Written by Elexus Liggins | Edited by Jennifer Twomley

Title of Movie: Shrek

Time: 1 Hour & 30 Minutes

Date Created: 2001

Category: Animation/ Adventure

Directors: Andrew Adamson, Vicky Jenson

Writers: William Steig, Ted Elliot, Terry Rossio

Cast: Mike Meyers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz

Why I Picked This Movie

Shrek is a gem that Dreamworks Animation produced. This film is a classic in the animated film industry and will forever be a timeless piece. So, cheers to one of the best movie eras of the 2000s — where the movie’s opening credits showcased the creativity of the people behind the movie, where the soundtracks were perfectly curated, and where humor is at the heart of the movie. This light-hearted film is robust with its healthy balance of comedy, authenticity, and intricate plot. In addition, it also leaves the viewer feeling a tremendous impact, has intrinsic value, and has superb curated music that enhances the movie experience.

A healthy balance of seriousness and not-so-serious moments

Shrek does a great job of balancing the serious moments of the movie with comedy. We get the first example of that by seeing the first scene introducing Lord Farquad to the viewer. He seems menacing and commanding as he marches down the hallways of his castle. We are exposed to his height as he pushes past the tall brown doors.

The table has to be lowered for him to reach the gingerbread man. It is shown that Farquad is relatively small, maybe a bit taller than someone who might have dwarfism. When Farquad arrives and is waiting in front of the table, we see that one of his henchmen is waterboarding the gingerbread man with milk — such an atrocious act, yet so funny that they match it to fit the cookie character. Farquad then proceeds to interrogate the small gingerbread man on the tray. The gingerbread man ends up spitting in Farquad’s face, which results in him becoming hostile to this cookie.

I found it funny when the Gingerbread man cried, “No, not the buttons, not my gumdrop buttons.”Not because the torture was funny, as that was unkind, but because that shows that his buttons were the most important thing to him despite the fact that he is being tortured and interrogated. In this movie, we see many jabs of characteristics that the characters embody for the sake of humor. It might also be an undertone of secret disdain towards personality types and behavioral attitudes. Coming on strong, a magical mirror makes a distasteful joke when Lord Farquad is presented with the three eligible bachelorettes for him to potentially marry in order to become the king of Duloc. When the mirror presents Snow White, the mirror says, “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.” Clearly, this insult is masked as a “joke” as it implies that she is not easy to conquer or sleep with. I view this type of joke as something women would not enjoy as it is a degrading comment. A little later, we see that Shrek and Donkey are headed to Lord Farquad’s castle to confront him about displacing the other fairytale creatures on his swamp, and Shrek jokes with Donkey regarding Lord Farquad’s enormous castle — “Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?” This joke is hilarious as it implies that something else is small in nature. It’s a crude adult joke. I have discussed this movie with other people, and they shared with me that they don’t believe this movie is made for children, but rather for adults. This veiled joke is a small contributing factor to my belief that it may be true. I really liked the comedic moment here as we see that Shrek has the ability to not only read others beyond a literal sense but is very adept at drawing parallels together. He sees that Farquad’s insecurity about his height may have caused him to build this ginormous castle because he wishes he was bigger in other places. The belief here is that Shrek is drawing the conclusion that because Farquad is short of stature, he possesses other assets that might be deemed inadequate.

Another moment I loved was when Shrek and Donkey were trying to get more information inside the castle to find Farquad since this place is vast. Donkey uses his hoof to crank down a lever that reveals the information area of Duloc. The blue wooden doors open and we see these little puppet-like people that are supposed to represent the people of Duloc dancing and singing. These little singing people say the line, “Please keep off of the grass. Shine your shoes. Wipe your… face.” The pause is the funny part because you think they will say your butt but ends up saying face. The song these little figurines sing is actually quite annoying yet so catchy; you will definitely sing along or hum it later.

Shortly after this slight diversion, Shrek and Donkey are walking in on Farquad’s announcement of a tournament, and he says, “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.” This is probably one of the most nefarious and comedic things a person has said. I actually never really paid attention to this line on a surface level. I just thought it was a funny line. It wasn’t until I saw people show this scene on TikTok and talk about it that I realized what it meant. Lord Farquad says this in such an empathetic tone and attempts to portray himself as a martyr when we all know in reality that he is not brave enough to carry out this mission on his own and is willing to use his position of power to outsource the labor. The worst part is that even within the line, he is claiming the credibility of the nobility and bravery of that chosen knight to do the work for him as his own.

One of the best things about this movie is that it loves to subvert the scenes that are typically romantic into ones that are not. We see this at the movie’s beginning when Shrek reads the story of Fiona in a mocking tone, becoming more sarcastic as he continues to read until he ends up ripping the last page showing true love’s first kiss. Interestingly enough, Shrek is the knight that has to rescue Fiona and deliver her to Lord Farquad. It is no surprise that the film will not make the mission easy and practical. We end up seeing Shrek crash into Fiona’s room as a result of being flung around by the dragon since he was on her tail. Super unromantic, pretty chaotic — which, in my belief, is Shrek’s mantra for now.

Leave it to the women in the movies to take the opportunity to set up the mood and scene by being strategic. As Shrek is getting himself together from the gnarly crash, Fiona tries to swoon him with her bouquet and tries to smooch him. In clear Shrek fashion, he violently shakes her instead of returning the kiss. This prompts her to say, “What kind of knight are you?” In a smooth, suave way Shrek replies, “One of a kind.” I personally liked this moment because it showed how he can have his own charm. What I find interesting about these scenes is that this serious moment is one Fiona has been rehearsing and practicing for all her life, and Shrek ruins it.

Authentic and unique

What I love about Shrek is that this authentic and unique film does an excellent job of showcasing the talented skill of the staff involved by embedding their creativity in every inch of the movie, selecting top-tier music throughout the film, and enhancing the richness of the environment.

We are quickly introduced to that with the artwork when “Dreamworks” is displayed. The “S” in the end is for Shrek and has ogre ears. In fact, it showed that artwork on two “S” in that scene. I also loved the movie’s intro song selection, “All Star” by Smash Mouth. That is one of the most fitting songs for the film and for the character Shrek. In typical Shrek fashion, he comes out of the bathroom, and we are visually shown the credits of the voice actors displayed in the unique environments at Shrek’s lair. Shrek’s voice actor, Mike Myers, has his name displayed in the mud as he walks out of the bathroom. The scene moves into Shrek brushing his teeth, and Donkey’s voice actor, Eddie Murphy, has his name displayed on the wooden part after the mirror cracks while Shrek is brushing his teeth. After Shrek brushes his teeth, he gets in the swamp water to bathe and farts in the water. Immediately after, some fish die and float on the water. Shrek removes the fish, and Fiona’s voice actress, Cameron Diaz, has the letters of her name displayed using leaves. Right next to the water, the camera angle shifts to the mud where Shrek removes a slug, and it reveals that the letters of the name of Lord Farquad’s voice actor, John Lithgow, were created using what looks like maggots. I am a huge fan of movies using the uniqueness of their environment to relay the necessary content in a digestible manner. Regarding whether movies should have opening credits, I firmly believe that it is not a hindrance to the film if executed well. I believe that Shrek and Shark Tale, which were made around the same time, do a swell job in this department.

As a foodie, I can always appreciate the care and presentation of food in film. They did such a beautiful job of making Shrek’s ogre food visually appealing that I almost volunteered to try it at least once. We see Shrek eating a slug and a pumpkin. He has what seems to be a fancy drink with an eyeball (like an actual one) for his beverage. I will be honest — I probably would not eat the slug, and definitely not an actual eyeball! With all respect to the Shrek universe, I do not enjoy eating food that tastes gamey. Moving on, in true Shrek fashion, to treat himself, Shrek uses his earwax to light a candle for his dinner. This was funny because I am sure that if we lit our earwax, it could have those effects. This part is the exact parallel to the lighters that humans use to light candles.

Another great scene was after our climax, where Shrek and Fiona officially parted ways into their original destiny. I say original in the sense where that was the intention that was planned initially. I don’t believe it was “true destiny” because Lord Farquad manipulated it and changed Fiona’s rescuer. We get to see a visual representation of the two lovebirds’ lives in their separate worlds. The scene is full of melancholy as they play the song “Hallelujah” by Rufus Wainwright.

Finally, the last well-executed scene that was shot in the movie is when we are shown both Shrek and Fiona’s separate scenes depicted in their own environments: Fiona at Farquad’s castle and Shrek back at his lair. I really enjoyed the visuals for this because the scenes are shot in opposite directions. The first shot is Fiona fitted in her wedding dress, then it changes to Shrek tidying up his place. Another shot shows Fiona looking at their wedding cake, and squishing Lord Farquad’s figurine to match his actual height. These scenes also transition with a clean, transparent fade to blend into the alternating environment. The most prominent scene that stood out to me was the cut to Shrek’s perspective, where he is sadly eating on the left side of the scene at his lair before it shifts to show Fiona’s scene, where she eats on the right side and rests her hand on her face in sadness. This really conveys that they both feel sad about their separation and are disappointed in their current circumstances.

Intriguing, dynamic characters

The movie Shrek provides robust and dynamic characters that are fascinating, however, it has its pitfalls as well. As I have watched this movie plenty of times, the female representation is relatively low. The prominent characters are the human Fiona, who transforms into an ogre, and the female dragon from the castle. Women exist in the movie, yet they are shown in a super detached and removed way. I believe this is the case as it comes off as a movie meant more for the male viewer.

Fiona’s personality

Fiona’s character is romantic, clever, and strong. She is pretty insecure, angers quickly, and is someone not to mess with. We see that Fiona gets excited that she is finally getting rescued from her tower, and she prepares for her long-awaited moment to receive her true love’s kiss. When Shrek ruins that by being rude and apathetic, she is clearly dissatisfied and frustrated. Her cleverness is shown in her running around with the spider web to catch insects to create an ogre cotton candy and when she makes an animal balloon for Shrek. I think she was amused when she was disappointed to find out that Shrek had rescued her and not the man she would marry.

The quick escalation of anger is first evidenced when she asks Shrek to take off the helmet, and when he does not immediately oblige she was in a hissy fit and adamant about not moving forward, but Shrek forcibly picked her up against her will and slung her over his shoulder so he could make strides in his mission. Another moment that demonstrates her ability to anger quickly is when she asks Shrek if they can make camp before sunset to rest. I believe she made multiple requests that were met with rejection, and she ended up getting into a fit of rage where she demanded to make camp. Shrek and Donkey were left with no choice but to oblige.

Fiona’s negative attributes make her relatable to the viewer and show what areas she needs to work on. The first one would be her intense insecurity about her looks. When Lord Farquad is shown Fiona in the mirror, and he selects her as the candidate, the mirror is about to tell him her major con; that she turned into an ogre after sunset. However, Farquad was dismissive about the mirror as he was fixated on her beauty and eager to make her his wife so he could become king. Others ascribe her worth based on her physical beauty as a human. We see that with Lord Farquad and the Merry Men. For Lord Farquad, he selects a beautiful woman as a means to an end: to become king. He doesn’t care about romance and partnership. It’s super transactional and one-sided. For the Merry Men, he says that he rescues Fiona because she is next to a hideous creature like Shrek. He wants to be perceived as a protector, and his goal is fed by his fabricated delusion of her needing to be rescued. She gets this special princess treatment for her status of being a princess but more so because she has “pretty privilege.”

With all that context, we see that Fiona is devastated by the “horrifying” transformation that takes place after sunset with her becoming an ogre. We get to hear the why when Donkey discovers her in that transition when he accidentally walks into the spot they crashed at before heading to Farquad’s castle. Donkey is horrified at her and thinks that human Fiona has been kidnapped, and she has to placate him to reassure him that ogre Fiona is the same. Fiona says, “I’m ugly.” Donkey then sees her concern and tries to comfort her by providing advice and saying Shrek is ugly 24/7. While conversing, Donkey suggests that Fiona should marry Shrek because she is an ogre. She responds with this: “I can’t just marry whoever I want, Donkey. Take a good look at me, Donkey.”

Fiona finishes that with, “Who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don’t go together. That’s why I can’t stay here with Shrek.” This scene is so touching and sad because, as the viewer, you can deduce that the reason she feels this way is not attributed to her own thought but what others think. Something missing about this character is that we don’t know how she has been treated due to her ogre look. We don’t know how she managed to get all her basic needs met at the top of the tower in that fiery castle. However, we can imagine she knows precisely how Shrek feels about himself as an ogre as we see her peek at Donkey and Shrek’s fight under the stars. Her intense devotion to getting her true love’s kiss to stop being an ogre shows her hatred for her looks. She struggles with that until Shrek reassures her that she is beautiful when her spell is broken, but she is now an ogre after their true love’s first kiss. We see that when she says she is afraid she’s not beautiful since she does not look like her human self. Fiona’s plaguing insecurity towards her looks makes her reduce her own self-worth and value.

The most redeeming thing the film did was defy the stereotype that women are always damsels in distress who need rescuing because they cannot hold their own. We are privy to see her true strength and tactical nature during the scene with Monsieur Hood (“Robin Hood”) and the Merry Men where they try to steal her away from Shrek and Donkey. It is evident that Monsieur Hood’s behavior of “rescuing” her was due to his prejudice of “not being able to withstand the sight of beautiful women next to a hideous creature” and his blatant agenda to portray himself as her savior from the “green beast.” As a viewer, you definitely feel like this will be a bad situation. You may have this instinct to believe she is a “damsel in distress.” The contrary is in place as we are shown that Fiona can hold her own as she kicks all those men’s butts using some sort of learned martial arts. I am a massive fan of this moment! It’s a scene of female empowerment where we are shown that she can handle herself quite well without the protection of another man. It is implied that she is a talented woman when the mirror first speaks of her to Lord Farquad, and she also demonstrates that here.

Shrek’s personality

Shrek, the movie’s main protagonist, enjoys being sarcastic and blunt, and quickly gets frustrated. Shrek is the biggest bully in the movie, constantly putting down others and degrading characters; he tends to take it out the most on Donkey. When we see Shrek’s first interaction with another creature, we get to see how insensitive and blunt he is. Shrek has very little tolerance for Donkey’s obnoxious behavior, such as talking, and upon reaching a peak, Shrek attempts to cover his mouth. No luck. Shrek’s eye twitches when he hears Donkey singing. Shrek says, “It’s no wonder you have no friends.” Shrek’s tactic of scaring him with his ogre roar and telling Donkey this mean comment didn’t even phase him. Naturally, Shrek gets frustrated again because he sees that his effort to get Donkey to leave him alone does not work.

Shrek can definitely put on mean-spirited pranks. For example, there is a scene where Shrek and Donkey must cross the thin, delicate wooden bridge. Donkey is extremely scared and ready to go back. Shrek does not have time for that, so he bullies Donkey by violently shaking the sketchy bridge until Donkey makes it to the other side. After that, he gets annoyed at Donkey talking and says, “Two things. Shut.Up.” And finally, he also shows Donkey that he might move the gray rock to officially block Fiona’s exit, which he claims to be a joke.

Shrek’s mean exterior and tendency to be defensive have to do a lot with how everyone mistreats him because he is constantly misunderstood. By no means am I justifying his behavior as it is downright disrespectful and mean, yet I can understand why he is incredibly guarded and hesitant to involve himself with others as it has not gone well. The frustrating thing about his character development is that it’s easy to be permissive and enable his abusive behavior because we are compelled to like him because he is strong, capable, and funny. The movie tries to pass off his behavior as acceptable since he is a creature that has been hurt continuously.

The viewer is introduced to Shrek’s analogy of “Ogres are like onions.” We know this film would not miss an opportunity for a comedic insertion, so Donkey responds with, “They stink?” and “They make you cry?” Shrek shares that “Ogres have layers.”Another example is when Shrek shares with Donkey as they are watching the stars, “Sometimes things are more than they appear.” I believe this is an extension of the conversation that ogres have layers like onions. Donkey probes Shrek by asking him to explain if he is hiding anything. Shrek is trying to table this conversation as it is a challenging one to have, but Donkey is insistent on discussing this since he cares. We discover that Shrek is trying to keep everybody away from him. He does this because “It’s the world that seems to have a problem with me.” We get the answer to his defensive and guarded behavior as he constantly faces the judgment of others without them actually knowing him. He shares his belief that he is better off alone because of this.

Even though it might not be obvious, we are starting to see Shrek’s real side that others do not get to see, thanks to Donkey’s continuous effort to get to know him. His walls come down temporarily as he starts to feel safe and accepted by Donkey and Fiona. Even though he is typically confident about who he is, his feelings for Fiona make him seem insecure as he says, “She is a princess, and I’m an ogre.” A level of softness is seen when he faces his fear and gets ready to confess his feelings for Fiona. I love seeing this gentle and shy side of Shrek! We even get to see him rehearse what he plans to say to her despite his stutters and how he plans to give her a beautifully giant sunflower: “I saw this flower and thought of you because it’s pretty. Thought you might like it because you’re pretty.” Shrek’s redeeming moments are relatively few, and this is one of those.

Because of his perceived rejection from overhearing the conversation between Fiona and Donkey, we are now set back from the positive strides we were making with him being more confident and involved in the community. He becomes a complete jerk and expedites Fiona’s departure by grabbing the Duloc people. He also treats Donkey poorly, as he believes he is an accomplice to Fiona. I cannot spare how mean he has been to Donkey when he calls him a useless, pathetic, and annoying donkey. Even if his feelings are valid, as he felt betrayed by his new confidant and partner in crime, this gives him no right to treat Donkey like garbage.

Humor would be limited without Donkey

Without Donkey, I don’t think the movie would have been as successful. He is not only the character that provides a lot of comedic relief but is also one that is so full of life. He is the first creature to accept Shrek for who he is and treats him kindly. Early on, we get to see that Donkey has the ability to see the good in everyone as he shares that he likes Shrek because he has an “I don’t care what nobody thinks” attitude. It looks like Donkey’s disadvantages are that he is color-blind and not as bright in terms of intelligence. However, his shortcomings are outshined by the positive attributes he embodies, such as compassion, empathy, and consideration. When he encounters the Dragon at the castle, he is able to escape death as he charms her by complimenting her on her feminine beauty and dazzling smile. He has incredible compassion and empathy towards Shrek from the day he met him. We know that he is empathetic as he asks Fiona for a tip on how to reject someone he is not interested in respectfully, and we see him comfort Fiona after he finds out that she is an Ogre. I commend Donkey’s ability to remain unbothered about Shrek’s abhorrent behavior, and he chooses to confront him by telling him how it is. Donkey tells Shrek that he is so selfish and the following, “You are mean to me. You insult me and don’t appreciate anything I do. Always push me around or push me away.”After things have been cleared up between them, Shrek apologizes to clear the waters.

Intrinsic Value

This movie has various messages it tries to convey to its viewer. This movie shows you how much mean-spirited behavior is glossed over. When it comes to humans, the first person that we are exposed to is Lord Farquad. He comes into his chamber and interrogates the gingerbread man. He is called a monster and rebuts that comment with, “I’m not a monster. You and the rest of that fairytale trash are poisoning my perfect world.” He is clearly not the kindest person, as he chooses to treat others in a despicable way. We see that as he is constantly using the tactic of blackmail, and he displaces all of the fairy-tale creatures because it ruins his perfect world. He is also ready to use others to his advantage, even if it leads to their detriment. We see this when he blatantly shares with the valiant knights, “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.” We have discussed in depth how Shrek’s behavior is abhorrent despite his experience of being constantly mistreated but, Lord Farquad is even worse.

Misunderstandings Happen

One of the things this movie did great was showcase how assumptions and misunderstandings cause more trouble than necessary. We see this play out when there is a misunderstanding between Shrek and Fiona as Shrek accidentally overhears something without context. The reality, as the viewer can recall, is that Donkey discovered Fiona’s spell of becoming an ogre after the sun sets. They are both discussing the implications of this and what to do going forward, such as Fiona considering getting with Shrek instead of Lord Farquad. She shares that the spell can only be broken by having her proper love kiss. Donkey is truthful in his opinion but offers her compassion by asking her if she has considered getting with Shrek instead since it seems they both like each other.

The scene transitions to show that Shrek is returning and has decided to confess his feelings for Fiona. We see him rehearsing the lines he plans to say and is shown carrying a beautifully giant sunflower as he says, “I saw this flower and thought of you because it’s pretty. Thought you might like it because you’re pretty.” When Shrek gets close to the door, he overhears the following said by Fiona, “ Who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don’t go together. That’s why I can’t stay here with Shrek.” At this moment, we see Shrek spiral into making his own conclusions because the message seems applicable to their relationship. The way Shrek reasonably reacted in disappointment as he decided not to confess his feelings for Princess Fiona is due to the fact that he believed what he overheard were Princess Fiona’s real feelings towards him. This shows us that he did not see a point in going to confess his feelings as he would most certainly get rejected.

What he failed to hear was that Fiona was talking about herself, as she was shown saying earlier when he was not there, “I can’t just marry whoever I want, Donkey. Take a good look at me, Donkey.” Here she was referring to how she views herself in her ogre form as ugly. The result that comes from this misunderstanding is a couple of factors: Shrek brings Lord Farquad’s people to retrieve Fiona so he can get the deed to his swamp, Shrek rejects Fiona before hearing her out, and Shrek leaves Donkey behind as he is disappointed in this supposed betrayal.

Rewatching this movie a few times, I noticed that Shrek had the opportunity to clear up this misunderstanding the day he overheard Donkey and Fiona’s conversation. This would have been the best option because there would have been a better outcome where Fiona would have had the opportunity to provide clarity and an explanation about what she said. If Shrek had decided to calm himself down because he did not have all the information he needed and bravely come forward to them, all parties’ relationships could have been spared from the pain that was a result of the misunderstanding. The less ideal option, yet salvageable attempt at resolving this outcome was to confront her in the morning before going to Lord Farquad’s. In the conversation that occurred in the morning, there was an assumption that both parties were talking about the same exact thing and had a mutual understanding of the conversation. The viewer knows that is not the case. Shrek could have intervened here when they conversed in the morning and asked for more context. It is not all on him either, as she could have rectified it in the morning when they were both talking. The purpose of this was to convey that misunderstandings can lead to cascading effects, as we saw with them. I am not by any means advocating for the removal of this scene as it provides a layer of how all of these characters will resolve this conflict that has arisen and what is next.

Profoundly alter my perspective/worldview

This movie has profoundly altered my perspective from when I was a child until now. When I watched this movie as a kid, I watched it just for fun. It was such a funny movie that had a phenomenal music soundtrack. At that time, I had learned that love was love regardless of the person or, in this case, creatures. I also used to think of Shrek as an ugly ogre because of my own prejudice against what is supposedly considered “unattractive” and “undesirable.” Many of us know that kids can be one of the harshest critics as they say things in such an unfiltered and matter-of-a-fact way as they express their opinions and thoughts. Many times I was like that as a child up until I was in high school. One of the things for me is that I never really found “dumb” humor funny since I prefer clever and crafty jokes that involve thought. The farting jokes and grotesque things did not appeal to me, but other aspects did. I still enjoy the movie as much as I did when I was a little girl. This is a staple film in the animated universe with fantastic visual elements and spectacular taste in music; you could never get bored of this piece.

The movie’s poor message is “hurt people, hurt people”

I feel like this movie tries to convey the message that “hurt people, hurt people.” The movie rapidly skims past its characters’ unacceptable, unhealthy, toxic dynamics. They think that when they provide context to Shrek’s behavior when Donkey and Shrek have a conversation about it under the stars that Shrek’s experience of terrible treatment excuses him from being a complete jerk. We know that Shrek’s behavior can be attributed to his poor character as he continuously degrades and puts down Donkey throughout the entire movie. I am not sure if the creators of this film intended to make it seem like Shrek was only mean when he explicitly said horrible stuff when in reality it was also his behavior toward others. It is evident here when Shrek and Donkey have their first fight. Despite Shrek saying those mean things to Donkey, Donkey comes back seeking reconciliation with Shrek. However, Donkey is more upfront and challenges him this time around. I am so proud of Donkey for calling Shrek out and standing up for himself, “You are mean to me, you insult me and don’t appreciate anything I do. Always push me around or push me away.” Here we learn how he has hurt Donkey, and it’s so saddening because even if Shrek did not intend to, the impact of what he did to Donkey was quite harmful.

We know that the movie does try to justify this behavior as Shrek says, “Oh yeah, well if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?” Donkey’s well-intentioned and somewhat truthful response is this: “Cause that’s what friends do. Friends forgive each other.” The reason why I say that this was an easy cop-out method for the film to justify the mistreatment is that it fails to show Shrek’s concern and care to rectify this. He clearly has the following attitudes, “well, it’s my way or the highway” and “it must not have been bad since you are here again.” Shrek is not only emotionally unavailable, it seems like he struggles to be respectful towards others, as Donkey and Fiona have done for him. He also disrespects Fiona by blowing her off after the perceived rejection that he faced, which was uncalled for. Finally, to add a cherry on top of this situation, let’s add his disingenuous apology that was not real. Shrek “apologizes” to Donkey, saying, “I guess I am a big stupid ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?” Here is my breakdown of why this is not a genuine apology. The first part of this phrasing is Shrek using self-deprecating language for you to pity him, and his plea for forgiveness is absent of why he is apologizing and how he plans to do better.

At last, it is not coming from an authentic place, Shrek seems to apologize because of his ulterior motive to acquire more information about Fiona. It is shown in the movie that all parties make up, which is a positive outcome. This is a poor example of an apology that is not genuine and has an absence of taking complete accountability for his actions, so learning this approach would be a disservice to kids and adults.

Shrek represents marginalized communities

We can see that Shrek’s bitterness and constant negative attitude probably have more to do with how he faces mistreatment from anyone. My loose theory is that Shrek and the fairy-tale creatures represent marginalized communities in the real world. I say this because there are constant infringements on his livelihood, and they cannot escape mistreatment. Fiona only gets treated better when she is a beautiful human. When she is an ogre, we see the favorable treatment instantly shift into a negative one. We can also deduce that she would be mistreated as an ogre because Shrek is. This is why Shrek’s way to resolve this is to stay in isolation and be devoid of the community since it’s worse for him to join the masses. Shrek does not seek to understand the people or creatures that hate him or spend their time misunderstanding him, as he has accepted that he is better off alone.

“Rescuing the Damsel In Distress” — Monsieur Hood Edition

This movie has the classic trope of “someone stealing your person.” That is introduced when Monsieur Hood comes onto the screen. He supposedly came to rescue Princess Fiona since she “needed” saving (according to him). Monsieur Hood abruptly appears and, without explicit permission, whisks her away. It is wild that the blatant violation of her bodily autonomy is glossed over, as this is important to move the plot forward. The second act of aggression is his obvious disregard towards her, as he never bothered to ask her for her needs. This guy felt entitled to slay the ogre and take the woman as his prize, nothing but audacious, if you ask me. Once again, an assumption occurred, but this time with Fiona and a complete stranger.

We know he used the ploy of rescuing her to seem like a man protecting a woman. He is trying to come off as a “savior,” yet he is more dangerous than Shrek because he does whatever he wants at the expense of other people. His ulterior motive was simply to take Fiona hostage for his own benefit. Unfortunately, she became a target as a result of her beauty. It is because he wants unlimited access to her, and as a result of it, he is not to be trusted. We know he is a jerk because he quickly ascribes value to people according to their looks. That is evident as he deems Shrek an “ugly ogre,” which we know is the first reason why he wants to slay him and the second is so he does not become an obstacle in his kidnapping. Clearly, I have beef with this guy. I am not going to lie, I felt nothing but joy when I saw Fiona kicking all the Merry Men’s asses and knocking them out cold. I don’t agree with violence as an answer, however, I don’t believe in absolving people of consequences either. Even if the movie played him off as a benign character, that type of man would be dangerous in the real world. So, I have learned that no matter what, you should learn self-defense to protect yourself against some weirdos. This scene was also about female empowerment, which I am a massive fan of since women are often portrayed as fragile and weak. Even if the scenario was a con, we can see that. The positive angle is that Fiona showed them not to underestimate her baddie energy.

Lord Farquad is not a fit leader for the kingdom of Duloc

I tend to think of films profoundly, so here’s another thinking point I have realized. Lord Farquad is not a fit leader for the kingdom of Duloc, as we see when he has his henchmen waterboard the gingerbread man, uses Shrek as a pawn and doesn’t care if he dies as a result, and threatens to kill Fiona for being an ogre. Finally, he removed all the fairy-tale creatures and displaced them into Shrek’s swamp without permission.

Elements that Enhanced the Movie

Music

One of the best aspects of this movie is the superb selection of music, from the sound effects to the lyrical songs played. Every minute of the movie is like music to the ears. For the sound effects, I truly enjoyed the action sequence after Shrek is shown running when the dragon gets mad that she kissed his butt on accident. This short yet captivating piece of sound makes you perk up at the scene and root for Shrek, Donkey, and the princess to make it out of the castle in time. I am sure other sound effects occurred throughout the film, which impeccably matched the scene, and this one was my favorite.

At the start of the movie, not only do we get creative visual elements as an intro, but they play the song “All Star” by Smash Mouth. The song could not have been more fitting for the movie since it sets the tone of what the movie will feel like, plus it is something where the song encapsulates Shrek’s character. Sometimes the movie matches the words to a song, so when the mirror shares that Fiona liked Pina Coladas during his explanation to Lord Farquad, once Lord Farquad selects Fiona as the princess that he wants to marry, we hear the song, “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes. For an action-packed scene where Shrek is about to take on the knights that are there for the tournament, we hear them play “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett, which was an excellent fit since they had Shrek try to talk them down from fighting and as it did not work the song kicked in right after. If I ever hear this song in public, I think “Wasn’t that song on Shrek?” I absolutely love the vibes of this song!

Halfway through the film, the music tone is adventurous and slowly conveys a more sensitive and vulnerable tone as we progress toward the movie’s end. The adventurous tone is kicked off once Shrek and Donkey are on their journey to rescue the princess from the castle. This song is “I’m on My Way,” which is performed by The Proclaimers. I had never heard of this song, and the chorus is a bit repetitive, however, with the catchy tune and having this play as we transitioned to the various environments that these two have to travel through to get to the castle, there couldn’t have been a better pick. After the lows of Fiona and Shrek fighting to the intensity of escaping a kidnapping and not dying of an arrow, we are in the music zone that elicits a more sensitive and vulnerable tone. The first song will be “My Beloved Monster” by Eels. This is the song that plays when Shrek and Fiona are depicted as flirting with each other when Fiona makes Shrek a “cotton candy type of thing” but with a mosquito net and Shrek returns the sentiment by blowing up a toad into a balloon. I think it is a little messed up that it says monster in the lyrics, as that saddens me a little, but I want to take the meaning and usage of this song in an empowering and endearing way as opposed to anything else. Before the movie’s climax, the viewer is privy to the moment where we finally get to see Shrek with his walls down (slightly) as he gets shy with Fiona while they are eating the rats he cooks. The song that plays before that scene is done is “You Belong to Me, “ performed by Jason Wade.

As the movie gets closer to the end, the scenes where Fiona and Shrek are shown apart feature the song “Hallelujah” performed by Rufus Wainwright. I love this touching rendition as it matches the sad circumstances of the two characters in the midst of a conflict. I have already mentioned the folks involved in the development of the movie did a fantastic job of seamlessly transitioning these scenes, but we all know that it may not have had the same emotional damage without the music. Finally, before the movie ends, we have a fun song on the way out, “I’m a Believer,” which is performed by Smash Mouth, and they have Eddie Murphy, who plays Donkey, as the additional voice. This movie does not have a bonus scene, so it cuts straight into the traditional end credits and plays the song “Stay Home” performed by Self. Not only is it so fitting that it matches Shrek’s mentality of staying in isolation, but it’s also a fun vibe.

Finally, I just want to give a massive shoutout to everyone making this masterful art piece!! I’d love to highlight those mainly involved with the entire movie’s music soundtrack as it is a MAGICAL element from the tactical selection, the clean transitions, and the crisp quality. I love the consistent environment involving their characters in EVERY part of the movie, including the credits. Significant thanks to ALL the creatives involved directly with the movie to the talent of writing, art, and the technical aspects of it all. This is one of the movies that exceeds its comprehensive care by excelling in the execution of the opening credits, the content of the film, and the ending credits.

Cross-Over Analysis: Shrek & Shark Tale

I’d like to share the connection between Shark Tale and Shrek regarding their main characters and a common theme of insecurity and self-worth. There is a parallel between Oscar from Shark Tale and Shrek concerning their level of insecurity. Oscar is an insecure fish from top to bottom. We see that this started from his youth when he was made fun of at his show-and-tell, and he, as an adult fish, believes that he is a nobody because he is not somebody with status and wealth. My thinking process shifted after conversing with someone I knew, and they said that Shrek was also insecure! I first thought Shrek was confident because of his “I don’t care what nobody thinks” attitude, which is not a wrong mentality because people will be disappointed in you no matter what. You will never be able to please everyone; a life doing that is miserable. However, his behavior of being mean and putting others down makes him an insecure creature. Oscar is an insecure person that self-inflicts his own pain. Both characters are extremely insecure and Oscar is not as mean and selfish — I prefer Oscar in this case.

Conclusion

If I could, I would talk about this movie in particular for days, but this is the in-depth review of a movie that I cherished in my youth and still hold near and dear, even more so now as an adult. I know that I could never get bored of this movie. This movie excels in the following: providing a healthy balance of comedy, authenticity, and intricate plot. In addition to that, it also leaves the viewer feeling a tremendous impact, has intrinsic value, and has phenomenally curated music that enhances the movie experience. Finally, a fantastic discovery that I appreciated coming by was seeing that a woman who also directed this movie, Vicky Jenson, later ended up directing one of my other favorite animated movies, Shark Tale! If you are curious about my thoughts on Shark Tale, check it out.

Thank you for reading my review! I hope you enjoyed it.

Wishing you a joyful experience of immersion,

Elexus.

Written by Elexus Liggins | Edited by Samantha Zisk

Title of Movie: Shark Tale

Exernal Link for Movie Details From IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0307453/

Time: 1HR & 30 Minutes

Date Created: 2004

Category: Family/ Adventure

Cast: Will Smith, Robert De Niro, Renee Zellweger, Angelina Jolie

Directors: Bibo Bergeron, Vicky Jenson, and Rob Letterman

Writers: Michael J. Wilson, Rob Letterman, Scott Aukerman

Why I Picked This Movie

Shark Tale is an underrated gem that DreamWorks Animation produced. Let’s raise a toast to one of the best movies from the 2000s-where the people behind the movie showcased their creativity in the opening credits; where they perfectly curated the soundtracks; and where they always managed to sneak humor in after a profound moment. This movie subverted our human life into the deep depths of the coral reefs with the ocean wildlife starring as the main characters. Shark Tales has many well-known celebrities, such as Will Smith, Robert De Niro, Renee Zellweger, Jack Black, and Angelina Jolie. The balance of humor, its intricate plot, and its impact on the audience make it timeless and robust. In addition to the other topics, I want to mention how much I appreciated the perfect soundtrack and unique visuals that improved the movie experience.

Healthy balance of seriousness and not-so-serious moments

Shark Tale is a blend of profound and comedic moments, and the creators juggled the mixed scenes well. The transitions between scenes are smooth and appropriate without being distracting. I’d like to share a few of those moments below.

One of the funnier scenes that shines is when Luca, Don Lino’s henchman, has to change the song as it gets stuck. It lands on the song “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot. This slight fumble was quite funny, especially when Don tells Sykes he’s fired and owes him five thousand clams.

We are privy to seeing Oscar’s private imagination where his delusion takes place. His grand dream of becoming a millionaire by winning a bet he placed on the seahorse’s Lucky Day creeps into the picture. As Oscar, the main protagonist, contemplates betting versus paying his debt back to Sykes, he takes a moment to recall the last words he heard from Angie, his friend and love interest. Oscar distorts Angie’s quote, “Dreams can begin small,” by imagining her saying he can bet all the money. It’s funny because this portrayal of her is out of character.

At this moment, we are introduced to Lola, a fish represented as extremely attractive and superficial. Her ears perk when Oscar says he would be “Oscar, the millionaire.” Lola approaches him because of this and discovers he’s not rich. Before she leaves, Lola rejects him. She says “he’s cute, but he’s a nobody.” Immediately after, Sykes’s henchmen show up and secretly witness the rejection. They use Oscar’s low moment to make fun of him. These two hilarious jellyfish mimic the rejection with hot dog wiener sticks.

Finally, I would like to share a moment I found funny for its simplicity. Before the comedic moment happens, Lenny has to prove himself since he failed to eat shrimp earlier at the diner with their father. Don sends Lenny and his brother to prove he is a real shark. We see Lenny and Frankie bonding by poking fun at each other, but then it gets serious when Frankie becomes frustrated at Lenny for not eating the fish. Frankie is frustrated by that and ends up targeting Oscar to show Lenny what a real shark is. Amid the tense scene, Frankie gets knocked out by an anchor. Lenny rushes to Frankie in distress and asks if he’s okay. Frankie responds he is cold after getting hit. Lenny takes the patient and calm route, stating it is because “they are cold-blooded.” Frankie dies after slapping Lenny and calling him a moron. I just love how literal the joke was. These are some of my favorite comedic moments in this movie. The clever and tactical wit of the writers was top-tier.

Authentic and unique

Shark Tale is authentic and unique. Viewers can be immersed in this animated movie with its three-dimensional structure. There is an extraordinary level of richness in texture and depth to the environment and characters. It is an aesthetically pleasing experience for the audience also. One thing that I love about this movie is the opening scene showcasing the studio that produced the movie. Viewers see a pink worm flung around and dropped in the ocean. The movie immediately introduces you to Lenny, a shark, who assists the worm’s escape from the hook he’s wrapped on. After that scene ends, you see the voice actors’ names pop as the camera takes you deeper into the reef’s environment, where the movie will predominantly take place.

The next scene features Katie Current, a fish reporter, announcing that the sharks are gone. We pan from an empty part of the fish’s equivalent of a city’s downtown to a bustling city in the reef. The next scene shows the ocean environment where the movie takes place, drawing parallels to life on land in America. While navigating life under the ocean, we hear “Three Little Birds” by Sean Paul & Ziggy Marley. Other instances include a fish reporter covering a fish accident similar to a car crash, a fish waiting at a light like a driver, and lobsters acting like trains on underwater tracks. A minute detail I appreciated in this scene is how the team involved in making the film made the fish’s traffic light system tailored to their environment by having the red light say“Don’t Swim,” and then it would shift to green which says “Swim”. One of my favorite scenes in the introduction is the cut scene which zeros in on the “Sushi Bowl” establishment. The chef fish becomes twitchy and so frustrated that they stab the counter with the knife. I found this part hilarious because it seems like a running joke. The scene conveys that the “Sushi Bowl” is unpopular because fish would eat other fish, which is cannibalism. Also, I felt the visible frustration and twitch of that character and it was such a mood.

This movie also does an excellent job of using the uniqueness of the environment to elevate the scenes and storyline. They change many existing brands and languages to match the ocean environment. It’s shown as Oscar gains fame from adopting the moniker “Oscar The Sharkslayer.” For example, “Gup” instead of GAP, “Coral Cola” instead of Coca-Cola, “Fish King” instead of Burger King, and “Southside Reef Square” instead of Times Square. In addition to that, I loved the creativity of ocean water creatures having their own magazine lines that fit into their universe. We see Oscar on the cover of the following magazines, “Fin,” “Fathom — swimming at the speed light,” and “Floating — On the Reef,”. A few personal favorites will be the following ocean magazine titles, “Crustacean,” “Modern Fry,” and “Newsweek,”. The “FQ” magazine in Shark Tale is like the GQ magazine that started in New York dedicated to men’s fashion, style, and lifestyle. Another gem of magazines would be “Teen Fish” in Shark Tale, which would be like the American Teen Vogue magazine edition. The Teen magazine reference is special to me because I was a huge follower of the J-14 and Seventeen magazines in that era. We did not have the money to pay for the magazines so, I always made sure to read them during the grocery runs we made. I was a huge fan of the quizzes they curated, too. The bonus Shark Tale magazine that warms my heart is “Pisces,” and that is because it is my zodiac sign.

An excellent example of the uniqueness in the film is when Oscar and Lenny sneak their way into Oscar’s spare garage so that Lenny can hide there. The song “Good Foot” by Justin Timberlake and Timbaland plays while they move around different places. They hid in sewers and behind a brick wall to escape a whale cop painted to mimic a cop car. They could not have used a more fitting song. This was perfect. You see Oscar hopping around and getting into these incredible “USPS” blue mailbox-looking things fitting for the ocean environment. As viewers watch this scene, it felt very illegal to see them commit the egregious crime of bringing a shark into the environment of the vulnerable fish. Bringing your most prominent and scariest predator directly into the safe space of the prey — wild!

Another example that works really well is when Oscar leads the fight to his job at the whale wash, an environment where he will have the most advantage. Don and his henchmen were set up to lose in this, as they were unfamiliar with the place. It was funny when Oscar tried to trap Don in the mechanical piece which keeps whales in place; he trapped his friend Lenny instead. Shortly after, many of the spinning arms on the machine entrapped Don. A comedic moment in this scene was when the headphone guy placed a clean air fresh tag onto Don’s face and told him to have a good day. The headphone guy was so distracted that he didn’t even know it was a fight. He deserves an award for the most focused employee who does not care because he is there for his paycheck!

Intriguing dynamic characters

Yes, we have an array of characters that riff well off each other. The film does an excellent job of keeping the characters in line with themselves.

One thing I appreciate is a character portrayed as the ideal character but, instead, is antagonistic. Lola is the fish that every other female fish would aspire to embody because of her sexy, feminine looks. According to the movie, the audience must believe that her beauty is the end all be all. How do they do this? They introduce Lola flipping her hair as it sparkles around her dramatically! She kisses Oscar. I disagree with the behavior she commits to, but I commend her for her confidence and strategy to get what she wants. Lola is clearly a high-maintenance person with princess looks but a horrendous attitude if you cross her. She is also quite fickle because if you don’t do what she wants, she will show you her true colors. When Oscar realizes he is in love with Angie, Lola asks, “Are you dumping me?” We can see her raging fury before she whacks Oscar for rejecting her. The final moment where she proves to be more of an antagonist than a love interest is when she shows up to the sit-down. The sit-down was between Don and his henchmen against Oscar, Lenny, and Sykes. Oscar is surprised at her presence, and she hits him with the line, “There’s one thing I like better than money, revenge.” Not only is this a sign of a significant lack of healing, but an even clearer sign that Oscar and Angie are a better match for each other.

Oscar, one of the movie’s main protagonists, is charming, kind, and caring. On the flip side, he is naive, reckless, and embodies a false bravado. He is pretty charming as he has a big personality that comes with his big dreams — most of the other creatures in the reef that know him like him a lot. He’s creative and theatrical. Oscar’s good at creating advantageous scenarios, like the fake Sharkslayer story or bringing a fight to his workplace. Oscar extends kindness to everyone in the movie, even peculiar and quirky creatures. He is also a fish who cares for others as much as possible. If he can’t take care of them in the way that is needed, he does his best within his capacity. This false bravado of his is apparent as he wears this facade to hide the fact he’s an incredibly insecure fish. One can infer that this started back when Oscar was in grade school and was bullied for believing his father was the coolest dude. This insecurity plagues his adulthood as he feels he is a nobody. He has these aspirations to become somebody by up-leveling his life in a grand way.When Oscar and Angie discuss his debt, he calls himself a nobody. Oscar has a reckless nature to him that keeps him in an insatiable state. He has fallen for the get-rich-quick schemes as Angie shared earlier. With the way she said it, it is implied that he has been a repeat offender. Oscar failed at winning the gambling bet at the seahorse race, which he viewed as his one opportunity to acquire wealth and status. When a second opportunity appeared, Oscar refused to let it go, even if it went against a set of ethics.

Oscar thinks a lot more in the short term, so he doesn’t have a problem lying. I say he is also reckless in assuming that he wouldn’t face adverse consequences for his actions. This is shown when Angie asks him if he expects to get away with all the lies and the fact that he’s slain a shark. Oscar admits he believed himself to be someone who’s absolved from consequences. Becoming a somebody led him to justify his crooked ways by telling Angie, “Don’t take it personally. I lied to everybody.” Oscar is seen as immature and reckless, yet, the audience cannot resist all the positive characteristics that make him redeemable. In the end, he rectifies it all and becomes more stable. The last piece here is that Angie confesses her immense love and shares her frustration and disappointment. She has been tired of hearing that everything in Oscar’s life, including her, was never good enough. In this scene, viewers see Oscar has not only forgotten where he comes from but has also forgotten who he is. Amid acquiring this newfound fame and status, he has done it at the expense of others. He has been ungrateful and unappreciative of everything in his life. Angie has gone above and beyond for Oscar; ‌he has taken her for granted.

Lenny, one of the movie’s main protagonists, is knowledgeable, caring, and friendly. On the flip side, he is quirky and a vegetarian. He is the complete opposite of Oscar. Early in the movie, Lenny’s father, Don Lino, speaks positively about him and shares that he is intelligent. Viewers see that when Lenny develops an elaborate plan to prove Oscar is the Sharkslayer. Lenny is caring. He ensures the survival of others, even if he is their supposed predator. Despite his father’s demand to eat the shrimp, Lenny saves and sets them free. He takes care of Oscar, Frankie, and Angie by being of service to them or simply providing entertainment. Lenny is chatty and silly, so he is enjoyable to be around. Viewers see this when he discovers Oscar is the Sharkslayer. Lenny cracks a joke while he is blackmailing Oscar for his blatant lies. Finally, his insecurity comes from others, especially his father.

Don is judgemental with an authoritarian parenting style. He cares more about his reputation than his children’s happiness and fulfillment. That is shown in Don’s treatment regarding Lenny’s vegetarian status and inability to be “normal”, like his brother or other sharks. Don tells Lenny that he will learn to be a proper shark, whether he likes it or not. Lenny is constantly criticized by his father. We see this when Don Lino asks another character, “What’s wrong with him? Frankie is perfect.” While one son is praised and the other is put down, Lenny is outside the ship as he overhears his father’s criticism. At this moment, Lenny decides to leave and not rejoin the sharks in his father’s lair. The reason I say I don’t believe Lenny is inherently insecure is because he tells other creatures that he is vegetarian, but his father does not take this well. Throughout the movie, Lenny becomes more confident in who he is, and viewers can see him take joy in exploring his identity. Even if Angie or Oscar shush him, there is a level of acceptance that he gets with them that he never got with his brother or father. Lenny was fearful of Don Lino and utterly disappointed in his lack of acceptance. Thanks to Oscar’s help at the car wash, Don and Lenny clear up the misunderstandings and repair their relationship.

Ernie and Bernie, the two henchmen that work for Sykes, are the hilarious jellyfish duo. These two are constantly providing trouble or comedy. It is well executed and balanced in the movie. One of the first examples of their comedy is when they show up to witness Oscar’s rejection. They don’t waste any time and decide to use this new moment to make fun of him. Another funny scene featuring the henchmen is when they take Oscar far out into the ocean to provide a punishment by stinging him. Viewers see them joke around. Bernie questioned why his tentacles sting other creatures but cannot sting each other. Right then, Bernie stings Ernie. Ernie dramatically flails around, falls towards the ground, and feigns being injured. Bernie is proud of his joke. The jokes aren’t witty or clever but are more fun and light-hearted. Without them, the movie would not be as funny!

What is a community without children? These are some of my favorite underrated groups of characters that I did not even realize were a gem until I rewatched the movie again. This ocean environment has “The Shorties.” They are the fish kids highlighted in the movie. The Shorties are naturally funny and have no qualms about telling you how it is. They are a breath of fresh air and represent their free nature by expressing themselves and doing whatever they want. Viewers are introduced to their natural humor in the movie’s beginning when Oscar is cosplaying his fantasy in front of a billboard. Oscar playfully says, “Even a superstar Mac Daddy like me has to have the basic necessities.” The shorties are the first creatures to call him out by roasting him, “Yeah, like money,” and “You so broke your bologna has no first name.” The fish kids did not need to tear him down, but they packed a punch to ground him back into reality. Their snarky remarks do not affect Oscar, so he tells them, “Shouldn’t y’all be at school or something?” They immediately clap back, saying, “Shouldn’t you be at work or something?”

Another funny moment is witnessed when Oscar and Lenny are discussing the mystery of “The Sharkslayer.” In the middle of that, we hear, “You put your fins on the wall where I can see ‘em.” The comedic part was wherever the voices came from, they sounded tough. This led to Oscar and Lenny’s quick compliance to the demands made by the tough-sounding voices. Fear made them think they were in trouble with someone in power, so they obeyed quickly. Oscar investigates the situation, and it turns out “The Shorties” are out late at night in the tunnel graffitiing. Oscar tells them he’ll tell their moms but, most importantly, that it is dangerous at night. The fish kids listen to Oscar by leaving but decide to go graffiti Crazy Joe, the hermit crab instead.

In addition to their humor, these kids have exceptional talent. They graffitied the billboard where Oscar was earlier seen daydreaming. In the middle of the night, inside the tunnel, before Oscar interrupted them, they were tagging the wall with Oscar displayed as The Sharkslayer. Viewers eventually even see them spray paint one of the sharks at the movie’s end after a car wash. I kept writing the word “graffiti” because that is probably how the writers want you to see it. However, I would rather define it as a work of art overall with a splash of graffiti aesthetic. All three fish kids have unique artistic abilities, so I would hope they’d use it for big projects such as murals or something of the like.

Intricate Plot

Shark Tale does a beautiful job of tying all the loose ends and coming full circle. Viewers are introduced to an ambitious, charming, yet selfish fish, Oscar, who dreams big for the wrong reasons. He phoned a friend to rescue him from his irresponsible behavior. The movie would have ended immediately if Oscar paid off the money he owed and put his life back together. But that would be too easy and quick for a movie. The writers wrote him committing to actions aligned with his ambitious and selfish nature. Oscar meets Lenny, the second protagonist of the movie. Viewers see both of their lives propel upward after Oscar lies about being a Sharkslayer. Tensions are high when both Oscar and his love interest fight for his lack of authenticity and ungrateful nature. Ironically, Oscar has to rescue Angie from Lenny’s family and this results in a major fight at the whale wash. Ultimately, everything collides together and there are no loose ends for the movie, as each individual and group conflict is resolved seamlessly.

Intrinsic Value:

Shark Tale adds value to my life and enhances it. The lessons that this movie teaches can be essential. Not only does the viewer see why certain things should not be done, but viewers can also see the consequences that occur as a result of them. The first lesson is that nothing good comes from lying. This is important because Oscar lied to achieve his dream and it cost him. Dreaming big is good, but not at the expense of others. It’s important to remember our roots and maintain good relationships while pursuing our goals, even if it means facing hard truths. Viewers can also learn from this movie that telling the truth is no easy feat. Not only will the truth set us free, but working with others can take us far.

The second lesson is acknowledging that being unique from others is okay, and we should be celebrated, cherished, and valued for who we are. I would love to highlight how well they cared for Lenny’s self-development. We know he is a vegetarian, quirky, and intelligent. However, throughout the movie, he constantly faces negative criticism about it. The most extensive judgment comes from his family and his father, which doesn’t end until the movie’s over. I believe Frankie had more grace towards Lenny as he volunteered to take Lenny’s position so his brother wouldn’t have to. Frankie and Lenny had the typical sibling relationship, teasing one another. But they knew they were different and took care of each other. For Lenny to be loved, seen for who he is, and appreciated, it took him to be taken in by Oscar. Oscar was judgemental but always ended up being accepting. I believe that Oscar and Lenny’s relationship reassured each other that they were good enough.

The third lesson is the lesson of what matters most; it is that you have to believe you are somebody. Oscar’s insecurity wouldn’t allow him to love himself or for others to show him love in return. Here, viewers can infer that his limiting beliefs for himself most likely don’t originate from him. He described himself as a “Little fish in a big pond. I’m a nobody.” Oscar wants to be at the top of the reef where “the somebodies” live and wants to be rich and famous, but he’s stuck down in the bottom of the reef. This movie proved we should not allow the judgment of others to destroy our self-esteem and self-worth. There is an indirect message that you are worthy and more than enough. We are the only ones who should ascribe our value. Everyone has value simply because we exist.

Finally, the last lesson is remembering who you are and where you come from. Oscar loses himself with his newly gained fame. Instead of being humble, he’s become arrogant and full of himself. He lets the new fame and status go to his head. Viewers see that specifically occur when Angie is upset with Lola and Oscar making out. However, Oscar is oblivious to why Angie is upset. In confusion, he asks what is wrong with him, and Angie says, “Sometimes I wanna take your big dumb dummy head and just agh.” Angie explains this to get Oscar to see how disingenuous Lola is. Angie probes him by asking him if he thinks Lola would be interested if he were not rich and The Sharkslayer. To that question, Oscar elaborates why he believes in Lola’s interest. “At least she treats me like I am somebody. Nobody loved me when I was a nobody.”

At the movie’s climax, Angie reveals she’s always loved him, especially before he became a “somebody”. This lesson is extremely important because we should never forget where we come from or who we are. We must not forget to be grateful and appreciative of everyone involved in the process of how we move up in the world. The one-sided relationship between Angie and Oscar was unacceptable. Viewers can learn from this, reciprocity and care are equally important. It is quite appalling to hear that nothing is satisfactory and that everything in your life is bad when you have been there to support them every step of the way. Everyone has been supportive or provided a cushion for him to lean on, but he takes it for granted.

Profoundly alter my perspective/worldview.

When I watched this movie as a kid, I always thought it was funny and had great music. I enjoyed it for its entertaining value. Now, I love it even more and am excited at how it has altered my perspective on life.

As a girl, I always thought being “somebody” was determined by superficial and arbitrary means. According to this movie, do whatever you need to gain success because that is what you desire is a message I have received. However, I have learned as an adult that focusing only on the outcomes of things and not valuing the entire process along the way is unfair to both ourselves and our communities. Thinking of oneself as unimportant can lead to low self-esteem and self-worth. Oscar’s desire for material wealth, status, and fame was supposed to be surface-level, but he was tremendously impacted, as he did not feel he was inherently important. This affected him personally, spiritually, and mentally.

I’ve learned through life experience that our soul is more important than artificial concepts and ideologies. There is more to life than the material. As an adult, I have defined my identity based on my life purpose rather than any other fabricated system or title because I believe humans are meant to enjoy their life. Humans should do this in moderation and in harmony with their fellow creatures and mother nature. In this movie, Oscar got to have it all: romantic love, platonic love, financial stability, and community. To me, that is something to aspire to; at least on the basic level of acquiring and sharing love, being in community, and having all of your basic needs met.

Excelled in Music Selection

I’d love to highlight those mainly involved with the entire movie’s music soundtrack. The tactical selection, the clean transitions, and the crisp quality made the soundtrack absolutely magical. I love the consistent environment involving their characters in EVERY part of the movie, including the credits. Major thanks to ALL the creatives involved directly with the movie, to the talent of writing, art, and the technical aspects of it all. This is one movie that exceeds its comprehensive care by excelling in the execution of the opening credits, the content of the film, and the ending credits. We get a clean transition after the movie finalizes with all the characters making up. It transitions into a bonus scene introducing the ending song of the film, “Car Wash” by Christina Aguilera featuring Missy Elliot. The movie ends after that with the rolling credits playing the song “Lies and Rumors” by D12 as they show the highlighted scenes that take place in the movie. Every inch of this film deserves attention. I am a massive fan of the jam-packed ending credits. The credits start with a summary of the movie’s creators, accompanied by high-resolution stills from the film. The second section of this ending credits transitions to another song.

Conclusion

If I could, I would talk about this movie for days on end. But this is an in-depth review of a movie that I cherished in my youth and hold near and dear, even more so now as an adult. I know I could never get bored with this movie. It excels by providing a healthy balance of comedy, authenticity, and intricate plot. Other elements that make it stand out are its intrinsic value, impact, and how it excelled in the realm of music. Shoutout to everyone who made this masterful art piece!

Finally, a fantastic discovery that I appreciated discovering while writing the review is that one of the directors, Vicky Jenson, also directed one of my other favorite animated movies, Shrek! This fantastic film came after Shrek, so, no wonder it’s a phenomenal project.

If you are curious about my thoughts on Shrek, feel free to check out that review as well. Need more convincing? I made a mini-analysis where I cross-referenced this movie to connect the parallels between our star characters in the films Shrek and Oscar.

Thank you for reading my review! I hope you enjoyed it.

Wishing you a joyful experience of immersion,

Elexus.

Section 1: Personal Note About My Sentiments To This Topic

As a human being that chronically bounces around between optimism, realism, and pessimism, I will not lie and tell you that my feelings are always positive or solely negative. If you ask me, this mentality shifts around a lot depending on the day, the mood I am in, and the situation/circumstances at hand. However, my primary goal is to ensure that the majority of where I end is on a positive spectrum.

That’s my plea to you. You can feel however you need to at any moment in time but, your behavior and the outcome of those feelings should not come to the detriment of others around you. We should not be contributors to the suffering of others when life and other factors already do that. In fact, we should contribute more joy to the world and to others because life feels better from that angle. Many moments in life set us up to fail, experience loss, and experience some form of oppression — those moments can be very grim and should not be taken lightly. It is in these times when you act in the best interests of others and how your soul yearns to be treated.

One of the things that I relish the most is other people genuinely smiling with an open mouth. Whether they have teeth or not does not matter. What matters is that I can feel the amazing radiance behind their emotion. I may not know them personally but, I love seeing joy around me. I can see their eyes brighten up and come alive with that wide grin — it warms my heart. Another thing that I relish and feel delight in is when I hear people laugh. It could range from a chuckle all the way to rambunctious laughter. From a distance, I know that if I knew what they were laughing about, maybe I wouldn’t find it funny. And that is okay. What I love most is when all parties involved laugh with each other instead of at each other. Hearing a hearty laugh around me makes me smile on the inside. These are a few of the basic human gestures and actions that I cherish the most on a foundational level.

Section 2: What Happened In This Topic

There should be a celebration of life that extends beyond designated days such as holidays, birthdays, and other major life events. In my earliest memory, one of the most exciting things that I encountered was eating “green eggs and ham” which was a concept in Dr. Seuss’s book, “Green Eggs and Ham.” I even tried to ask my mom if she could make me this badass dish (before I knew that ham was not naturally green). I remember that my mom and brother came to my school and brought us cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I got mad at my little brother because he bit into a cupcake before I even got to it (typical sibling nonsense). I ended up more happy because my peers celebrated me with our birthday celebration ritual where the child was in the middle of the carpet as the “birthday candle” and the other students walked around me in a circle singing happy birthday. I was delighted at that moment.

I cannot remember at which point in my childhood this happened, but I got stung by a bee for playing around with it in the back of the car. I let out a scream because it was painful. However, my uncle was wonderful and gave my mom this little tub, probably used for butter at some point, he filled it with soil, and they stuck my finger in it. I was thrilled with their quick problem-solving skills. I had another moment of joy when my second-grade teacher showed us how to pop the popcorn kernels- this was my first time seeing how these kernels were made, as this was a foreign concept to me. She even made it fun by adding food coloring to it, and I believe she made it the colors of the U.S. flag — red, white, and blue.

Fast forward to a later stage in my life, hanging out with my cousins in Mexico was definitely fun. There were a lot of delicious meals that we spent eating over the course of our lives. I would say my favorite was eating these scrumptious street tacos that were unhealthily greasy — I am sure that we ate on my grandma’s patio on a hot summer night. Moments that made me happy with other extended family members such as when my grandparents cracked jokes with us and told us their life stories. My grandmother knew a lot of the foods that we loved to eat and allowed us to grab tasty snacks at the local gas station in Mexico. We spent a lot of time with them hanging outside in the summer and chatting late before going to bed.
Nonetheless, I had amazing times with my mother and brother! Growing up, we spent our birthdays celebrating together at the birthday person’s restaurant of choice. We spent time watching movies in the movie theater together and shared countless meals at the dining table. Our bonding times were also in the most mundane parts of life, such as grocery shopping or getting checked out at the doctor’s. Recently, I went to visit my mother for Father’s Day weekend and all of us, including my brother and his wife, spent our time talking about life in one of those moments we were laughing at one of my classic Elexus-isms.

Section 3: Provide the “How” and “Why” Of this Topic

The final component of my life that I cherish and relish the most is the people that are in my community. These are people that are in my life even if ever so slightly, even if they were fleeting, and even if our relationship dynamics have changed. I am so grateful to every single person that has touched my life in any way. Because I have had the opportunity to be seen, heard, cherished, cared, and loved.

For the first time, I made friends in high school during my junior year who were the people I felt I belonged with. These were the people that celebrated my uniqueness and I laughed a lot with them. We went country dancing for the first time on the teen nights. We also had a fun lazy sleepover before the day of our special prom. That whole day before prom and leading up to prom was a very wholesome set of moments for me- we sang and danced, played games and talked about life, and glammed up to tear it down on the dance floor as friends. Also, we all pitched in to rent a cool limo! I was so proud to have paid with my hard-earned money from my first teen job at a fast food chain. Then I made really great friends during my time at university friends which only enhanced my ability to embrace my authenticity and individuality. We have become closer despite the distance that we share, and that does not subtract any more of the love that I have for them.

Finally, I have to thank and appreciate those who helped me in a professional capacity. Those who were my mentors, you know who you are, have been the most amazing humans in my life that have helped me ignite my own beacon to power through and become a brighter light. Everyone else who has contributed to me in terms of my career growth, shared laughs together, or vented about our work — I am grateful.

Section 4: Reflection Piece — Forgiveness, Grace, Acceptance, Gratitude, and Best Wishes

Here I have recounted the things I cherish the most in my life. The people who bring me joy, who care for me, who empower me in life. I feel great about myself and who I continue to become when I am around those people. I know these people love me in my essence, even though I can be annoying at times or have flaws that I am not aware of (but clearly have). It is because of how I am reminded every day of how I am loved by others that I choose to give love to people even if they are a stranger to me. This is not to say that you have to suffer through situations where being loving and affectionate can put you at risk of danger or a vulnerable situation (please use your discernment and stay safe). Share the joy and love where you can, as much as you can, and don’t forget to pour it back to you. Life is too short to stay bitter, to stay mad, and to die miserable — live to be at your most content.

Here’s to the many people I love already in my life AND to more that will come.

When you share the best parts of your love, it will multiply.

Elexus Liggins

Loved our content? Check us out here. This is the link to our linktree: https://bio.site/morethanavoid. By clicking this link, you’ll be offsite outside of Medium.

Section 1: Personal Note About My Sentiments To This Topic

An ode to the young naive person that thought that they knew it all and had it all figured out. When I thought that I knew it all, there were people who knew more than me, were more eloquent in their speech, and made me feel small in their presence. When I thought I had it all figured out, I did not anticipate the real challenges that I was going to face crossing that line from grade school to a more intense academic program. I was not prepared for the number of sleepless nights and the amount of time spent cross-referencing my work to make sure that I did not commit plagiarism — one of the most serious crimes in the academic arena. However, that was a natural part of the college experience that I had to learn about. The challenges became failures until I had to get myself back up. I fell down hard! I told myself I would improve my grades to enhance my chances of getting into university, but I did worse.

Section 2: What Happened In This Topic

Senior year was quite intense since I was busy trying to complete as many scholarship applications as possible. One of them required me to interview at this specific sorority house. This was a sacrifice that we made since we had to go early Saturday morning. This was a lot for my mom because she already sacrificed her weekdays to drop me off at my program and, on top of that, had to use a Saturday from her days off from work which was absolutely criminal. To top it off, as one would with a cherry on top, it was my mom’s birthday, so that made it beyond criminal. I think my mom had told me, “I better earn the scholarship, or she would feel like our efforts were wasted.” I told her that I was hoping for the same. (once again, big shoutout to my mom for being awesome and helping me secure the bag for college on HER birthday!)

This was the first scholarship I had to interview for, so I was extremely nervous that I would say the wrong things and fail it. My turn to interview with the panel of 4 black women came up-I was scared! Some of the black women I interacted with when I was young were strict and came off as intimidating, so I was worried. I remember trying to study as much as possible because I had to answer the questions efficiently, accurately, and respectfully. There were questions that I did not prepare well for, like the question, “What do you know about our organization?” This was the question I barely even glanced at when I was preparing for the interview, which meant that I should’ve researched the sorority more — but I did not. I am sure I tried my best with this question and spun it back to them, helping people like me advance in a complicated field like computer programming. While I was answering questions, all the ladies were quite serious, and when I looked at their faces, I could not tell what they were thinking. As someone who catastrophizes by thinking of the worst-case scenario, I already knew that none of these ladies would pick me as a scholarship candidate. I left the venue and heard back from them later.

The second scholarship that crossed my path was the one that came from my amazing college counselor from high school. I remember that senior year, she asked if she could speak with me after I had arrived from my dual credit classes. I went into her office, and she told me, “Elexus, I have seen you help out these students during your free time, fill out their student financial aid and their college applications for these two years. You have been an outstanding student who helps her peers, so I want to select you as one of the recipients of a $1,000 scholarship that a senior living home is giving.” I was so delighted and beyond grateful for such an opportunity. At this time, I did not know that college was more expensive than I thought.

Finally, the last scholarship I earned that same year was $4,000 from the college’s general scholarship foundation program. This scholarship was intended for a student pursuing a STEM degree and would ultimately transfer to a 4-year university to earn their bachelor’s degree. If I am not mistaken, I think it was also intended for a first-generation college student or a member of an underrepresented community. The scholarship would be divided into four years so that it would be deposited at the community college for two years, and then it would apply to my last two years at university. Clearly, I had a few stipulations that I had to meet, and one of them was to maintain a 3.0 or more during my time in post-secondary education.

What is the common thread with these scholarships? Well, all of this money did not go to me in the end.

Let’s start with the scholarship my college counselor nominated me for when she shared this news. I was under the impression that I had too much money from all the other scholarships that I was getting because I was also receiving Federal Pell Grants because I come from a low-income family. Naturally, with these thoughts in my head, I decided to tell my college counselor, “Thank you so much for this nomination. I am so grateful that you thought of me for this scholarship. I have too much money that I have earned from other scholarships so I think you should give this scholarship to another student in need.”I loved this about myself, always paying it forward for others to have opportunities, so I was not disappointed in myself because of that. I was disappointed in myself for declining this scholarship because I believed there was such a thing as “having too much money” for school when in reality, the amount I had was insufficient. All of that happened because I did not understand that my money for school needed to be more, or I would end up in more debt.

The second scholarship, which required an interview, I earned that scholarship! After all the anxiety and negative thinking, I managed to get it, so I was proud of myself. During the first year of community college, I was too lazy to complete the paperwork and get the documentation requested to have the sorority send my check to the school. Time flew by, and I missed the deadline and lost those hard-earned $1,000. All because I did not want to do the easy work. The final scholarship that was $4,000 for the four years, I ended up losing within my first year because I was not supposed to withdraw from a class since I had to have a maximum number of classes and my grade point average went below a 3.0 — I believe it was a 2.8 or 2.9 (maybe lower, I try not to remember those dark days). I withdrew from the class because failing it would have been a terrible scenario and would have significantly tanked my GPA more than it did.

Section 3: Provide the “How” and “Why” Of this Topic

I want to leave you with the idea that you get to increase your chances of success by putting in the effort, asking more clarifying questions, and never assuming that you know everything.

I lost $6,000 American dollars in one year because I did not understand how expensive college would be in the long run — I could have decreased the amount of debt today if I had done better. I lost that amount of money because I did not ask for help from my professors when I was struggling and simply chose the easy escape route by leaving my class early so it would not affect my overall grade. The final reason for losing that money was that I allowed myself to do nothing regarding that second scholarship I had worked so hard for. I let my laziness take over me instead of doing what I needed to do when the hard part was already done — the interviewing! From this failure of losing the money, I also had to work hard to recover from my grade’s downward plummet. My GPA at this time went against my original goal of having better grades so I could transfer to the school of my dreams. The most frustrating part of all of this is that I continuously disappointed myself and went against my own desires. I was my own worst enemy in this case, no one else. At the end of the day, you are responsible for the trajectory of your life.

Section 4: Reflection Piece — Forgiveness, Grace, Acceptance, Gratitude, and Best Wishes

I have always thought that if I were to share some advice with people younger than me or those navigating the discovery phases of life, this was one of the things I would advise. Throughout my life, I have been an ambitious and dedicated person. For the most part, I have fought hard for the desires that I wanted and earned them. I am the kind of person who does what it takes to accomplish my dreams and goals.

Unbeknownst to me, with these scholarships, I was my own barrier to success! This was the first time I had to re-evaluate myself in my academic life because I was doing it wrong.

I forgive myself now, of course, because all of the failures from my past are lessons that have served me well now. These lessons have contributed to my success as well — the success of choosing a profession or job that aligns with my personal mission. Who would have known where I would have been if I stayed in the STEM field? I am glad I am here now (not doing STEM). I have given myself grace since I was quite young and had to make those small mistakes. Most people in my life had always told me that I seemed more mature than the age I currently was, and in this case, I was very immature. I suppose I needed a change of pace and a new direction, or so I would like to think. I would like to emphasize that there should always be time for rest, relaxation, and fun but always in moderation (of course!). Because of this lesson, I learned that I was solely responsible for the trajectory of my life. I could spend my days blaming my childhood, my background, and my circumstances, or I could take all of those factors (analyze, review, and reflect on them) and find the resources and connections to get to where I want to be.

I could spend my days blaming my childhood, my background, and my circumstances, or I could take all of those factors (analyze, review, and reflect on them) and find the resources and connections to get to where I want to be.

Without a doubt, I can never leave behind the dedication, passion, and ambition to be that trailblazer.

Much success to you,

Elexus Liggins

Loved our content? Check us out here. This is the link to our linktree: https://bio.site/morethanavoid. By clicking this link, you’ll be offsite outside of Medium.

Section 1: Personal Note About My Sentiments To This Topic

An ode to the thousands of pieces of advice you will get throughout your life. This is a handy tip for you, reader. When someone gives you advice, always take it as a suggestion first when you are receiving it because you never know which direction will be useful to you. After you have received the advice, take a moment to reflect on how you felt when you received it — this is helpful to gauge whether it is true, even if it stings or does not resonate well with you.

Finally, you want to evaluate where and from whom you got this advice by using the three questions on advice that you are receiving from others (including me!)

• Does the person I received this advice lead a life I aspire to live?
• Does the person I received this advice from advise me through the lens of considering my best interests?
• Does the person I received this advice from follow the advice they give to others?

Consider that as you read the rest of the blog post.

One of the primary pieces of advice one could have in the course of their life to start with is, “You need to stick to, and invest in, one solid career path for the rest of your life,” which could be useful now but may not be true in the current era and society that we live in. This advice has typically come from strangers or people within my family. This would become irrelevant throughout my life as I have ventured into various industries and held different positions over time. Allow me to share with you a seed of inspiration that was planted in my mind during my third grade. My love for the written word began in that time frame, and I started reading a lot as a fun pastime that I would adopt. Here is where the dream of becoming an author came to fruition. This dream aligned most with my soul, heart, and body.

In high school, my dreams began to change. I was watching the fictitious show Criminal Minds, becoming an FBI agent, like the characters from the show, became my new wish. I wanted to become an FBI agent, so I took the necessary steps to get more exposure to this field. I enrolled in an amazing teacher’s “Intro to Criminal Justice” class, which got me hooked! I loved learning about the explanation of the types of crimes that existed and the very famous phrase you can picture yourself hearing from movies, “innocent until proven guilty.” Later on, I took a class in the same criminal justice track, which was more intense — I did really well with my final project, where I was assigned to defend the defendant in court. It was a fictional case based on a real lawsuit where the defendant was a woman who was a victim of domestic violence. I was a little uncomfortable when the teacher kept making everything about race in terms of racial bias and profiling (at the time, I did not understand the gravity of how this affects people today). This kind of put me off a little. The breaking moment that ensured the pivot was when a cop shared with us in our “Intro To Criminal Justice” class that the worst thing they had seen was a decapitated baby, which horrified me. To add to that, he said that there were a lot of dead bodies he had seen as well. This part right here is what broke my heart because I never wanted to see people get hurt or be comatose. I also learned that you normally start off as a police officer before you get recruited by the FBI. This dream plummeted faster than an avalanche could.

Later in high school, I heard about this amazing program that offered dual credit from college in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) field — which piqued my interest. Nothing comes for free, so there were stipulations. The conditions were that it was a 2-year commitment that required devotion from my junior to senior year, I had to get accepted into the program, and this required me to be at the high school by 6 AM to catch the bus that took us to the college. This cemented the direction of where I was headed. (Big shoutout to my mom and family; they were very gracious and cared for my success! They sacrificed sleep to get up really early to take me to that program.)

It was a great program that came at no cost to us students besides sacrificing some sleep and wear and tear on our families’ vehicles. We would go to our prospective college; in my case, mine would be the one focused on computer classes — we would attend the classes and have a few break times (this would parallel the college experience later). We needed our breaks because our courses could range from survivable to extremely intense. After finishing our courses in the morning, we would be dropped off back at our schools for lunch. Once we arrived, we would hang out in the career counselor’s office until we were released to lunch or our next class. I would spend my time there helping students fill out their financial aid and prep tests because I really enjoyed doing that (if I had finished my homework in time).

The first year in the program was intense as these were our introductory courses like “Intro to Hardware” or “Networking.” These programs required that we complete an internship in our IT field, so I completed my first internship at the Chamber of Commerce, where I met my fantastic mentor, who would become one of the best people I met in my professional life.

The next year was a challenge as the coursework got harder, and the lack of sleep was catching up to me. Regarding rest, most of us would chit-chat a little and then nap while we were driven onto campus, and others would just pass out as soon as their butts hit that somewhat comfortable bus seat. To skip to the great parts, I graduated from my dual credit program first and then from high school. My career paths were constantly changing over the years. Ultimately, I would begin to understand that the path I chose in high school would not remain in place, especially after I completed my last internship from the second year in the program.

This year, I was figuring out what I wanted to do with my life — what was next? At this time, I am considering pursuing computer programming for my career. I thought of applying to universities, but my GPA (Grade Point Average) was not as good as some of the schools required, so I decided to go to the community college in my town to earn my associate’s degree and transfer to a University of my choice. That was the safe choice so I could do better in college again for a better shot into a great university.

Section 2: What Happened In This Topic

Combining dedication, skills, and ambition can change our life trajectories.

In my first two years of community college, I quickly discovered that my dreams of becoming a computer programmer were over. I took a class called “Intro to C++,” which is known as one of the most difficult computer languages to learn so that you can code. I was taking this class online and had other in-person courses to worry about — at this time; I needed to prepare for how challenging college coursework was compared to high school. I had to pick between getting an “F” for failure on my transcript or a “W” for withdrawal. I decided to withdraw from the course so that it wouldn’t impact my GPA (overall grades in college).

During the summer of my senior year in high school, I interned as an IT helpdesk intern for a great company. One day, one of the employees announced that there would be an ice cream social and encouraged folks to head over there and get some. I am moderately extroverted, so this was fantastic news in my book because I would not only get the chance to get delicious ice cream, but I would also have the chance to socialize with others. I was delighted and shared with the other IT folks about the Ice cream social; those lovely introverted folks were composed and uninterested. However, they encouraged me to follow my desire for ice cream. And I did. That was when I realized I was not destined to work as an IT person. The failure of my course and my realization from my last internship during my senior year solidified my decision to leave the STEM field altogether.

One day I went to the career center at my community college to arrange an appointment to meet with my career advisor; I ran into a friend and asked her where she was interested in attending university. She gave me the name of a school that I had never heard of, and I asked her why she was going. I don’t remember her answer, but I remember grabbing the brochure to the school she mentioned when I left the building. This was such an interesting plot twist to my life because I was so concentrated on one university that it was hard to deny the reality that I might not get admitted. I did a little bit of research afterward. I loved the school’s aesthetic and submitted my application to the university my friend mentioned. This university was five hours away from my hometown, but it was the new chapter I needed. That is when I selected my major, “International Studies with a focus on Security and Diplomacy,” and I minored in “Spanish” as well.

Section 3: Provide the “How” and “Why” Of this Topic

I encourage you to continue aligning yourself with what you like to do. Whether your profession aligns with your personal mission or matches your best skills effortlessly- take the leap. Over the years, I have changed from 3rd grade up until now. At this moment of my life, I have chosen to honor the desires that my 3rd-grade self had — to be an author. I want to write a book eventually, but I have decided to become a blogger in my free time. This dream has been calling me from the bottom of my soul. My heart has been feeling inspired, passionate, and more than alive, so this tells me it was the right thing to do.

I want to leave you with the idea that you get to decide if you will strive to shatter the glass ceiling of whatever you want to accomplish or take it easy. That is your call to make.

But, I assure you that any of these professional aspirations will take work and must not come at the expense of yourself at all. You should not burn yourself out or deplete yourself at alarming levels — you should respect your limits and honor the other aspects of your life as well. All parts of your life should be complementary to each other. You are in charge of your destiny. No matter what, you should lean into your support systems and make new connections! You never know what the future holds, and your present life is what matters the most.

Section 4: Reflection Piece — Forgiveness, Grace, Acceptance, Gratitude, and Best Wishes

Through my journey, I have learned to accept my mistakes and embrace the uncertainty of the future. Every pivot that has occurred propelled me into a new direction with even better opportunities and more amazing people to collaborate with or befriend. I am grateful for the kind guidance and support bestowed upon me by those who have walked with me on my journey. The knowledge and skills I have gained through their unwavering assistance are priceless, and I will forever cherish the memories of their invaluable contributions to my growth and development. I move forward, ready to continue growing and learning — no matter where I go.

Much success to you,

Elexus Liggins

Loved our content? Check us out here. This is the link to our linktree: https://bio.site/morethanavoid. By clicking this link, you’ll be offsite outside of Medium.

Literal translation: This love came and planted a seed.

This blog post introduces a person who indirectly and directly impacted my life throughout the years. Luckily, my experiences with this person provided lessons to learn from and left me with positive elements. Thank you for checking out our content and reading it!

Section 1: Personal Note About My Sentiments To This Person

An ode to the person whose love planted a seed inside me that will live profoundly and wither into an abyss. I will always hold you dear to my heart even if the world never brought us back together, as you gave me the roots to love myself later in life.

Unfortunately, I was so numb and frozen when we were in each other’s lives that I was incapable of understanding what you had to offer. You gave me the benefit of the doubt and liked me as a person, which I really appreciated. Unbeknownst to me, I was the chaotic force that took you for granted and left you with a scar scathed deep into your heart.

Section 2: How We Met and Got Together, Including the Troupe

In the early spring, I desperately applied for jobs. Due to my young age and significant lack of experience, I had no choice but to work in the fast food industry. I was eager to get a job that would allow me to help my family out and fund trivial expenses that I could not before. A couple of weeks later, I interviewed with the manager at a store and got hired on the spot, which was such a relief — not long after getting the hang of shiftwork and packing food, a tall, slender young man around my age, Xavier, started working the drive-through with me. I will not deny that he had beautiful fair skin and a pretty smile. If my memory serves me well, he also wore braces around that time.

My moderately extroverted personality can be lively, so I got along well with most co-workers. However, I simply could not say the same about this guy Xavier. Well, at least not initially. You could tell he couldn’t give two rotten tomatoes about working at the fast food chain, which rubbed me the wrong way. At times, I also felt emotionally hurt whenever I would be in the midst of receiving his brutal yet truthful remarks. Whenever we worked with others, he would state things directly, matter-of-factly, with no filter. One example would be that he would angrily inform others that their demands were too impractical to meet since the line cooks and the person in the frying station needed to set things out promptly and in advance. Sometimes I would be called out directly, which I did not take well since I have always been emotionally sensitive.

Interestingly, we always had our lunch breaks scheduled simultaneously. One day, I started getting curious about this guy because I found him cute, and my mom thought that he had a crush on me because she noticed how he looked at me while she was waiting to pick me up from work. But my curiosity was piqued. I did not anticipate that I would make a move. Later that evening, as usual, Xavier and I had a break simultaneously. Instead of going off into a corner like others, I decided to try to get to know this guy since the air of mystery around him held me hostage at indescribable levels of curiosity. It was very trivial, but I asked him what he had for dinner. He was a pretty reserved guy, so, at first, he was apprehensive towards me. I assumed that his behavior resulted from being cautious and not trusting others easily, possibly due to the fear of hidden intentions. That first interaction went well since we were able to establish common ground. After all, I did not like him at all initially because I perceived him to be rude and disrespectful. To me, now, in my adulthood, my relationship with Xavier is my favorite classic troupe of enemies to lovers.

In the following year, I was part of a dual credit program that required my participation at another company for an internship to get experience in the realm of Information Technology (I.T.) This meant I had to put in my two weeks’ notice and prepare to work my first big girl job as a teenager. Xavier and I had become friends and maintained contact for a few years after I left that fast food job. We met up for our first date during my senior year of high school. My mom dropped my brother and me off at the movie theater because he wanted to see the same movie that I would see. When I saw Xavier walk in, I was happy to see him yet disappointed in his egregious lack of effort to look like we were actually on a date. I expressed my dismay because I looked cute in a dress and a little bit of makeup. Despite that, our first date went swimmingly as we enjoyed our time together, even if it felt tense. A green flag that would be important later in my life happened to me here on this first date — we both made commentary during the movie. (I know how rude and inconsiderate that is and how it violates 5,000 rules of social etiquette in public — oh well, I don’t regret it.) As someone who loves quality time, my bids for connection were surprisingly reciprocated. At that time I underestimated how amazing it felt to bond with someone as chatty and witty as me.

As someone who loves quality time, my bids for connection were surprisingly reciprocated. At that time I underestimated how amazing it felt to bond with someone as chatty and witty as me.

I was delighted at that moment. However, I don’t think the rest of the theater was enthusiastic about us talking at the movie’s start. In case you wanted to know, we were silenced by others in the theater — rest assured, we paid our sins with embarrassment!

Xavier and I reconnected again during my last year of high school because I was curious about him for real now. My mom had always asked about him, and she said that she liked him and thought he was a good person. She would say that she could tell he actually liked me, unlike the other boys that I was pursuing, who, in fact, never reciprocated genuine feelings toward me. Xavier and I ended up dating after we exchanged Christmas gifts in his car when he picked me up from my job at a retail store. He was as sweet as vanilla whip cream to me, even though he was a man of few words. The other side of him was pretty sarcastic and witty, which met one of my requirements of banter, so there was never a dull moment with this guy.

Section 3: Dynamics of The Relationship and What Happened?

We would go wherever I wanted, and I would call the shots in our relationship because he was more of a “go-with-the-flow” type. However, in his case, he was the literal opposite of me since he enjoyed spontaneous events and coasted in his life. I have been the kind of person who plans meticulously and allows for very little spontaneity, and in those times, I constantly wished that I was older because I thought life would be better as an adult. He wanted to spend a lot of time with me, which I loved on the inside, but I was scared because I was unsure I could trust that.

I wanted the same things he wanted from me but let other things lead me astray. I was guilty of heavily prioritizing my friends, who, quite frankly, aren’t that much in my life as an adult anymore. I loved my friends and was devoted to them when I should have shown the person who genuinely cared about me that I cared about him too. One of the crappy things I did was complain to my mom and friends about what he would not do for me on his own, like call me or take me out on a date. Even after I had shared my grievances with him, he would immediately correct his actions (which I took for granted). If he did not call me on his own — I was annoyed. I was even more annoyed if he called me unprompted without giving me notice. It was the beginning of setting him up to be in a lose-lose dynamic because no matter what he did, I was an ungrateful brat who did not know what she had. Funnily enough, this guy Xavier was what I always wanted in hindsight, and he checked all the boxes from my checklist at the time. He was the total package, and I didn’t even know it. The most frustrating part of this unhealthy dynamic I brought to the table is that my unhealed and unhinged self played a significant role in the journey and the outcome. I look back at this time and think of how I wish I could have been better to Xavier. I will never excuse myself since I repeatedly made these errors until I couldn’t anymore. If Xavier were sitting across from me today, I would share with him that I did not feel worthy of the affection, care, and nurture he provided. As a matter of fact, I did not think that your love was real. At first, I thought you were pretending because I had never experienced true love. Growing up in a dysfunctional family made it difficult for me to understand what real love should look like. The unhealthy environment I was in perpetually blurred the lines of what love truly meant. The inconsistent use of punishment and reward systems caused confusion and cognitive dissonance. Unfortunately, I realized a little bit too late that your feelings for me were genuine and authentic.

It may sound like I am trying to victimize myself, even though I was the perpetrator who broke your heart more than once. At that time, I felt like I was not capable of giving you the love that you deserved, and I did not think that I was safe with you. To add more fuel to the fire, he and I went to different high schools, and the guys at my school confessed that they liked me after discovering that I had a boyfriend. It would not have mattered to me if it wasn’t a guy I wanted, but they were the ones I had crushes on. Naturally, I was under the presumption that the grass could be greener on the other side, and I wanted to be single. This was the start of me becoming programmed to seek the chase and getting bored once I reached an unsettling level of stability that did not bring chaos into my life.

One day in the auditorium, people were flirting with me, and I declared myself single. My girlfriends were unhappy with me and asked if I was sure I did not want to be with Xavier anymore — I told them I wanted to be single again. One of the good things my friends had encouraged me to do was at least break up with him. I ended things over text (yes, I know it is the cowardly thing to do, but I did it), and we stopped all contact until our high school graduation.

Section 4: Reflection Piece — Forgiveness, Grace, Acceptance, Gratitude, and Best Wishes

It had taken me a long time to forgive myself for the emotional damage I caused in our relationship when we were young, naive, and innocent. I thought about it last year because I had shared with someone that I felt so guilty for playing with your time, energy, and life path. I had told them I hoped you did not turn into one of those guys who treated women horribly because of our past. I was the first to break your heart romantically, which pains me today. Despite all this, I have to give myself grace for not knowing what I know now. I must give myself grace because I brought a little light into your life and sometimes spiced it up. I have accepted that I have done you wrong, and I cannot ask you for your forgiveness since I am not entitled to that.

To be frank, the high-school-year-old me was unsure of what I wanted in my personal life. No one, not even family or school, adequately prepared me with the skills to handle or healthily maintain essential relationships. The environment that I was raised in primarily focused on taking care of my needs for survival rather than being able to maturely and respectfully handle personal relationships. At that time, I was unsettled and unsure of our relationship; I believed our healthy romance was just a figment of my imagination. Now that I reflect on it, I was addicted to the euphoria I experienced early on with you during the “honeymoon” phase of our relationship, where meaningful gestures and affirming moments of our bond injected me with recurring dopamine hits. That delusion I fabricated came crashing down hard, which led to experiencing boredom in my first relatively healthy romantic relationship.

However, I would like to express my gratitude that you did not get the chance to hear back then. Thank you so much for the sweet valentines card that you wrote me. Thank you for wanting to celebrate my birthday because you liked me as a person and wanted to celebrate my existence. Thank you for coming to my house to personally give me my birthday present, even when I acted shady by creating elaborate excuses not to see you. I am sorry for not going outside to hug you when you came out of your way to bring my gift; I was a coward and could not face you then.

I may have a few more things to say to you, but I wish you the best for now.

Much care,

Elexus.

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Literal translation: You did not remove a prick from a cactus but removed a whole cactus from your path.

This blog post introduces a person who has recently indirectly and directly impacted me. My experiences with this person provided lessons to learn from. Thank you for checking out our content and reading it!

Section 1: Personal Note About My Sentiments To This Person

An ode to the person that was a physical barrier to my life, the cactus, I tried to save your needle and got pricked. Someone tripped me, I fell into you and then bled all over. The day that we ended, I did not simply remove a prick from that cactus but the whole cactus itself. You helped me unlock the darkest trenches of unresolved childhood wounds that I never would have thought to look into until I met you. Being with you opened up complicated feelings I had not processed and put together until we ended things. I had never experienced such intense emotional rollercoasters like I did with you. For a split second, I believed the overall euphoric high I had around you during all the good times was average. However, the chaotic and twisted whirlwind I was in affected me gravely. That whirlwind created ginormous wounds that quickly spread across my entire body until it invisibly pierced my soul to what seemed like no return. Even if there were moments that I grew to have animosity towards you, I came back to my senses and realized that you were one of the best lessons to come into my life. To my dismay, you were my overdue karma.

Section 2: How We Met and we got together, Including the Troupe

Before Dearil and I matched when I saw his picture, I did not think he was the type of guy I would date. However, I told myself that his crystal clear blue eyes, politician smile, and seemingly passionate stance in his photo were enough for me. In addition to thinking that he was cute, I also enjoyed the blurb on his bio; marketing himself as a stellar company for anything, even a funeral. We matched. A personal guilty pleasure of mine is that I am a fan of dark humor, mainly when it is rooted in fiction instead of reality. I would like to think that it comes from me being a part of the Gen Z generation that tends to use suicidal meme jokes as our unofficially certified unhealthy coping mechanism to combat the complexities and harsh realities of today’s world. I wanted to start the conversation about him joining me for a funeral, but I did not want to risk jinxing my own life, so I decided to wait until he messaged me first.

We had a date on Sunday at his favorite sports bar, watching his #1 football team play. He had checked with me to ensure that I wanted to go to this, knowing that I did not follow sports — I knew what I was walking into. I opted into the escapade because I love new experiences. His dramatic reaction as I walked towards him was fascinating since I was pretty glammed up. I usually do not feel nervous about first dates, but I was more comfortable than in other instances because Dearil seemed confident about himself. I made that assessment by his willingness to describe what something sounds like with sound effects like the ones that you hear in superhero action movies. Back to the date, I recall standing next to him, and I could see from my peripheral vision that his face was getting too close. When I noticed that, I asked him what he was doing, and he feigned innocence by stating that he was looking for a table. I knew that was bullshit because the entrance behind me clearly did not have any of those.

He was the classic charmer, smooth and suave yet, really nerdy. He kindly explained how football worked to me since I did not know (and did not care). I love seeing a guy’s reaction to the things he is passionate about, as it’s rare for me to see them look like they are alive and elated rather than the typical stoic and bored expressions I receive from conversations that do not center them as the protagonist. One of the peculiar things that occurred during this time was how this guy was always saying the correct phrases at the right time, almost as if he had read so many cliche romance books. I would side-eye him because it seemed overly flattering. He raved about how I was so pretty and great, even though we had only talked for about a week.

I think he decided to throw in a psychology-type question where he posed a scenario that a train was going to run into some people on either train tracks, and I had to pick one train track that would continue its path; the caveat was that one side of the train track had one person while the other one had roughly about 4 to 5 people on it. I did not overthink this question, yet I did not like it at all. However, I entertained the question and made a selection after referring to my fictional knowledge from the Korean medical dramas I watched. It was interesting what happened after I provided my first response; he would try to change scenarios and circumstances to see if I still had the opinion that I held before. The behavior was entirely innocent because he was trying to engage in an intellectual conversation. Still, he seemed like the kind of guy that liked to challenge people’s opinions even when the scenario was fictitious. For context, he was a lawyer who reviewed a specific law sector on behalf of his clients. That information is particularly relevant as I later learned that some people adopt their career identity as a personality trait instead of having it as an aspect of their life. Major Red Flag #1.

Dearil liked me and asked if I had had dinner yet and if not, he would love to treat me to dinner. While waiting, I went to the bathroom, and he took a call. I could hear that he was talking to his father about the results of the football game. We ate, chatted, and had a good time. We left, and I offered to treat him to ice cream. Once we finished it, I eventually dropped him off at his place. One of the most exciting things I was trying to implement was not going to a man’s place after a first date. As I was dropping him off, he thanked me for giving him a ride and “innocently” asked me if I wanted to have coffee before I went home. I initially told Dearil I appreciated his offer but would like to decline. Dearil was very convincing and lowkey pressured me by asking me again if I was sure. Even though I knew I should not have gone because he could have been a murderer, I caved into his offer. Like a naive innocent lady, I violated my own boundaries.

We went into his place. He actually had beverages for me to have and did not poison them. He convinced me to show him the anime I liked, and we started watching a show. I was tired then, so I leaned my head onto his shoulder. For those of you who are also fellow fanatics of TikTok during that time, two songs were mashed up together, which were “Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by Paul Anka, specifically the intro of the song, and Doja Cat’s “Streets” which used only the beats of the music — even though I will embarrassingly admit this, I literally thought of this and was very flattered. As a hopeless romantic, I ate this gesture up like a pint of Chunky Monkey’s Ben & Jerry’s. Ultimately, the time was getting late, and I left. My feelings were all over the place because I was not murdered, which was fantastic. Shoutout to the guy for being a decent human being. I left excited and feeling happy because this guy and I shared a sweet and simple gesture that did not lead to sex. I did violate my boundaries of not going to this man’s place; I did, however, respect my wishes of not sleeping with him. It’s all about the small wins! He probably texted me when I got home, or he didn’t care — I honestly don’t remember that part.

Dearil and I kept seeing each other intensely right after that. We had so many dates back to back. We were doing couple type activities such as a “let’s cook a meal together” type date and an “I will cook a meal for you and let’s watch a movie” type date. Clearly, you get the gist — food was our love language. The day that I cooked for him, later that night, we played the “We Are Not Strangers” card game (this was before I had 4 editions of the expansion packs). When we were playing the card game, I seemed like a pessimist, while his outlook on the world was quite optimistic. He did not want to talk about his relative passing away — I never really knew how recent that was. Maybe I was wrong for thinking he should have shared more about this situation because I was not entitled to that since we had not cemented a bond like that. However, I desired more emotional closeness to this person. Looking back at that moment, I experienced that his emotions were not as open and vulnerable for the first time. Everyone has a different way of healing and grieving because that is not a linear process (which I learned later). The key part of the observations made from the beginning of our relationship was that I may have held inappropriate assumptions about him at the time. However, later in the relationship, I was shown that the impacts I experienced with this person were true and unhealthy.

It could also be that he was processing his grief in his own way by internalizing it and bottling it up (it proved to be later). I will acknowledge that I do not have first-hand experience in handling and overcoming grief when it comes to losing loved ones. I can sympathize with those affected by the loss of a loved one since I have experienced knowing people who have been through that. Fortunately, I have had the privilege of not losing loved ones in a way that impacts me directly.

Before the game ended, we were instructed to write each other letters, exchange them, and not read them until we both were apart. I was anxious, so I was anticipating what he wrote and asked him if we could break the rules on this one. He agreed, and we read our letters. I wrote something very nice along the lines of “Thank you for sharing about your grandfather. Your vulnerability meant a lot to me. I cannot wait to continue getting to know you.” He liked my letter. His letter said, “I am afraid of getting to know you more because you are such a kind person and seem pretty cool. I hate that we were playing this game because our answers were completely different. Unfortunately, we may be incompatible and should not pursue this further.” Instead of being sad or accepting the mentality that it was his loss, I took it upon myself to confess my feelings for him since I liked him. I told him we should try since we would only know by giving it a chance. I gave him until the next time we saw each other to decide, or we could call it quits. He was pondering about it and looked sad at the thought of leaving. He did the stereotypical thing that happened in romance movies, with no words and lounged for a kiss. That was my answer.

A little later, it was my turn to pump the ultra-speed breaks of the whirlwind of this romance. While we were hanging out one time, he asked me to be exclusive with him after two weeks of getting to know each other. I was skeptical and responded with no, as I thought it sounded rushed. Eventually, time went by a bit, and we had a double date with a friend of his and their girlfriend, and I was the one who brought up being an official couple. To me now, my relationship with him was an exact reflection of sunny vs grumpy.

Section 3: Dynamics of The Relationship and What Happened?

During our time dating, we spent a lot of time together in the early stages. About 3, 4, or 5 times a week. I agree that it was an unhealthy amount of time and will justify that decision (probably made by me) and attribute it to us being in our honeymoon phase. One of the things that bothered me was that he had his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook posts still show up on his timeline, and we were officially together at this time. I had asked him not once but twice if he could remove that from his timeline. Maybe I was not entitled to this decision, but this was the least he could do since he did not want to say he was in a relationship with me. To that answer, I asked him if he could at least put that he was in a relationship in general…I thought I was being gracious to him (which meant that I was disregarding my need to feel acknowledged and not like a secret), and he still chose not to because he felt “like our relationship won’t really last.” At the time, I was like, WTF does that mean, but I still enabled this behavior. I did not bother telling him by the third time because I did not want to annoy him. He removed those pictures from Facebook and still did not put his relationship status on Facebook because he is a “private guy.” Unfortunately, I later found out that when a guy uses those phrases, it tends to be because they are either trying to appear single to somebody else or have another side person (i.e., sketch behavior). The second instance occurred a few months in when I made him dinner one night, we were just casually chatting about random things, and it was not until I sat down after I served him food (I know wifey duties for a man that was not my husband — YIKES). He proceeded to just drop the bomb on me that he just “didn’t feel like we were compatible,” and I was viciously shocked to my core because this was his third time telling me this. He had the audacity to continue eating MY food after telling me he did not see us as a good match.

To expand on how bold this guy was, as we continued watching a movie, he became affectionate by cuddling me as if he did not say what he just said. I pretended to be okay when I was not. Inside, I was sad and disappointed at his continuously confusing behavior where his actions did not align with his words. Around the movie’s end, I showed my toxic Latina traits of passive aggressiveness and rolled off the couch away from him. He would move closer, and I would move away. He asked me if I was okay. It was probably around 1 AM in the morning. I told him I was upset about what he had said earlier, and I wanted to discuss why he said it and what it meant. At this point, I moved to the couch, and he remained on the floor, sitting by himself, silent. He ignored me as I confronted him about his words earlier and was trying to get information. No answer. He ignored me for a few minutes, which felt like hours. As someone with an anxious attachment style, this deeply wounded me since I wanted to resolve the conflict and move forward.

He was different to me, more of an avoidant attachment style that retreated inwards when a conflict arose and needed time to work through things. Although he probably had this attachment style, ignoring me completely as if I was not there is called stonewalling, which is the refusal to communicate with someone (banner health website). One could think, oh no, he is most likely doing that because it’s so late and he has to go to work tomorrow, but that was not the case. After this, he just got up and tried to leave without saying anything. I stopped him and pleaded to hear an answer. That was really painful for me. Ultimately, he ended up telling me that he just wasn’t sure where our relationship was going. He asked what was next for our relationship, and we were about 2, almost 3, months into the relationship. I told him we just met not too long ago and needed more time to get to know each other. He just did not see it. I let him go since it was late. But I told him we had to talk about it later because we probably should break up if we weren’t the right match.

Finally, one of the other aspects that really shaped our dynamic was on St. Patrick’s Day; I told him that we needed to talk about our relationship and how we were not compatible. We would get to the root of it that night. He shared with me that he would describe himself as a man-child. For those of you that may not know what a man-child is, it is essentially a grown man that resembles a literal child who is co-dependent on others in unhealthy ways — i.e., emotionally stunted, emotionally immature, and not a person who embodies resemblance to an adult. Major Red Flag # 2. If any of you have seen the movie Peter Pan, he was the embodiment of Peter Pan, the kid who never grows up. Which, at that time, seemed cute to me because I could rescue him like a mother would, but, oh boy, was I in for a surprise. He admitted to me that he was “emotionally unavailable for the past 10–12 years,” which meant that he experienced being emotionally stunted since his early teenage years. Major Red Flag #3.

He shared with me his deep-seated fears of rejection and disappointing others. I think at the time when I was listening to this, I thought that his fears were completely rational since most of us can have fears like these. My fears of abandonment and not feeling worthy enough were the things that paralleled his. However, his were at a level that seemed alarming to me because it looked like it was weighing on him quite negatively. How could we, humans, not have those fears if we face negative reactions from facing rejection and disappointing others? At the time I occasionally struggled with the same things he did but, accepted the reality that rejection and disappointment were bound to happen. My attitude was different in the way that I accepted reality and decided to find ways to work through it and continue to overcome those obstacles. When he talked about it, it was like he was sentenced to the death penalty; I was worried for him. These thoughts and their severity could mean that he was struggling with things like anxiety and depression (since I am not a licensed medical professional, I cannot say that it was). The theme of his emotional unavailability and these deep-seated thought patterns were not the leading cause for concern; it was the fact that he was aware of his circumstances and was not making an effort to seek help. Major Red Flag #4.

As his partner, I knew that this was not something I could help with as this was out of my scope of expertise. However, I encouraged him to seek therapy because this seemed very unhealthy. I am aware, as someone who was hesitant and swore off mental health services as a teen, that it can be challenging to get onto the path of seeking out services that are not things that enhance escapism and serve as a distraction but, in fact, make you sit down with yourself and confront the issues and complexities you face at hand. But we are adults now, or we are supposed to be. There are a lot of things that we need to work on that are not professional and social. It’s personal. Clearly, he suffered from anxiety, or so he shared, and some of the signs to me exhibited depression and feelings of low self-worth, but I am not a professional. Those were the things that I noticed along the way in which he led his life. One thing that is a fact, he was definitely one of the unhealthiest partners I had and this does not exclude me as I was also unhealthy too. At that moment, I was weak and really felt for him, so I gave him a second chance, and we did not break up.

Section 4: Reflection Piece — Forgiveness, Grace, Acceptance, Gratitude, and Best Wishes

I am awe-stricken at what I have been through with you, which was just the beginning. I remember there was a reason I ended up with you besides being quick to like you. I would think about why I would be so quick to overlook these red flags, such as having my boundaries violated, not just by you, but by me, because I was desperate to have a real boyfriend as I had never actually experienced a full-fledged relationship. At the time, my goal was just to be wanted by someone and taken care of, no matter who it was. I was so focused on the milestones we were going to achieve rather than who I would achieve them with. I always thought about how I was lied to throughout our relationship, but in the beginning, you gave me easter eggs of truth. I chose to ignore them. I thought about how naive and dumb I was at the time to fall for your antics, and I tell myself now that I could not see them coming because I thought I was pretty authentic to you, but it turns out I was inauthentic too. I lied to you just as much as I lied to myself that this relationship was good for me. I lied to myself that you were a good partner when you weren’t. But I had to forgive myself because I was simply navigating the world from a lens of survival and lack of awareness. I will give grace to myself for accepting such a relationship because those dates were a fun escapism that I was not even aware I needed. I felt good, and I was happy during those good times. I cannot express gratitude because I have more to share with you. However, I can give you this — my acceptance of the reality of the situation is something that I see with clear eyes. I was the clown who auditioned for your show that you slowly made a fool of.

Much healing to you,

Elexus.

Originally published at https://www.morethanavoid.com on June 26, 2023. Feel free to check out our content link above. By clicking the link, you will be redirected outside of Medium.com and its related services.