as I write this letter — actions that jeopardize everything that we have fought so hard to protect and preserve. Actions that, as I read the headline in my newsfeed, gave me a sinking feeling in my chest and confirmation that the idea of America is truly in danger…I want you to understand the importance of moral courage — of doing the right thing when it’s hard. And I want you to see what happens to leaders when moral courage is replaced by cowardice. I want you to be able to recognize the difference between a leader who is showing true country-first courage and strength and one who is being a self-interested coward wrapped up in a nice bow of flowery patriotic language when the TV cameras are on.”

Today, sadly, you are seeing what happens to leaders when moral courage is replaced by cowardice. We are witnessing a dark chapter in American history, and it is our leaders — not an angry mob — who got us here.

Earlier in the day, I watched one of those leaders, President Donald Trump, stand behind a podium in front of the White House and deliver a rage-filled rant full of disproven lies and conspiracy theories — purposefully inciting thousands of struggling, hard-working Americans to revolt against the very institutions that protect and provide for their freedoms.

He lied to them — telling them that he was their only hope, that he was the last thing standing between them and the destruction of all that they hold dear — their freedom, their families, their faith and their way of life.

He lied to them telling them that their voice and their rights had been stripped from them. He harnessed their anger and frustration all for his own selfish gain.

“You will never take back your country with weakness,” the President said. “So we’re going to, we’re going to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue…and we’re going to the Capitol and we’re going to try and give our Republicans, the weak ones, because the strong ones don’t need any of our help, we’re going to try and give them the kind of pride and boldness that they need to take back our country.”

And walk down Pennsylvania Avenue they did — leading to an open assault on the seat of American democracy — recklessly endangering the lives of his Vice President, 535 Members of Congress, their staff and journalists and ending the lives of five Americans within the Capitol building itself…all while he retreated like a coward to the White House to watch events that he set in motion unfold on television from behind his protected walls.

Today as I was writing this to you, one of my old friends sent me a note about today’s events that I want to share with you. Billy is like a brother to me — an infantry Marine I was humbled to serve with during combat operations in 2003. His note to me was powerful, and I think his words do an excellent job describing the actions today of President Trump and the 12 and 140.

“I have a single, haunting memory from Iraq that keeps creeping into my mind as I have watched the events of today unfold.

I was walking through my fitness facility at work, talking with the guys getting their workout in, and they happened to have the OAN network on the big screen. They had all paused to watch President Trump addressing the crowd outside — posturing with empty rhetoric and anger, and I just thought, “This guy…no good can come of this.” And then we all saw what followed…

I was immediately reminded of an experience I had in Iraq in 2004.

After you and I parted ways in 2004, Jim Gray and I were tasked with standing up an Iraqi Commando Academy outside of Ramadi. One of my greatest frustrations came each and every Friday afternoon when insurgents would sneak in with numbers of Iraqi families going to midday prayer. These agitators would deceive families with lies and fabricated stories about us — inciting them to fight and expel us by any and all subversive means. These fiery speeches would be followed by rocket and mortar attacks, and angry mobs assaulting us with everything from SKSs to RPGs. But do you know who wasn’t in the fray that followed? The agitators. They had run back to Zarqawi, to tell the boss “they done good” while those innocent Iraqi families they had lied to did their dirty work.

As I watched this stuff play out today, I couldn’t escape an awful thought, “I just watched the President of the United States lower himself completely to the level of scumbag agitator.”

Regardless of the person, it’s just such a difficult thing to watch — to see our Commander-in-chief take that sacred office and turn it into something comparable to those cowardly actors we fought so hard against in Iraq.”

This is what happens when leaders act in cowardice and self-interest. This is what happens when power and greed replace honor, courage and self-sacrifice.

It’s now Saturday morning as I finish this letter to you. Five Americans are dead because of the assault on the Capitol — including one Capitol Police officer. They are dead, not as a result of a suicide attack from an ISIS or Al Qaeda operative. They are dead as a result of actions taken by cowardly, narcissistic American leaders who tried to use the events of January 6th to gain power and prestige for themselves.

Leadership is a two-sided coin. Yes, leadership comes with power and authority, but it also comes with the heavy burden of responsibility, accountability and duty. Our leaders must understand that power and authority exist only to bring about positive change and results in the lives of those they lead. Real leaders understand that they must be held accountable for the actions they take — and for the actions they fail to take. Real leaders don’t blame others for their own mistakes and failures. Real leaders give credit to their teams when things go well and take full responsibility for failure when things go poorly.

Men and women who lead with these principles and values in the forefront inspire others to do good in the world. They are able to bring about change that transforms lives and communities for the better. They are able to secure freedom, heal division, find truth and ensure that justice prevails.

I want you to remember this day. Remember that leadership really matters, and words have consequences. When leaders, blinded by power and ambition can’t see beyond their own self-interest, it is their people who pay. It is their people who suffer.

There is no excuse for the terrible leaders who lied and deceived and led America to the brink — political leaders, business leaders and media leaders. These are the names you will read in the history books years from now: Donald Trump. Ted Cruz. Josh Hawley. John Kennedy. Cindy Hyde-Smith. Cynthia Lummis. Roger Marshall. Rick Scott. Tommy Tuberville. These are the names who will be remembered for betraying the American people and attempting to lead us down a path of self-destruction for power, greed, and ratings.

But there is another side to this coin. Trying times of crisis serve as the fire that can reveal true character and courage. There are other names I want you to remember: Adam Kinzinger. Mike Gallagher. Liz Cheney. Mitt Romney. History will remember these names too, but for a different reason. These leaders will be remembered as those who had the moral courage to stand up against the President and their political party leadership and do the right thing. I may disagree with these leaders on many issues, but in this moment, when it really mattered most, they chose the side of democracy. They chose to tell the truth and serve the American people and the Constitution of the United States instead of serving their own political interests.

My heart breaks for America tonight. But I am a man of hope, and I believe we can come back from this. This week is a wakeup call for all of us — starting with me. I had taken American democracy for granted. But our liberal democracy is fragile. It can only survive and remain intact through the virtue and deliberate actions of its citizens and those who represent them. That means us.

Americans are strong and resilient. We are the comeback kid nation. We are the scrappy revolutionaries who overthrew an oppressive monarch. We defeated fascism and communism together. We are a people who never quit…a people who relentlessly pursue justice and the freedom of lasting meaningful choices for all who wear the American identity — regardless of what we look like or where we come from.

We have been beaten and knocked down in this last season. But now it’s time for Americans to get back up. It’s time to throw off the chains of hate, fear and division that demagogues and cowards have used to shackle us for too long and rise together to find common ground as a nation.

Don’t give up on America, Trinity. This is your country. This is my country. Let’s get back up tomorrow and make it better.

Love always,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

This afternoon, I saw a headline hit my newsfeed that made me very nervous for you and your future. It made me very nervous for all of us.

I had planned on writing to you about leadership this week. I had planned on telling you about my many mistakes that I have made throughout my life as a leader and what I learned from those mistakes. I will certainly tell you those stories one day soon, but today, I need to talk with you about the actions that our leaders are taking right now as I write this letter — actions that jeopardize everything that we have fought so hard to protect and preserve. Actions that, as I read the headline in my newsfeed, gave me a sinking feeling in my chest and confirmation that the idea of America is truly in danger. I write this letter to you today because the events that will take place next week will definitely impact you, both now and in the coming years.

In my letter today, I want you to understand the importance of moral courage — of doing the right thing when it’s hard. And I want you to see what happens to leaders when moral courage is replaced by cowardice. I want you to be able to recognize the difference between a leader who is showing true country-first courage and strength and one who is being a self-interested coward wrapped up in a nice bow of flowery patriotic language when the TV cameras are on.

Let me start here by saying that in my letters to you, I work deliberately to communicate the importance of what it means to be an American citizen — not talking to you about the power of a certain conservative or liberal ideology, but about the power and potential that the idea of America represents. I want to teach you the importance of coming together around the common ground that makes us all Americans. I want to teach you about the beauty of our differences and the unique opportunity we have as a nation to be a positive force in the world around us.

I am not writing this letter to seek validation or approval from some political scientist, pundit, politician or journalist. I am writing these words to you — to my daughter and fellow American. I write these words to you because I love you, and you have a right to know what is happening to the country you will inherit.

I’m not writing these words to you as a Republican or Democrat. My political party affiliation has nothing to do with the words and lessons I want to teach you because, at the end of the day, the political party one belongs to has nothing to do with being a good or bad person. It has nothing to do with being a smart or ignorant person. It has nothing to do with being a patriot or a traitor.

I grew up as a Republican. I used to vote as a Republican. I am now an Independent. I am conservative in some of my views and liberal in others. I don’t have a political party now because I believe that the leadership in both parties have become huge contributors to many of the problems that our country faces today.

I don’t choose political sides in my letters to you — you and I have no time for that in our conversations. Frankly, we have no time for that as a nation. It is the “two sides” that have stripped away the voice of the American people, and we as one people, one voice, must take it back.

It is from this place that I write to you today. The words that follow are not an indictment of Republican voters or Democratic voters — I have deep bonds of love, friendship and respect forged through blood, sweat and tears with patriots who come from both camps. These words are also not intended to be an indictment of a political party. Instead, my words are an indictment of specific leaders, and their failure to act with moral courage in service to the Constitution and the American people — leaders who are purposely creating a crisis that we may not be able to recover from.

Now, to that article that I saw in my newsfeed.

The article described in great detail how this coming week is going to be a pretty intense week here in Washington. Wednesday, January 6th is shaping up to be a day for the history books. On Wednesday, 12 U.S. Senators and 140 Members of the House of Representatives plan to contest and try to overturn the election of President-elect Joe Biden. President Trump has continued to tell Americans that it was a rigged election and “he won big,” and he has been inciting protests on the same day — encouraging tens of thousands of his supporters to descend on Washington, D.C. for as he puts it, a “wild time” to try to prevent Congress from announcing Joe Biden as the next President of the United States. Leaders of popular podcasts and major news media personalities are calling for President Trump to invoke the Insurrection Act — an action that would declare martial law to overturn the election results and, in effect, carry out a coup to take over the government. There are even leaders calling for people to rise up in arms and revolt, calling for a second civil war.

Trinity, I want you to hear me when I say…this is not leadership. This is not strength. This is cowardice, and there is sadly no other word that better describes the act of these leaders.

To these leaders, the words they use are just rhetoric intended to drive their popularity in the polls and increase their hold on power. Most of them don’t even believe their own words. They are using lies, conspiracy theories and false promises to enrage and radicalize hard-working Americans who are struggling to get by and just provide for their families.

But what they fail to understand is that their words have terrible, long-lasting consequences. They are turning us against one another. They are tearing apart families and life-long friendships. These leaders are taking actions with one set of interests in mind — their own…not the interests of the Americans they represent and certainly not the greater interests of the nation as a whole.

I’ve struggled with how to explain to you what has begun unfolding in our country since our conversation we had about American Democracy late into the night on November 3rd.

To fully understand the crisis that these leaders are placing the American people in, I want to explain how our President is elected. Last year, in your Democracy class, you learned about the Electoral College. The Electoral College and the period between Election Day (the day most Americans cast their vote for President) and Inauguration Day (the day the President is sworn into office) can be a rather tough process to understand. I want to break the 2020 Presidential election process down for you into eight steps and explain to you the facts of what has happened so far in this process, so that you can see how important it is to have country-first leaders at all levels of our government to execute their duties with strength and moral courage. The steps in the process to elect our President and the facts of that process in the 2020 election are as follows:

1. Parties select electors. In every state, the major political parties select representatives called electors. Every state is represented by a number of electors equal to their number of representatives in Congress. So, for example, Texas has 38 electors: 2 for its U.S. Senators and 36 for its number of Representatives in the House. In Texas, the Republican party will select 38 electors and the Democratic party will select 38 electors.

2. The people vote. On November 3rd, registered voters in every state cast their vote for who they wanted the next President to be. This vote can be made in person at what’s called a polling station on election day (or during periods of early voting), or the vote can be sent in the mail. Your mom and I are examples of these two options — Mom voted on a paper ballot early and I dropped it off at one of the polling stations, and I went into the polling station on election day to cast my vote in person.

3. The votes are counted. After the polls closed on Election Day, all the votes were counted to see who got the most votes. Citizens who volunteered their time to work at polling stations had to work very long hours until all the votes had been carefully counted / The American people voted, and across the country, 81 million votes were cast for Joe Biden, and 75 million were cast for President Donald Trump.

4. Candidates can legally challenge the count. Between November 3rd and December 8th, each Presidential candidate was allowed to challenge the election results in court if the candidate thought the vote had been unfair. The candidate must produce evidence to prove that the vote has been unfair in order to affect the outcome of the election / President Trump and his campaign challenged the election results in 60 state level court cases around the country — saying that there was widespread fraud in the election. President Trump lost 59 of the 60 court cases. The judges presiding over these courts were appointed by both Democrats and Republicans — many by President Trump himself. The President and his allies then wanted the United States Supreme Court to weigh in on two separate cases to completely overturn election results in four states. The Supreme Court, which consists of six conservative justices (three who were appointed by President Trump) and three liberal justices — rejected and threw out both cases. On November 13th, President Trump’s own Department of Homeland Security declared that the 2020 Presidential Election was the most secure in American history — stating that, “There is no evidence that any voting system deleted or lost votes, changed votes, or was in any way compromised.”

5. State governments certify the vote and choose electors. By December 8th, the vote count had to be finalized. The State governments certified the election results and chose the electors for their state. Certification just means they had to ensure and declare that the election was carried out in a secure, fair, and transparent way. The vote count was finalized and certified, and they announced the candidate who won the most votes. If the candidate who won the most votes was a Republican, the State government selected the Republican electors. If the candidate who got the most votes was a Democrat, then the State government selected the Democratic electors. This process happened in a similar fashion in every state except for Nebraska and Maine (who select their electors in a slightly different manner that I won’t bore you with here) / By December 8th, every state government (Republican-controlled and Democratic-controlled) had certified the vote in their state and selected the electors to represent their people at the Electoral College. President Trump and his allies put pressure on several Republican state legislators to overturn the will of the people in their states and declare him the winner instead. They refused to do so.

6. Electors cast their votes for the President. On December 14th, the electors from each state met at their state capitals around the country and cast their vote for the candidate who won the most votes in their state. The results of that vote were sent to Washington, D.C. to Congress for an official count / On December 14th, the Electoral College met and cast their votes. Joe Biden won 306 electoral votes, and Donald Trump won 232 electoral votes.

7. Congress counts the votes and announces the winner. On January 6th, the Senate and the House of Representatives will meet in a joint session led by the Vice President of the United States. They have one job to do in that meeting — to count the number of votes cast by the electors around the country — confirming the will of the American people. The Vice President will then announce the candidate who receives 270 or more electoral votes (a majority of the total 538 electoral votes possible) as the winner of the election and the next President of the United States / This is the meeting during which the 12 and 140 intend to challenge the election results and overturn the will of the American people.

8. Winner is sworn in as President. On January 20th, the candidate who receives 270 or more electoral votes as confirmed by Congress will be sworn into office as the next American President.

The 2020 election was not rigged. There was no mass election fraud. There were most likely isolated incidents of fraud on a very small scale (as there are in every election), and those incidents should be investigated rigorously to make our system better, but there is absolutely no credible evidence that supports a rigged election or large-scale voter fraud that could have even come close to changing the outcome of the election. This has been confirmed both by the courts and by investigations carried out by President Trump’s own Administration.

Our election officials in both parties did a heroic job. We the people did a heroic job as well — turning out in record numbers across the country to fulfill one of the most important responsibilities we have as American citizens — to exercise our right to vote. A defining feature of a liberal democracy is that the people get to elect their own leaders.

The American people have spoken. And they have spoken definitively. Joe Biden won the election. Donald Trump lost the election. Donald Trump and the 12 and 140 are now attempting to overturn the will of the American people.

In every election, there are winners and there are losers. Historically, one of the things that separates American Democracy from so many other forms of government is how our leaders act when they lose. In America, after an election, the loser admits defeat, congratulates the winner, and we all continue to grow and move forward. The losing side picks itself up and continues to work together with the winning side to lead the nation — remembering that at the end of the day, we’re all Americans who genuinely love this nation…no matter what side you are on. If the loser fails to act with courage and dignity and admit defeat, there are terrible consequences for democracy.

I lived for many years in other countries where leaders and governments do not lose well, and I saw these consequences firsthand. Many times, the leaders who lose an election refuse to admit defeat. In doing so, these leaders plunge the people of their nation into endless strife and civil war. Millions of innocent people suffer horribly as powerful, narcissistic elites scramble to hold onto their positions so they can continue to personally benefit from their seats of power.

As I watched the headlines today and thought about our leaders — those 12 U.S. Senators, the 140 Members of the House of Representatives and the President — I couldn’t help but see a dark reflection of the narcissistic leaders in other countries who I had witnessed burn it all down for their own power and political gain.

In order for our system in America to hold, the losers of our elections must hear the voice of the people and admit defeat. They must concede. They must recognize that the winners won so we have a peaceful change of power and we can all move on with our lives. The great thing about American Democracy is that, even if we lose, we get to elect our President every four years. If enough people think the President does a bad job, we are not stuck with him. We can fire him — we have the power to hold him accountable and vote him out.

I have great friends and family members who voted for Joe Biden. I have great friends and family members who voted for Donald Trump. Great Americans voted for the winner of the election, and great Americans voted for the loser of the election. It sucks to lose. But when you lose, you have to admit you lost, learn from it and move on. That’s how we grow as leaders. It’s hard to do the right thing, but taking these important steps as the losing side of an election is the right thing to do — for ourselves and for the country.

Courage and leadership often show up most powerfully during times of loss. The true character of a leader is revealed in defeat, not in victory. Leadership is about doing the right thing when it is hardest, not when it is easiest.

The 12 and 140 and the President are trying to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election — seeking to overturn the voice of the people. These leaders do not care about the 75 million Americans who voted for Donald Trump. They only care about themselves.

They’re not interested in governing. They are not interested in leading. They want to increase their followers on Twitter and their level of celebrity and influence within their party. Many of them want to keep their seat in Congress at all cost. Some of them desperately want to be the next President elected in 2024. All who choose to act on January 6th as they have publicly stated they will, are placing power and personal gain above the interests of their people and the idea of America.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. I believe that the 12 and 140 took their oath of office wanting to serve and help build a better America. Somewhere along the way, power diluted that desire to answer a higher call of duty to serve. Power corrupts. I have certainly made my fair share of missteps as a leader — at times mistaking my own interests for the interests of those I served. But being a real leader means admitting when you make those mistakes. It means doing the hard things when it’s really, really hard. It means putting your own needs and interests aside and serving others.

There is redemption. These leaders can pull America back from the brink of violence and worse. They have a choice. They can still do the right thing on January 6th. President Trump himself could stop all of this fear, division, and suffering by uttering five simple words: I lost a fair fight.

In my new work, I promise you that I am going to do everything in my power to combat the type of leadership fueled by cowardice, narcissism and fear that we are seeing today in the news. I will make mistakes too, but I promise you that I will admit when I am wrong and when I have wronged others. I promise to learn from my mistakes and when I fail, to fail forward. I promise to do the right thing even when it is hard. I promise to relentlessly pursue the healing of a nation and the realization of a promise deferred. I promise to help build, protect and preserve the America that you and your generation deserve to inherit.

There is a better way. We all, as Americans, deserve better. You deserve better. And regardless of what decisions our leaders make in the coming weeks, we the people must never give up the pursuit of that better way.

Love always,

Jake

December 24, 2020

Dear Trinity,

The darkness outside is pretty thick right now. The rain is coming down in sheets. I just looked out the window and saw poor Joe, the mailman, head down against the pouring rain fighting his way up the street on a late night run to try to make sure that our neighbors get last-minute packages for Christmas. It’s been a hard year for Joe and the other postal carriers, UPS drivers, delivery drivers, and on and on.

It’s such a strange time. I’ve been so sad for you that you’re not going to be able to be with the rest of the family this year for Christmas. Your cousins are feeling it too, as are so many other kids this year. All of us — millions of families around the country — will be cut off and isolated this year…divided from one another by a deadly virus that has already killed over 325,000 of us.

But this virus is not the greatest cause of division for Americans this year.

In times past, crises like COVID-19 have brought Americans together. They have made us stronger. The threat of Nazi Germany united the entire country together to defeat fascism and hatred. The attacks on our homeland on September 11, 2001 brought Americans of all shapes and sizes and ideologies together with one voice.

This time it’s different. This time, we are becoming even more divided during the crisis. But it’s not the virus that is dividing us. The cause of our division is the very pillar of strength that has inspired us and pulled us out of so many crises in the past. This time, the cause of our division is our leaders.

Now, there are some brilliant political scientists out there who say that it’s the divisions in our country that have produced the divisive leaders of our time. I believe that is a cop out. It’s a weak excuse. Leaders must lead. They must be held accountable. They must make hard choices and do what is right — even when it may not be in their best interest personally or in the best interest of their political party. Our leaders in Congress and the White House wield enormous power. They must step into their positions with hands trembling and hearts heavy with the burden of standing for and representing the men and women across this nation who exercised their right to choose them to lead.

Our leaders are failing us. Instead of leading from the front during this time of heartbreaking sorrow, the leaders we elected to represent us in the halls of Congress and in the White House are tearing us apart at the seams. As I write these words on Christmas Eve, three thousand Americans are dying from COVID-19 every single day. Millions are without work. And even now, after months of obstruction, bickering and political maneuvering, our leaders still haven’t been able to pass a bill to provide desperately needed assistance to millions of American families who are beginning to lose hope.

Don’t get me wrong — there are courageous, selfless, values-driven leaders at the helm scattered throughout our government, fighting upstream every day to make the lives of Americans better. But today, these heroes are the exception, and not the rule.

The majority of our political leaders are too busy trying to lock in their position of power for another term. They are too busy making sure that “their side” (be it Republican or Democrat), wins and remains in power at all costs. They are too busy spreading lies and conspiracy theories because these falsehoods benefit them and enable them to remain in power. These leaders are too busy becoming famous to solve problems — grandstanding on the Sunday morning cable news shows as they strive to outdo one another by stoking the fires of fear and hatred of the “other side” so that they can personally benefit from fame and power. They blame everyone around them for their own failures. They tear down anyone who stands in their way on Twitter with childish, personal attacks and baseless accusations. They scrape and claw desperately — spreading worse and worse lies in order to remain in power.

It makes me so sad to watch. This is not leadership. This is cowardice. And Americans deserve better. You deserve better.

Our leaders are supposed to solve problems, not create them. They are supposed to celebrate our differences and unite the country…not convince us that we need to wage war with other Americans just because they look or think differently than we do. They have made us forget who we are, and because of their selfish cowardice, the nation is now at a very dangerous tipping point.

But we have been here before as a nation. And just like before, we can heal the divide if we choose to.

Ok, quick history lesson (I know how much you LOVE history). On June 16th, 1858, as Abraham Lincoln campaigned to become a U.S. Senator for the State of Illinois, he famously quoted a Bible verse during one of the most important speeches of his career.

“A house divided against itself cannot stand,” he declared.

He went on to say that the nation would not be able to endure half slave and half free. Lincoln lost that election, but went on to become President of the United States two years later — leading the nation during one of the most divided times in our history. The words that Lincoln spoke that day in 1858 proved sadly accurate as the country descended into one of the worst chapters of American history — ripping itself apart through a civil war that killed over 600,000 of our own.

Today, America is deeply divided. There are only two other times in our nation’s history when we have seen this level of division and fear. The first period of deep division for America was, of course, the period during which Lincoln gave his powerful “house divided speech” in the 1860s when the horrific injustice of slavery was tearing the nation apart. The second time we saw this level of intense division was a time known as the Gilded Age (roughly 1870 to 1900) — a time of unprecedented economic inequality and deep hatred between America’s two political parties.

The first period of division led to horrific violence and bloodshed. The second to a dramatic turnaround as Americans fought to find their voice and pulled the fate of the nation back from the brink of destruction.

These two periods in our history point to two paths that we can now take as a nation. After the Gilded Age, reformers rallied the nation to dramatically change the political system — giving more representation and power to the people and eroding the power of extremists and wealthy special interests. We can choose that second path again today.

But who will lead us out of this time of scary division and hatred on all sides? There is a new generation of servant leaders rising up to help lead us down that second path. But we cannot wait for them to gain positions of power to get started. The situation is too urgent and the division too great to wait. We must act now and light the spark. We, the American people have to do it this time.

I believe in Americans. I believe in the values and principles and ideas that we all share at our core as American citizens. I believe that everyday American citizens can and must begin to lead us out of this.

And that starts with you and me, Trinity.

The problem may seem too big. Too scary. Too impossible. But there are small steps that you and I can take every day to turn the tide. These steps are how you and I start the change:

Love. Be kind to people. Especially when there’s nothing in it for you. And especially to those who haven’t been that nice to you. Fear causes us to want to talk with, hang out with, have fun with and just be with people who look like us, talk like us and think like us. We must break that fear. Love is powerful. It is far more powerful than fear. We tear down fear through simple acts of love. Start small. Give someone who is obviously having a rough day your smile. Say a kind word to someone. Write a short note to cheer someone up. Buy someone a cup of coffee. It doesn’t take much, but acts of love and kindness can break through the noise and melt through someone’s iciness, mistrust and defensiveness.

Tell the truth. The truth matters. Relentlessly search for the truth. Ask tough questions. Don’t lie to avoid uncomfortable situations. Don’t lie to make you or your tribe look good. Don’t lie because it’s easier. Don’t pass lies on to others just because they reinforce your point of view or make you feel good. Strive to know the truth — even when the truth is painful.

Be humble. Today, we are too busy shouting at each other to even begin to understand one another. We are so sure of what we stand against, but I’m not sure we even remember what we stand for. Humility can break that cycle. Listen more, talk less. Don’t interrupt people. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Say you’re sorry. When you hurt someone, reach out to them, admit your mistake and ask their forgiveness.

Be courageous. Courage doesn’t just mean charging a hill to take a machine gun position on the battlefield. Courage under fire is an example of physical courage. Very few people will ever be tested by an occasion that calls for true physical courage, but almost everyone will be tested by a situation that demands true moral courage. Moral courage is simply doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. It is simple to define, but it is extraordinarily difficult to live out. When times get dark and you are confused, stop what you are doing, look deep inside yourself and do the right thing — you’ll know what that is when the time comes.

Don’t be afraid to lead. I have a lot that I want to share with you when it comes to leadership, but we’ll save that for a future letter. For now, I will just say this — great leaders serve other people, not themselves. This nation needs real leaders to step forward like never before in our history. The best leader doesn’t have to be the loudest, strongest or smartest person in the room. She doesn’t have to be the most famous or the most popular. The very best leader is the one who is willing to put the needs of her people ahead of her own needs. That leader inspires people who follow her to accomplish the impossible. Step forward to serve those around you, and lead. As you do, others will follow you.

The division and fear in our country seems so big right now. But that division can be reversed. We can avoid the path our nation went down once before in the echo of Lincoln’s sobering warning in 1858. We can choose the higher path. We can heal as a people. But it starts with you and me.

In times of uncertainty, love in action defeats fear and paralysis. Use your voice. You are powerful. Act in love. Act in hope. Act with courage. And together we can start a revolution that can heal a nation.

Love always,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

It was dark this morning as I carried my coffee from the kitchen to my desk and eased into the new chair that you and mom got me for Christmas. I finished my workout early this morning because I was eager to get started on my next letter to you. I took a deep breath and just sat for a few moments, feeling the quiet peacefulness around me that filled the house in those early morning hours.

Where do I start? There is so much to say — so much I want to tell you. The memories and ideas flooded in and out of conscious thought as I wrestled with where to begin.

As I slowly sipped my coffee in the morning stillness, searching for a bit of inspiration, I noticed the dark forms outside the window over my shoulder beginning to take shape — as leaves, branches, trees, and dueling squirrels slowly came into focus and the early morning darkness turned from gray to blue to purple to pink on the horizon — signaling that we most likely would get that snow storm today that everyone had been talking about.

For a moment, the sun began to poke through the clouds on the horizon and a small glint of light caught my eye. I looked up from my steady gaze out the window and followed the reflecting light to its source. My eyes came to rest on the recon paddle hanging on the wall next to my desk. I watched as the first rays of sunlight danced across the small plaque, wings and bubble carefully mounted on the blade of the paddle.

“That’s a good place to start,” I thought.

As I gazed at the paddle, a wave of memories began washing over me, bringing with them the intensity of emotion and heart-pounding rawness of the moments that created them.

I’m not one to hang things on my wall. I don’t keep momentos. That paddle is my one exception. It’s probably the most important thing that I own — not because of any monetary value, but because of what it represents.

When I was in the Marine Corps, one of the units that I had the privilege of serving in was First Force Reconnaissance Company. In the Marine recon community, we have a tradition that when you transition out of the unit, your teammates present you with a wooden paddle. But this isn’t just any old paddle. Your team works diligently for hours (sometimes days or weeks) carefully decorating your paddle with the celebrated symbols of your unit, objects and icons that make the paddle unique to you, and personalized (often hilarious) messages from your Marines engraved on the paddle.

The tradition of the recon paddle goes back to the old Marine Raider Battalions of World War II. Marine Raiders were often charged with taking a beach against incredible odds using small rubber boats to infiltrate enemy defenses under cover of darkness. As part of the unit, each Marine Raider would be issued his own paddle. When the Marine left the unit, his teammates would decorate his paddle with symbols and messages honoring the departing Marine and his record of combat service in the unit.

As is the tradition, on my final day at the unit, my team threw a party to say goodbye and present my paddle to me. In a sort of unofficial ceremony, my friends and brothers stood around the bonfire with me and passed the paddle around the circle. As each man took the paddle, he recounted a favorite story about me. A couple of the stories highlighted good things about me and what I’d been able to accomplish while at the unit…but the overwhelming majority of the stories were laughter-filled tales from those teammates who were closest to me that included stories of embarrassing mess-ups and hilarious blunders that I had committed. They told stories of selection (the physical training you have to pass to get into the unit), stories about training, stories from our combat time together, and stories from life moments that we had all shared.

As I listened to each one telling his story, I was overwhelmed by the intense emotion of commitment, loyalty and love that I felt for my team. I sat in grateful silence with a heavy heart as I thought about the bond and trust that I had formed with each one of them — men from all walks of life. That bond had been truly forged in fire.

We had accomplished unbelievable things together. We rejoiced together in victory, and we cried together during times of heartbreaking loss and despair. We hoped together, and we prayed together. We fought side by side, day in and day out — for one another and for the greater virtues and freedoms that we were willing to risk everything to protect.

The men in my team inspired me through their heroic acts — acts both of physical courage when many lives were hanging in the balance and acts deliberately done in quiet moments of extraordinary moral courage when integrity and truth were on the line. The men I served with lived by a code. They did not think of themselves as they fought, as they toiled, as they sacrificed for a nation they hoped to make better with each breath they took in. They were my brothers, and they would remain a key pillar of strength for me throughout my life.

We laughed and told stories late into the night until the last embers of the bonfire burned out. It was a rowdy, fun and emotionally bittersweet moment for me…a moment that is seared into my memory for life. I see their faces — some of them no longer with us. They believed in America and the hope it could bring to the world. They knew the fight to protect and defend it was worth it, and they left it all on the field.

In writing these letters to you, this was the world that I was most hesitant to let you in on. My time as a Marine in combat in Iraq is a hard thing to talk about — especially with those you love. War is hard. It is complex. But part of knowing me…the real me…is understanding that part of my life. My experiences in combat with my fellow Marines helped shape and mold me into the leader and man that I am today and the father I want to be for you.

Many friends and loved ones have asked me over the years why my men and I chose to fight in war. They ask me why I chose to step forward to volunteer for a job that could end me — permanently ripping me from this world and taking me away from them. I think it’s important for you to know the answer to that question.

First, let’s talk about things we did not fight for. My Marines and I did not choose to fight for a President in the White House. We did not choose to fight for Members of Congress. We did not fight for the Republican Party or the Democratic Party. We did not fight because we were forced to, as some experienced in Vietnam. We did not fight because it was easy and the pay was great — trust me, living in a muddy hole in thirty-four degree freezing rain watching the same small compound for days on end is not exactly a walk in the park.

When I raised my hand and volunteered to serve in the Marine Corps, I swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic.

The Constitution is not based on the person who lives in the White House. It is not based on whether or not Congress is functional or dysfunctional. The Constitution is not based on which political party is better or which one is currently in power.

No. The Constitution is based on a powerful idea.

When people ask me why I fought — I tell them that first and foremost, I fought for the brother on my left and the brother on my right — fighting to make sure that they returned home to the families I knew were waiting for them. But then I tell them that perhaps at a more fundamental level, I fought for that powerful idea the Constitution was based upon. I fought for the idea of America…the idea of America — a nation that stands for the freedom of lasting meaningful choices for everyone, everywhere.

War is a horrible thing. It is one of the worst things that we as human beings can do to one another. Countless lives are lost. Families are torn apart. Young men, women and children become scarred for life — with both visible and invisible wounds. Stories get written in combat that you can’t just simply unwrite.

But there are evil forces in this world — forces that seek to oppress the innocent, to strip away freedom, dignity and hope from those who don’t have the voice or power to stand against them. These forces are a threat to all that is good. They are a threat to all that is right.

There are ideas that are worth fighting for…ideas worth fighting to protect and preserve against those same forces of evil — ideas that, when actualized, have the power to stand strong for freedom, dignity and hope…and win.

America is one of those ideas.

Don’t get me wrong — America as a nation is not perfect. We never have been. The idea of America has yet to match our shared reality as a people. We have made many mistakes as a nation — at times unjustly hurting others and even hurting our own. America has never been truly great for all who have worn the American identity. But the good news is…we could be.

The idea of America is powerful. It’s the idea of a nation where every voice matters and every child gets a shot to make her dream a reality. It is an idea that represents a promise to the rest of the world of what can be.

America is not without its flaws, but it is a powerful idea in transformation. It is an idea founded on a bedrock of values and ideals that do not shift with time. Values and ideals that do not depend on perfect actions from imperfect people — including our nation’s founders. These values and ideals remain unchanged decade after decade, as American heroes continue the never-ending struggle to build that more perfect union — shaping and reshaping the way that our nation interacts with the rest of the world and with its own citizens. Our nation has a rich history of these courageous heroes who stood strong for what is right. These men and women kept the fire and vision alive for what America could one day become — never fully realizing it in their lifetime, but knowing that we could get there.

I am confident that we as a nation can deliver on the promise that America represents. But we cannot rely on others to get us there. We the people are going to have to lead this change. We cannot wait for leaders in Washington to deliver on this promise. Our political system has become too broken, and too many of our leaders have worked to intentionally divide us and make us forget our common ground. They’ve tried to make us forget what unites us and what it even means to be American.

America’s strength and power lie in the striving to become better…in our ability to come together as a people and constantly be learning, changing and growing. And we can be better. There are times throughout our history that have required courage and action from every American. Today is one of those times. Today, we will need to find the hero in each of us to protect the idea of America from those who would tear us apart using fear, power and hatred.

The times seem so dark right now with all the bitter division, fear and confusion. But the darkest part of the night is right before dawn. When I look at you, Trin, I have so much hope for our country. You and your generation will write the next chapter in the story of American heroes — the next generation of champions for the idea of America and the generation that can deliver on a promise and a dream finally fulfilled.

In my old life, I fought for the idea that is America next to men who inspired me to believe that we can do better…that we can be better. America is an idea worth fighting for. Today as I write this, I promise you that I will continue this fight. I will keep fighting for the idea of America…fighting to make a more perfect union — for the men who passed my paddle around that bonfire, for our family and friends, and most importantly — for you.

Love always,

Jake

Dear Trinity,

This letter is the first of what I believe will be a series of letters to you over the coming months. Most likely, you won’t read these until you’re a little older. But I want to write them to you now so that I can get all these words and emotions out as I am feeling them in order to ensure that my words are authentic, raw and real…to ensure that my stories and feelings don’t become polished, smoothed out or otherwise compromised as facts, feelings and stories tend to become with the passing of time.

As you read these words you are probably amused by the fact that I am actually writing you letters. In an age where communication often comes in the form of emojis, abbreviations that I still don’t understand (idk, ig, brb, kk, ty), 280 characters in a post, or a 15-second video, letters may seem completely archaic, or even absurd. We message our friends or each other with our heads down, staring into our phones — even when the person we are messaging is just upstairs or in the next room.

In our world today, we communicate with one another almost as quickly as we can think. In this time of exhilarating speed and rapidly-evolving technology, these letters will probably feel like a painfully slow, inefficient form of communication that interrupts your fast-paced life in a completely annoying, distracting manner. But that is the point.

My hope is that these letters are an annoying, distracting disruption that interrupts you for a time. I pray that they force you to stop for just a second, take a deep breath, and allow me to say things to you that I’ve wanted to communicate to you for five years now. My neglect in not communicating these things to you earlier is my failure as a father. I have been too wrapped up in myself and my own self-important busyness to share parts of me with you and let you know how much you mean to me. I hope to remedy that in part with these letters.

It was Mammy who first taught me the power of letters. She has written letters to me for years. In fact, as I write this, I am looking at a letter she wrote to your mom and me a couple weeks ago. Although at times, her handwriting is less decipherable than hieroglyphics, she always writes the best letters.

When I left our farm in West Virginia at age seventeen, she used to write a letter to me every single week. I’ll admit that in the beginning, I was pretty dismissive of these letters. I was too busy learning new things, meeting new friends and planning on ways that I would make my own impact on the world.

But over time, these letters began to be a comfort to me and a way to stay connected with my family as my adventures in life began to take me further and further away from home. The power of her letters reached their peak during my first combat tour in Iraq.

In the early days of the war, we didn’t get mail, but as the combat trains caught up, I began to get a steady flow of letters from her again. I’ll never forget the calming effect those letters had on me. After reading each one, I would sit with my back against the humvee tire and my rifle across my lap, tear off the cardboard backing of one of my MREs (the food you eat while you’re in the field during military operations) and write a quick note back to her and the rest of my family to let them know that I was still alive and kicking. These short, postcard-type notes never really included any serious reflections from me or description of what was actually happening, but I wanted to send a sort of “proof of life” back home to try to alleviate the worry that I knew everyone who loved me was wrestling with.

I specifically remember after one particularly difficult day, sitting in my shallow, hastily-dug fighting hole next to our humvee as I read one of her first letters. She was updating me on various challenges and victories in the lives of my brother and sisters. She talked about the farm, Dad, the chickens, and what they would be planting that year.

And then she wrote, “Today was a pretty good drying day.”

I pictured her out in the backyard hanging up the laundry on the clothesline as the wind gently rocked the black walnut trees back and forth over her head. I hadn’t slept in thirty-six hours. My clothes and boots under my chemical protective MOPP gear felt like they were literally rotting off my body in the hundred-degree heat. A sense of dread hung over the team as we thought about the next town we would be clearing ahead. But in that moment, as I read her letter, a peaceful sense of familiarity fell over me. Her words reminded me that there was a whole world happening outside of this war. That people were going about their lives back home and they would continue to do so after the war was over.

The words in Mammy’s letters grounded me and helped me get to know her and connect with her in ways I wasn’t able to as a kid growing up on the farm.

And that brings me now to why I am writing these letters to you.

In the letters that follow, I want to share with you who I am, what I’m all about and what drives me to do the work that I do. I’ve never been very good at letting people in, and over the last five years, I am aware that I’ve done a pretty crummy job of talking with you about my past, what I do, and why I do it. But I love you and your mom more than anything in the world, and that drives my desire to want to change. I want you to know and understand who I am and what makes me…well, me. Vulnerability is hard, but it is an important part of learning how to really love, and I promise you that I am going to do my best. To know and be known is fundamental in building trust and connection as a foundation for love to grow.

I want to share some lessons about life with you that were very painful for me to learn — pain I endured because I was blinded by arrogance, ignorance, or a harmful attitude of self-absorption. You will undoubtedly have to learn from your own missteps in your journey, but my hope is that you can at least avoid some of the traps I fell into along the way.

In these letters, I want to talk with you about the idea that is America and the promise that it represents. I want you to know the power of an idea to do good in the world. I want to share with you why I chose to fight for that idea — why I was willing to die for it. And I want you to understand this new mission that I am pursuing to help preserve and protect that idea.

It’s a confusing time in our country right now. It’s hard to figure out who to believe and who to trust. Misinformation and disinformation coming from all directions make it difficult to know what is real. In the middle of all that mess, I want to do my best through these letters to give you some anchors that you can hold onto.

I want you to see that truth is important — that finding it is hard, but worth the pursuit. Wrestling with what matters most and struggling to learn about, listen to and understand other people is how we grow and heal from wounds we inflict on one another.

I want you to know that real joy and fulfillment in life comes when we can put our own needs and wants aside and learn to truly love and serve others. Both fear and love are powerful forces at work in the world, but love has the strength to break fear and render it powerless.

I want you to know that America is worth believing in. We are in a tough, divided spot right now, but it is worth fixing — it is worth saving. I want to teach you that wearing the American identity isn’t just about a menu of freedoms and opportunities provided to us. Wearing the American identity also comes with a call and responsibility to help to preserve it, protect it, and do our part to make it better.

There’s so much I want to talk about and share with you. I’m excited to get started on this journey. Please have grace with me when I stumble and say the wrong thing (which I inevitably will). The ideas and issues I will talk about in these letters can be tough, but saying the hard thing and being open and willing to wrestle with ideas and perspectives that are different from my own is the straightest path to truth, growth and healing.

I am a flawed, broken man trying to learn to love you and your mom better each day. I will make mistakes, but I commit to growing through them along the way. Admitting our mistakes and learning from them is the first step in becoming stronger for ourselves and those we love. Thanks for your patience. Thank you for loving me, for listening to me, and for inspiring me to continue the fight for what is right every day.

And thank you for reading my letters.

Love always,

Jake