I have one memory in my childhood that sticks out. It’s one where I’m upset and my father is punching the car seat in front of me while yelling at me. I think I was six at the time. His words and his aggression towards me hurt a lot despite my parents seeming to get along well. Every Christmas card we’re smiling and together as a family. I wish I could say I was as happy in those pictures as I appeared to be.

My dad only would act interested in me if I accomplished something. That was the only time that he would generate emotions above a common “okay, whatever” in our phone calls. His selfishness and belief that he is the perfect husband has caused him to tell me and my brother that we need to find partners as great as he is. Yes, my dad is a good husband to my mom. But, I will make an argument that he is unsuccessful at making me and my brother feel comfortable to speak to him about vulnerable topics.

Over the past few years, my relationship with him has changed. Going to therapy, acknowledging what he do to me, and being apart from him have unleashed a sadness and a rage towards him for what he did to me. He would take his frustration out on me and would send me to my room upset and humiliated. Yes, he was physically present and helped us financially as a family. I’ll give him that. But, he has insulted and demeaned me by saying that I’m the root cause of all my unhappiness and that I like to emotionally torture myself. As someone with my own mind and will, I disagree. I think he is in fact a cause of some of the loneliness and anger that I’ve felt throughout my life.

I am lucky that my dad stuck around but he has done a lot of damage to my self esteem, my happiness, and my ability to trust men. Seeing his anger and aggression up front makes me wish to get angry but I know it would only cause more suffering. He emotionally is incapable of being there for his children. I don’t believe he’s a bad person but I do think that separation from these people is also good. If you’ve experienced any of what I have, I want to tell you it’s not your fault. Your parents are not the arbiters of the truth even if what they say hurts. I hope that you find peace and healing away from them. As I have.

I had a dream about someone I used to be very close to. It’s not often this person will come up, but when it does it hurts. Not enough people talk about how painful it really is to lose a good friend. It feels like a huge hole that seems to always stare at you.

I miss this person for what we had as friends but I don’t want them in my life. When someone hurts you and then blames you for their behavior, it’s not alright. As adults, it’s important to take accountability especially when dealing with other people. When you damage relationships, you also do damage to yourself. Some people are never taught to apologize or recognize when they’ve done wrong and those people are not suitable for long term friendships.

Friendships are sometimes just as emotionally intimate as romantic relationships which makes their loss just as difficult sometimes. We share so much with those we consider our best friends. There’s trust within those small moments of just having a meal or an hour hanging out. When that person is gone, you feel a sort of emptiness from where they used to be.

However, it’s also important to understand that even though you miss someone, it’s okay not to want them around you. Friendships require honesty and decency from both parties. If that is violated, then maybe reconsider having this person around. For me this ended up being the case. I was furious for being mistreated by someone I was so close to but also realized that this person wasn’t capable of owning up to their errors. Hence, I quietly let the friendship evaporate and moved on with my life.

It hurt for a little bit, but ultimately this person didn’t deserve a seat at my table. Friendships should only continue if both parties are treated decently. I know I certainly wasn’t and am glad I’m away from the drama and bizarre behavior of them. Still, I can miss what we had and that’s okay. I’m grateful we had a friendship and I can remember it as something wonderful.

This rings very true for me. I have beaten myself up for things I said or did a decade ago. I get all embarrassed and cringe and ask why I did what I did. However, it’s done. The past is the past and it doesn’t exist anymore. All that remains now is a memory. If you were speaking to yourself when you were young, would you be mad at them? Would you punish them the way you punish them in your head? Probably not.

It is okay to try and fail at something when you’re a kid. You’re human and you’re going to mess up from time to time. One piece of advice I’ll give to anyone reading this is that you don’t need to listen to what others around you say. Regardless of where you’re at in life, people are temporary. Your environment and circles will change eventually. So don’t listen to these people who are just there for a short while. Nobody is going to come and try to make you feel bad for mistakes that you’ve mad. That is a figment of your own imagination. You are the one doing it to yourself.

Forgive yourself and then move on. I’ll just remind you that life is brief and our time on this planet is shorter than we think. It’s not worth it to be embarrassed about something you did forever. You don’t stay that version of yourself. Even if someone else happens to remember the embarrassing memory, they’re not stewing on it like you are. Every single person you will ever come into contact with has made some mistakes in their life. You can choose to forgive and let go for your own sake or you can let it eat you up.

It’s easy to be hard on ourselves and forget that we are imperfect. But please, remember that you’re just a person. You will try and fail and you will try and succeed. That’s just life. Nobody is thinking about you in the way that you think about yourself. I promise you that. People are actually thinking about themselves most of the time. Once again, life moves on and you will be thrown into new experiences and you can decide what you want and don’t want to do. It’s up to you. Being nice to yourself is also up to you.

I’m not always very good at talking about how I feel. Doesn’t matter the subject, the words evade me. This Christmas, I made a comment that hurt my mother. To see her sad broke every part of me into infinite pieces. I can’t explain how awful I felt hurting her. She made Christmas dinner, wrapped Christmas presents, and showed up for everyone despite being sick and taking care of my grandmother. It cracks me in two how I could forget all that she did. Yet, I somehow made some of it about myself.

My mom has shown up for me even when she had cancer. Even without any strength, she would ask me if I had enough clothes. I can’t tell you how I feel writing this. To be dealing with the horrifying aspects of cancer and then dealing with chemo, she was emotionally present for me. If there was a rock, I’d like to hide under it for awhile. I’ve always tried to be grateful for my parents and how much they’ve sacrificed so that my brother and I can live better lives. However, I have fallen short and it hurts me to know that I was selfish.

I feel near tears writing all of this. I feel immense shame, sadness, and embarrassment at my own behavior. I’ve never appreciated who I really have. I admit that I complain way too often. Instead of celebrating my mom, I become selfish and short sighted. Mothers are the real heroes so much of the time. Not every mother is like mine and I forget that too often. This article is an apology. I’m so sorry, Larry. Mom. Mother. Bag. Sag.

-Q

I thought that there was something wrong with me with why I didn’t get a solid friend group in middle school. I was told I was awkward and some kids picked on me. I carried that fear for years that I was unlikeable. I was always worried that after I left that school that I would encounter the same experiences. Thankfully, that wasn’t really the case. However, it sometimes still comes back to me.

This is probably the most sensitive and difficult time for me to talk about because it felt so personal. All of my overthinking, fomo, and other issues were a result of this exclusion. If I could point back to a time in my life that I didn’t like, I would start here. I want to tell my younger self that no matter what age she is that she is always loved.

It was extremely difficult to go to school while my own grandfather was succumbing to cancer. He lived with us for the last six months of his life. I had to deal with one nasty girl in particular who lived close to me and singled me out. She had no idea that I was grappling with such a painful time at home.

For years I thought it was a personal failure of mine that I didn’t have strong friendships from this point in my life. But, as much as this haunted me, I can say that I made great grades, began singing, and was successful in other endeavors. I know that I probably have more work to do to let go of this, but I am glad I was able to put it into writing. I felt that other kids weren’t as isolated as me.

But, many have acknowledged that middle school wasn’t a great period for them either. For me, it was just painful given that I lost a beloved family member and was forced to move away from my friends and the city I had grown to love.

Maybe there’s no real lesson in this article. Maybe this was all just a venting session in the form of writing. But, if you’ve experienced unpleasantness during this time in your life, then you’re not alone. This is just one chapter of your life. The people in this part are just temporary. Maybe they’re hurting, maybe they’re unhappy. I don’t know. But I know I’m doing better now than I was.

Yes, I said it. LinkedIn, a well renowned social networking platform for professionals, is a letdown. How many times have professionals like yourself applied for a job or reached out to a connection and it goes nowhere? Some of it is just part of the process and some of it is incredibly frustrating. I’m witnessing LinkedIn turn into Facebook or Instagram with people posting their personal updates that have nothing to do with networking or jobs. Yes, I’m glad you had a baby but LinkedIn isn’t the place for that. It’s just my opinion.

The job scams on this platform are crazy. I remember a dozen coworkers of mine getting reached out about the same job that turned out to not even exist. This happens on a daily basis. LinkedIn has a problem with not recognizing these scams. This is harming individuals who apply and then realize that they’ll never hear back. One thing that I’ve witnessed is job descriptions are copied and pasted and the only thing that’s different is the company. However, on each of the company websites, there is no such job posting. This is maddening.

The spam recruiters are also a huge issue. I apply for positions within the U.S and I am contacted by a recruiter from another country who lives and works in their respective country. Perhaps they are real recruiters but I always get confused about how on earth they know about the specific position in a city that I know they don’t live in. The worst part about this is getting reached out to and then I see that they’ve deleted their profile once the position is closed. LinkedIn needs a better system in place for identifying individuals who are scamming job seekers.

The lack of transparency about salaries on LinkedIn is another issue. I feel that if someone puts in the effort to update their resume and apply, then the company should be able to post the pay, benefits, and other details. Transparency just doesn’t exist on this platform.

I know sometimes reaching out to individuals is awkward on LinkedIn. I’ve done it and cringed. It’s even worse when they look at my message and then don’t reply. I understand they may feel uncomfortable or not know how to respond. However, is it really so much to just send a short reply? Is it impossible to just answer a question? Maybe I’m being too harsh. But again, this is just my own opinion. If you’re searching like me, I hope you find a better job even if this economy sucks. Hope this article made you feel less alone if you feel the same as me.

I am 24. I have a job, an apartment, and a cat. Some may say I’m doing pretty well. I can actually agree with them. I’m fortunate to have a job that pays my bills and allows me a few comforts every now and then. I have a bed, a desk, a tv, and other items that make my living space more comfortable.

But, I will say this has been not a very exciting year for me. So far. 24 has come with ups and downs just like every other season in life. But right now, I feel more stuck than I ever have. I’ve been advised to go to graduate school. I’ve been advised to move around the country. I’ve been advised to pick a different career path. All are valid and helpful suggestions. To a point.

Grad school may been an incredible opportunity that I just haven’t given much thought to. However, the expense and the stress of school are two things I was very, very glad to get away from. I also want to live in another city at some point, but the expense and the timing is hard to contend with at this current moment.

Believe me, I WANT to make more money. I WANT to travel more. I WANT to own a house one day. All of this has been on my mind since I graduated college. However, I need to be honest with myself about where I am right now.

I don’t want to go back to school. I don’t want to move at this moment. I don’t want to stay in the job I have currently forever. But, I have to acknowledge my age and my experience level. I know that I have so much ahead of me career wise. I am really trying to leverage my skills. It’s all very frustrating to want so much and be my age.

I’ve always wanted more. I grew up with access to a lot of resources and I’m very lucky to have been given all that I have. I want to create a wonderful life for myself. I’m trying. I hate that I’m not sunbathing in Mykonos and making hundreds of thousands of dollars each year.

24 has put my patience to the test. I am not a patient person whatsoever. My brain moves at the speed of light and it even makes me overwhelmed. I feel like my life is going in circles and I’m trying to break out of that. I guess at this age, it’s common to feel this way. I know I have time. I’m trying to make it happen for myself. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be a superstar by the end of this year. We’ll see. Here’s to hoping for exciting news.

Cheers

Quinn

COVID forced all of us to stay inside and for some it was much harder than others. Isolation creates space for some of our darker emotions to creep in, even in small ways. The brain atrophies in isolation and will breed negative feelings that compound over an extended period of time. After COVID, I still feel as a society, we’re all adjusting to going back to pre COVID regulations. Work is no longer lenient about working from home, space is no longer created for us to take a day off, and now AI is here wreaking havoc on all of us.

In my age group, I feel that so many of us are experiencing burnout and being pushed to the unreasonable limits that previous generations were forced to acquiesce to. Mental health in the corporate space is largely still disregarded. If we fail to meet the expectations set by our employers regardless of our circumstances, they may potentially revoke our employment.

In school, in all spaces, I feel there is a hellish breeding ground for new levels of anxiety and insecurity. Teens are now faced with the idea that any mistake, joke, or picture of themselves will be slapped onto the internet. Gone are the consequences of the humiliation of simply getting in trouble. Now, it’s broadcast to their peers and strangers all over the internet. This is concerning.

Depression and anxiety are rising steadily. This is impacting people of all ages. One of the most heartbreaking instances is a video I saw of a four year old suffering a panic attack. This stress is hurting the youngest people and it makes me ill thinking that this keeps happening. In this digital era, our brains are exposed to levels of information that we simply are not evolved enough to handle properly. The world seems to fill up with more and more things that eat up our time. Phones aren’t making this any better.

The amount of videos I have seen of teens, college students, working professionals experiencing brutal mental health symptoms makes me worried. Are we really able to take care of ourselves? Is our society actually equipped with the resources to help us? The answer is no. Mental health is still not accessible for many. Therapy is affordable, but only for some. Resources are available at schools and at companies, but are few.

We are noticing the toll of living in this modern world is taking on us. However, society is not equipped to help us with the consequences of it all. So many people are still isolated and feel they can speak to no one about their issues. As someone who has dealt with anxiety, I have been one of these people.

Shame needs to be spun into a solution that benefits communities from every income bracket all over the world. Mental health needs to be adjusted for age groups and handled in a way that each group is able to feel supported and able to access what they need. Stigma is something that needs to be eradicated. Support can come in many forms and it’s important that it’s integrated into our lives just like anything else.

We are in a world that is dominated by technology. It can’t be escaped. It is impossible to ignore the cultural, social, and environmental impacts that AI is having on all of us. We need some source of comfort in our lives that isn’t a computer screen. I don’t have an answer for you, but I just know that we’re not doing as well as we should be. It needs to be addressed now.

In light of all the horrors of war, famine, and immense poverty happening around the world, it is sometimes hard to feel good about much these days. Swiping on social media can be mean that you’ll see a reel about making a frappe and then the next about a family whose child has had their limbs amputated as a result of infection.

Politics in America isn’t so great either. As marginalized groups are being targeted and having their rights taken away faster than a minor’s fake at a bar, it seems pretty grim here. Yes, the sun is shining. Yes, I have food in my fridge. Yes, I have a roof over my head. But, I can still be bummed out by the suffering of millions of people across the world who have no food and shelter. The fact that I’m seeing the destruction of cultures and landmarks of ethnic groups being destroyed by bombs makes me want to turn away from the toxic positivity content that exists. The difference is that one is in denial and the other is forced to face a reality that is nightmare fuel.

In the wake of Charlie Kirk’s death, a man who preached about if his daughter was assaulted she’d be forced to carry a child to term, I get grossed out by people who worship this man as if he was a deity of some kind. A bigoted, homophobic, misinformation spreading mouth breather has gotten more attention than the thousands of people in the Congo who are experiencing destabilization of their government and country. If a white guy who looks like a bad creepypasta is gaining more attention than a five year old on the brink of starvation, I have concerns about the state of humanity.

Perhaps, I am just choosing to see the glass half empty here but I do feel that what I’ve observed on social media and in the news is extremely upsetting and concerning. Contraception has just been made illegal in the state of Texas and the planet is getting cooked like a fried egg. Are there good things happening in the world like individual acts of kindness? Sure. Are there efforts being made to address coral bleaching and protecting parts of the oceans? Yes. But, I can also shed light on the fact that we’re living in a pretty unsettling time right now.

The world feels a lot more dangerous now than when I was a child. Maybe that’s just part of growing up. But maybe it’s also due to the fact that a lot of horrible stuff is happening to so many people all of the globe. It’s not negative to support and assist people in dire circumstances. You can choose to put your phone away to detox which is perfectly healthy and understandable. But, it is not a pessimistic view to acknowledge what it happening in this day and age. It’s just the truth.

This is a true story

TW: SA

I was fourteen and I was in live with the priest’s son at my church. Being held by someone for the first time and being in love with so powerful. So beautiful. It was so hurtful when his dad didn’t want us being together. I couldn’t even go into his house because his dad didn’t like me.

It became ten times worse when he broke up with me over text and told me that he had cheated on me with multiple other girls. I had to see him year after year at church every single Sunday. He dated four people after me. I dated zero. He posted pictures of them kissing and him being in love. They all broke up. He was always mean to my parents when they spoke to him at church. His mom never asked me how I was ever doing. I was absolutely devastated after we broke up and felt it had been so unfair.

I had a hard time trusting people in relationships after that. I was sad and felt no one ever wanted to be with me again. 2015 and 2016 were hard years for me because I was still dealing with the feelings of this experience. I didn’t appreciate being gaslit by adults who simply said that I wasn’t in love and needed to get over it.

It was gross when he’d stare at my backside and make comments under his breath at me. I always resented him after we ended things. He seemed to get away with everything he did and got into the college he wanted. Last year, I got a call from my brother who told me that he had been banned from his groups on campus because he sexually assaulted multiple women.

My anger towards him suddenly stopped. Knowing that he was a predator now, I felt a sense of relief. A couple of women that he went to school with had been abused by him. He was never allowed to rejoin his Acapella group. I was suddenly glad that he and I parted ways so long ago. Maybe all of the girls he had dated had gone through upsetting, horrible experiences like the ones that came forward. His disregard for women is truly astounding. I was relieved we weren’t together and thankfully this experience didn’t happen to me.

Somehow, this horrible news about him finally allowed me to let go of my past with him. In some ways, my anger towards him protected me from ever getting close with him again. He was always a jerk anyway. To Joseph Henry, I hope you rot.