I remember reading a business book in my early teens, it might’ve been Robert Kawasaki’s ‘Rich dad poor dad’. In that book I recall a chapter speaking in regards to how much the average American spends on coffee. Long story short, people spend a lot of money on coffee when they could be using the same economics to invest and compound their savings.

It wasn’t until this year I realized, after having consumed enormous amounts of coffee over the years and visiting a myriad of cafes; coffee shops aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Now I hadn’t figured this out overnight, it felt like guitar strings slowly tuned over a long chunk of time. But what had I realized? Why are cafes so crucial and necessary for our cities and neighborhoods?

The digital age and shift towards smartphones

Now I don’t know the exact statistics of people on smart phones, but it’s quite clear that every where we turn, it seems as if every single person is consuming media and communications through these devices. Connectivity is becoming increasingly effortless, so much that we don’t have to physically see our friends or acquaintances in order to communicate.

I’m not saying I’m against technology, if anything I’m all for it; there is however, still a need for human connection. Whether it be a meeting early in the morning, an afternoon chat after lunch or a place to discuss plans for the future late in the evening. Somehow we need excuses, reasons to meet up with other people in a place that allows for the freedom of expression and inspiration.

The Zeitgeist and Culture of cities

In Saigon, Vietnam; where my family is from, there is a cafe on nearly every corner. With high and low end cafes opening up every week simultaneously, it goes to show that theres a need within the culture for places to connect.

Culture predicates the consumption of coffee, in cities such as São Paulo, residents there might have an espresso after lunch or dinner making cafe culture almost non existent. While in cities such as Seattle, Los Angeles or New York City, people are consuming tonnes of coffee. With limited space, cafes are one of the few places people can have meetings, whether that be business related or casual.

Service, Design and Quality

While it’s comforting seeing familiar faces each morning, having that human connection with the barista and other neighbors; for a select few, the cafe is more than just a space in which shop owners can provide coffee. But a place to share design and a crafted experience of great service. People pay for an experience! and it’s up to the owners and management to dictate what kind of experience they will provide.

How about the lighting? What kind of music genres do we offer? do we want a modern or rustic interior? European or American? There is always an inherent need for escapism and in todays culture, cafes seem to be the inexpensive place to run to, that is whenever you feel you’ve had enough of your kitchen table.

Serendipity

I try to stay on the less romantic side of certain subjects especially when it pertains to business. I just can’t help but to be romantic about serendipity at cafes, It happens quite often that people join others’ conversations and end up being good friends. How many regular customers have fell in love with baristas or other customers in the shop.

It’s the context, like other venues such as music concerts and outdoor seating at a local park; people are not limited to speaking with each other, it’s just not the same comfort level. Blame it on television shows and movies where a ton of people have met in cafes and had deeper conversation.

It might even be the warmth of the coffee and being indoors on a cold snowy day, it could be that there’s no rush and that the mindset of a person in a coffee shop is a contemplative one. nonetheless, coffee shops remain good grounds for serendipitous encounters.

It was my last few days of the spring semester in college, there was a facebook post from a friend asking for extra hands at his new restaurant, Di an Di, in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Never having worked in the hospitality industry, I shot my friend Tuan a message saying that I’d be interested in helping.

Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I first trailed as a host. I’d eaten at restaurants all my life yet I’ve never been on the other side of the equation, the service side. Not knowing the dynamics, getting thrown into service was like being caught in the eye of a hurricane.

As a host, from seating people at the wrong tables to bumping into servers and runners, I had something to prove. That as a host, I had a rightful place in the restaurant; that my smile and greeting along with professionalism and charm had more impact than anyone ever cared to know.

It’s the first impression that a guest has and the last one when they leave. I did the best that I could whenever I clocked in to work, while managing college courses and having a personal life outside of work; here are the biggest things I’ve learned:

Deciding where people sit is just the tip of the iceberg

You would think the host stand has it easy, the only work to do is to look attractive and put together. Maybe grab some menus and seat reservations and walk-ins at any random table available; which is so far from the truth. Here are a few things just to scratch the surface:

• To make sure the external and internal appearance of the venue is clean and attractive. This goes along with making sure bathrooms are tidy and that tables for larger reservations are set.
• Aside from keeping a close eye for critics and reviewers, we’re to keep an eye out for every customer! To make sure that we acknowledge returning guests and that they be seated preferably away from loud tables and crying babies. (thats anyone for that matter)
• Letting managers and servers know when theres a regular, when there are people dining alone (so we can show them some extra love), and when there is any sign of discomfort from guests whenever they’re in within our perimeters.

Dealing with lots and lots of pressure from angry people

It still surprises me how grown adults can become the biggest babies when having to wait for a table. Keeping an eye on reputation and service, I’ve learned how to diffuse bad situations and make angry customers happy. I do what I can, thats the same with my life outside of work; I’m always putting the blame and pressure on me.

It’s always my fault, what could I have done better? how could I have been a better son, boyfriend, friend or brother. I’m not saying you need to keep everyone happy all the time, the acknowledgement of knowing how people feel and that they’re heard is sufficient.

Curbing my ego and learning to delegate

Perfection doesn’t exist and you’d be a fool to think you’re perfect. Once you start working in a team it’s not about you anymore. This isn’t tennis where you can shine solo with everyone watching.

It’s more like a soccer match, with a team where you’re only as strong as your weakest link. Having one or two great players can win games, but aren’t sustainable and don’t win championships.

I’ve learned that my value won’t come from solely being the best but that its building those around me so my teammates can reach their highest potential and improve. I’ve had such a hard time telling people what to do as it doesn’t come naturally to me.

Over time it has gotten easier and I’ve grown confident in doing so. Communication is important and is relevant in and outside of work; it’s an invaluable skill thats under rated and often overlooked. Because you can’t keep doing things alone, you need a team to win championships so its best to communicate well and often.

Doing the right thing is always a good strategy

At the host stand, there are high chances of important people walking through the door; such as food critics, CEOs or even assistants to influential people. From my experience so far, it’s the seemingly normal people, the difficult ones, the guests who don’t fit the bill and all in between that we should serve with the utmost sincerity.

To give quality service only to important people is foolish and proves that an establishment has low standards and wrong intentions. Word of mouth and reputation are a big deal, along with that are intention. A good person has good intentions and that is to take care of others, providing the best service or value.

Done correctly, one day at a time, the truth will eventually seep through. To always do the right thing has been such a huge lesson learned at the restaurant in that it deals with your reputation; and that if you want a good reputation it requires having the right intent and actually being a good person. Just because its a good thing to do and the reputation goes a long way, you never know who knows who. Because that who might just be the who you need to further push your brand and reputation.

I enjoyed this movie for what it was; a timepiece for the culture. While watching the movie, I found myself comparing it to mean girls, thinking about potential memes and to see if this movie was worth watching again.

I’d probably watch it once more but only to appreciate the tiny details that made it enjoyable; such as the wardrobes and props. Although I enjoyed it and felt it was a breath of fresh air to see a film with a mostly Asian cast; an attractive cast at that, I felt the movie was missing a few layers.

The director threw too many jabs and not enough right hooks; for most of the movie, it felt as if I was watching a Vlog or video on YouTube rather than a film with depth. Perhaps my expectations were too high for a movie that was meant to be a pop hit meant for everyone to enjoy rather than a select few.

I know it’s rather easy to be a critic than to be on the other end. But I’m the consumer aren’t I? And it’s much more fun to have conversations about a controversial movie such as this than not.

My favorite character in the movie was Astrid, if anything I felt her narrative had more substance and it was much more relatable than that of Rachel Chu.

Not everyone gets a chance to marry a prince such as Nick Young but the probability of not feeling man enough because you’ve married someone wealthier is common. Such as cheating and having love affairs.

Astrid’s husband dehumanized her because she was rich. She was less of a human and seen more of a cold-hearted shopping machine that only cared about how others thought of her and her family. He didn’t bother talking to her about anything other than surface level conversation such as that of acquaintances.

He didn’t love her; he wanted power over her in that she needed to be less for him to love her which isn’t what I’d call love. This brought up thoughts about masculinity and if it had anything to do with ones wealth.

She did mention that he was an army commander prior to his current line of work. Which meant he was useful to a collective, he had authority and power that came with being in the military.

Now that he is back in civilian life, he probably feels useless; powerless. Not in command at home or at work. That’s why he cheated, perhaps to feel wanted, a bit more worthy and powerful. Which was wrong in that he lost his wife and family in doing so.

As far as the friend from NYU goes (Awkwafina); I’ve been hearing things about how she is appropriating black culture by sounding, “ghetto”, or using slang from black culture in America. I think culture should be shared as long as it’s not degrading of it. I thought her character was refreshing as it showed how some college kids spoke like in New York. Besides it wasn’t like she was obnoxiously blurting out the n-word every five seconds.

Leaving the movie theatre, I felt like I didn’t know the main characters as well as I should have. I guess I wanted more drama, I wanted Nick Young to undergo more stress; I wanted more chaos, I wanted to see a hero’s journey of slaying the dragon to get the girl. That way it would’ve shown the audience more of the character’s personality and depth. But I guess his allure was that he was rich and dreamy and said cheesy romantic lines.

Which I totally get, it’s a crowd pleaser and I’m sure lots of folk would enjoy this movie such as any other rom com. What makes this movie stand out though is it’s asian cast featuring Asian leads. Would I recommend this movie to my friends? Sure if they’re into Romantic comedies and are looking for something easy to watch.

For the people who haven’t watched it yet, I’d advise to keep your expectations low and just enjoy it as you would any other rom- com and not take it too seriously.

All movie stuff aside; I’m very happy to see asian faces on the big screen and I’m so proud of all the people who came together to make a production such as this one. I felt it was long overdue and much needed. So yeah, hope you guys enjoyed my two cents.

To offer context, I was born in Brooklyn, New York; from immigrant parents. My parents were refugees who fled the dark repercussions of the American war (Vietnam War). I hadn’t spoken english until the age of Six. Through the years of American propaganda learned through the public schooling system, I’ve passively downloaded core American dogmas.

Freedom! Liberty! And the pursuit of happiness! For all I knew we Americans had it while the rest of the world, didn’t. To be honest, one of the reasons Vietnam appeared on my radar was in High school when people would ask me where I was from. I’d say Brooklyn, people would ask; “no I meant like, where are you REALLY from?” As this happened countless times over the years I began telling people I was Vietnamese, it was much easier to do so.

From my travels back to Saigon over the years I’ve only become stronger as a person and closer to the fatherland. Living amongst my countrymen; I have never enlisted in the Vietnamese army or lived through 25 years of struggles being a Southern Vietnamese national. I did however face hardships of being a lost asian boy finding his way through discrimination and racism, trying to build himself in a society that intentionally tries to tear him down.

It is unfair to say that I’ve suffered more, as I know many would have traded places with me in a heartbeat to have had my privileged watered down version of suffering. I’ve experienced poverty in America, but it was nothing compared to being poor in Vietnam.

My quarrels were with American misrepresentation of Asians in the media and in Hollywood. It was one thing to have a lack of representation, which doesn’t upset me as much as the humiliation of seeing emasculated token Chinese men and sexualized Asian women in tv shows and movies alongside the broadcasting of White actors and their beauty features which perpetuates White worship.

This has made Asian women and men greatly insecure, leading them to hate themselves and in turn hate other Asian people that look like them. It is a dishonor to ones own family and ancestry. What do you get once you’ve criticized all the Asian people who are disgusting and primitive? Asian people who don’t speak english like true westerners; what exactly do you achieve by doing so? A pat on the back? From people who spit on your last name behind closed doors? Such foolishness.

But I digress, yes; what have I learned from the Vietnamese men and women back home that made me walk as tall as I do today? I’ve learned that my people are a cunning people, artful in military aspects and have fought for thousands of years. The Mongolian Army that once conquered Russia, Eastern Europe, China, India and Iran invaded Vietnam Three times and in all occasions have seen defeat by the Vietnamese.

Aside from defeating our European colonizers, the French; and our western enemy and ally, the Americans, there is something to be said about the Vietnamese people. They surely are the small underdogs of the world; but they pack a mean bite.

For the most part, I found kinship with my brothers on the Soccer fields in Cần Thơ, a southern Vietnamese city. We played Five a side and our matches would often times lead to altercations and flat out brawls. I admired our congregation afterwards talking about everything that happened on the small green patch of land we called the battlefield.

Speaking of fighting, the majority of men are enlisted in the Army; It’s a mandatory Two years. Resiliency gained from the military is apparent in civilian life. A mental and spiritual toughness that I sensed as I paid attention to people and their eyes as they passed made me believe the country’s environment bred men with true grit and resilience.

I lived in Gò Vấp, a small neighborhood in Saigon where airplanes from Tan Son Nhat airport would fly right over our heads at all times. One night as I was riding back home from dinner, I made a turn down Quang Trung street as I often do. Suddenly I saw Chairs and tables flying in the air which made me come to a full stop as I observed a huge fight in front a local pub.

A mob of Vietnamese gangsters dressed in black held long wooden sticks and chairs and were fighting another group of people. As they were destroying and trashing the place, I knew the best thing to do was to hurry up and move along home. It was hard to leave as I was mesmerized by audacity. Men dressed in black were beating people to the death and somehow I was amazed and somewhat inspired.

Maybe it was because I haven’t seen that much chaos and rawness of my inner human self in such a long time; People are products of their environment; and as peaceful as the Vietnamese people are, there remains much repressed violence within like racehorses at the starting gate.

For the record, I’m not one to condone violence. Personally, I believe there are higher ways to resolve conflicts. The crux of my words is to share perspective and a side of Asia that millions of the diaspora don’t get to see or maybe have forgotten.

My aim is to share stories of reconnection to my strong Vietnamese heritage in hoping other men might find solace and cheer whilst on journeys to learning more about themselves through their bloodline. The definition of an Asian man in Vietnam was dramatically different from what is advertised in western media and society. If there was such a thing as a red pill for Asian Americans I knew I had taken it the moment I became self aware.

As individualistic as I am, believing that a person should stand on their own two feet leaning on themselves for strength and courage. I would be a liar if I said the camaraderie of Vietnamese men and society didn’t give me a boost in courage, dignity and a tremendous amount of leverage in coping with being an Asian man in the West.

There’s a Vietnamese proverb that translates to, “A tree can grow mighty and tall away from the ground, but when the fruits and leaves grow, they eventually fall back down getting closer to the roots.” It’s evident anger and bitterness remains from the diaspora towards the past and current political climate in Vietnam. Revolutions tend to be messy, therefore friction is often needed for opportunities in which better outcomes may emerge.

But no matter what the problem is, it’s our problem; internal affairs that leaders of our country have to deal with. The past is simultaneously attractive and unattractive and as ugly as it may get, there can be no alteration of the truth about our Vietnamese ancestry.

Let my words today not be a confusion of where I stand; I am putting on wax that I am not anti-American. I have participated in the Voting process, paid taxes and am a contributing citizen. My intentions are good as I only wish to help and enlighten those around me in whichever surrounding I may find myself.

I’m pro-Vietnam, I have to be; I love my brothers, sisters and family as I love my language and culture. I can’t turn my back on 90 million Vietnamese people back home just because we have different beliefs. We have shared the same history for thousands of years, and I look forward to sharing that same kinship for thousands more.

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Cần Thơ, the third tier city located Three hours south of Saigon, Vietnam; is where my father was raised. He would swim with kids from the neighborhood in the murky river in our backyard. Most days he would run in the streets where street vendors line up selling anything from cigarettes to bananas and coconut.

After the fall of Saigon in 1975, my father fled the country to Brooklyn, New York where he met my mother and had me. While life in the U.S. wasn’t an easy one, my family managed to survive. Working hard, saving up for the “American Dream”. A house with a garden and white picket fences along with a large income.

My idea of the American dream was shattered when I revisited Cần Thơ as an adult. What was a Brooklyn boy doing in a third world country such as Vietnam? Like many others, something compelled me to travel to the South of Vietnam.

This place truly made me feel like a human being again. The strong sun makes it hard to wear most fall/ winter fashion, even sneakers feel uncomfortable. The unpredictable rain washes away your pristine Ralph Lauren shirt and foreign attitude. What are you left with? A semi-clean T-shirt, shorts, flip-flops and a smile of camaraderie because everyone else in the village is wearing the same thing.

Any true hipster wouldn’t feel like a hipster anymore after visiting the city of Cần Thơ, where a pack of cigarettes is a dollar and so is a cup of strong Vietnamese coffee. Skilled labour is how most people make their living. Locals have no choice but to make artisanal things.

The farmers market is everywhere you turn. It’s not just something to boast about on a resume, but the locals are moto-mechanics, rice farmers, brickmasons, carpenters, tailors, chefs, cooks, jewelry makers and among many other hands on professions.

In the mind of a local they’re probably wondering about their next customer; but me? I’m constantly amazed at the way people do and make things here, it truly is an art even if they can’t see it as such.

To me, the whole city of Cần Thơ is a gigantic art piece with awnings as well as the color of buildings and houses desaturated from the elements. People riding their motorbikes with their flesh exposed to the warm, humid southeast asian air. Family and friends taking a breather talking and catching up with friends at a local cafe.

It’s also hard not to shed tears of joy and happiness when gazing at the rivers, lakes, and endless patches of green rice patties; for their beauty and spirit stand the tests of time.

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Thank you for reading if you enjoyed this article please give it a few claps and share it with your friends!

I’m focusing more on writing Vietnamese content; I feel an urge to write about Vietnamese people and Vietnamese Americans. Glad I got to share this bit with you guys today.

This was written previously in 2015; and I’ve been going back to Can Tho a few more times since. And will continue to keep ties with the Fatherland.

Thank you,

Kevin Nguyen

The Asian patriarchy is suddenly aware and alarms have been sounded in 2017, asian people and white people are dating! and yes, they’re starting families with each other! It is such a ludicrous notion that any asian male has the audacity to have governance over the love lives of all asian women.

There’s a running theme in the Asian community about shaming women who date white men. Which is classic tribe mentality and I’m empathetic to that, we as a community shun those who are different which deviates from the norm.

CLOSING AN INSECURITY GAP

If you think white men are dating asian women and it’s happening at your expense, you’ve clearly got to sort out your life and get things back into perspective. Too many men pull the race card and lean against their ethinicity using it as a shield or vehicle to bring them places. It’s not always about race, and we must respect the fact that people enter relationships based on a variety of other factors. People value different things and enter relationships based on those values.

I’m not blind to the fact that there are race trolls on the internet that say things such as, “control your women, not my fault asian women are race traitors,” or the classic, “asian women just like white guys more than asian guys because we’re man enough”.

Look, I’m super aware that there are insecurity gaps that people on all ends of the spectrum have to close; and it sucks that people have to go online to say mean things just to feel better about themselves. That they have to put others down just to have a momentary false sense of pride in their miserable lives.

It’s merit based, if you are a good man with substance, character; if you are honest with your words and bring value to others, it doesn’t matter which race you come from. People are going to date and marry good people. The end.

No, this does not mean that all asian women are against you; it just so happens that some asian women are attracted to good white men; which is not surprising as I’ve met good white men over the years. This shouldn’t be about race and ethnicity but meritocracy.

AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND

Sure there are tons of guys out there with an asian fetish that get off on being dominant and superior. Asian girls were raised to be polite, the culture promotes humility and respect which oftentimes gets misinterpreted for submissiveness. Which is attractive to men in general.

I’m also not blind to history and the colonialism that plagued the world. I grew up in a country that treated Asian people like second class citizens, we were mistreated by the majority of the population. The atmosphere has improved in 2017 but racism remains prevalent. My grandparents grew up in a country where the French reigned supreme for nearly a century. Seeing the Vietnamese as a primitive society that needed saving from their barbaric ways, the French wanted no real relationship with our people.

The developing countries in South East Asia have amassed a reputation for it’s prostitutes and whores over the years which have attracted a great deal of tourists from European countries as well as the West. The minority of these types give asian women a degrading image worldwide; such bad PR.

Being aware of what this does is a huge factor; it gives the impression that asian women are merely sexual objects in the eyes of men. Not to mention Japan’s booming pornography market which perpetuates rape and the torture of asian women for pleasure.

There is an alarming number of men outside the Asian race that know little to nothing about various Asian cultures and traditions, whose main objective is to meet an asian women to satisfy fantasy and carnal urges. I’m empathetic to that, which I also have to say it is degrading.

Along with the booming trend around trafficked Asian sex workers in the Seattle’s high tech alley; Men from the tech world are paying for sex with specifically asian women in large numbers. Which doesn’t paint a positive image for the men in interracial relationships.

Trust me, I’m there with you but it doesn’t mean that there aren’t great people out there in interracial relationships. We are not in a position to tell people who they can and can’t love. So for all the naysayers; I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m on your side, partially. We just can’t be making people feel bad about their choices of who to date and marry anymore.

AN ASIAN-[AMERICAN] PERSPECTIVE

When you’ve come from having to deal with racism on a daily basis for most of your life, you sort of get used to it. It becomes a part of being an asian person in the West, along with other mini struggles. The history of Whites and Asians in the United States goes as far back as the 18th century when the first Filipinos and Chinese showed up; for as long as history was concerned there were always lines drawn in the sand. Segregation was always apparent, in fact there was a time in U.S. history when the Chinese were put in concentration camps; as well as the Japanese in America.

Blacks, Whites, and Asians were to be seperated, it was appropos that different ethnic groups stuck with each other and being seen hanging out with one another was taboo.

In Rock Springs, Wyoming, 150 armed white miners drove Chinese immigrants out of town in 1885 by setting fire to their homes and businesses and murdering 28 people. No one was charged in the massacre. It was hardly an isolated incident; 153 anti-Chinese riots erupted throughout the American West in the 1870s and 1880s, with some of the worst episodes of violence in Denver, Los Angeles, Seattle and Tacoma, Washington. [1]

This is exactly what drove the Chinese and Asians to form Chinatowns in America. We were excluded from working in almost every industry and it was frightening to be an Asian person in the West. Times have changed and over 100 years, things have certainly gotten better.

There remains hate towards Asians in Anglo Saxon countries such as the U.S. That’s why it is at times shocking to see white guys dating Asian women.

I’m betting that the world is moving towards a better place. That there are good people out there, that people are becoming more empathetic towards each other and to interracial couples.

I could sit here and talk your head off about why no one outside your race will ever truly understand your struggles and know how to deal with your unspoken problems and fears. I could talk about how children of interacial couples have identity issues when they grow up. But I’m leaving that for another discussion later on; today I’m just focusing on being empathetic to both sides.

THE HARD FACTS

As we’re heading into 2018, AFWM [Asian-female-White-male] couples are going to be growing, will it still turn heads? Yes, people are still going to stare at these couples in public because the idea is still very new to a lot of people, as it should be.

Should people stop shaming the women? Of course! Because you don’t know that person or those people. Taking time out of your day to talk negatively about someone else’s relationship is just bad karma. Let people live and learn; let people find their happiness any way they’d like.

People in interracial relationships already feel enough friction from their families and society; they don’t need an extra voice shaming their relationship and saying it won’t work. Be supportive of others and don’t force your dogmas onto anyone.

It’s also a huge ask for people in these types of relationships to expect everyone to be jolly and fine about their relationship. They have to realize that it’s going to take a long time before the majority of people will be accepting of the facts. That’s just the truth.

ADVICE TO THE AFWM COUPLES

So you’ve met each other just like any other couple would; only that there are a slew of other things you have to be thoughtful about. There’s going to be friction, and it’s going to take society a long time to be okay with your relationship. It’s also going to take longer for your families to be comfortable with the idea. Which all takes time, so be patient!

Realize that when you have kids, they’re going to be Asian kids. They’ll question their culture and heritage as they grow older. So don’t be afraid to allow them to be around Asian influences.

Be prepared for friction, but also be grateful because thats the worst it’s going to get; it’s no longer that big of a taboo that you’re going to get rocks thrown at you for dating outside your race. Moving forward, I think it’s crucial to have those uncomfortable conversations with your partner about race, the future, your wants and needs, fears and everything in between.

Continue learning more about each other through empathy, good communication and time, just as any other couple. I would mention that bigger cities tend to have a greater deal of open-minded people which will make you feel safe and comfortable.

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Thank you for reading, if you liked this article give it some claps. Share it, tell a friend. Leave a comment & if you want to have a conversation I’m also on twitter: @Yendegreez

Thank you for reading

Kevin Nguyen

What is fashion? It’s the way we’ve communicated for thousands of years. From the chiseled decor of body armor, face paint, hairstyles to pants and shoes; even clothing texture indicated rank and authority.

We as humans have somehow found a way to use fashion to separate ourselves from each other while in many ways uniting certain tribes and groups.

For the greater part of history, fashion has always involved the human spirit. From the dying and weaving of hemp to skinning vicious tigers and bears for their hide, there has always been a human presence. With integration of machines, factories and monotonous cheap human labor; we are less connected with our clothing.

We’ve handed the idea of fashion over to large corporations and pay them for the peices of fashion they produce. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I just don’t have time to make my own clothes; nor do I care to. Therefore time will be a huge factor in the future of fashion.

Fashion is becoming smarter with shoes that automatically tie themselves, watches that give you updates other than the time and optical glasses that also do the same with features such as virtual reality.

We’re seeing the rise of smart fabrics such as Heat-tech which keeps us warm with less, pretty soon we’re going to have pants that automatically tighten and tell us our waist sizes and shirts that measure our blood pressure and sugar levels.

SAVING MORE TIME

Everything about smart fashion simply trickles down to saving more time. As humans we care about time, our families and the love for our work and what we do. Which is why Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg paved the way and made it cool to wear the same things everyday.

It saves time, it’s effective in that it gives us more time to do the work we love without having to go through the friction of figuring out what to wear. While suits are still in, the rise of millionaire CEOs in Silicon Valley wearing sweatpants and sneakers are overwhelming and have changed the game forever.

FASHION IN THE YEAR 2030

I picture fashion in 2030 to be modern, sleek and simple; with the rise of global warming, we’re going to wear less and not look so bulky in clothing. I would be very angry if my Uniqlo sweater or track jacket didn’t have a sewn in charger for my phone or optical smart glasses.

I also foresee periods of rebellion years ahead; the hipsters of tomorrow are going to be romantic about how fashion used to be 10–30 years ago and borrow some ideas from the past, mixing it in with the new and smart fashion technology. Some might not even partake in the new festivities, but the majority will because it will save them more time.

Though fast and affordable fashion is here to stay; as well as the internet, how are we going to differentiate ourselves from the different castes in society? The same way we always have; by the things we as humans care about, we will continue to be defined by the things we do for ourselves and society.

We will continue to be defined by the words we say and the actions we take. The people who will wear simple, smart human fashion will be able to focus on more human things such as family, religion, sports, and creating art in all aspects.

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I believe fashion will make everyones lives much easier; I’m excited for the future of fashion and trends. What stays the same is that humans will continue to be humans. I’m hoping that we will continue to focus on things that matter to us.

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I also write daily on Instagram: @Yendegreez

Thank You

Have you ever wondered why Asian men are seen as unattractive in Anglo Saxon countries? It’s because we are minorities in a larger pool of people. It’s highschool all over again and the kids who came first have a louder voice and sit at the cool table at lunch. It’s also tough on Asian Americans because of America’s history of war with Asian countries which perpetuate hate towards Asians, which is a whole seperate discussion.

Okay so let’s start off with everyone thinking that Asian guys are losers. In the media, the last few decades didn’t showcase asians in a positive light, Asian men have been demasculated; having to play feminine roles such as the token Asian guy who delivers chinese food. Which reinforces to the masses and viewers the uncoolness of Asian men; again, that is a whole seperate discussion of its own for another day.

THE FACTS

The truth and reality is that a lot of people don’t know much about Asian culture other than Chinese food, Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee; oh yeah, and K-pop. The allure of the average Asian guy doesn’t quite scream out, “Fun, out-going, mysterious or dangerous”. Most do exceptionally well in University and focus on their tight knit family and careers.

To be honest, that doesn’t quite make the average female say, “quick! Jimmy! put your penis in my vagina!”. It translates to, “that’s nice, Jimmy..”. Which is totally fine for a man going down the traditional route and wants to start a family. But for the average guy who wants to date more and be attractive to the opposite sex, there are going to be some things they have to pay attention to.

YOUR HERITAGE, CULTURE & COUNTRY

This might seem like a curve ball but if you were born in the U.S. or any Anglo Saxon country and you’re of Asian descent, please either do your research on the interesting aspects of your family’s heritage and culture or go visit that country (bonus points if you stay for a long period of time).

Why is this important? Because most people from these countries (Anglo Saxon) have some culture but it’s not as interesting and as rich as yours. Knowing more about your culture only gives you the upper hand. It is so attractive when you meet someone who knows a great deal about their culture which sets them apart from the bland boring people with little no knowledge of thier own heritage.

What is it about your rich heritage that intrigues you? What is interesting? Knowing this is a step closer to higher self-esteem, self confidence and it is another part that makes a man interesting. It also makes you walk differently and talk differently when you know more about yourself and your roots.

NEVER PANDER TO WHAT IS COOL

It’s okay to go out and be open-minded, go on reddit or just go out and talk to people and ask them what they like and are into. As much as I’d like to advise people to look deeply into their heritage and roots; it’s also extremely rewarding to dive into other cultures around the world and locally just to get a pulse on what people are talking about.

What this does is it gives you perspective, it helps you become more in tune with what other people around you are thinking so you can at least stay on the same page in terms of having thoughtful conversations.

People like it when you at least know how to speak their lingo; so when someone asks you if you’ve watched ‘Breaking Bad’, or ‘Stranger Things’, you can at least talk about it and say you haven’t watched it but know a little bit about it.

Knowing the zeitgeist or what people are interested in doesn’t necessarily mean you have to become the other person. I’ve been a victim of this and I’ve seen it countless times where an Asian guy will completely be white-washed or become a nerd, maybe even be so into the hip-hop community that he changes his thoughts and beliefs and panders to what is cool, especially if it isn’t something he truly believes in.

The goal is to always be yourself, and I know what you’re thinking; “Kevin! I’ve been myself but it’s just not working,” relax, slow and steady wins the race. If you think Anime and Gundam toys are cool and love assembling toys while others might think you’re a loser, you’ve got to stick to what you love and believe in.

Never pander to what you think is cool and own yourself. An asian guy that loves to read books, watch films and plays ping pong who truly loves it, is much more attractive than that same guy trying to be something he’s not, such as spending time dressing up like a bad-boy who is ripped and looks like Zac Effron in Bay Watch.

TRIED AND TRUE

So you thought this article was going to have a list of actions for an Asian guy to be more attractive which you’ve seen on the internet before such as; 10 cool things to buy, or 5 phrases to say more often to be attractive. This isn’t that kind of article, the hard facts are it’s difficult to be attractive and there needs to be a great deal of groundwork before you can even get comfortable with the tactical stuff like talking to people and walking with swagger (honestly).

You don’t have to be Asian, this pretty much works for everyone:

Start implementing an excersize routine that involves weight-lifting to build muscle and discipline. Do push-ups if you can and air squats if you don’t have equipment. Pull-ups are great if you have anywhere to do them.

Find ways to dress better, but not over the top. And have fun with this one, Fashion is all about communicating to the world who you are inside. Make sure your wardrobe communicates positive things such as; smart, easy-going, clean and fashionable. If you need some inspiration go on google, Instagram or pickup some cool underground magazines. I find Japanese Fashion magazines have the best inspirations for me.

Take initiative to say hello first, Be the first to open the door for someone or to introduce yourself to everyone, not only women. Getting out your comfort zone and being friendly shows everyone else that you’re comfortable with yourself, that you’re having a good time and are an open person. This is very attractive.

A good haircut works for every man, find a good barber and think about how you want to style your hair. Hair is a big deal and it shows the world how much you love yourself and it also shows who you are as a person. If you’re going for the skater, bedhead look then have it messy. If you are a business guy or are smart and want to be presented as scholarly then get a clean cut.

It is attractive when a guy loves himself and also has the humility to take compliments.

YOU’RE GOING TO WIN, BUT NOT EVERYTHING

So now you’ve accepted that you’re the underdog, have learned more about your origins and culture, have a pulse on what everyone is talking about and are cleaning up quite nicely as in dressing nice and treating yourself well. Now what?

Newsflash, the world doesn’t owe you shit. Women don’t owe you their attention and you can’t expect to all of a sudden be the most handsome and attractive fella around and have thousands of babes lined up to get your autograph. This only increases your chances as it gets you more eyballs. Just like you won’t sell stocks and bonds to a baby or boxing gloves to an elderly person; you’ve got to know your market my friend.

Not all Asian guys can be placed in one giant box. There are so many different kinds of Asian guys; ones that like Boxing and going out to clubs are bars, ones that are more into traveling, gaming, soccer and cooking. So you’ve got to know your market and win in that market while having fun at the same time.

You’re never going to know if you don’t go out and at least try. I knew I hated clubs and bars at night when I couldn’t have conversations with anyone thorugh the loud and annoying music; I don’t drink alcohol and everyone just seemed so distant to me.

I’ve done better at coffee shops and supermarkets where my charm and talking skills are useful and it shows off who I am as a person. But at the same time I don’t do well in coffee shops uptown for some reason, as I find more success downtown.

You’ve got to keep looking and trying new venues and places or even travel to different countries. There is a place in this world, there is a spot somewhere that you can win in. You’re just delusional if you think you can buy a car, get some nice clothes and have every girl in the world on your.. porsche.

WIN BY NOT WINNING (Or even wanting to win)

At last, I want to talk about getting out of the game entirely. You don’t want to win this game so that other people can have better opinions of you. Because its not your job to care about what other people think. Are you attractive? Are you not attractive? This ends up being a useless thought because it stops you from playing your own game, the game you love whether it be excelling in your career or continuing to do that thing you love.

It’s the moment when you’re in your zone, grinding and loving yourself that you become more attractive to people without even realizing. Now I know this sounds lovely and for the reader, there’s still an underlying curiosity.

Yes, put in the hard work; go out and make relationships with people if its that important to you. Go out and have beautiful, safe consensual sex with at least 20+ women. The more sex you have the more you realize it’s not everything and that it wasn’t what you expected. There is still a void that only truly loving yourself can fill.

This is the antidote, and by having more sex you realize that it’s not that big of a deal and your interactions with women and the world will be totally different. You gradually end up not giving off a desperate vibe anymore and Women can sense that from 1,600 miles away. You become more confident and comfortable in your own skin; and that my friends, is how an Asian guy can be more attractive and start winning, just not at everything.

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I hope you guys got some value out of this article, I always try to give more and help in any way I can by sharing my thoughts and ideas.

If you guys liked this article please clap it up ( I think you can clap 50x ) haha. It would mean so much to me if you left a comment on what you thought.

I also write daily on my Instagram: @Yendegreez

Having no choice, my parents fled a war torn country, Vietnam, in the late 70’s early 80’s. Being born an American in Brooklyn, we lived in the basement of a Vietnamese couple who later became my care takers.

To me, there was no such thing as New York or America beyond the walls of the brick house on the corner of Avenue V and East 17th.

My family was insular, with the words Vietnam and Saigon passed back and forth like fruit flies around the room, a little Saigon was all I knew of until the age of Five when I was forced to enter public school.

This strange language everyone spoke to me was odd and unfamiliar; I cried every morning outside the classroom refusing to enter until someone had noticed to take me into class.

Eventually I made friends with Two Russian kids named Yon and Boris along with many other kids from Pakistan and Bangladesh.

Before I knew it, I was teaching all my friends how to count from One to Ten in my language. I spoke so much Vietnamese to everyone, including the teacher that they had to put me into an ESL (English Second Language) class with all the foreign students.

So yes, I felt like an immigrant for a long time even though we pledged allegiance to the American flag every morning and sang “God Bless America”. It had been apparent around the Second and Third grades that I realized I was different from everyone else around me, that everyone had second eyelids and that I didn’t.

Kids from other classes would look at me and pull the skin on the sides of their eyes out with both their hands to mock the slanted eye features of an Asian person.

Being called Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Jackie Chan along with the often, “Nee Hao Ma,” which means ‘how are you,’ in Chinese. This happened often at gas stations and bodegas (convenience stores).

It got worse as I got older as I guess kids learned bad behaviour and racism from the home. “You fucking Chinese bitch!” “Ching-Chong” “Ting-Tong-Ding-Dong” “Can I get Fi Why (Fried Rice)” would be shouted at me randomly, even directly at times on the streets on my way home.

Slowly but surely after my dad got one of those black bootleg cable boxes from a friend; I found myself watching Disney Channel, Nickalodeon, and Cartoon Network and Toonami! This helped my english and ingrained American culture into my brain.

I loved Tony Hawk and Daewon Song; so much that I begged my parents for a $9.99 Skateboard from Toys’R’Us. With persistent begging, I got my first skateboard and practiced tricks with my neighborhood friend Sid.

As I became more American over the years, the resentment for my culture and heritage grew stronger. I hated that my parents couldn’t pronounce English words correctly and that there was always Vietnamese folk music playing in the background which made me sleepy.

Drifting further away from my parent’s culture, I found myself confused as I graduated Highschool. An Identity crisis emerged as I realized being an Asian guy in America was a disadvantage. I wasn’t getting any modeling gigs and I had to work twice as hard to get dates with women.

It was around the summer of 2014 or 2015 when I went on expedia to buy plane tickets to Cape town, South Africa. Being curious I checked the flights to Vietnam using expedia and Google flights.

The prices were about the same and I thought hey, it would be interesting to visit my grandparents and relatives whom I hadn’t seen since I was Eight.

This trip changed my entire life, as I touched down in Saigon’s Tan Son Nhat International Airport breathing in the humid, tropical south east asian air; I felt like such a foreigner.

My relatives picked me up in a rented Toyota “Fortuner,” which would be the equivalent to a Forunner in the U.S.

The driver drove around Saigon until we reached the highway heading south towards Can Tho, my father’s hometown.

The city’s streets were flooded with motorbikes moving in every direction. Seeing all the Vietnamese names and words on billboards and awnings amazed me as I’ve only seen them on Restaurant awnings back home.

As we approached the highway, where we’d be for another Two hours, I was mesmerized by the vast ricelands on parallel sides of the road.

There was endless greenery, a light green, a shade of green that whispered to my ears only, that I was home.

There was endless greenery, a light green, a shade of green that whispered to my ears only, that I was home.

I spoke enough Vietnamese for elders to comment on my fluency for a western Vietnamese person.

Everyone else from street vendors to friends on the football fields (Soccer) knew I was a foreigner, a “Viet Kieu,” which means “The Vietnamese Diaspora”.

There was a sense of safety and calm throughout my travels. On the surface, I looked like everyone else; there was no, “Oh, he’s an Asian guy, whats he doing here?”. I was just a Vietnamese boy on a motorbike, going about his day.

On a micro level, being a Viet Kieu was a blessing and a curse. On one hand, certain people admired the foreign aura and on the other hand, people had preconceived notions of foreigners, especially Americans; and hated them.

It might be the muted anger knowing that we foreigners didn’t have to taste the bitterness of life such as a national, that the quality of life overseas was much better.

Here comes the punchline, I’ll never be fully American. Yes, I’m grateful my parents sought refuge in America and gave me opportunities most would kill for; at the expense of what? My identity, culture, my countrymen and my pride.

I’ll never be fully American. Yes, I’m grateful my parents sought refuge in America and gave me opportunities most would kill for;

I’m pulling from opposite directions, a contradiction of sorts. I love the hardships I’ve endured here because it made me the person I am today, and I hate it at the same time because American culture and society has made me feel alienated; forever in pursuit of fitting in.

On a subconscious level, there were core principles I’ve learned from living in Vietnam and talking to older brothers, sisters, aunts and Uncles which was everybody (to a certain extent).

We’d talk about the American war, how our grandparents kicked the Americans out of Vietnam as well as the French. Through osmosis I feel I’ve inherited some grit from my friends who were in the army, which is mandated for everyone.

Playing soccer and going about my days, I downloaded the dogmas and strengths from the older men in Vietnam.

The subtle ways they walked, talked to the way they treated women. It was refreshing to say the least.

Learning more about the great leaders, commanders along with Vietnam’s military history to date has changed my perspective on the country hadn’t felt much for. When I came back to the U.S. from my time abroad; I was proud to be Vietnamese.

When I came back to the U.S. from my time abroad; I was proud to be Vietnamese.

Some of the troubles are that the Vietnamese government is inconceivably corrupt and that they’re selling the country to China in exchange for monetary gain.

The leaders of Vietnam are being replaced by the Chinese and our own government is selling out.

This is whats being broadcasted back home in the U.S. to the Vietnamese diaspora. It adds another layer of hatred for the mother country.

In my late teens, it was apparent to me the differences when learning about different countries and cultures as well as the GDP of countries around the world.

As a Vietnamese person, I’d checked Vietnam and it was ranked low on the list while Japan, Korea and China was high on the list. I’d compared the few asian countries because deep inside where insecurities were present; there was always this part of me that was comparing the different asian countries, trying to obtain whatever confidence I could from being from a particular country.

While Japanese culture was huge and their products unparalleled, Korea was on top of the world with K-pop. Heck, even I was listening to Big-Bang and Hyori Lee.

China quickly became a major economic powerhouse in terms of economics, the people of Singapore spoke fluent english; and here we were. Vietnam, a developing country that seems to still be living in the 60’s.

There was nothing to be proud of, aside from winning wars; the country was left destitute and poverty stricken. Everyone seemed to be just getting by. The Men’s National Soccer Team hardly ever wins in Southeast Asia and I never have a chance to root for them on the world stage because they suck.

With my inconsistent relationship with Vietnam, the place where my ancestors reside; with the people viewing me as an outsider, I know now that my heart and mind never leaves Vietnam.

Sure, the soccer team sucks, the government is corrupt and that to most people we are seen as losers. I’m proud of that and I will forever own it. I’ve read stories about my people fighting for freedom, from Mongolia, from the French, the Americans and China.

Our land and our people constantly being destroyed, one conquerer after the other. We’re in unending states of reconstruction and building. Which defines us as the people with the strength to get up and going, to be happy and strong even when circumstances tell us that we shouldn’t be.

We’re not afraid to fight, we are the underdogs of the world and this is our journey in making our nation a great one. A nation to be respected and honored for her strength in spirit and grit to build the country from nothing.

This is why even though I was born in America, I can never fully be an American. I still feel a strong bond to Vietnam and maybe it’s because I’m the oldest child and am closer to my roots.

Knowing that Americans will continue to ask me “Where are you really from”? while Vietnamese nationals will be a bit alienated from me just because we don’t come from the same struggle.

Being honest, I’ve felt way more accepted in Vietnam than America. Being born in America and going back to Vietnam, even with just a lick of the language, makes people somehow accept you. Not in the arms open kind of way, but sort of like a long lost relative that you hate. Nonetheless, he or she is still your relative.

I am optimistic about Vietnam’s future and am periodically checking in. I will not claim to be Vietnamese only when it’s convenient for me but will stick by it forever because It’s a part of me that I can’t hide or erase.

I accept all of Vietnam’s shortcomings and losses because we’re the underdogs and it gives me hope that today I can start building myself from the ground up and still have the strength to keep fighting even after I’ve been knocked down.

So yeah, I’m not really American and not quite Vietnamese, but both are parts of me I can’t hide in which I feel I must give back to the latter once I’ve made something of myself.

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Thank you for reading; I can’t write about Vietnam without shedding a tear. It makes me feel so liberated being able to write about my feelings and thoughts. If you guys like this story please give it a few claps & subscribe.

I also write daily stories on my Instagram @Yendegreez

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

It started with curiosity, you were a beautiful mystery that needed solving. I loved the fragrance of your aura, because to be honest, I can still smell it as I’m writing this. I’ve watched our love bloom like seeds in soil, and wither like a flower approaching it’s last days.

In full bloom, I will always remember the cheeriness and color of our bond. Memories arise as I walk down particular streets and avenues; remembering our embrace, kissing such as two planets colliding gracefully into each other.

We were naked, vulnerable and open, sharing our hopes, dreams, aspirations. We withdrew into safety and devised ways to hurt each other. Growing further apart until we became distant strangers.

I look back and am happy of blissful memories outweighing the bad. I thank you for teaching me, I thank you for being in my life for that brief moment in time.

I hold no grudges, for I know we are the same. Facing the same enemies which include sadness, loneliness and time. Our parents get older, our loved ones; fearing a day when theres’s nothing left but memories we carry in the archives of our hearts.

I reminisce, sometimes I ponder how things would’ve ended up, How things would’ve played out if we were still together.

The underlying truth is I have to face tomorrow, today and the day after with truth and conviction. Learning, creating and growing. Evolving into the person I was destined to be, as I know this is your trajectory as well.

As I close this letter, I want to say that loving you was a pleasure of mine; it was an honor to have met a person such as beautiful and chaotic as yourself. Our feelings for each other were honest at the time and never was it in vain.

Thank you