That our parents would always get mad at us for forgetting to eat, waking up late, or not leaving for school on time. That our school friends would always be our friends , going everywhere together, hanging out all the time. Or that the person we love would always stay, remain our partner, and never leave us.

Until one day, we become too comfortable with the same situation. We get too busy with routines, as if everything happening in our lives is normal and unchangeable.

Then suddenly, as we grow into our teenage years, we are given simple tests of life. A friend who used to be our closest companion suddenly can no longer be part of our life, or we have to be apart because we go to different schools. Or a relationship suddenly ends because our parents don’t allow us dating. And just like that, everything becomes different. A life that once felt like a family movie suddenly turns into a melancholic genre.

Slowly, we are taught things we never imagined would happen to us. As we grow older, problems increase, and we begin to realize that life changes significantly.

Parents who constantly advised us now become more patient and respectful of our decisions. Their hair turns whiter, they grow older, and they are no longer as strong as they used to be. Some of them, or one of them, may even passed away sooner than we expect. Friends who used to be our playmates suddenly have their own lives, building new life with their life partners. Others who once had plenty of free time are now fully occupied with work, overtime, or business trips.

Suddenly, life becomes completely different. We find ourselves facing many problems we don’t even understand how we ended up having. And at some point, we say, “Time really flies, doesn’t it?” Everything has changed so much. I thought everything would stay the same.

I thought everything would always stay the same. There are so many things I never imagined would turn out this way. When we face loss, we are often told that we will eventually gain something new in return. But why does it have to be that way?

In the end, we come to one conclusion: everything has its own season. If today we still have things we can see, perhaps the time is still there. If today we can still hold a phone, enjoy our favorite food, wear our favorite clothes, gather with our best friends, family, or partner — maybe we are still being given time to enjoy all of that.

Perhaps it is hard for humans to accept the fact that everything can end. Many people may misunderstand the phrase “people come and go easily.” They might think that those who leave were never meant to be part of our lives, and that the right people will always stay. That statement may be true, but if we complete it with another truth that every meeting will eventually be followed by a farewell, then even with the right people, after sharing moments and memories, we will one day part ways. Sometimes separation is simple, like moving on with our own lives. But sometimes it happens when God takes a life, and the separation becomes permanent.

There is another truth we should remember: when we choose to love or care deeply, we must also be ready to be hurt.

For some, this means being betrayed, cheated on, lied to, or stuck in an unserious relationship that leaves scars and trauma behind. This can be called pain within love, in a more common sense. Because even in pain, we can still stand up, look at the one who hurt us, and use that pain as strength to rise again.

But what if the pain comes from loving sincerely, accepting each other fully, having no problems — yet God separates us by taking one life away? That is the truest form of pain caused by love. A situation where love is pure, and the pain comes with sincerity in letting go — for their own good, while honoring God’s decision.

The highest form of love is not fully possessing someone. It is letting go, respecting decisions, accepting differences, understanding that we are not meant to always be together, and praying for each other’s best. That, too, is love.

Of course, every human wants to have the ones they love. But as we grow older, we learn that not everything can be ours, and not everything has to go according to our wishes. Something we think is good may not actually be good for us, and something we think is bad may not be as bad as it seems. God knows, while we do not.

Every life event is full of twists, and not everything comes with clear answers. Often, all we can do is endure and continue walking through each episode of our journey. Because as good as human plans may be, God’s plan is always the best.

That is why the best thing we can do is place our hopes in God rather than in humans. When you love something, try to balance that love by accepting the possibilities of pain — heartbreak, disappointment, sadness, and falling apart. By dividing that emotional weight, we can live more balanced lives, with more peace, without forcing things we don’t truly know are good for us. And instead, surrender the outcome to God, because He knows everything.

I love arrangements that sound a little jazzy and classy, like it’s suddenly late at night and I’m listening from a vinyl record. I choose one song that keeps spinning in my head. Try reading all of this while playing Ardhito Pramono — I Can’t Stop Loving You. The melody is slow, yet full of feeling.

For me, this song is meant for you, in every version of you.

I can’t stop loving you,

the one who has now lost hope.

I can’t stop loving you,

for you I have yet to meet, whose face and name I still don’t know.

I can’t stop loving you,

for you who is already gone.

For you who is here now,

I can’t stop loving you.

In the middle of your despair, thank you for being patient through so many things, thank you for holding on, working hard, and fighting for what once felt impossible.

For you that I haven’t met yet and always wait for,

I can’t stop loving you.

You are what I always hope for. Stay patient, and keep being patient. I never know how things will turn out, I don’t expect much, but thank you for always being my reason to keep going.

For the you who is gone,

I can’t stop loving you.

Thank you for once being here, Thank you for all the memories and lessons. Everything I received meant so much, even though it had to end.

Indonesian Version

Salamku untuk kamu

Aku menyukai arransement yang sedikit jazzy dan classy. Seperti tiba tiba sudah larut malam dan mendengarkannya dari piringan hitam vynil. Aku pilih satu lagu yang berputar dikepalaku. Coba baca ini semua sambil memutar lagunya Ardhito Pramono — I cant stop loving you. Nadanya pelan namun ada perasaan dalam.

Lagu ini buatku diperuntukkan untuk kamu di berbagai versi.

Dalam bahasa indonesia, judul lagu ini artinya aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu.

aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu,

yang sekarang sudah putus asa.

aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu, untuk kamu yang akan aku temui, yang aku tak tahu rupanya seperti apa dan siapa.

aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu, untuk kamu yang sudah hilang.

Untuk kamu yang sekarang, aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu, ditengah keputusasaanmu, terimakasih sudah sabar menghadapi banyak hal, terimakasih sudah bertahan, bekerja keras dan memperjuangkan semua hal yang rasanya gak mungkin bisa.

Untuk kamu yang belum aku temui dan selalu aku tunggu, aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu, kamu adalah apa yang selalu aku semoga kan, tetap sabar dan terus sabar, aku tidak pernah tahu akan jadi seperti apa, tak banyak harapanku, tapi terimakasih untuk selalu menjadi motivasiku bertahan.

Untuk kamu yang sudah hilang, aku tidak akan bisa berhenti mencintai kamu, terimakasih pernah ada, terimakasih atas semua kenangan dan pembelajaran. Semua yang kuterima sangat berarti walaupun harus berakhir.

Surprisingly, this isn’t so bad. Although there are moments when the desire to go out arises, there’s no clear reason behind it. I ask my body, but it’s not ready. I ask my mind, but it’s confused. I want to escape this state — it feels like being trapped. I keep wondering why things are the way they are, asking endless questions without knowing where the answers lie.

Perhaps if all this was experienced together, it would feel lighter — so I whisper to myself. But life doesn’t always align with our wishes. Every small event in our lives isn’t always compelling enough to be told. Slowly, I find myself enjoying the silence. A faint smile and lines on my face become proof that peace can exist in stillness. What once felt terrifying has now come to pass, and I faced it — with readiness.

No one is ever truly ready. We simply live day by day. Learning from one moment to the next. Piecing together one puzzle after another, just following the flow and continuing the journey. Sometimes tired, but that’s okay. The feeling of surrender and acceptance begins to grow, slowly, like a flower eager to bloom. I water it with patience.

It’s not easy to explain everything. But if you really want to know, look into my eyes — they’ll tell you everything.

I let time pass. And I see it not as a waste, but as a sign that I’ve made it through — without needing to force myself to let go. I realize that nothing I hold is truly mine. I call that defeat. But the way I choose to understand it is by simply moving forward, letting the next chapter unfold.

In this silence, I don’t have the answers. So I’ll let time explain.

Life never asks if you’re ready. You’re simply forced to face it. But it is through these challenges that we gain experience. It is through hardship that we grow stronger.

We can’t have everything. As we grow older, we must slowly let go of certain things to make room for new ones. Letting go can be a long and painful process. But through it, we learn to appreciate what we have in the present — because nothing lasts forever. When the time comes, things and people will leave, one by one. We begin to understand that letting go doesn’t mean we or they were wrong; it simply means that time has run its course. And perhaps, it’s a sign that we’re being redirected toward something better.

We cannot always rely on others. Ultimately, we must learn to rely on ourselves. As children, we often feared being alone and felt unsafe without someone by our side. But with age, we learn not to wait for others — we learn to keep moving. We learn to walk alone, not because we’re introverts or because we have no friends, but because everyone has their own journey. We can’t force people to stay. They have their own paths to walk, and so do we.

From this, we begin to believe in our own strength. We learn to make peace with ourselves. We learn to enjoy every moment — whether it’s spent with friends, family, loved ones, or simply by ourselves. We grow to solve problems on our own and search for solutions instead of pointing fingers.

Not every question has an answer. There may have been times when life knocked you down, left you hurt, and made you cry uncontrollably. You may have asked why such things were happening to you — why life seemed so unfair. But as you grow older, you realize that some moments are simply meant to happen, without reason, without a clear answer.

As ordinary human beings, all we can do is accept what comes and keep going. Learning to let go and surrender to what we cannot control can bring peace. Trusting that everything happens according to a greater plan strengthens our faith. When our plans don’t work out, it’s often because a better plan — God’s plan — is unfolding instead. And the best plan is always the one He has written for us.

Learning to let go may feel like losing direction. Confused, unsure of what to do next. But then you start to manage your emotions. You redirect your thoughts toward something positive. You fill your days with meaningful activities and remind yourself that life is being guided by a greater hand.

You begin to accept the story of your life for what it is. You realize it’s time to move on — gently packing away the past and its beautiful memories. You carry the lessons with you, as tools for survival. And you begin to enjoy life, even if it’s not always as perfect as the movies.

At one point, the little girl suddenly threw a tantrum and started crying. The mother, without hesitation, comforted her child with patience and care. A little while later, the father took out several cartons of milk from his bag and distributed them equally among the kids. They both seemed so patient, even though their journey was still long.

Still in the same train, I heard the loud cries of a baby. The whole carriage went silent. It was a bit disruptive, as it always is in public transportation, but no one complained. The mother, however, looked visibly uncomfortable, knowing her baby’s cries were disturbing other passengers. Yet, instead of receiving harsh looks, there was an unspoken understanding from everyone around her.

I encountered a similar situation on another train ride to Jakarta. A mother and her child sat next to each other, when suddenly, the child threw up — perhaps from eating something bad or not feeling well. The unpleasant smell filled the air, but once again, no one said anything. Instead, I watched as the mother, without panic, quickly cleaned up the mess, comforted her child, and applied some oil to help soothe them.

These moments made me realize something: Marriage is not for everyone.

I recently read about a celebrity couple in my country who had been married for ten years and had three children. Despite their long relationship, they eventually decided to divorce. But even after separating, they continued to co-parent in a healthy way, still meeting up and ensuring their children were well taken care of. While we may never fully understand what happened behind closed doors, it became clear that they no longer shared the same vision for the future. Maybe, to avoid hurting each other further, they chose to part ways.

Marriage is not for everyone.

Some people try so hard to find a life partner but repeatedly experience heartbreak. Meanwhile, others seem to move from one relationship to another effortlessly. This contrast often leads to insecurity and self-doubt.

As I grow older, I’m beginning to understand why some people choose not to marry. Marriage requires an extraordinary level of emotional readiness. We have to heal from past wounds, let go of baggage, and fully embrace our lives as they are. Maybe, for some, remaining single is a way of enjoying life’s journey before settling down. Perhaps it’s a time to focus on personal happiness, family, and close friendships before the responsibilities of marriage take over.

It’s easy to think that others have it better than we do — to believe that those who marry at the “right time” are following the perfect path. But every choice comes with its own challenges. Like in the stories I shared earlier, some people rush into marriage and immediately feel the pressure to have children, not realizing the immense responsibility that comes with it.

Now, I understand why marriage is often described as a lifelong commitment. It’s about serving and supporting your partner, protecting and appreciating each other, and nurturing a family together for as long as life allows. Being a parent is no small task — it demands emotional stability, patience, independence, and the ability to handle challenges under pressure. Seeing all this has made me realize: Marriage is not for everyone.

Anyone can get married, but staying in a marriage is a completely different challenge. Relationships often bring expectations — sometimes unrealistic ones. We expect our partners to be capable of everything when, in reality, they are still learning and growing, just like us. It’s easy to talk about love, but actually living together and aligning two different minds takes real effort. There will be external pressures, opinions from others, and challenges that test the relationship. And yet, a marriage should be a bond between two people, not a matter for outsiders to dictate.

Everything in life happens for a reason. Just because something is different from societal norms doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And just because we follow the conventional path doesn’t guarantee happiness. God has already written a unique and perfect story for each of us. Instead of comparing our lives to others, we should trust the path we’re on and focus on what truly makes us happy. At the end of the day, the most important thing is to live with gratitude and appreciate the life we’ve been given.

Today feels like just any regular holiday. I’m wearing a green jogger t-shirt, denim jeans, and black Ando flip-flops. No wonder, it’s been drizzling in Surabaya today. Right now, it’s a long holiday that seems to be quite enjoyable for everyone. How could it not be? There are public holiday on Monday and Wednesday, and on Tuesday, a collective leave is enforced. This long holiday is definitely a special moment, and it should have been a moment I look forward to every year. Yes, the Chinese New Year moment. Every year, since I was in senior high school, I’ve eagerly awaited the Chinese New Year celebration. Not just because of its rich traditions and deep philosophy, but also because of you. You are the main reason why I always look forward to Chinese New Year.

I never imagined, even for a moment, that this would happen – the day when my heart is truly empty of excitement for Chinese New Year. Just last year, I wore a traditional Chinese New Year dress, a cheongsam that I bought specifically to celebrate the occasion. I have two beautiful dresses, one red, and the other white with a sweet touch of red patterns.

But this is really happening. In my heart now, you’re truly no longer there. I’m almost in disbelief, that I’m really no longer interested. It’s strange – really strange.

Try to count, maybe it’s been more than 10 years that I’ve loved everything about Chinese culture. Because of you, I tried to learn everything new about being Chinese. I ate bamboo shoots wrapped in spring roll skin, and even my mom asked, “Since when do you like spring rolls with bamboo shoots? You never liked bamboo shoots.” And also, I ate lontong cap go meh with vegetable stew that had bamboo shoots and passion fruit, and once again my mom asked, “Are you really going to eat cap go meh? Isn’t this broth unappealing to you?” There was also the time I drank tahwa, a traditional drink made from fermented tofu that turns into tofu flowers and is served in a ginger broth. It’s extremely hot and very spicy when tasted. But you know, tahwa and all ginger drinks are my favorite now. I told the world that this is a drink that’s good for health. But far beyond that, I really wish that when you invite me to eat with your family, I could accept whatever is served.

To get closer, I joined a Mandarin language course. I started it back when I was in college and reached level 3. My motivation was because of you, so I could communicate easily with you and your family. And while I was working in Surabaya, I tried to understand everything about you – your traditions, daily language, philosophy, reading Mandarin newspapers, buying Chinese-themed fruits, and even visiting the places you often go.

But you know, the funny thing is, I always failed to win your heart. All my attempts never succeeded. My older sibling once took me to Semarang. He showed me how many Chinese descendants live there, and of course, that’s something I liked. I also never imagined that Semarang would be such an interesting city. I never thought I’d visit it several times like I have now.

Until one day, I met someone new. He’s not Chinese. He is someone completely different, someone I would never have imagined meeting. The funny thing is, I still remember the first time I met him. We met through a community, and we became closer because we kept running into each other. Honestly, everything he did – his habits, his hobbies, the food he ate, his way of thinking – slowly made me see him. It felt like I had found a twin flame in a man I had never met before. The only twin flames I had ever known were two women: one was a college friend, and the other was a friend from tutoring back when I was in elementary school.

Yes, every time you responded to me and we communicated, you often sent love stickers, which made me wonder why you did that. Slowly, God turned my heart around. God gave me a feeling I had never felt before. He truly opened my eyes to the fact that beauty doesn’t always reflect what is on the outside.

I didn’t want to waste the chance. I felt like this might be the answer to my long wait. I did everything I could. I made efforts that, when I look back, surprise me. I even visited Semarang often because he is from there. At that time, I thought, God’s guidance was what I relied on. Because only God held the key to win him. For some reason, the more I got to know him, suddenly something felt off. Every time I prayed, I felt there is somebody else that far is praying too, stronger than i did. I had felt it, but yes.. it turned out that my heart’s voice was true. And all went wrong of what was in my head.

Two years ago, you chose someone else as your better half. Someone I had never seen you show to the world, not even a little bit. “I never intended to hurt you,” was the explanation that came from you. I never understood how a man I never expected could make my heart fall in love so easy. Someone who wasn’t easily trusting could soften for a man whom I myself could never trust, and slowly accepting his flaws.

I cried on the balcony. I told all of this to my mom. Unlike other problems, this one was hard for me. I woke up very early, reflecting on you and playing songs. It seemed like you were already happy with her. It would be cruel for me to hope for you again.

I grumbled, but slowly I accepted it all. As I’ve shared, I no longer have any feelings left. Just like how you erased my affection for Chinese New Year. I should have bought a red shirt for the new year, just like I always did. Or worn a red shirt this Chinese New Year.

My heart belongs entirely to God. Even though I failed and had heart broken, I found something. That is, myself. I finally learned to love who I am, just as I am. Everything, inside and out. I no longer hope to have slanted eyes or a Chinese family I can visit during Chinese New Year, or be as tall as a basketball player.

I found myself. Every flaw and strength of mine, I learned to be grateful that truly feeling content with everything we have brings us peace. I realized that this heart is so easily changed by its owner. And it opened my eyes wide to understand what God meant: what you think is bad, is not as bad as it seems. What you think is good, is not as good as you imagine.

Maybe it’s just words. But from the tragedy of my life, I understand that I can also like something I once hated. And something I truly like may not necessarily be the best for me. I’ve learned a lot from my life experiences that loving what won’t hurt is loving God. Because the more we trust God, the more at peace our hearts feel, and there’s no pressure to follow fleeting emotions. Because once again, what we think is good is not necessarily good for us, and what we think is bad is not as bad as we think. God knows what is best for us.

Happy Chinese New Year for all who celebrate it ..

Tepat 8 November 2023, aku berangkat dari Surabaya ke Jakarta bersama team ku. Senang sekali diberikan kesempatan untuk bergabung dalam event SIAL Interfood Jakarta bersama team Retail. Sebelum berangkat, seringkali aku berpikir apakah Bos ku yakin aku diperbolehkan join, apakah semudah itu dia bilang aku join saja, apakah dia tidak ingin membatalkan perjalanan ini. Masih merasa tidak menyangka. Dan perjalanan berjalan dengan lancar, membuatku merasa yakin.

Sekitar 3 jam akhirnya aku tiba di Bandara Soekarno Hatta dan menyapa Jakarta pagi itu. Setelah drop koper di Hotel, kita berangkat ke Lokasi event yaitu di Jiexpo Kemayoran. Semuanya berjalan seperti biasa, karena kita open booth di sana, hingga teman dari team Retail menginfokan ke kita beberapa schedule cooking demo yang akan dilakukan di booth. Dan nama chef Idolaku disebutkan. Perasaanku waktu itu, not that surprise but happy, but all is good and grateful and is it the wish I ever want to be true God? Terasa sedikit lebay, tapi ini semua terasa lucu karena terjadi di kehidupan nyata.

Sekedar throwback di beberapa tahun sebelumnya, ketika Master Chef season 3 sedang booming. Kita focus untuk memilih chef jagoan kita yang cakep dan cakap (dalam dunia permasakan). Waktu itu sekitar tahun 2013, aku masih kuliah di Malang, dan usai season 3 selesai, chef Idolaku itu berkunjung ke Malang karena ada cooking demo di Malang Olympic Garden (MOG). Sayangnya, karena aku kesulitan untuk bisa mendekatinya karena ada penjaga dan juga begitu riuh fans yang datang ingin berfoto dengannya.

Tapi tekadku waktu itu begitu kuat, Kapan lagi aku bisa punya kesempatan ketemu dengan Idolaku kalau bukan waktu itu. Akhirnya aku kejar dia sampai dia hampir masuk ke lift exit menuju mobil. Waktu itu, aku tidak sendirian, aku akhirnya punya teman yang sama sama nge fans dia chef ini. Lucky me, I got his signature, but I couldn’t have picture with him, but it was fine. Tanda tangannya meant a lot to me. Dan sebagai kenang kenangan, aku post di twitterku dan aku sapa chef Idolaku itu.

Siapa yang menyangka kalau di tahun 2023, aku bertemu lagi dengannya, dengan cerita yang berbeda, di tempat yang berbeda, tapi semuanya begitu indah. Aku tidak senorak itu untuk menyapanya, aku lebih tenang dan lebih senang menyadari kalau keinginanku dikabulkan Tuhan.

Perlu 10 tahun akhirnya doa yang aku tidak kira dikabulkan Tuhan, nyatanya Tuhan tidak melupakannya, seperti aku yang melupakan keinginan kecilku. Ketika event SIAL Interfood itu, aku melihat dengan mudah tanpa ditutupi penonton yang begitu riuh waktu tahun 2013. Aku bisa melihat idolaku cooking demo di depanku, aku bisa memfotonya, merekamnya.

Sering aku terheran heran, bagaimana bisa kantorku menjadi perantara doaku dikabulkan Tuhan. Tapi aku sangat bersyukur dan tidak mengira, dulu aku yang mengejar dia untuk minta foto, pada waktu itu dia yang mengambil camera handphone dan mengajak kita foto bersama. Waktu itu aku sangat tidak menyangka bahwa ending doa yang dilangitkan ternyata ending nya selalu manis dan indah.

Dari cerita hidup ini, jangan khawatir kalau doamu belum dikabulkan Tuhan. Tuhan sedang memproses semuanya menjadi cerita yang begitu indah. Mungkin kamu sudah lupa dengan keinginanmu, tapi Tuhan tidak melupakannya, dia akan mengabulkannya atau menggantinya dengan yang lebih baik. Dan ini semua terjadi dengan mengalir saja. Itulah yang selalu membawa kita kepada rasa syukur. Mungkin terlihat sederhana, tapi nikmat itu terasa besar ketika kita tahu cara bersyukur.

Buat yang ingin tahu siapa Chef Idolaku dari Master Chef Indonesia season 3, yaitu the winner, William Gozali. Dan inilah foto foto tahun 2013 dan 2023. Sederhana namun bermakna.

Setelah mengetahui jawaban dari pertanyaan kenapa, yang ditemui bukanlah menetap, namun kepergian dari dia yang meninggalkan siapapun yg menanyakan kenapa. Respon seperti itu sangat wajar adanya. Pertanyaan berbahaya tentang kenapa semacam itu bisa memunculkan banyak pertanyaan lanjutan seperti "Apa yg salah dari memilih kamu?" atau "Apakah aku salah pilih sekarang?" . Perdebatan tentang apakah semuanya harus punya alasan. Andaipun memang tidak ada alasan untuk menyatakan kamu sebaik itu, mengapa tidak mencoba untuk menjadi tempat yg terbaik karena telah dipilih?

Berdebat lagi tentang pertanyaan kenapa. Bagaimana bila perkataan tadi dirubah menjadi "Terimakasih sudah bertahan sejauh ini, Terimakasih telah memilih kami, kontribusi kamu sangat berarti untuk kemajuan kantor ini" misalnya. Atau "Terimakasih sudah memilihku aku akan mengusahakan yg terbaik untuk kita berdua". Apakah pertanyaan kenapa itu lebih berperan banyak untuk menjelaskan apapun itu, hanya karena dia bertahan padamu?

Keraguan itu sangat manusiawi. Tapi bila kita terlalu larut didalamnya, tidak akan membawa kita pada sesuatu hal baik yg sebenarnya kita harapkan terjadi. Rasa tidak percaya diri itu akan selalu ada dan bisa muncul kepada siapa saja termasuk saya. Oleh karena itu, daripada mempertanyakan kenapa, bagaimana bila kita lakukan sesuatu untuk memperbaiki sesuatu. Kita tidak seburuk itu, bukan?

Keraguan suka menuntun kita untuk mengatakan sesuatu hal yang berkebalikan dengan apa yang hati kita inginkan. Karena tidak merasa tidak sebaik itu. Berupaya untuk berterus terang kepada diri sendiri. Tentang apapun yang diinginkan terjadi, daripada mengatakan hal hal yang sebaliknya akan lebih mengarahkan lawan bicara untuk memahami apa yang sebenarnya kita maksud, apa yang kita tujukan daripada fokus pada emosi akan keraguan yang kemudian tidak mengarahkan kepada sasaran.

Ketika berterus terang dan menjawabnya dengan apa adanya, akan terasa seperti memahami apapun yg dirasakan, sekalipun tidak selalu tentang hal hal yg menyenangkan, tapi mengatakan apa adanya terasa seperti kesalahan pun tidak menjadi masalah berarti. Bila sesuatu terjadi diluar harapan, mengapa selalu bertanya kenapa. Yang ingin tinggal, akan tinggal. Yang ingin pergi, akan pergi.

Dan menghadapi sesuatu diluar kontrol memang tidak mudah. Cara terbaik adalah dengan melepaskan, menjalani hari demi hari, dan biarkan menjadi penyembuh terbaik.

Perasaan bersedih dan terluka akan muncul. Apakah selamanya merasa duka. Apakah selamanya berbahagia dan tertawa. Jaraknya sangat tipis. Kondisi itu bisa berubah secepat pergantian detik ke detik. Bahagia, duka, kaya, miskin, semua hanya sementara. Boleh jadi kamu sekarang merasa pesimis tentang apapun yang ingin kau wujudkan. Tapi bagaimana bila pesimismu itu tiba tiba memunculkan kekuatan yg akhirnya membuatmu kuat dan bisa melawan semua ujian?

Kemarin aku sedih sekali karena membaca suatu hal yg bisa saja membuatku cemas. Tapi ini pasti tidak kebetulan. Apa yg aku punya dan rasakan sekarang semua bisa jadi sudah digariskan seperti ini,mengapa harus larut dalam kesedihan kalau esok menawarkan kesempatan baru?

Jadi mau selama apapun, dan seburuk apapun, setiap dari kita punya kesempatan yg sama untuk merubah nya menjadi lebih baik. Rasa takut dan ragu itu pasti ada, tapi bila terlalu dipikirkan juga tidak membawa kita kemana mana.

Yang penting cobalah untuk sayang pada diri sendiri. Berikan dia cinta yg dia butuhkan. Cobalah percaya padanya. Berikan dia kesempatan bahwa dia mampu memenangkan segala pertandingan. Akuilah bahwa kamu hebat apapun yg sudah kamu raih.

Semua bisa terjadi maka bersemangatlah. Semua bisa terjadi maka tetaplah jadi manusia biasa yang apa adanya dan tetaplah sama apapun kondisinya

Kalau kamu sering diberikan kesulitan dalam hidup. Kamu boleh berpikir kalau ini semua kesialan. Tapi cobalah untuk berpikir bahwa semua ini akan membentukmu menjadi seseorang yang kuat dan tahan banting. Tidak apa apa. Justru itu kelebihanmu.

Kalau ada yg tidak menerima kamu, tidak apa apa. Tidak menjadikan kamu sebagai orang yang tidak berguna atau buruk sekali. Kamu hanya perlu membelokkan jalan, merubah rute tapi tidak merubah tujuan. Tujuannya masih sama. Tidak semua orang bisa menerima proses.

Pikiran negatif tidak akan membawamu kemanapun tapi positif akan membawamu kesuatu tempat. Bagaimanapun hasilnya, kamu tetap pemenangnya. Pemenang dari satu level hidup dalam kehidupanmu. Tidak masalah sudah sampai mana, asal tetap berusaha sebaik mungkin untuk menjadi lebih baik.

Aku tahu mungkin sekarang rasanya tidak mungkin terjadi, tapi suatu saat itu semua akan benar benar terjadi. Aku tidak mau meragukan kehebatan Tuhanku. Dia Hebat dan Adil dan aku percaya itu. Tetaplah melangkah kedepan dan ikuti apa yg jiwamu inginkan.

Sepertinya perjalanan ini tidak cuma tentang bekerja keras, namun juga belajar bagaimana menikmati perjalanan. Bisa saja lajunya cepat, bisa saja lajunya lambat. Bisa juga mendaki ke bukit, bisa juga turun ke dasar jurang. Temanku berkata, ‘ Hidup ini dijalani saja,’ . Sangat sederhana tapi benar juga. Sekeras apapun mengupayakan sesuatu, bila memang bukan jalanmu, tidak akan sampai kepadamu. Selambat apapun gerakmu, bila memang ditakdirkan untukmu, maka akan menghampirimu juga. Hidup ini dijalani saja. Bagaimanapun rasanya, bertahanlah.

Tuhan rupanya mendengarkan pintaku. Tapi Dia menjawab dengan cara yang berbeda, membuatku sukar untuk memahami yang telah terjadi. Seringkali bertanya-tanya pada diri sendiri, ‘ Apakah keputusanku sudah benar?’ , ‘ Apakah ini langkah yang tepat untuk kuambil sekarang?’. Sekali lagi skenarioku tidak tepat sasaran seperti ending naskah yang aku tulis. Bukankah Tuhan lebih tahu yang terbaik untuk kita?

Kekhawatiran manusia jaman kini adalah apa ya yang akan terjadi di masa depan? Terlalu sering melakukan persiapan dan rencana dan ketika salah satu rencana berantakan, tiba-tiba merasa seperti kacau semuanya.

Lelah untuk bangkit lagi, tapi hidup selalu menawarkan hari esok untuk kesempatan baru. Tidak ada yang tidak bisa. Tidak ada yang tidak mungkin. Semangat yang padam perlahan-lahan berkobar. Nyala apinya kecil tapi dia tidak ingin redup. Ada yang bilang, badai pasti berlalu. Kalau dipikir-pikir, masalah itu selalu ada, tergantung cara pandang kita terhadapnya. Masalah bisa saja lekas terselesaikan, asalkan kita tetap berusaha mencari penyelesaiannya. Namun masalah baru lagi-lagi datang seolah seperti itulah kehidupan. Kita perlu untuk sedikit redam dan menikmati perjalanan.

Aku masih bisa mencoba lagi. Ini bukanlah garis finish. Mungkin kita perlu melalui step kehidupan yang seperti ini agar kita mampu naik ke step berikutnya. Bila kita belum mampu melewati step ini, bagaimana kita bisa melewati step yang lebih sulit lagi?

Sadness, disappointed, angry, tired, mad, dizzy, confused, all mixed feeling all along the way. That’s why people call it journey. I don’t know what is the way ahead, but i have to keep going. No one experienced the wave but must enjoy the journey whether it is the fun journey or almost miserable. I do not understand why people insist getting something perfect when in other way you can learn lesson after do mistake. I know that stick on perfection is not bad if you can handle it well. But if it becomes an expectation, then not only ready to kill anyone who is not able to fit, also can kill the owner.

I meet my senior and see how he can lead his team. His is able to delegate the job profesionally and have a good communication skill in explaining or tracing the point of problem. I am sure there was a proccess in achieving that skill until can be that excellent. The intern will not be able to do it in instance, but someday they can be like that if the seniors intend to give them opportunity at least to let them do mistake. I agree with people saying, from mistakes we learn, take chances, make mistakes, that’s how you grow.

The storm, the heavy rain, and all disaster i am facing now are temporarily condition. Never thought that i have survived and go through all of life problems. I may go slowly and find the way to pass it. Slowly i realize that maybe time is the best answer and also the best thing to heal pain. Greatly appreciated to people who were kind to give me big opportunity and let me do many mistakes. Even invisible, the capability gained, self confidence and soft skills are very important in surviving. All will be alright, as far you give the best you can do and keep trying, you will find your treasure. Happy new year 2023!

Indonesia- January 2023