My children belong to both me and you

And your children belong to both you and me.

You see, I truly believe

Children are everyone’s responsibility.

They come to this earth filled with pure love.

A gift from our God from up above.

Then as they grow, they learn

The lessons of life, many which burn.

Lessons of loneliness, inadequacy, and blame.

Lessons of failure, judgement, and disdain.

Lessons of rejection, not belonging, and pain.

Lessons of hurt, heartbreak and shame.

These lessons learned over time.

Little by little lead to the greatest crime.

Each one creating barriers to the love inside.

And blocking all the love on the outside.

Disconnected from the love they need,

They slowly begin to bleed.

To bleed the love with which they were born.

Love once lost, they will mourn.

They will begin to mourn all they have lost,

And all this lost love has cost.

Until one day they will finally have forgot,

And the hurt and pain will become a lot.

Overwhelming darkness will descend,

Making them feel like this is the end.

And in this desperate dark despair,

They will hurt anyone, anywhere.

They’ll hurt both friends and enemies.

They’ll hurt strangers and their families.

They’ll hurt those whom they once loved and those they hate.

They’ll hurt almost anyone so their pain will abate.

These children they belong to us all.

We’re all responsible for their fall.

Their fall from losing the love with which they arrived.

A love that should have helped them survive and thrive.

Which means we all bear some responsibility for their demise.

For those they’ve hurt and those who’ve died.

For the pain they’ve caused and what is lost.

For the love they lost and what it cost.

Everyone is so very quick to blame.

Their anger needing some source to ease their pain.

But what hurts the most is the shame.

Our shame that we have failed to do our part.

That we’ve not protected children from the start.

If change is what we truly want and need,

Then this lesson we must heed:

Instead of blame we must show love.

Instead of shame we must show love.

Instead of anger we must show love.

Instead of causing more hurt and pain,

We must show how love heals and reclaims.

Reclaiming a world of love not hate.

A world with love opens the gate.

The more love we feel inside,

The more love we see outside.

Then there is no more pain to hide.

Instead, we get to enjoy the ride.

The beautiful ride and our life’s journey.

A journey filled with love as it was meant to be.

The United States of America gets an F for failing to protect children

Along with every other living, breathing human on earth my heart broke when I saw the news alert pop up on Tuesday. I don’t even have to say what news alert because every person knows which story this week broke our hearts. The story of another school shooting at an elementary school killing far too many children once again.

I was traveling home from a two-week vacation with my three children (twin 2-year-old girls and a 6-year-old boy). As I watched my kids play in the airport and on the plane, I thought about the parents who had just lost their children. I thought about sending my son to 1st grade next year, to the elementary school. I thought about the insanity of that milestone increasing his risk of death by school shooting.

Like everyone else my mind went to the “Why?” “How could this happen?” “How do we stop this?” I felt the anger, sadness, outrage, and rage all come through my being in an almost visceral response. I too wanted to find someone or something to blame. Something we could change so that I could ensure my children would be protected.

Almost immediately, you could see all the same arguments and all the same debates begin over gun control and mental health. But I wanted to go deeper than those surface level, highly politicized discussions of cause and effect. I wanted to look beyond the single tragedy to the cause of the many and increasing tragedies involving children.

The school shootings.

The suicides.

The drug addictions.

The rates of depression and anxiety.

The violence and anger.

The vicious bullying.

And more…

What I discovered as I dove deep inside beyond the anger and blame was a deep sense of responsibility and need for more of it. If we are to truly protect our children, we must ALL be responsible for ALL children. And if this is the case, then we are ALL responsible for those children losing their lives, for ALL children losing their lives.

If WE are responsible, then do WE see the current results as acceptable? as reasonable? as something we are willing to continue living with?

I watch the news alerts day after day after day — about child after child after child who has been shot, killed, hurt, and harmed.

We ARE NOT doing good enough…we are FAILING with a grade below F!

Ironically, I believe our achievement-based society is in large part the cause. And yet, we seem to not care that we are failing at such a critical responsibility we hold as a society.

Can we even be considered a society if we cannot protect our children from such violence, hurt, and pain?

These children who kill themselves or other children, they were not born this way. They were born with love inside and it is this world that stripped it away.

This world that prioritizes achievement over existence, beauty over kindness, doing over being, accomplishments over the person inside. And in so doing, we prioritize that which causes the harm we see on the outside.

For when a child falls short of the expected achievements, beauty, results, accomplishments, and successes they are deemed failures, inadequate, and not good enough. The child is left always struggling, failing, and never really measuring up. Even those with long lists of successes struggle to meet these expectations. But this perception of not good enough is not true. Instead, the metrics with which we measure them are broken.

A human’s value is not based upon its achievements, beauty, results, accomplishments, successes or any other acquirable thing.

We are born with value.

We are born with love.

We are born with beauty and opportunity and so much more.

We must stop prioritizing metrics and measures that do more harm than good. We must value human beings for just being and not for what they do or accomplish. We must do this to show our children the way.

If we truly want to relieve our pain, our anger, our outrage, we must take full responsibility and accountability to bring change. To bring change to everything in our culture that perpetuates the fallacies that create these results in our society.

I wrote the poem above on the airplane that day. I wanted to recognize and memorialize the message I received that day. Until we as a society have the COURAGE to take full responsibility and be willing to do whatever it takes to bring about change…none will come.

Until politicians have the courage to risk their political careers…

Until the NRA has the courage to give up money $$$ for lives…

Until gunowners (I am one) have the courage to accept gun restrictions…

Until sellers have the courage to accept greater responsibility for their sales…

Until schools have the courage to address mental health starting in pre-school…

Until everyone has the courage to recognize we need change now…

We must evolve our families, communities, and workplaces. We must shift how we live, what we prioritize, and how we raise our children. For, until we do, we will continue getting an F for society’s ability to protect children on the United States of America’s report card.

Yesterday, it started once again.

The bombs were dropped, the soldiers were sent in.

The war began all over again.

Once again, one country (or maybe really just its leader) decided it was time to expand again. Whatever their explanations to the countries of the world, everyone could see the truth they just wanted more. More land, more resources, more people, more money.

Isn’t that truly how every war begins?

Sure, each one has some explanation, but in truth it is almost always the same. It starts with a leader who wants something more, who desires to take that which is possessed by another.

One leader, who sees the world only from their view and perspective

One leader, deciding they are right.

One leader, who from safely in their home, sends others into a war to fight.

One leader, who cares not for the lives that will be lost.

One leader who cares only for what they’ll gain by taking once again.

One leader, who wants more than what they need.

One leader who will take it just to expand in greed.

We’ve seen this story so many times before.

We’ve learned these lessons a thousand times, but I guess we must learn it once more.

It feels more like a story we’ve read in history books.

Or maybe a new movie meant to entertain us with exciting hooks.

We all had hoped maybe we’d move beyond such types of painful choices. Unfortunately, we were so very wrong, these patterns just keep repeating, again and again.

So long as they are stuck without love in their hearts, these disconnected leaders will continue to tear the world apart.

We know they aren’t connected; we know they don’t love themselves, and they likely don’t know how. For if they did, they’d feel the love that would stop them from destroying everything.

Without the love we feel inside, the connection to everything, they lack the perspective needed to change anything. We know the love inside forms the connection we find and feel through our hearts.

This connection with ourselves, everyone, and the universe itself.

This connection that gives us understanding and grace.

This connection that allows us to love unconditionally.

This connection would stop us from choosing a path of destruction.

This connection would force us to feel the pain we’re inflicting.

This connection would give the perspective we need.

This connection would allow us to see another way to succeed.

The world will watch and so many of us will weep tears of sadness as we see so many killed. We’ll watch with anger, frustration, and a profound sense of loss.

The loss of the dream we’d moved beyond this type of war.

The loss of our hope we could use our words.

The loss of our desire to stop this type of killing and focus instead on something more fulfilling.

The lesson here is important to all our futures.

The lesson here is in how we choose our leaders.

Instead of choosing those with bravado, power, and persuasiveness.

We must begin to choose our leaders looking for those who understand. The leader, who understands the importance of perspective and the peace we all desire. The leader, who understands the way to peace is through the love we all can discover.

The love we find in our hearts that starts with ourselves. The love that connects us all and allows us to feel everyone too. Through this connection, the leader has tremendous perspective. And only with this perspective will we find our way to perpetual peace.

Do you feel the pull deep within your soul to see something different?

Do you feel the need to find a way to live life in a new way?

Do you feel the urgent need to change the world?

I do. I feel it in my heart. I hear it in my ears. I see it with my eyes. I sense it with my mind. I smell it in the air. I can almost taste the deliciousness of a world filled with peace.

The Work: Promoting Peace

This work might be the most important you ever do. This work only comes once we’ve connected to our hearts. But once we have, we’re called to do more with the love we’ve found inside. I can’t tell you exactly what to do. We are each being called in different ways to promote peace. You may be called to care for the hearts of children. You may be called to lead the world with peace and love. You may be called to speak and share. You may be called in so many ways but this I know; you must find your way to promoting peace. To stop the anger, judgement, and wanting. To stop the fighting and destroying. To instead choose to promote peace in everything you do.

The above article is an excerpt from Jessica’s new book “Fiercely Cherished Beings” which will be published in the next few months. Sign up to find out when it is available!

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Originally published at https://www.evolvingtoexceptional.com.

As the seasons change, nature provides us valuable lessons should we choose to notice and learn from them. Each fall, the wind blows and the leaves on the trees tremble in response as the cold air of fall descending on the forest. The trees respond slowly…disconnecting and dropping their leaves for the winter. Shutting down the tree branch by branch so it can survive the long cold winter until the Spring. The leaves first turn beautiful colors before ultimately dying and falling to the ground — fragile and easily crushed.

We can either view this process as being like death as something to mourn or as the process to new life to be celebrated. For before we can sprout again in the spring, we must shed all of the old from this season of our lives. Then we must survive the cold, dark winter.

But if we do survive… we will be blessed with new life, new leaves, and new growth.

Some might resist this change or process — starting too early or too late. For when we hold onto our leaves, our current Self, we become like the tree. A tree that doesn’t shed its leaves on time risks freezing before the process is complete and when this happens the frozen sap will kill the tree itself. The tree might never sprout again. The tree might cease to live altogether.

So too, we risk preventing new life and growth by holding on too long to who we once were. For no matter how beautiful our leaves — to survive and grow again we must go through the process of shedding them all and starting anew.

At first this feels scary, we feel naked without our leaves. But soon we will learn this is how we grow, how we reach the sky, and how we become, little by little, who we are meant to be!

For with each season of life, we have only two choices — to grow and evolve for the next season or to wither and perish clinging to our current reality and existence. These choices are made at the transition between each season of our life journey.

What choices will you make?

Choose to learn the steps necessary to improve your life!

Choose a life filled with exceptional experiences.

Choose to create an exceptional life!

Not sure how to start?

Get a free copy of the first chapter of The Exceptional Life R-Evolution!

Free Copy Here!

Originally published at https://www.evolvingtoexceptional.com.

Believe me when I say I know. I know how hard it is. I know how intimidating it is. I know how overwhelming it is to even think about speaking truth to those in power. And the further from power you are the scarier it becomes. Despite the difficulty, we all must speak up, speak out, and speak our truth when those in power are making choices, decisions, and practicing behaviors that are harming us or others.

Why is it so important that you speak your truth? Let me tell you why…

Reason 1: Limited Perspectives

First, we must acknowledge that not everyone has had the same experiences or sees the world from the same perspective. Or more importantly, sees the world from the same valuable perspective that we bring based upon our unique experience in the world. Although sometimes this is intentional, often times it is simply unconscious and the result of living a life without the challenging experiences we’ve had in our lives. By speaking up we give those in power the opportunity to consider a perspective different than their own. A perspective which they may never otherwise hear and a perspective that may in some cases change their behavior, decisions, choices, and actions. By giving those in power the opportunity to reconsider their perspective and take action with the knowledge of your truth and unique perspective, you are providing them the benefit of the doubt that when given the chance they will take action to remedy the situation.

Reason 2: Ignorance or Indifference

The next reason we must speak truth to power is that without this truth those in power can remain ignorant or even indifferent to our experiences, our challenges, and how their choices, decisions, and behaviors are impacting us negatively. Without direct knowledge, without hearing directly from someone who has experienced a particular challenge those in power can choose to ignore, pretend, and sometimes even believe that there is no problem, that there is no challenge, and that no one is experiencing anything different than what they themselves see and experience. Even when they have knowledge or suspect there is a problem or there is some frustration or there is some challenge without people speaking the truth it is possible for it to remain silent and ignored.

Reason 3: Your Health and Well-Being

When we withhold our truth, holding it back, burying it inside of us, and failing to speak our truth, experience, or challenge to power — it sticks. Each time it sticks to us, it wears us down and it causes us to carry extra weight. And although at first it may seem insignificant, as those weights pile up, because inevitably without change they will, their weight begins to impact us. To cause harm to our mind, body, and spirit. Those who have suffered the consequences of holding in a truth that needed to be shared know firsthand the suffering, the pain, and the struggle that comes as a result. Even if speaking our truth does not bring about change, even if it causes pain and change in our life, speaking out and speaking up allows us to release the weight and allows us to be free of the experience. Living in an environment where we are being harmed, where we are unable to speak and be our authentic selves, and where we can’t speak our truth — hurts us far more than staying silent ever will.

Reason 4: Change is Essential

Even if we feel like we can carry the weight, like we are strong and can tough it out. Like we can live in an environment even if it causes harm, even if it causes us frustration, even if it causes us to cry or scream on a regular basis. Even if we feel and believe these things, if we fail to act, if we fail to speak, change will never come. The same behaviors, the same frustrations, the same experiences, will continue not just for us but for everyone like us who has experienced something similar. Where power is either actively causing harm or ignorant to the harm that exists the only way it will ever change is if enough people have the courage to speak up and insist change is necessary.

Reason 5: Your Truth Matters

Whatever your truth is, whatever your experience, whatever your challenge, whatever has happened that needs to be spoken — . It is important, you are important, your experience what you have to share and bring into the world matters and is worth sharing. I know you probably think you’re alone; I know you probably think it’s only your truth and others aren’t struggling. I know you think you don’t want to be a bother. You think I don’t want to cause drama. I don’t want to risk my job. I don’t want to risk what people will think of me. You are not alone! Others are certainly struggling. You are never a bother because you matter. Speaking your truth, speaking up when harm is being done is not drama. Drama is unnecessarily talking about other people and things that can’t be changed. Standing up against anything that is causing you harm is not you creating drama, it is you standing up for yourself. Your truth matters even if it causes you to lose your job. I know that is hard for many they rely upon their jobs. But there are laws to protect you, to allow you to speak up when unacceptable, inappropriate, or offensive behavior is occurring. We never control what other people think of us but what truly matters is what we think of ourselves. How would you feel if you were able to stand up for yourself, if you were able to truly speak your truth?

Reason 6: Your Life Matters

As much as we grow attached to our experience, safety, and the comfort of whatever environment we exist in, our life and living it fully is far more important. When we step up, speak out, and share truth we run the risk that our life will change. It may change for the better or it may change in ways that make our lives more challenging. But if we don’t speak, we will continue to exist in a life weighed down with truths we cannot share unable to change the experience for ourselves or others. Living an exceptional life, living your best life possible, a life filled with joy, happiness, and success is not only possible, but also absolutely essential. However, so long as we are stuck hidden and holding back our truths, so too will we struggle in our lives. Instead, as we speak our truth, as we stand up for ourselves by speaking up and speaking out, we demonstrate that our life matters. Our experience, our perspective, who we are as individuals is also important. We are more than just a number, we are more than just a widget in a machine, we are people, and we deserve to be treated as such.

Conclusion:

We each will make our own decision of when and how to speak our truth. I know it’s hard. I know it’s overwhelming. I know it’s complicated. And I know that when the time is right, when you are ready to put down that weight, you will step up and speak out your truth and the challenges you have faced. You will speak this truth to power and as a result, things will start to change.

If you look around, they already are changing. Many have already begun. They are speaking up, they are saying no, and they are changing the world one truth at a time.

You may have recently caught on the news the Afghanistan women protesting outside of the government. This image demonstrates to me that no matter the risk, no matter the consequence, sometimes speaking our truth and standing up for what is right must come first. And if these women can do it. If these women who know the severe consequences they will likely suffer as a result by the Taliban can do it then certainly those of us in far less dire situations can do likewise.

When you are ready, when the time is right, when the weight is too much to bear, when you know change is needed, I know you will speak your truth. And when you do, take heart — there are many who have gone before and many more who will go after you! You are not alone! You are joining those who stand for truth!

Changing the World one truth at a time!

Originally published at http://jessicatietjen.com on October 7, 2021.

Evolving: Develop gradually, especially from simple to a more complex form

As human beings our most basic purpose is to evolve as a species. We all know through centuries we have evolved to our current state of existence. If you look at any IQ chart tracking the intelligence of people overtime you can easily see the increasing rate at which people are getting smarter. As humans we are growing and evolving with each passing generation. And with each generation we are able to access and use more of our expanded capacity. How we choose to use it — well that is up to us!

We can easily see how with each generation we grow our technology, our capabilities, and our results as a society. This natural growth and evolution is truly necessary to our survival. We continue to face new and different challenges throughout time and lately we’ve been experiencing increasingly more severe events — from weather to war to social movements — these events are impacting many elements of our lives and our existence. Many of us feel the shift, the change, the greater level of struggle and the need to expand our existence to be greater than we are today.

This evolution, this next stage of evolving will occur in our businesses, homes, and communities. Although we tend to fear and resist change, our nature is to evolve and grow. Therefore, we need to embrace these changes as opportunities to overcome the challenges we face. In each environment or arena of our lives we must consider how we can evolve our existence to improve our outcomes!

Business Evolution

People no longer want the corporate experience!

Businesses can be for profit, people, purpose, and the planet all at once and doing so actually enhances them all when executed successfully. We can actually treat people well, have a guiding purpose, protect our planet AND make a profit!

People want to be treated like people — human beings who are more than the work they are performing and the tasks they are completing. People want to be valued and not treated as a cost to the business.

Technological advancement has the potential to transform how we work. This can occur either in a way that brings more misery and suffering or instead brings greater joy, satisfaction, and opportunity for everyone.

Doesn’t the choice seem obvious? Our Businesses are ready to evolve!

Family Evolution

We can be better Parents if we leverage the knowledge available to us!

When confronted with new parenting practices, suggestions, or research we often hear people say “Well I turned out alright.” And, sure of course you did but do you want to be better, do you want your children to be better? What if they could be? If other children are evolving and you don’t evolve your parenting — will your children be left behind?

We must begin treating the role we play at home as at least equally important, if not more important, than the role we play in the workplace. To do this, we must ensure we understand our role as parents, get feedback, grow as parents, and create homes with strong mindset and accountability skills.

Our families will experience greater peace and prosperity if we can reduce the unnecessary suffering we experience in them! Rather than a place of trauma, conflict, and stress — what if we create a place of joy regardless of the challenges we will inevitably face at home!

Our families, our children, our relationships are ready for this evolution!

Community Evolution

We’ve gone from caveman, to tribes, to societies, to countries, what comes next?

We must build greater connection in our communities rather than continuing to create separation between groups. We see today tremendous “them” versus “us” but aren’t we all just “we” as human beings on earth!

Rather than sorting ourselves into buckets and identifying with all their attributes we must look to build an entirely new future and landscape. We want to be connected and we can be connected more deeply and powerfully than we’ve ever known before.

As human being’s our power comes through our ability to work together to build and create new ways of living in the world. Our source of power is truly in how we come together — for one person can only impact few but a large group can impact many.

Our communities, our people, our humanity is calling us to evolve to something better!

In Conclusion…

We only remain at the top of the food chain with our intellect, society based communities, and ability to continue evolving. The time has come to evolve to something greater, something more, something extraordinary, something exceptional!

I am so confident we are meant to evolve our existence into something greater. Can you feel it? Do you want to join it? Are you ready to live an exceptional life?

Will you join The Exceptional Life R-Evolution?

If so — my new book is going to be published in the next few weeks — get on my list so you are the first to know and you might even get a bonus!

Get on our list to be notified as soon as The Exceptional Life R-Evolution is available!

https://www.evolvingtoexceptional.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2147849081

Originally published at https://www.evolvingtoexceptional.com.

Today I completed writing and editing “The Exceptional Life R-Evolution and set it off to be finalized for publishing. As I move closer to publishing my new book I feel the need to both clarify and further explain the central theme of the book. In reading my title “The Exceptional Life R-Evolution” you might think I’m promising the impossible. You might think I’m saying people can live perfect lives. I am most certainly not!

Perfect: having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be; to make something completely free from faults or defects

Exceptional lives are not perfect lives.

They are not lives free of conflict, pain, challenge or heartbreak. They are not lives filled with perfect jobs, families, homes, and hobbies. Lives like this do not exist. Not one person on this planet lives a perfect life. We all live lives filled with both joy and challenge.

I am not a snake oil salesperson (one of my dads favorite sayings as a kid) and I’m not selling sand on a beach. I’m certainly not trying to convince anyone they can eliminate everything hard or unpleasant from their lives. And, I don’t pretend to have created the perfect formula no one has ever thought of before.

On the contrary, I have found tremendous research, insights, and strategy already exists which can help us be successful on our journey. Many incredibly talented authors, researchers, and thought leaders have come before. Through my research, through my life experience, I have used this knowledge and discovered success and I want to share these insights and stories with you! This book is meant to help you consolidate the many concepts necessary for living a better life, an exceptional life.

What I believe, what I know to be true, is we can live better than we are today. The world is filled with negativity, challenges, and stress. But we have the ability to live our lives differently! Each one of us has room for improvement and the opportunity to evolve! We are meant to evolve — to grow — to progress through our lives. I’ve felt my life evolve and both felt and seen the benefits first hand.

Each time I read my book to edit it, I was reminded once again of a key concept or insight I had forgotten. These lessons aren’t learned after reading them once — they take effort, experience, and an ongoing commitment to living and working differently. I know my book has something in it for anyone, anywhere, in any role. I also know it is just the beginning and not the end! I still must work each day to evolve, to experience the principles, learn new things, and evolve again. And after reading my book — you will as well!

I am passionate about helping people live better lives, exceptional lives!

The path is through evolving our performance as human beings to live in a better way by reaching our peak performance. I hope to start a revolution of people evolving their minds and performance to create better lives — exceptional lives. I hope you will take the time to read my book. I promise you will find it valuable!

I am also going to include a free workbook, free course, and free reading guides for use with groups or book clubs! Sign up now to be one of the first to know when it is published.

Get on our list to be notified as soon as The Exceptional Life R-Evolution book is available! Sign up to be Notified First!

Originally published at https://www.evolvingtoexceptional.com.

Want to know why I wrote my book “The Exceptional Life R-Evolution”?

I wrote this book because after a year of dealing with the pandemic I knew intuitively everything, and I mean everything was about to change. I felt the shift in my workplace, my employees, my community, and even in myself. The shift to thinking about our lives and how we live and work differently. The shift to thinking about what really matters in our lives. And the shift to needing to take action on these insights and not wait for a future time which will likely never come!

Last year everyone was forced to slow down, and in so doing, we were provided the opportunity to see our lives and our experiences in our lives differently. For many, we felt the pull to spend more meaningful time with our families. I’ve heard employees say for the first time ever they ate breakfast with their kids, they were home when their kids got home (not hours later), and they bonded in ways they didn’t want to give up when the world returned to ‘normal.’

Previously, if you were anything like me — we were too busy being busy. Too busy working crazy schedules, trying to get massive amounts of work done, and trying to cram way too many things into one day. As a working mom, I felt like I was failing everyone, all of the time. Failing at work, failing my kids, and failing my life. You know what is crazy? I wasn’t failing at anything… I was killing it at everything, but I couldn’t even see it. I was so blinded by what I was supposed to think, feel, and do that I couldn’t see clearly what I was actually thinking, feeling, and doing!

After living through the pandemic (although arguably we clearly aren’t done yet), I felt a strong sense that I wasn’t the only one experiencing this desire for change, for something different, for something better. I knew we would need to not just change ourselves and our families, but workplaces would also need to change. Workplaces would need to consider creating experiences for their employees that are exceptional, and to do so they would have to change how they approach employee performance and engagement. Workplaces would need to work harder to retain employees and work with employees as people rather than treating them as a cost in the budget to be managed. I also knew that to truly bring about massive change we must also change our communities. Our communities would need new strategies for improving the lives of everyone in our community.

Based on the latest articles on “The Great Resignation” — I was right — the world is changing, workplaces are changing, families are changing, communities are changing! We can either lean into this change and implement strategies to benefit from them or we can choose to resist the changes we are experiencing. I urge you not to resist. I encourage you individually, in your workplace, or in the community to lean into the changes and consider how you might transform your life experience as a result.

In The Exceptional Life R-Evolution, I outline a number of strategies for how to live an exceptional life filled with exceptional work and life experiences. The strategies I discuss are not all new, they have decades of support and research demonstrating their value. But they are strategies that if applied collectively, and fully embraced can bring about the greatest changes to our lives, workplaces, and communities. We can all live exceptional lives in this new world.

My purpose in life is to help everyone live an exceptional life — a life they can look back on, know, and feel was truly their best life. I think workplaces can be a part of this — where employees think “my workplace helped me live an exceptional life.” I think communities can contribute — where people think “wow my community (government, school) helped me live an exceptional life.”

Can you imagine how different the world can be if we all choose to live better lives, exceptional lives?

When I imagine that new world, a world filled with people living their best life — an exceptional life — I see a world filled with joy, happiness, success, gratitude, peace, and love. The world will always be filled with challenges and struggles but how we choose to live our lives determines whether we are able to live an exceptional life. I hope my new book will help many people discover their path, their first step on their journey to reaching peak performance and creating an exceptional life!

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Originally published at https://www.evolvingtoexceptional.com.

In honor of world breast-feeding week I want to take this opportunity to speak on the topic of the many challenges of being a new mom, especially a mom who is balancing breast-feeding while going back to work! My breast-feeding journey over the last five years has been interesting. My journey started with my son five years ago and he was great at nursing. I started working hard at pumping extra milk for when I went back to work — which meant even less sleep — I would pump in the middle of the night after nursing.

Unfortunately, I made the decision to go back to work (to a leadership meeting nonetheless) at six weeks and subsequently developed mastitis. I actually developed mastitis twice while nursing my son — both times following leadership team meetings. Coincidence I think not! Pumping was a really big challenge for me as a member of the leadership team. I tried to squeeze it in during the breaks of our leadership meetings but 20 minutes to pump meant no time for bathrooms, drinks, or even taking a breathe. Then, I tried to travel, I brought a pump and tried to pump and store the milk, even pumping in bathrooms! It was so stressful. With my son I made it nine months and thankfully, probably for both of our sakes, he was no longer as interested and we were able to end that journey pretty peacefully. I was pretty content with the length of time I made it and I had enough pumped milk to help him stay on breastmilk through a year, just out of a bottle.

Fast forward three years later and my journey of breast-feeding twins begins. You want to talk about a complete game changer — nursing twins is a complete game changer compared to a singleton! (Singleton is what Twin moms refer to when you have only one baby — a term you only learn when you have twins!) I remember being in the recovery room after my C-section and I could see both of my girls were rooting like crazy they were desperately looking to nurse. I looked at my doula and the nurse and I said “they’re hungry aren’t they?” And they both looked at me with “YES!” I really wasn’t ready but I knew what I needed to do and I knew I needed to bond. With the help of my doula and nurse (remember I can’t move I’ve just been cut open across my stomach and still numb waist down) both babies get latched on. I was in the recovery room tandem feeding (feeding at the same time) two brand new 38 week baby girls.

Now some might find that to be a disgusting image. I, on the other hand, find that to be a oh hell yes image because that is hard, really freaking hard to do! My stomach was just cut open from side to side, my organs moved around, I’m still recovering from all of the drugs that were put into my system in order to do that, and I’m breastfeeding these two brand new baby girls.

The next four days were kind of a roller coaster the girls were nursing well and but there were still two of them. I continued to tandem feed them and if I had not I might never have survived those first four days. Everyone was so impressed at how good we were doing — I was barely surviving but putting on the brave face. There were some challenges early on with whether the girls were getting enough milk or enough colostrum to get to the level that they needed to on whatever the tests where. I can’t even remember what they were anymore but we were testing them regularly and doing everything we could to get them where they needed to be so that I wouldn’t need to supplement with formula. I wasn’t exactly sure why but I felt very strongly and intuitively that they needed to keep getting breastmilk. Call it mothers intuition but it felt very, very important at the time.

After four days in the hospital it was time to leave. I barely was discharged because of the postpartum answers on the post partum quiz. I was really struggling, I was really tired, it was taking a lot of energy to feed two babies and recover my body at the same time. I cried all the way home in the car just overwhelmed, exhausted, and worried.

Then we started the round the clock tandem feeding of two babies. All I can say is that it’s a blur. I don’t remember much those first four weeks other than extreme exhaustion, not really having time to bond, or hold the babies much because all I was trying to do is feed them. The doctor wanted me to pump after each feeding adding to the exhaustion — they were slow to gain back their birth weight. I tried to sleep as much as I could and get the nutrients that I needed. It was most literally the hardest job I’ve ever done. And keep in mind I went to law school there was a time where I studied for the bar and I only slept four hours a night to maximize the number of hours in the day I had to study, to prepare for the bar and that was nothing compared to what I went through with nursing twins. During those early weeks I suffered pretty severe post-partum depression, with intrustive thoughts, and extreme exhaustion. Thankfully my husband was home the first four weeks (score one for businesses who provide fathers parental leave — 2 weeks per child), he saw it, recognized it, and got me help and medication.

Then things stabilized for a while, until it was time to start trying to get back to work and I realized pretty quickly that I could not pump enough milk to make up for what my twins needed to get while I was gone. To add complexity my daughter Scarlett was refusing the bottle so when I was gone she would not get anything which meant it was up to me to get back to be able to feed her. When I finally did get them both to take bottles and ultimately after 4 months of extreme exhaustion and trying to get back to work, struggling to get back to work, I realized that something had to give.

I decided I would try to supplement with formula to reduce some of the stress and takeoff some of the pressure on pumping. This is when I discovered my initial gut instinct was 100% correct. Unfortunately formula did not provide a reduction in stress, in fact, it made things substantially worse. You see, it turns out my girls both have something called FPIES, food protein intolerance, which causes them to get violently sick from dairy. Each time we tried to give them formula a little bit of time will go by, and then they would start projectile vomiting for probably over an hour.

At one point, we weren’t sure quite sure of the cause yet and were trying different formulas. My husband decided to give both both babies formula while I was at work. Almost immediately they both started projectile vomiting everywhere. My husband was texting me ‘you’ve got to come home you’ve got to come home.’ Needless to say I was a little (or a lot!) upset that we decided to do both babies at once, again, while I was trying to work, in order to test the latest formula. I knew yelling at my husband would do no good and he looked at me and said ‘I’m so sorry this was all my fault’ and I said ‘yes it was I’m not gonna yell because there’s no point.’

Next we had to get the full official diagnosis from the many doctors and appropriate medical professionals required to get this diagnosis despite already really knowing what it was. Then, we had two choices continue to try different formulas like soy or try to continue to breast-feed and look at what other options existed for trying to get breastmilk to supplement with. The problem with the first option was that those formulas do not taste good, especially when compared to breastmilk, so in order to get the babies to take the formula I would’ve had to stop nursing them. I did not wanna do that I just wanted to supplement, I just wanted a break, I just wanted to not worry about how much I was pumping when at work, or when I was away from them.

I started on my journey to look what other options existed for getting breast milk and one of my friends from high school messaged me after seeing one of my Facebook posts and told me how she had donated breastmilk to another mother through a human milk for human babies Facebook group. So I join the Facebook group, took a chance and posted that I was looking for milk for my twin five-month baby girls. And something amazing happened, I got milk from three different mothers. One of them provided me with multiple batches of milk that she overproduced for her son. I am eternally grateful to these women. I couldn’t imagine that other women would even do that until I experienced it and that gift was tremendous for my babies. As a result I was able to keep nursing and we had the extra breastmilk to supplement with so that the babies could get enough milk as we continued on through our journey with breast-feeding.

I was not able to make it back to work in the office until January 2020. Once I did, I got braver than I’ve ever been in my whole life. I decided that I would try the Elvie pumps and I would pump while in meetings, while doing training standing at the front of the room, speaking to employees training them on topics as I was pumping breastmilk. I was so proud of myself. No one knew (except my employees) no one could tell it was just tucked inside and I was able to continue on and not be hooked up to a pump in my office unable to do the things that I needed to do, unable to participate in the meetings that I needed to participate in, and unable to be an effective performer in the job that I so loved and wanted to do.

After finally making it back to work you all remember March 2020 when COVID hit and we all went home and frankly that might’ve been the best thing for my journey with my babies because being at home meant that I could easily step away for 20 minutes feed them and come back to a meeting or even listen to the meeting while feeding them. And I can tell you there were times where I was tandem feeding my nine-month-old twins holding my phone over their heads responding to conversations on leadership meeting calls providing my input, providing my perspective, all while feeding my babies.

Given my babies challenges with formula and transitioning to other milks it took a while to transition them. Ultimately they transitioned to ripple which is a pea protein milk and so my breast-feeding journey continued until the girls were 18 months. I never in my wildest dreams imagined breast-feeding twins until they were a year and a half old and doing so lovingly, joyously, and seeing them grow healthy and happy. But I made it I made it through all of it. I made it through the early days. I made it through getting back to work. I made it through coming home and nursing regularly in between my responsibilities. And I made it through the final transition when my babies stopped nursing.

All of the pain, all of the clogged ducks, the mastitis, the fevers, the exhaustion, the self-sacrifice, that goes into breast-feeding is one of the most transformative experiences I’ve had in my life. The choices that I made or simply the choices I made in my life situation. I am grateful that I was able to make them and I’m grateful that I was able to do the things that I was able to do. And I’m even more grateful for the other women who helped me to do what I needed to do for my babies.

I also want to say there’s no wrong way to feed a baby. In fact, if I had been able to feed them formula that probably would’ve been much easier than what we went through. Any way that works for you, any way that works for the mom, is the best way whether that’s breast-feeding, whether that’s pumping and bottle feeding, whether that’s formula, whether that’s donated breastmilk, whatever your situation is, however your baby gets fed is the best way!

I want to conclude by saying for those mothers, especially working mothers, who are trying to balance wanting desperately to breast-feed their children, wanting desperately to still perform their job, you are not alone. It is hard as hell, it is overwhelming, it is exhausting. But you are strong, you are amazing, don’t give up, do what works for you, and trust yourself. Trust yourself to know what the right decision for you and your baby in that moment is for you! And don’t be afraid to put a pump in and pump in front of the room! You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last, we can do this, we can do this mamas if we do it together! I honor your sacrifice, your incredible role as a mother, and all that you accomplish in life as a result of this journey.

Keep on, Keepin’ on!

If anyone needs support, advice, or just words of encouragement — please reach out to me! I survived my journey with tons of support from other mothers and you need to know we are here to support you too!

You can reach me at Contact@jessicatietjen.com

Originally published at http://jessicatietjen.com on August 6, 2021.

Anyone watching the news cycle during the 2021 Olympics in Tokyo heard probably on repeat 1000 times, in 1000 different ways, told from 1000 different perspectives, about Simone Biles decision not to perform. After practice and performing on the vault Simone developed a case of the “twisties.” A term I had never heard before but learned is when a gymnast loses their ability to sense where they are in the air and as a result it can become incredibly dangerous even resulting in lasting long-term injuries. A great debate, as seems to always be the case these days, inevitably ensued.

Was Simone being courageous for making a decision to step out of the competition in order to protect her own physical and mental well-being and health?

OR

Was she being a coward stepping aside, losing her opportunity to perform at the Olympics, to represent her country, and to do her duty as a gymnast performing on behalf of the United States?

A few questions came to mind for me regarding this decision. When we think about someone like Simone at the top of their performance, at the peak of their performance, do we sometimes need to make the decision not to perform at all? A decision not to perform in order to stay in peak performance overall. And can that actually be the right decision?

Recently a friend of mine pointed out to me the physical response they felt to the term of performance. This feedback got me thinking about the connotations of performance. Everyone sees and hears the word ‘performance’ differently.

The definition of performance is “the action or process of carrying out or accomplishing an action, task, or function.”

Some might see performance as something we do for someone else, to meet someone else’s expectations, to meet an external standard. Maybe they feel performance implies I have to put on a show or do something I’m supposed to do in a specific and particular way. And while, in part, all of that is true, in reality our performance must be primarily about ourselves. If we are not making the best choices for ourselves will never reach peak performance.

In my upcoming book, The Exceptional Life R-Evolution, I talk about reaching peak performance. I describe peak performance not as a destination but rather as being a state of operating, a state where you’re performing at your best, in a way that helps you to have more exceptional work in life experiences. I think in order to do that, perform at our peak, sometimes we may have to make the decision not to perform at all.

We may have to make a decision to step aside, to take a break, to decide that our performance looks different than what others think it should be. Instead, we must look inward. We must ask the questions of ourselves where, what, when, and how, do I need to operate in order to be my best, in order to live my best life, to have an exceptional life.

These choices may mean upsetting others, letting people down, disappointment, frustration, possibly even anger or hostility, or judgement, as Simone is undoubtedly experiencing. And although the hurt and pain of that response can’t be eliminated, it’s likely something we will have to move through with awareness, mindset, and perseverance.

We absolutely must choose for ourselves what and when we will perform the expectations, roles, outcomes, and goals and, alternatively, when we won’t.

When we decide we need a break,

when we decide it’s not healthy for us to continue,

when we decide a relationship is no longer what it should be,

when we decide a job is no longer meeting our needs,

when we decide we need to change our parenting,

when we decide we just need to rest.

These choices, the choices of when not to act, the choice to no longer live by someone else’s expectations of us but instead define those expectations for ourselves are some of the most courageous decisions we will make in our lives.

I believe Simone Biles set a tremendous example by choosing what was best for her physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or for any other reason she should so choose. If we don’t take care of ourselves first, who else will make sure our needs are met?

Performing at our very best, operating in a state of heightened flow, and capability is a tremendous experience. I’m quite certain Simone, if she felt up to it, would have loved nothing better than to have performed at her peak, to have performed in a way that would’ve made everyone proud, to have performed in a way that would’ve made her happy, joyous, content, and all the other things that she gets from performing her sport. But on that day, in that moment, she recognized choosing to perform had the potential to do far more harm than good. Choosing not to perform was the best thing she could do for her peak performance. Good for Her! Simone — your courage is noticed and admired by many!

We must choose to follow her example as we think of our own performance, in any role that we’re serving. We must recognize and acknowledge that the expectations we need to first meet are those for ourselves. And when any role becomes unhealthy or puts us at risk, we always have the choice to step aside, to take a break, and to choose not to perform.

Choosing when not to perform is important and necessary for operating at peak performance!

Subscribe to my website to be notified when my new book is published: Exceptional Life R-Evolution — Cultivate Mindset, Develop Skills, Improve Results, Achieve Success & Happiness (jessicatietjen.com)

Conundrum: a confusing and difficult problem or question

In my upcoming book, The Exceptional Life R-Evolution, I talk about the importance of having experiences to learn, grow, and develop the skills necessary to perform our roles successfully. Even more importantly, to continue to improve and evolve how we perform our roles. When I talk about the roles we perform, I mean all the roles we serve: the role of wife, the role of mother, the role of parent, the roles we perform at work, in the world, and in our communities — every single role that we perform in our lives.

The challenges with performing all these roles is we all can’t be experts at everything. In fact, it is truly impossible for us to have expertise in how to perform at our best in all the roles that we actually are expected to perform. We can’t already have the wisdom and expertise necessary to perform them well without having had experience performing the roles. Do you see the conundrum? In order to get the necessary experience, to have the necessary expertise, to acquire the necessary wisdom, to do the role well, we need coaching from someone who, in fact, has already done the role. Someone who can provide us their expertise, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding coupled with their external perspective, advice, and guidance.

The coaching conundrum is that in most circumstances, we don’t have access to the coaching we need. Unless you are lucky enough to work in a workplace for an already great manager who can perform, coach, direct, lead, guide, and support you in your development and the performance of your role, you’re basically screwed. I know when I first started managing, I was awful. I did not provide my early employees the support they deserved in terms of helping to coach and develop them as employees. Now after more than 10 years of coaching, managing, and developing employees, along with additional skills development, training, and coaching for myself, I think I’m pretty decent.

But what if you have a new manager like I was who doesn’t know what they are doing or never got the necessary experience to be a good manager and coach? Or worse, what if you have a bad manager who has no intention of improving? And what about all the other roles we perform? Where do we get the coaching, support, skills, and guidance that we need in our roles at home and in our community? How do we find the right coach for the particular need that we have at a given moment in our career, in our lives, or in her personal journey?

I’ve recently been exposed to a whole new world of coaches, of guides, of healers, of leaders who provide support, guidance, experience, and expertise in many different areas. They exist, but most of us don’t even know to look for them until we unfortunately encounter a problem, issue, challenge that we’re trying to solve. Like when we encounter marriage issues, or child behavioral issues, or find ourselves needing to make a change in our careers — voluntarily or involuntarily. And it can be difficult to find the right person that fits for us. The person that can provide us the specific guidance and direction that need in our life and our specific situation.

Which is why I think we need two things: first we need significantly more coaches, and then we need a better way to find the coach that will be a fit for us! In fact, I think even the coaches themselves need coaches. And the coach we need will change throughout our life. I may need a coach to help me with my marriage at one point in my life. Then, I may need a coach to help me write a book at another point in my life. I may need a coach to help me with my career or a coach to help me with my parenting. And at different times, I may need all these different coaches.

Recently on a journey to write my new book, The Exceptional Life R-Evolution, I was struggling trying to figure out how to get my book written. Then, I stumbled upon my own coach, a coach who specializes in helping women write books. At the same time, I started with a career coach, an Executive Leadership Gallup Strengths Certified Coach, who guides and coaches based upon how best to use the strengths of those they are coaching. Both these coaches have made a tremendous impact on my life already. In just a few short months, I’m finishing a book, I’m getting clarity with respect to my career, and I’ve grown in my knowledge, skills, ability to leverage my strengths effectively.

I recognize not everyone can afford a coach and the support they provide to help them in their roles. Which is why I wrote The Exceptional Life R-Evolution, to provide everyone the framework for how to think about their performance, evolve their performance, and reach peak performance in any role. As part of the book launch, I will be creating an open Facebook group, for anyone to join, share, give, and receive coaching! You will be able to share your experiences to help others and receive the experience others to help you! I hope it provides access for those who need it.

Originally published at http://jessicatietjen.com on July 20, 2021.