date: December 13, 2019

The Road to Damascus

2020 is approaching and as I look at what’s happening in the world each day it is easy to fall into despair and a kind of constipation of communication. So many issues and details need to be shared and discussed yet I keep wanting to only write about simple, basic things.

My personal ‘road trip to Damascus’ — and by Damascus I include Syria as a whole — has taken many years now and it’s still a journey in progress. I remember when our boys were small and there were certain days of big adventures or big learning and I would look into their eyes and see that their world had gotten bigger that day too.

Why Damascus? Because as Mark Twain wrote after visiting it, “Damascus has seen empires rise and fall and crumble to ruin.” Because of the famous story of Paul heading towards the city to round up, imprison and execute the earliest Christians who were there seeking protection from the Jewish leadership in Jerusalem but instead he became the apostle Paul. Because there is a kind of mysterious pull of an unseen navigator in the spirit as the salmon returning to spawn or tiny hummingbirds flying 500 miles in their migrations.

And because right now Damascus is the epicenter of monumental shifts in the racial, religious and geopolitical realms; it is the center of the storm. It’s not the only storm — they are raging all around the globe as the current empires that had risen are falling and crumbling.

The road to Damascus has shaken down the walls of these empires in my mind at the same time.

The most powerful of these empires in my [truly humble] opinion, is that of the White Man’s World. I’ll never forget years ago, sitting around a table with immigrants from many countries and they were all brown skinned. As I listened to them, I was struck by their wisdom and knowledge … and goodness … and there came this lightning bolt of realization of an unknown prejudice inside me. My God, how blind I had been. It was obvious they were seeking to participate in what is positive in America while being totally aware of and rejecting the negatives. They knew more [real] history than I had ever learned in ‘school’. It grew a hunger inside of me to really learn from people whose skin doesn’t freckle and peel in the sun like mine does and to try to adopt their approach: learn and apply what is good, learn and reject what is bad. The KISS principal as my dad always taught me — keep it simple stupid. In Damascus, I love seeing people’s complexions from very fair to very dark, eyes also blue and brown; it is beautiful.

Another empire that is getting shaken is that of structured, organized religion. I’m not talking about someone having a personal faith (or not as the case may be) but the traditionally power- and wealth-protecting Religions capital R. In Damascus, a person’s faith is their own, where to a large extent (particularly prior to the war) the feuds and power of the organized religions had been weakened while the respect for each person’s personal faith strengthened. Not perfectly so of course but in a measure and mixture I haven’t seen anywhere I’ve traveled in the US or Europe.

And of course there are the geopolitical empires — various axis and alliances — some waning and others waxing. The walls between West and East that have made up the West versus East mentality are crumbling in the minds of many which is putting US (and British) leaders particularly into a panic. The dictatorship of the US dollar over international trade is being resisted and threatened. To bring this around to Syria again I see a strong desire among most to have good relations with the West but only to the point of not being dictated to by it. This desire for good relations though has been as damaged by the US and allies’ terrorist proxy regime change attempt war against the Syrian state as a building getting hit with a $1.2 million dollar Tomahawk missile sadly.

The penalty and punishments for standing up to the US dictators-of-foreign-governments have been horrific and tragic. The price for resistance has been the hemorrhaging of the blood of the people, the destruction of much of their infrastructure and economy, and the devastation of once hopeful dreams. Yet still, the Syrian people welcome visitors, even from America or any of the other countries whose governments have sought to kill theirs. One friend told me about how in their schools they learn to always separate between people and the actions of their governments. Another great lesson along the road to Damascus.

I’m not trying to create a false illusion that Syria is some kind of utopia. In many respects it’s every bit as f***ed up as other countries and in some respects more so. This is the reality whenever there is more than one person in any relationship — meaning societies of people will be messy always. But it is the core, the root of that tree, which is strong — that stays strong and alive no matter what storms are trying to ravage the trunk and branches and leaves.

I’ll end this with what may be the most valuable lesson I’ve learned so far on this road to Damascus:

Syrians are “all in” — few have any choice in the matter to be blunt. They can’t afford to leave and few countries will receive them — tragically ironic as historically and typically Syrians have made the finest of immigrants in countries they’ve gone to over the ages. Yet there are many who refuse to leave and also many who have returned from safer lives to be there during this crisis.

They’ve suffered, mourned, struggled, raged, fought, bled, but through it all I’ve seen something I had never witnessed before on other than an individual level like a friend battling cancer who often was the one cheering up those of us who loved her and not the other way round.

What I’m trying to say is that to be “all in” means not just living in one dimension like the dimension of pain. It means embracing the life that exists as long as there is breath, even if you don’t know if you’ll still be breathing tomorrow.

A dear Syrian friend recently posted these lines from Kahlil Gibran. I’ll leave it here…

“Do not love half lovers
Do not entertain half friends
Do not indulge in works of the half talented
Do not live half a life
and do not die a half death
If you choose silence, then be silent
When you speak, do so until you are finished
Do not silence yourself to say something
And do not speak to be silent
If you accept, then express it bluntly
Do not mask it
If you refuse then be clear about it
for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance
Do not accept half a solution
Do not believe half truths
Do not dream half a dream
Do not fantasize about half hopes
Half a drink will not quench your thirst
Half a meal will not satiate your hunger
Half the way will get you no where
Half an idea will bear you no results
Your other half is not the one you love
It is you in another time yet in the same space
It is you when you are not
Half a life is a life you didn’t live,
A word you have not said
A smile you postponed
A love you have not had
A friendship you did not know
To reach and not arrive
Work and not work
Attend only to be absent
What makes you a stranger to them closest to you
and they strangers to you
The half is a mere moment of inability
but you are able for you are not half a being
You are a whole that exists to live a life
not half a life”

That glow just happens as I try to describe things there — a common experience for travelers to the country actually. I’m not going to try to explain or justify it except to say that oftentimes experiences there are like the difference between eating a commercially grown-for-transport grocery store apple from who-knows-where, and picking a ripe one in an orchard, warm from an autumn sun, and eating it on the spot.

That’s not to say every moment in Syria is like that. There are times, seeing the damage and hearing the gut wrenching stories of the war, that are indescribably hard to absorb. Or getting stuck in traffic in heavy, hot air, for example when it’s just another country with car fumes and blaring horns. But the hard days get soothed and healing happens during special times with friends.

My friend Adel picked me up at my hotel in Bab Touma and we walked for quite a while to get to the home of his friends where the picnic was to be, at one point going through a large fruit and vegetable market, and at another wading thru fast moving traffic under an overpass getting the background on it all along the way. I’m a country girl so whenever I’m crossing serious traffic I always stay ‘downstream’ of any Syrian I’m with as they unperturbedly zig zag among the vehicles.

We arrived…going first through an outer door, a small courtyard, then through inner doors, an impressive foyer-tunnel, finally reaching the inner courtyard of the 800 year old former fortress-palace. Much of the home is damaged from time and a large fire, and remains so because of local laws that have put a prohibition on restoration as the result of developers’ pressure. Yes, there are sadly some in Syria that want ugly strip malls to replace such historical treasures as happens around the world. The damage gave the place a melancholy beauty. The ancient kitchen was particularly impressive and it was easy to imagine the great feasts that would have come from it. Living areas of the family have been modernized and made comfortable however.

In the inner courtyard, the wood was ready to put in the grill and start the fire; then the food started coming out for final preparation: chicken marinated in garlic, citrus juice, green ginger, salt and lemon zest; chunks of lamb and succulent lamb fat; minced lamb with spices; small tomatoes and onions — all to be skewered and grilled. One by one each main course had it’s time on the fire and as they were taken off the heat the skewers were placed in pots with bread, heated on the coals, on top to keep them warm. The sizzling juicy meat right off the grill — I had to test it — was exquisite. My interest in the food was mirrored by the friendly husky!

Added to all that deliciousness was my friend’s “mahammra” made of red pepper paste, pomegranate syrup, garlic, salt, biscuit crumbs, walnuts, olive oil and lemon juice. The red pepper paste and pomegranate syrup he had made himself, being the master cook that he is … also world-traveler, musician, documentary film-maker, historian … a true polymath (think “Renaissance man”) and pragmatic humanitarian — amazing guy! The paste is a mix of sweet and hot red peppers dried in the sun to concentrate their flavors. Pomegranates can be found all over Syria and grow wild there- fabulous — and the syrup made from their fruit is ambrosia. Mahammra is unabashed, potent, sweet-hot flavor and highly addicting. Side dishes from a local market completed the feast.

A bottle of arak, the anise-flavored grape juice based distilled liquor (often home-made) of the region came out, red wine also, but I was advised that arak was the drink of choice for a barbeque. Arak packs quite a punch and I can only handle a small amount! It’s typically mixed with water in whatever ratio the drinker desires which turns it a milky white though some drink it straight. Adel counseled me on how to drink it without getting drunk: the first cup you drink ever so slowly to make the small glass last almost an hour. After that, most people can drink as much as they want to. I didn’t test the theory too far but did sip the first one slowly and true enough the second (and final for me) cup seemed to give no effect at all. I think further research may be required on my part.

The conversation was not of the war and politics, but some of the rest of life — covering the history of the house; the Aleppo culture before the war — particularly the music scene; how Syrians used to enjoy hashish until it was made illegal decades ago; to ‘normal’ talk among the friends who were present switching back and forth between Arabic and English. Some of the time was spent listening to one of the lady’s singing with others joining in parts or quietly drumming with their hands on the table. For many of those moments I just closed my eyes to soak it all up; she has a beautiful clear voice.

Coffee and sweets upstairs in the living areas ended the evening. Only one room of the grand days remained mostly undamaged from the fire. The formal sitting room was darkened from the smoke but still elegant and gorgeous and I was delighted to get some time there. Six hours after I’d arrived I had to leave and was sad to do so, but it was my last night in Syria and wanted to meet a few beloved friends before leaving the next day.

What a special, glowy day to cherish.

Interview with Adnan, former sniper with Ahrar al Sham “rebel” terrorist group.

I was offered the opportunity to interview this man and was thankful for it because this gets into the very heart of the conflict here. The “moderate rebels”, the “freedom fighters” … those armed groups that have been directly supported by my government.

It is ironic perhaps that the group this guy was in is Ahrar al Sham. On my first trip in May 2016, I was heading from a village near Homs to the city. The road at that time was quite dangerous and ‘hot’ because the whole plain from the hills where I’d been to Homs was scattered with ISIS, al Qaeda and many other groups who controlled different villages in the area.

We passed right by a power station on the road and just beyond it is/was an Alawite village called al Zara that was pointed out to me. That morning the people of al Zara were going about a typical day. I remember I waved towards it and said “hello al Zara” for some reason.

We got to Homs. Next day that village was attacked by Ahrar al Sham and al Nusra together. A massacre. Men and women and children slaughtered. One report from someone I consider credible and who has proven accurate always, said the terrorists hung some children up after they had witnessed their parents being killed. They burned them to death.

On another trip, while in Aleppo, was scheduled to go to a refugee center to meet with people coming from eastern Aleppo. The day before we went, Ahrar al Sham and al Nusra bombed buses of Shiite villagers leaving the terrorist-beseiged villages of Kefraya and Foua in Idlib as a prisoner swap deal. 5,000 people were being transported but as a final gesture by the “rebel” terrorists who love “freedom and democracy” they arranged bombs to target some of the buses. They killed over 100 — mostly children. The survivors were brought to the refugee center we were visiting and we got to speak to them. Vanessa Beeley was also there and did important interviews and articles about it.

So all that to say, I personally know something of the character of the group Ahrar al Sham. Again, it’s a group directly supported by the US, Saudi Arabia, Qatar and Turkey as “moderates” who received money, weapons including advanced weaponry, intelligence support, etc. The US has refused throughout the war to designate it as a terrorist group.

Now about Adnan.

He has five children and is from al Waer unlike many of the fighters who were in that suburb who came from all over Syria and some from other countries. As we approached him he was busy welding some decorations onto a door. No eye protection and smoking, he seemed content and even jovial, very willing to talk though somewhat manic. We went into a room next door and began.

Adnan is walking free in al Waer because he accepted reconciliation from the government. As Homs city was being liberated from the many armed groups that had terrorized it for years, fighters moved into al Waer and it became a stronghold that was not fully liberated until 2017 — not entirely via military victory but through this process called “reconciliation”. Basically the offer was that fighters willing to lay down their arms and re-enter civil society or fight for the Syrian Army could do so. Or they could take their families and personal possessions including rifles to Idlib or Jarablus. Most civilians chose to stay and some of the fighters like Adnan as well. Idlib in particular is now populated by tens of thousands of fighters and their families who refused to stop fighting against the government. Many were misled by the terrorist leaders into thinking they would be killed by the Syrian Army if they stayed. Nothing of the sort happened of course which I’ll elaborate on in a future post.

According to all the first hand testimonies I’ve heard, including those in al Waer, as armed groups took over areas the civilized society of Syria was replaced with their violence and rule by sharia law. Minorities were driven out or executed.

You might ask how any rational person would chose to stay in such situations like the civilians who have stayed in terrorist held areas.

How to try to explain this in ways Americans can understand? This is the best I can come up with: imagine you’re a white American and the white supremacist movement has gained momentum thanks to external support from other countries who want to destroy America. These other countries use non stop propaganda to fuel fears among whites that the government and minority groups want all the whites dead. Those other countries bring in massive numbers of weapons and huge stacks of cash to white supremacist leaders and fanatics over the borders of Canada and Mexico. Many whites buy into the whole charade out of fear or feelings of hatred towards minorities. Getting sucked into the mob mentality they begin to view their minority neighbors, even former friends, with distrust and prejudice. The groups take over key cities and ‘purify’ them of minorities. Most whites in the US see this is happening and resist it all but others accept it and stay in their cities and just survive through it because while they don’t like the way the white supremacists are treating them they at least can live and work. Yes, similar to the Nazi ideology.

Replace Sunni supremacists with white supremacists and you get the idea of what happened here. Whether political, racist or religious, extremism leads to violence and chaos.

It is absolutely essential to understand that most Sunnis in Syria do NOT support this ideology or these “rebel” terrorists. Although Sunnis are the great majority here only a minority of them went against their government. In fact the majority of the army and government are Sunnis as is President Assad’s wife, the First Lady Asma.

So back again to Adnan.

As the groups took over al Waer they got men and youths to join them using many different means. First, the family of any man or son that joined the cause was well treated. They got food for example and medical care. Families whose fathers and sons did not fight went starving and were persecuted. This was the motivation of Adnan according to him. Is he telling the truth? Only he and God know.

Others were lured by the high pay offered thanks to the deep pockets of the Persian Gulf states particularly Saudi Arabia and Qatar. Fighters for “rebel” groups typically were paid ten times what soldiers in the Syrian Army are paid. They also got perks like women and drugs, especially captagon, which I describe as like crystal meth. It makes you oblivious to pain, fear and fatigue for days. Also makes you crazy.

Of course there are those who are truly brainwashed and support the idea of Syria becoming a religious fundamentalist sharia law based state. This is anathema to the great majority of Syrians of all faiths and backgrounds. The harmony and mutual respect among religious groups, the empowerment of women, the personal freedoms and safety here are precious and protected. The brainwashed ones teach their children to hate and kill as they do. In fact, “rebel” terrorist groups used even children as snipers, fighters and suicide bombers. One sniper was only nine years old in eastern Aleppo. Of course the western governments and media never talk of this or the constant atrocities of their pet “rebels”. They don’t care about the children being raised up to be the next generation of ISIS and al Qaeda.

So whatever his reason truly was, Adnan became a sniper for Ahrar al Sham, one of strongest of many groups in al Waer. He and others like him were stationed in the high rises of the neighborhood. From their vantage points they could shoot people on the streets or soldiers far outside the area to instill terror in the people of Homs.

On the edge of al Waer is the busy road from Homs to Tartous. Most people in Syria travel on buses both large and small from place to place. The terrorists in al Waer had checkpoints set up on the road in addition to the snipers. They would stop the buses. Alawites, Christians and Shiites would be separated. Many were executed outright; others were kidnapped and held for ransom. If the ransom was not paid the victims would often be chopped into pieces and laid out on busy streets as a warning of what would happen if demands weren’t met.

These kinds of crimes were literally 100% non existent in Syria before Obama and Hillary and McCain and Graham and Rubio etc started arming and supporting the terrorist “freedom fighters”. Syria was the 5th safest country in the world according to Gallup polls.

I asked Adnan about foreign fighters, particularly commanders. He said the commanders were always behind the scenes and the regular fighters never dealt with them, only their local lieutenants. Every fighter was given a new name — they and the commanders never used their real names.

Another question I had was this … many fighters and their supporters claim this ‘revolution’ was against the government because they were not allowed to criticize the President/government and they were fighting for that freedom. In my personal experience talking with Syrians many seem quite open and express serious concerns about many issues actually but it is well known that security is tight here. Over the war people have learned how deadly Syria’s enemies are and this explains some of why this is so. Also Syria before Hafez al Assad had suffered through many coups (usually assisted by outside governments like the US) that destabilized the country. Anyway, that’s a topic for another article. My question to Adnan was — while people living under the rule of the armed groups were able to criticize President Assad all day long and cheered on doing it, were they allowed to criticize their “rebel” rulers? Of course not was the answer. Severe punishment, even execution were the penalties for such crimes.

Adnan, for all his wild eyed, semi-manic mannerisms struck me as pragmatic, not fanatical. I deliberately held out my hand to shake his to see if he would touch a woman and he did without hesitation. Perhaps he really does want to just move on or maybe he is a crouching tiger, a ticking time bomb; I can’t judge that.

At the end I asked him what his advice was to the “rebels” holding Idlib. His response, if I’m understanding it correctly, was “the train will keep moving but dogs stay behind” by which I think he meant that their defeat is inevitable but many will stubbornly keep fighting out of spite and stupidity.

Adnan, while I’m sure he is being closely observed, is free now to decide his future — unlike the innocent Syrians he killed. The reconciliation program is highly controversial. Many Syrians will never forgive or trust those who took up arms against their country and their neighbors. Others see it as a successful strategy for ending the violence in many areas. Only time will tell. This is something for Syrians alone to debate and decide. The pain and suffering are theirs alone. Their future is too.

Sorry this is so long but I condensed it as best I could. Thanks for reading. It was an unforgettable and sober encounter. The reason I’m looking away from Adnan in the pics is because I was focusing on the translator at those times. I kept watching his eyes trying to glimpse his character. I saw no remorse but I didn’t see hatred at all either. His eyes have a wild look like some ex addicts I’ve seen. Was he telling the truth? Is he truly reformed? I have no way of knowing.