Here I am. I was on Medium years ago, but drifted away. When I joined today, I looked for some old familiar names. I didn’t see the folks that I was looking for. I guess they left. I missed Medium and decided it was time to join again.

The road of my life has been challenging. I lost my job. I was diagnosed with cancer and treated. I found another job. I am currently penning my letter to give notice that I am leaving this job. The stress is harming my health. I am going to try retirement. I need the break. My body feels beat up and I have sleep problems. But things in this world scare me. Just turn on the news. I keep telling myself, take it one day at a time.

I have struggled with my emotions and have been in therapy for over 20 years. Not the same therapist and I took some breaks. I read self help books and articles. I meditate and listen to guided meditation recordings. Yet, I still struggle with anxiety, pleasing behavior, trying to fix & rescue others all the while abandoning myself. I am interested in shadow work and reading about childhood trauma.

I love the outdoors. We don’t get enough nature. I try to exercise and hope to make it something regular when I retire. I try to eat well. I have read so many conflicting articles on diet that I can’t figure out what is best for me. I was a vegan, but didn’t feel well. I tried keto, but didn’t feel well. Right now, I am just trying to minimize processed foods. I like to read about the economy and investing. I keep thinking that I picked an awful time to retire. But my mind and body tell me it’s time. If I keep going like this, something is going to break.

My dream would be to live in an off grid cabin in the wilderness. I am not sure that I could pull that off, but being in nature as much as possible is probably a better plan.

So that is it for now. I will write more and find my niche. I hope to make some friends along the way.