The final weeks of your pregnancy can be, well, pretty uncomfortable. It can feel like a Christmas morning that never arrives, each sunrise you’re faced with a “not yet, not today.” It can be a strange phenomenon to feel physically and emotionally prepared, and yet there is nothing you can do to move things along. In mindfulness practice, we call this Horticultural time. It’s the understanding that certain things like childbirth have their own wisdom. And the practice becomes understanding that your body is just where it needs to be. You are not alone in this either, you are among a tribe of women, anxiously waiting on their baby to arrive. That is the first thing!

The second thing is that YOU WILL NOT BE PREGNANT FOREVER. I promise. These last weeks can be challenging, especially when you pass your due date, and everyone you know is calling you to ask if you’ve had the baby yet.

The good news; there’s nothing wrong with you. You and your baby are healthy. You are safe. So let me offer you some ways to come back to the present moment. To be here now.

Statistically, first babies arrive around 40 weeks and 5 days. Meaning, you are closer to going into labor with this baby today than you were yesterday. But you still might have another week or so. Keep breathing, your baby is safe inside, and you have a competent care provider, confirming that for you. You are also deeply connected with your baby and his movements. How would it feel to drop into those movements to connect with the actual baby inside of you at this very moment? Try it.

Bring your awareness to the sensations of your baby moving inside of you. Breath into those sensations. See what you find. Perhaps a feeling of peace and calm? Maybe some tension around the stretching sensations of the baby’s movements? What happens when you breathe into it, can you release that tension?

You might even experience a break from the mental chatter that’s been driving you bananas. I invite you to practice being with your baby throughout the day. Just pause what you are doing to notice your baby’s movements.

What else is there to do?

I bet you are doing everything you can to get labor going, like having lots of sex, going for walks, maybe getting acupuncture, and making plans with helpful friends. Perhaps it is time to stop doing?

Are you feeling like you are putting pressure on yourself? If you are, then do the opposite of that. I invite you to reframe these last few weeks as an opportunity to do the things you might not get to do once your baby arrives. Watch t.v. all-day, go out dinner, see a movie, get a massage. Perhaps connect with your partner.

Using mindfulness

One of the foundational attitudes of mindfulness practice is called “Beginner’s Mind.” The reality is, we do not know when you will go into labor, how long the labor will last for, or how it will feel while it is happening. Making peace with this requires a little bit of letting go of how you think it should be. Instead, redirect your attention to how things actually are at this moment. The practice of letting go isn’t about giving up; alternately, it requires focus and determination to respond to the situation at hand. This is also an excellent tool for parenthood. You can be aware of your hopes and plans, but the practice is to not cling to them. When you can be with things as they are in the present moment, you might find they are not as bad as you thought. The suffering we feel arises when we resist reality. In fact, there is a lot of research to prove the efficacy of mindfulness practice and stress reduction, especially during pregnancy.

This mindfulness practice can come in handy right about now. Basically, when you have a thought like “OMG, I’m never going into labor, will I be induced? I’m totally going to be induced. I’m going to get a c-section too, everyone who gets induced gets a c-section. Crap, I better research c-sections” You can catch yourself. Stop. Breath. Sink into your belly, notice the movements of your baby. And repeat the phrase “Don’t Know, I simply don’t know.”

This might sound a little stupid, but it is the only thing that’s true. Right now, at this moment. We Just Don’t Know.

You can then repeat the things you DO know, I am safe, my baby is safe. I am loved and supported, no matter how my labor goes.

You may go into labor on your own, or you may get induced, these things are likely out of your control, and it is essential to keep your (really super smart, genius) brain out of it for a little while. You can’t think your way into labor. You can only go about your business as usual and schedule in some fun things to do to distract yourself. And remember, you can also come back to your breath as an anchor.

I know it’s hard! You want to meet your baby! Give yourself a little bit of time to be pissed off. Then circle back to thankful. Focus on what is in front of you. Is that a good fiction book I see? Oh, maybe a phone call with a supportive friend?

What about Induction?

At the moment, induction is not on the table for you. You still have plenty of time for labor to start on its own. You are already doing what you can. You don’t have to research inductions unless you are seriously going in that direction. Remember, come back to the present moment. If induction seems likely, don’t worry, many women have beautiful, successful vaginal births with induction. Just ask your care provider to explain the process to you so that you are fully informed about the benefits, risks, and alternatives for your particular situation.

Finally, acknowledge that this is your childbirth, you are supported, and you get to be an active and not a passive participant throughout the whole process.

Love,

Your doula, Kristy.

Kristy Zadrozny is a Mindfulness-Based Childbirth and Parenting instructor and faculty member for the Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association. She has worked with hundreds of families in NYC as a labor and postpartum doula. She is pursuing a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and is now training the next generation of doulas.

Applying the foundational attitudes of mindfulness to your doula practice

Mindfulness meditation is one of the fastest-growing health trends in the United States, according to the CDC. But what is mindfulness, and why might it be helpful for your work as a professional doula?

Mindfulness is “The awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally” (Kabat-Zinn, in Purser, 2015). As doula’s, we know that having a loving and non-judgemental mindset is key to connecting skillfully with our clients, their family members, and the other professionals we are working with for each client case.

When we pay attention on purpose, we are attending to the situation right in front of us by dropping any assumptions we might have about what we think should be happening, and instead, showing up for what is before us. Because of the continually changing nature of birth and parenting, mindfulness practice can be a key to navigating the challenges that arise with change. For example, when we get attached to having a specific outcome for our clients birth, we can create more suffering for ourselves and even for our clients. We can control our attitude, but we cannot control our environment. I’ll say that again, we can control our attitude, but we cannot control our environment. Mindfulness practice teaches us how to respond rather than react. Can you think of a situation when you might need to do this while supporting a client?

You don’t have to become a yogi to practice mindfulness, but you can apply the foundational attitudes of mindfulness to your doula practice as a way to check yourself and stay centered.

9 Attitudes of Mindfulness

Beginners Mind

Treating each moment as if it is the first time you have ever encountered it. It doesn’t matter how many clients you have worked with; you’ve never been to this birth. Having an attitude of curiosity for the moment in front of you.

Non-Judging

A non-judging mindset is a cornerstone to CAPPA, so you already know how to practice this one. There is no one way to do anything, every option, practice, experience is valid, and it is our job as doulas to help our clients figure out what might be the best path for them. We might have preferences, but when it comes to supporting our clients, their choices are what matters at that moment.

Acceptance

Acceptance can be a hard one to practice, especially when things are unfolding in a way that makes us uncomfortable. One way to work with this is first to acknowledge the reality and then move towards acceptance. Acknowledgment might look like having to miss your kids birthday party because your client’s labor has stalled and you don’t have a back up available. Acceptance might become feeling grateful and at peace with missing the party, knowing that you were where you needed to be.

Letting Go

I prefer letting be; to me, this means having the capacity to hold all possible client outcomes in our awareness, without getting attached to a certain kind of birth, or taking responsibility for our client’s experience. Letting go could also mean giving our full heart in client consultation and not getting hired, accepting this, moving on, and not resenting our colleague who got the job.

Trust

Your self-reliance, and your ability to support the person in front of you. You don’t need to know everything; in fact, you can’t know everything but trust that what you do know is enough at this moment. You are enough, just as you are.

Patience

For yourself and the process. Just like birth, building a career takes time. Learning takes time. You will get there (where ever there may be!) just so long as you keep showing up for yourself and your clients.

Non-Striving (Non-doing)

Just like forcing the labor process along with unnecessary interventions can cause problems, we also need to be mindful that forcing ourselves can be harmful as well. Holding an intention for what we want and where we want to go, alongside a gentleness for where we are in life, can be one of the kindness and most helpful things we can do for ourselves.

Gratitude

The human brain tends to swing towards negativity, which causes a whole bunch of unnecessary stress and pain. When we regularly practice gratitude, we can change the brain to experience more happiness, connection, and wellbeing, which can help us to avoid burnout and depression. I practice each morning when I wake up, instead of cursing my alarm clock, I think about how soft my sheets feel against my skin, and how soft my pillow is. I thank the sun for shining or the rain for watering the earth and give myself a few moments to soak it all in before getting on with my day.

Generosity

A generous spirit may be the key to having a successful doula practice. Generosity means giving with your full heart. It does not mean you need to impoverish yourself to be in service of others; you still need to charge a fair fee so you can feed your family. Having generous, healthy boundaries — sometimes means you have to be generous to yourself first, and that is okay too. Culturally we are taught to give when we think we will get something in return, this mentally is transactional and breeds disconnection. Being generous can look like spending an extra minute on the phone with a pregnant woman who will likely never hire you. Or helping a person in need to find a volunteer doula, you help two people in this scenario! Let your partner eat the last cookie. Holding a generous spirit tells the universe that there is enough for everyone, which breeds abundance and connection.

As you move into the final days of your pregnancy, you’re going to start feeling a shift in your body. You might also be wondering (worrying) “How will I know if I am really in labor? What if I have the baby in my car?! OMG!”

It may come as a relief to learn that you are definitely NOT in labor, if you are wondering “Am I really in labor?”

As we move through this series, you’ll learn the difference between early and active labor. Active labor is the kind of labor that emphatically gets the baby out. You likely won’t miss it.

For now though, let’s focus on the signs that labor is approaching so that you have something to keep you encouraged. The big day is still probably a few days or weeks away, so hang in there and continue your oxytocin producing activities.

Why is everyone and their mother telling you to have sex right about now?

Do you know why sex kick starts labor? Let’s break down why.

First, we are interested in oxytocin here, which is released with orgasm (you can go back and read about it here). The good news is that there are many ways to reach an orgasm, you may or may not need a partner to get its benefits, so get to it!

Second, you need a distraction. And be honest, how many pedicures can you get while you wait for labor to start?

And finally, the other not-so-advertised reason that sex kick starts labor is semen. Yes — semen! Basically, it contains a hormone called prostaglandin. For the dudes reading this, thank you! I know you want to help your special gal. But if she prefers that you keep your pants on, you can also hit up your local pharmacy for Borage Oil or Evening Primrose Oil capsules, both contain prostaglandin and can be used as a suppository to help move things along. Just be sure to check with your care provider on this one.

Time to head out

Prostaglandins work to efface, or help soften, the cervix. As the base of the uterus, you can think of it as the baby’s exit. Turns out, the cervix needs to soften and be pulled back up into the uterus to open the door for the baby. The softer the cervix the more productive each uterine contraction will be, creating a positive hormonal loop of oxytocin and prostaglandin. You can watch this video here to better understand it.

The cervix is made up of soft tissue, just like your sinuses, intestines, and other various muscles. So when prostaglandin pumps through your body, you may feel flu-like, achy, generally tired and crappy. You might have a runny nose, loose stool, and cramps. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

It’s all super normal, it means that your body is preparing to go into labor. A lot of women are like, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m getting the flu a week before my due date.” It’s actually a really good sign.

You might also find that there’s more mucous being discharged from your vagina along with the thrilling bloody show, which is a sign of the cervix effacing and beginning to dilate. I know, it sounds very very exciting. You might even be compelled to send your doctor and doula a photo of your newly discharged mucous plug. Hint: a good description can also get the message across. : )

One thing to remember is that sometimes these things happen all at once, and for some women not at all Don’t fret if you don’t see these signs. It does not mean you’ll be pregnant forever. You will go into labor at some point. You should always check in with your care provider if you are feeling concerned. It’s his or her job to help explain it to you. Remember, normal progress is different for every body, so try not to compare your situation to anyone else’s.

Generally, this process happens over many days and weeks. Your baby and your body are on their own timeline. There’s nothing you need to do, your body is already moving towards the direction of labor. We are talking about horticultural time here, we cannot force labor to happen.

Think about what your body is telling you. How would you treat your body if you were in fact, getting the flu? Perhaps, your body is sending you signals to slow down. Slowing down is a big part of parenting a newborn. The end of your pregnancy is an excellent time to start this process.. Take this time to rest, nourish, and tap into what you need — your intuition is an excellent guide here. This practice will come in handy later on when labor starts, and when you’re caring for a newborn.

Call to action:

How can you manage this waiting phase? What kinds of foods do you like to eat when you’re not feeling so great? What kind of help might you need so that you can tune into your body’s messages?

P.S. This might be your last weekend before giving birth, so why not go out for a nice dinner or see a movie or maybe stay in bed all day and read! Netflix and chill?

Love your (virtual) doula,

Kristy

Don’t panic, go make some oxytocin.

THE celebrated hormone of childbirth is oxytocin, her job is to get your uterus to contract. Rhythmically reducing the size of your uterus and ripening it into a powerhouse, muscle machine. This emphatically encourages your baby to make his way out. Time to see the light, little dumpling!

Well dang, oxytocin who are you and how do we get more of you? Turns out she’s right there, under the surface, waiting for someone to rub your feet. Oxytocin likes to feel safe and warm. She comes out of hiding when the lights are low and the music is good. When there is a warm bath running and a glass of red wine waiting (please consult your OB on the wine!)

It’s a feel good hormone. You get it when you’re being touched, having an orgasm. While giving and receiving love, you know, being in the present moment. It’s how we humans bond, why we keep coming back for more.

Oxytocin is a real safe, joyful and present feeling.

And so, if there are things in your life that are causing you stress or anxiety, then I’m here to tell you that you may be producing another hormone too, called cortisol and/or adrenaline. These helpful at other moments, just not at the end of your pregnancy hormones, may block the production of oxytocin in your body.

Hello, pacing around wondering why the hell you aren’t in labor yet!

I am NOT telling you to “just relax” here. The stress will be there, that’s a given, normal part of the human condition. What I’m inviting you to do, is to see if you can give the stress just a little bit less of your attention and to instead cultivate joyful, yummy sensations in the body.

Drop in and have fun. You cannot think your way into labor, but you can have an orgasm and take a bubble bath. (You might have to take 30 bubble baths.) We have to remember that the process isn’t linear and the unfolding takes time. We are talking about a 5 week window here, anytime between 37–42 weeks of pregnancy. It might be helpful to erase that due date from your calendar.

We want you to have as much oxytocin as possible, as you approach the end of your pregnancy, then you don’t have to do anything, except feel good, right?

That’s why it’s a good idea to get rid of the stuff that’s stressing you out. You don’t have to go for a jog unless you want to. You don’t have to walk up and down stairs. There’s no pressure, right? We want to take the pressure off and we want you to feel in a place of ease. That’s the goal. So take care of unfinished business and rest your weary feet, my dear. You will meet your baby soon.

Call to action

What can you do tonight to produce some oxytocin? Who’s help can your recruit?

In my next post, I’ll be discussing signs of early labor. And each week going forward, I’ll be walking you through the childbirth process.

Love your (virtual) doula,

Kristy