I’ve been having weird insomnia recently. I typically have never had insomnia. In fact, that’s part of my personality — that I can fall asleep anytime, anywhere. My spouse is envious because on long drives I can pass out in the passenger seat while she drives. I typically lay down, have a few thoughts about the day, then slip into my weird and surreal dreamscape that leaves before morning.

I think that I romanticize insomnia in my head. In college, at a local film festival I saw a short that I still think about today. Road Trip, by Xaver Bohm, is a beautifully painted short about a man fixing his motorcycle during the day for a road trip, while laying awake at night. It’s a simply story, with a unique style and a patient story that draws you in. In its color palette and pace it evokes a slow, moody story, yet there’s a wandering, driving force in the main character that really spoke to me. Not being able to sleep is the sign of a struggling artist, a person challenged by their own demons and yet living a beautiful and artful life.

Now, I’m just annoyed by insomnia. It’s a nuisance; doesn’t it know I have work tomorrow? If I want to stay up late on the weekend, my brain tells me it’s time to sleep, if I want to go to bed during the week, my brain is awake and talkative.

I also used to never be troubled by those late-night thoughts. Maybe sometimes, but I would be able to fend them off easily.

They’ve crept in recently. What’s odd is that I can’t find the source.

I don’t know how to solve it. I like to get my head away from the swirl of thoughts an emotions, so I have a go-to solution: a small glass of whiskey and the Mindy Project, Mindy Kaling’s tv show. Is it mentally stimulating? No. With all due respect to Mindy, it is a guilty pleasure and not high brow in the slightest. It’s essentially about her character dating her way through a menagerie of male actors in New York, but the side characters and misadventures are entirely entertaining.

I’ll come back when I have a better solution, but for now it is what gets me through it when I’m laying in bed awake. Last night, our dog even came to join me in the living room. She lay in her bed while I laid on the couch, but it was comforting to have her join me. I can say that she was very happy when I told her it was bed time, and she went to her kennel and I to my bed, and we both had a more restful night after that.

Until next time. Aren’t I supposed to be more settled as I mature? Evidently not.

I’m no movie buff. I listen to a podcast called Cinemaholics, where they use the term ‘cinemaholic’ as opposed to ‘cinema-sober.’ They are talented movie critics and everyday movie goers, and I love their opinions. I don’t see every movie, but I wanted to give you my top ranked movies from the past year!

10. The Dead Don’t Die.

This movie was interesting to say the least. It was slow, ponderous, and strange. From what I’ve heard / read, if you’re a fan of Jim Jarmusch movies, you’ll love this one. I have never seen another one of his movies, so I was very confused. That being said, this is a zombie movie that does stick with me. I wouldn’t have suspected how it ended, and it kept my interest the whole time, and I really liked seeing Kylo Ren crammed into a Smart Car, and Bill Murray playing, well, Bill Murray. Not the best zombie movie I’ve seen, but very uniquely crafted.

9. Stuber.

Kumail Nanjiani had me in stitches. This movie was so jam-packed with jokes that I feel like they were flying by. I couldn’t stop laughing this entire movie, and I loved the chemistry between Kumail Nanjiani and Dave Bautista, they both had perfect timing and played off each other well.

8. Escape Room.

For a movie that’s built around a pretty dumb plot, I enjoyed the heck out of this movie. I think I went in with low expectations, thinking it would just be a puzzle thriller, and I mean, to be fair, that’s exactly what it was. However, the set pieces were incredible, and the over-the-top-ness just added to it. There are many movies that fade from my subconscious, but this one stuck with me. There were several twists and turns that I thoroughly enjoyed, and I definitely was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I liked the cliff-hanger ending, but to be honest, I really don’t want a sequel. I thought it was solid as-is, and don’t want another rehash of the same thing. Great film.

7. John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum

After watching this, I thought this was my favorite of the John Wick trilogy. Upon reflection, I like the second one more, but dang this was good. It was long, but it didn’t feel like there was wasted time. Really, the ending setpiece was so good — it’s tough to keep building off the momentum built from the prior two movies, but this one managed to do it. Bringing in the characters we’ve loved from those movies and introducing new ones, the movie was captivating and thrilling. Well-done.

6. IT Chapter 2.

Full-disclosure: I did not see the first IT, so I came in knowing just what is common knowledge — there’s a killer clown that manifests as people’s fears. For this movie, there were major problems with this movie — I really didn’t like the opening sequence — using a brutally violent scene against a gay character that had no real effect on the movie, and one of the main character’s sexuality alluded to felt like it was a movie trying to pander and seem woke without actually doing any of the work by making sexuality a part of the movie or the character. That being said, the horror sequences were well-done. Even though I missed the first movie, I felt I understood the backstory, and the way the movie chose to focus on characters individually in addition to the group dynamics was a nice way to keep the plot interesting. Bill Hader, of course, was gold, and Bill Skarsgard really lived in the Pennywise role.

5. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Like most others, what I liked most about this movie was the world it built. The characters, costumes, settings, music, all of it was perfectly executed. Also like most others, the plot seemed lingeringly long, and the climactic ending felt out of place, and if the movie ended before then it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Still, the friendship between the two main characters is a really solid one, and the themes of an aging actor trying to find his place seemed timeless. Plot: 6/10. Settings: 100/10.

4. Us

This was tough. My top movies were all very strong contenders and I honestly enjoyed all of them for different reasons. Us was so good, so terrifying. IT was good because it had jump scares, Escape Room was good because it was ridiculous and stressful, and the Dead Don’t Die was good because the zombies were slightly scary, but in a slow and ponderous way. Us was incredible, because it was psychological. The trailers gave the bare minimum away, and left the audience wondering. Although my girlfriend guessed the twist ending (I can’t believe she did!) we still were enthralled. The story line was interesting, although, again, I feel like there were some holes, but even though I’ve seen the movie once, I can call to mind any of the scenes. So suburban and natural and real, yet so dark and twisted and captivating. Well-done, well-acted, and well-deserved.

3. Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker

I went back on forth on this one for awhile. The first time, I didn’t like it. It felt weird, forced (no pun intended), and choppy. I really liked The Last Jedi, and this movie seemed to strip everything from it. You know how everyone can be a Jedi? Yeah, that’s not true anymore. We’re not going to do an original plot, we’re going to basically copy ourselves and resurrect a dead character. In other words, in the Star Wars universe, it’s basically impossible to kill a bad guy. It felt like The Force Awakens, which felt like A New Hope. I just didn’t really care about the characters in the way I did in other Star Wars movies. Anyway, that’s the bad. Here’s the good: it was fun. We saw the three characters of the new trilogy finally all together, and their banter was enjoyable and felt right. C-3PO was given a much more involved role, which felt like a nice way to honor Anthony Daniels. I also liked Kajimi and how the Force-skyping was heightened to be force-skype-fighting. I did enjoy that. Also, of course, Babu Frick stole the show. D-O had an important role, but I really can’t remember what it was, but I think it was just to sell toys? Anyway, this was a fun romp and for re-watch ability I think it ranked high.

2. Avengers: Endgame.

This was a surprise to me. I love Star Wars. Of the Disney kingdoms, I love love love Star Wars, and moderately enjoy the Marvel movies. That being said, it was pointed out to me that I likely had much higher expectations for Star Wars, and almost no expectations for Avengers. I think this is true. However, I genuinely felt more emotion at the climax of Avengers, and it just felt more earned in the movie. I know a lot was based off of the previous however many movies, and some of the time-traveling aspects were confusing/wouldn’t quite work (that’s basically all time-travel movies though), but overall the pacing was just right, the jokes hit every time, and all of the characters interacted exactly as you would think they would. As for re-watchability, I think I would watch this more than Rise of Skywalker, and again, I just felt more swelling emotion in this movie. Well done, Russo Brothers, well done.

1. Knives Out

As you may have been able to tell from my Star Wars comment, I am a Rian Johnson fan. This movie exceeded expectations. For set design alone, it is Oscar-worthy. For character play, it was just plain fun. It had just the right amount of twists and turns and kept me guessing the whole time. There was biting social commentary, but it was not in your face and was more humorous than uncomfortable. It was a classic whodunit, (or, who-donut if you’ve seen the film) and was enthralling. Of course, Daniel Craig stole the movie with his ridiculous accent, or as NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour points out, knit sweaters also steal the show. Loved this movie more than anything else, and will definitely be watching it again very soon!

And that’s it! Probably not the most surprising list, but it’s mine. I haven’t seen all of the movies from last year, but these are the ones I caught and this is how I feel. I have spoken. (Yes, that’s a Mandalorian quote).

Thanks for reading!

(Authors note: This opinion page is for a class assignment)

I know, scientists and their graphs. Numbers, geologic timescales, gases made up of a bunch of scientific elements that you can’t quite remember where it goes on the period table. There’s a lot of people pushing for people to stop and think critically about issues, but who has time for that? For the most part, people have jobs, families, car payments, grocery shopping lists, and a hundred other things that come to mind first before we can even stop to sift through the heaping data on global warming. Who should you believe? Fox News, where hosts ridicule democrats for changing the language, or CNN who used fancy satellite imagery to show the effects of climate change?

Here’s the thing — don’t worry about it! Rather then wasting your time trying to dig through tons of articles and boring scientific and peer-reviewed journals, why not think about it another way — let’s look at what some of the biggest companies are doing. If we trust companies to donate unlimited funds to political campaigns, shouldn’t we follow their lead with belief in science? Companies, whose primary goal is the accumulation of money, how do they feel about climate change?

According to Inc.com, here are the most valuable companies of 2018 and their views:

1. Amazon (valued at $150.8 billion). In September, Jeff Bezos announced the Climate Pledge, where the company agrees to be a part of the Paris Climate Agreement and will meet the goals 10 years ahead of schedule, and plans to be carbon neutral by 2040 (McCabe and Weise, 2019).

2. Apple (valued at $146.3 billion). In 2018, they announced that they were now powered by 100% renewable energy. As the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, stated: “We’re committed to leaving the world better than we found it” (Press Release, 2018).

3. Google (valued at $120.9 billion). Just days before Apple announced they were powered by renewable energy, Google beat them to the punch, announcing that they had officially achieved their 100% renewable energy target, and their renewable energy purchases actually exceeded the amount of electricity the company used in 2017 (Pyper, 2018).

4. Samsung (valued at $92.3 billion). Moving forward at a slower pace, Samsung seems to be working towards renewable energy. At least in the U.S., Europe, and China, the brand is seeking to be 100% run on renewable energy by 2020 (but no word on the offices in other countries) according to Shannon Liao in an article in 2018. They could just be doing this they have been protests and even were the target of a year-long Greenpeace campaign. So maybe the company is just tired out from this, or maybe bending to the whims of government. Or realizing they can still be profitable without doing irreparable damage to the planet.

5. Facebook (valued at $89.7 billion). Although Facebook is still growing into its role as content moderators (and often comes under fire for being an agent of misinformation spreading, such as in this article by Shannon Osaka), according to its own page on sustainability, “we recognize the urgency of climate change and Facebook is committed to help tackle this global challenge.”

Of course, you could think long and hard and critically about whether or not climate change is real. Or, you could just look at the most valuable companies in the world. If climate change was a hoax, why would these money-making machines be wasting so much money by investing in cleaner methods? So sit back, and relax, and trust these guys. They’ve got it handled.

Sources:

Jones, J. and Miller, B. (2019, Sept. 2). How our planet has changed over time. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2019/09/world/climate-change-before-after/

Liao, S. (2018, June 14). Samsung promises to use 100 percent renewable energy in US, Europe, and China by 2020. Retrieved from https://www.theverge.com/2018/6/14/17465366/samsung-renewable-energy-greenpeace-climate-change.

McCabe, D. and Weise, K. (2019, Sept. 19). Amazon Accelerates Efforts to Fight Climate Change. Retrieved from https://www.apple.com/newsroom/2018/04/apple-now-globally-powered-by-100-percent-renewable-energy/

Messer, O. (2019, Feb. 1). Fox New Mocks Climate Crisis: ‘Anything to Justify Taking Your Money.’ Retrieved from https://www.thedailybeast.com/fox-news-mocks-climate-crisis-anything-to-justify-taking-your-money

Osaka, S. (2018, July 31). A climate denial video has 6 million views. Facebook doesn’t care. Retrieved from https://grist.org/article/a-climate-denial-video-has-6-million-views-facebook-doesnt-care/.

Press Release. (2018, April 9). Apple now globally powered by 100 percent renewable energy. Retrieved from https://www.apple.com/newsroom/2018/04/apple-now-globally-powered-by-100-percent-renewable-energy/

Pyper, J. (2018, April 5). Google Officially Hits Its 100% Renewable Energy Target. Retrieved from https://www.greentechmedia.com/articles/read/google-officially-hits-100-renewable-energy-target.

Tyler, J. (2018, Feb. 5). The 10 Most Valuable Brands in 2018. Retrieved from https://www.inc.com/business-insider/amazon-google-most-valuable-brands-brand-finance-2018.html.

Winkler, A. (2014, June 30th). Corporations Are People, And They Have More Rights Than You. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/corporations-are-people-a_b_5543833.

Outside the Lookout, the wind howls, and the bitter cold finds any piece of exposed skin. Inside, with our burbling wood stove, only hear the crackle of the fire, and the gentle sounds of the wind, and the occasional creak and moan of the old building.

We’ve visited many fire lookouts before, but this is our first time staying overnight in one. It’s very spartan — tonight, we’ll sleep on two cots pushed together, and our dinner was a freeze dried meal cooked with water boiled by sitting atop our roaring stove in the corner. We drink beer brought from home, and canned bloody mary’s left by a past traveler (it’s truly awful — just cold tomato soup mixed with a potent amount of alcohol. in hindsight, it was probably left either as a gag gift, or just because the past traveler couldn't bear the taste and wanted to part with it).

The views though — oh, the views! We witnessed a brilliant sunset, uninterrupted by clouds. Each passing moment was prettier than the last, and we scrambled to find our cameras. What a glorious problem I’ll have — no doubt my phone’s memory contains more photos of beautiful sunsets than I’ll know what to do with, each tied to a particular place and moment in time.

Now that the sun has gone, out to the west is the twinkling lights of the small town of Lakeview. It’s truly sprawling in size, but not densely populated as in other areas (and is named rather dully and literally, as well). Otherwise, only three scattered lights can be seen in any of the other directions from our perch atop Drake’s Peak. Lone ranches, where inhabitants no doubt relish in their solitude and loneliness.

Of course, it all feels very Kerouac-ian — Removing oneself from the pace of modern life, subjecting oneself to a simplistic and minimalist life, and obsessing over the natural beauty around us. Of course, we don’t have the drug and alcohol dependencies (write’s the man sipping on the putrid can of bloody mary, since wasting it seems out of the question). To have lived while he lived would have been divine. Yet — then I’d miss so much now. Such is our lot — desirous of times other than our own, mythologizing deeply-flawed humans based off our own perceptions of them, and blindly charging in their footsteps, seeking the same wildness, madness, light and truth of it all. For what? Death awaits us all. Nothing to it but to keep on the charge, I suppose.

It’s late, and Kiva sleeps. I’ll join her now.

- Ryan Loughrey

(Authors note: This page is for a class assignment)

This page is largely intended to share news articles that show diverse points of view on global warming. Before reading on, please note that this is an opinion piece written by the author.

What is Climate Change?

Let’s start simple. What is climate change? Here is how NASA defines it: “Climate change is a long-term change in the average weather patterns that have come to define Earth’s local, regional and global climates.”

Evidence of Climate Change

There generally is not a debate on whether or not climate change exists. One of the largest manifestations for climate change is the steady, long-term, temperature increases that is referred to as ‘global warming.’ However, the warming trend is not the only manifestation of climate change — some regions see harsher winters (which critics often point to as evidence against human-caused global warming. The argument goes — ‘if the world is warming, why is it colder now?’ we will explore this more later). In a paper by Cohen, Pfeiffer, and Francis published in 2018, they analyzed the relationship between arctic weather patterns and the larger effects “A strong relationship between a warmer Arctic and increased frequency of severe winter weather is apparent for all stations east of the Rockies, with the strongest association in the eastern third of the US” (2018).

Evidence of Human Caused Climate Change

Nearly every rational being knows that climate change exists. Where there appears to be debate on what causes it — whether it is a natural phenomena, or whether the exponential growth of human population and our increased use of machinery and fossil fuels has any kind of negative effect on the world around us.

Here’s who believes in human caused climate change:

Scientists — In an article by Cook et al., they studied scientific journals in an attempt to quantify the rift between scientists posting for the argument that climate change is human caused, and those writing against. Here’s what they found: Over 11,944 peer-reviewed scientific literature published between 1991–2011, more and more papers are showing that climate change is human caused. “Our analysis indicates that the number of papers rejecting the consensus on AGW is a vanishingly small proportion of the published research” (Cook et al., 2013).

National and International Governmental agencies — For example, NASA. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration. According to it’s website, they write: “In its Fifth Assessment Report, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a group of 1,300 independent scientific experts from countries all over the world under the auspices of the United Nations, concluded there’s a more than 95 percent probability that human activities over the past 50 years have warmed our planet.”

Skepticism

To oversimplify, those that are opposed to the idea that humans cause climate change believe that there is a large hoax that is being perpetrated on the American public. The arguments vary — that scientists just want more funding so invented a fictitious threat, that proponents are just anti-industry, that polar ice is actually increasing, or that it is part of a natural cycle. The last argument is the only one I’ll dignify, since the first three are alarmist, hyperbolic, or simply false. However, using science to fight science, skeptics believe that global temperatures vary back and forth, oscillating between warm periods and ice ages. This is, in fact, true. If there were no humans, it would seem that every 100,000 years that temperatures seems to swing in the opposite direction. However, since the industrial revolution, the regular pendulum swing of temperatures has gone vastly off track, and the rise we’ve seen is steeper and directly correlates with human activity.

Skeptics generally do not want news that could hurt their business. However, it’s time to put people in front of profits, and start making smarter decisions for our future.

References:

Cohen, J., Pfeiffer, K., Francis., J. (2018). Warm Arctic episodes linked with increased frequency of extreme winter weather in the United States. Nature Communications. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-018-02992-9

Cook, J., Nuccitelli, D., Green, S., Richardson, M., Winkler, B., Painting, R., Way, R., Jacobs, P., and Skuce, A. (2013). Quantifying the consensus on anthropogenic global warming in the scientific literature. Environmental Research Letters, 8(2), https://doi.org/10.1088/1748-9326/8/2/024024

The first reaction that comes to mind is that this is just so weird. I’ve never been here before. It’s such a normal part of life and such a regular thing — we all come from someone and at some point in our lives they leave this world. Some have told me that I’m too young for this to happen to, but I don’t know any other age for it to happen. Some have told me all of the things I have lost, which sucks because I wasn’t thinking of any of those things until they mentioned them! I wouldn’t know. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never had to think about how to print a eulogy. I’ve never had to think about all the things I should have told someone before I lost the chance. I’ve never had to wait in a hospital waching someone I love slowly lose their life. “Weird” is the only word that even comes close to describing the tsunami of feelings that come and go.

Secondly, I wanted to share a quote. I know it’s cliche. Many of you know that when I lived in Ashland, Oregon, I worked part time at the Shakespeare festival. As an usher, part of my job was to sit in during plays and watch to ensure that nothing went wrong with the audience. This meant being subjected to the same plays over and over, which generally would be awful. In the case of some of the Shakespeare plays, I found that it helped. I never would have enjoyed Antony and Cleopatra if I were not subjected to watch it innumerable times over the course of a summer. It is convoluted and strange, but when Caesar learns that his great rival, Marc Antony has killed himself, he laments: “The breaking of so great a thing should make a greater crack. The round world should have shook lions into civil streets and citizens to the their dens.” I understand this. I understand how on the global scale, the death of one person barely registers on the richter scale. I remember being in the Emergency Room, watching the news they showed, with various arguments about President Trump and Stormy Daniels, and thinking to myself: “I don’t care.” I just didn’t. Global politics, potentially huge ramifications for the person who is holding the highest office in the US, and I couldn’t care less. When she passed, there was no great crack, there was no great shakespearean speech. “The breaking of so great a thing, should have made a greater crack.” Or, to put it musically, “Don’t they know, it’s the end of the world?” We walked out of the hospital, emotionally and physically exhausted, as many doctors and nurses were just beginning their shift. The sun was rising, and it was a beautiful fucking day.

Those who know me well know that my memory is awful. I am terrible with names and faces. One memory that will always stick with me speaks to the quintessential mom. At one point, when she was in the hospital, she was asking for crackers. She could barely talk, she was parched. The nurse had just brought in snacks for all of us in the room who had been there for a little while. “Crackers? Yes of course we have crackers: I said. It started a chain reaction with family members grabbing crackers from the tray and handing it from person to person until I had it and could offer it to her. When I told her that yes, we had crackers for her, she said “no, for josh.” My cousin, who was in the room. She wanted to be sure that he had food. Even in the hospital, with all of us worried sick about her, she was being the hostess and wanted to ensure that we all had enough to eat. I will never forget that.

Everyone copes with loss differently. I’ve found that listening to sad classic rock really helps me. I mean, really terrible, or really cheesy songs. For example, Dust in the Wind by Kansas, or Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones. Again, this whole ‘coping’ thing is uncharted territory for me. What I’ve found is that it doesn’t necessarily get better, but it becomes easier to deal with. The best metaphor I’ve found is that of an earthquake; there is the large initial shock, with many, seemingly random aftershocks. For example, wanting to tell her something and then realizing you can’t. Finding an object that reminds you of her. Either way, when you’re not expecting it, you will be hit with the tidal wave of emotions. I want to leave with another quote, and I’m not sure where it originated. “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” I love this quote. I think if I surfed it would mean more, but still. In all of our lives, there will be turbulence, there will be loss, there will be challenges and heartbreak that we aren’t sure if we can survive. But we can learn to surf. We can learn to embrace this, and recognize that the depth of our pain directly correlates to the depth of love we were shown. We can’t control everything around us, but we can control how we react to it. We can’t choose how we lose our loved ones, but we can choose how we honor their legacy. One of my coworkers told me that even though my mother has passed, she lives on in myself, my brother, and my father. How we interact with the world, the patience and kindness that we show to others is a direct homage to the lessons and lifestyles that she taught. In some way, she affected all of our lives. How we choose to react to her passing, is up to each of us. I choose to notice all of the wildflowers, to react with patience and diplomacy to situations that may be undesirable, and show kindness to all I may come in contact with.

We can’t stop the waves, but we can learn to surf.

All photos taken by me, unless otherwise noted.

Above photo by Kiva Arne

And other days, you feel like you’ve hit a wall, constantly and continually, and no matter how hard you try, you’ve accomplished and completed nothing. Days when you feel battered and broken, mixed with tinges of guilt because no, you’re not hungry and you don’t live in a war-torn country, so your feelings of worthlessness might not even be valid. Which, of course, only compound the feeling.

These are the days that are tougher, when you don’t quite want to continue. When emotions that you’ve pushed down refuse to be silent, and your actions seem hollow and like an exercise in futility.

These days, you unintentionally push those away who are close to you and could comfort you, and maybe some subconscious part of that gives it justification when that relationship doesn’t work out. And there are still others, who are willing to help if you are willing to share, but sharing weakness with friends acknowledges it, something maybe you aren’t ready to admit to yourself or others.

Small victories are what mark those days. The fact you took a shower. You got out of the house and had some groceries. The place has been cleaned up, if ever so slightly. Despite the fact that your bed called your name all day, and you just wanted to disappear and reject existence, you stayed out and attempted productivity. Even though you feel like every attempted act was a failure, at least you tried. And even though today was shit, tomorrow might not be. There are things and people in the world that make you happy. Even though you can’t escape right now, because you have commitments, you will one day be able to take a day to simply unwind. Just not today.

You try to avoid your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but it is difficult because you know your Pavlovian brain has already formed connections that associate these unhappy feelings with unhealthy vices. The prospect of tomorrow may be a challenge, but it is hopeful too. And there is a kind of peace in that knowledge, that no matter how troubled or futile today seemed, tomorrow holds new possibilities. Yes, you may fall down again and again tomorrow, but then the next day will be a new day. The endless cyclical nature of nature allows us time and forgives us our errors. It can be simultaneously hopeful and daunting.

Needless to say, today was one of those days for me. The stresses that perhaps strain all of our lives — financial stress, relationship stress, personal health stress — all seemed to have ganged up on me and fought back any of my efforts to stay positive.

But tomorrow is a new day, filled with new opportunities. And I refuse to give up. And sometimes admitting that today is a day where I’ve tried and failed, and acknowledging that I am susceptible to such unhealthy emotions, helps. And it may be a weakness, but today I am weak. Tomorrow I will be strong. For myself. And for everyone else who does not feel strong enough.

Personally, though, if I make resolution, they are too generic and easy to give up on after a month. “Be healthier. Be better with money. Marry a millionaire then murder them but make it look like an accident.” Too broad, too easy to give up on.

Recently, my mentor turned me on to S.M.A.R.T. goal setting. The acronym stands for Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant and Time-bound. (Other similar acronyms exist, but they all are aimed at the same ideals). The idea is that vague goals are easy to lose track of, but making SMART goals allow a person to measurably track their progress and growth.

I’ve always been drawn to growth. I do like the quote “Aging is mandatory, maturing is optional.” And it’s true, we can try to lead a healthy life, keep our bodies in great condition, but we will still always age.

I grew up as a Boy Scout (yes, I got Eagle Scout, for those nerds who are reading this and know what that is), and a part of our credo was to keep ourselves “physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.” I also have worked at the YMCA, which seeks to help people improve themselves on three similar criteria: mind, body, soul.

So I wanted to set some goals, and I don’t know if they are too easy but I suspect so (or maybe that’s what makes them Achievable?). I also wanted to have them in writing so I could hold myself accountable. Without further ado:

1. Run a 5k for a charity. I’m not in terrible shape, but I don’t typically run long distances (not that a 5k is a terribly long distance, but it is a starting point from which I can improve on)
2. Make a Budget. I know, this one doesn’t seem too difficult, and I keep meaning to but I never do it. So it’s time to start adulting.
3. Earn a TEFL, TESOL, or CELTNA Certificate. I have long wanted to teach English overseas, but I have never taken the first step of getting the certificate that would enable me to do so.
4. Donate Blood. I know, this one should be easy. Well it’s realistic at least.
5. Read 10 Books. As of right now, I have three I am reading (I am Malala, Korea: Walking Across the Land of Miracles, and Furiously Happy).
6. Visit 10 National Parks. This shouldn’t be too tough. So far, I’ve been to Lassen and Redwood, only 8 more to go.
7. Attend 3 Concerts. I only have one scheduled right now (the Xx in Portland, so stoked!)
8. Add $1,000 to my IRA. I know, this one is so boring and I should probably be adding more. Baby steps though, right?
9. Get out of debt. Another boring financial goal. I need to pay off my credit card bill though.
10. Take a photography class. This one should be easy, but at the same time it’s something I can do anytime that I simply keep putting off.

And that’s it for now. I know, nothing very earth-shattering or life-changing. I’m not trying to shatter any earths, right now I want to grow in an intelligent and measurable way. I know, I know, I’m trying not to drift off into one of those new-age personal development blogs, because that just isn’t me. (Again, if that works for you, more power to you).

I want to continually grow. My seeds have been planted, and have gotten me this far. However, I am excited to see what will happen in my future. With some work, I will see myself grow.

Cheers, and good luck with any goals you have set.

I should note that during this time of studying abroad in Korea, I felt exceptionally safe. Even though I was a stranger with limited Korean speaking abilities, I always felt comfortable and so falling asleep on the subway wasn’t something that worried me — my stop was the last on the line, and either my alarm or the lack of movement would wake me. My biggest fear was drooling on a poor neighbor who would be too polite to tell me.

I did wake up when the train stopped, but it was in unfamiliar territory. It was dark, my mind was groggy, but I knew enough to know this wasn’t the right train stop. I got out to get my bearings, read the station sign, and discovered that while I slept, I didn’t realize that the train had taken the only turn on the tracks!

Essentially, line 1 goes from Incheon (the airport and famous locale during the Korean War) to Sinchon, the city just about a 15 minute walk from the town my school was in. Along the way, there are many opportunities to switch trains and the final stretch (maybe the last 20 stops) is a straight line to Sinchon. However, there is one fork in the track that if a person is careless, the train could take and it could land one in unfamiliar territory.

So here I was, in the middle of the night, having just taken the last train of the evening to a town I’ve never been to. I walked out of the station, hoping to find a hotel or hostel or jimjilbang (kind of spa that sometimes has inexpensive sleeping quarters) to rest for the night. As I left the station, there were a group of taxi drivers and locals waiting for the passengers of the train. I have never felt threatened before in Korea, but in this town, at this time of night, these particular men eyed me and I felt a curious sensation — they were predators and I was a prey. I was the definitive outsider, a white American in a small town in Korea. All eyes were on me, and I had a fleeting thought that made me think this is how my female friends must have felt in creepy bars. Still, this wasn’t the time to philosophize or empathize, this was the time to avoid a mugging. I was outnumbered in an unfamiliar town, and I had to trust my instincts.

So I did what I had been taught — acted confident as if I belonged and knew exactly where I was going. From the station door, I took a left down a road that looked promising, walking straight and sure, while always being aware of the eyes on me. I passed by curious vendors selling fried foods in stands that lit up in the dark, it seemed to be an evening market that was well lit, where smells assaulted the senses. However, I was not followed, and I felt more comfortable with every step I took farther away from the people I had called the Hawks for their piercing eyes and predatory stances.

The people here were curious, no doubt, after all I was still a white American with a large green backpack who no doubt still looked a little disheveled from metro sleep. However, they were not threatening. If I spoke Korean, I would have asked for directions, but instead I kept walking. I pulled out my phone, and called my friend Sam. I didn’t realize how late at night it was, so she answered but I could tell she was still asleep. I felt bad for disturbing her, especially since I felt safe (albeit a bit lost), so I told her not to worry.

I did see the sign of a jimjilbang atop one building, but once inside all I found were discouragingly blank hallways and locked doors. If there was something inside, it was on a floor or through a door I simply couldn’t find. After exploring as much as I felt comfortable, I had an idea. The train tracks. They would lead me back to home. I pulled out my phone and looked at the metro map. It was only a few (okay, like 10) stops away from me. Sure, it was late, but I wasn’t tired so why not just walk the train tracks? I knew there wouldn’t be trains since it was too late, so I circled back to the station.

There was a fence, of course. I don’t know why I thought there wouldn’t be. In the darkness, I followed it for as long as I could, until it hit a river bank and I couldn’t anymore. So I headed back until I came to the lowest part of the fence, took anything breakable out of my backpack, and heaved it over. Luckily, there was no one around, so I climbed up the metal fence and dropped over the other side. I was on the right side of the tracks now! I remember that there was some moonlight so I could see, and I picked up my backpack and headed south.

It was a long night. At one point, I remember seeing a stray cat and trying to pet it but of course it ran off before I could get too close. I kept trying to get closer, and it would sneak out of reach. Someone had wronged it in the past, and it was now quite cautious of humans. Understandably. I sat down, pulled off my backpack, and dug around until I found some food I had been saving. I found my roll of gimbap, which looks just like sushi but tastes differently. I put a slice of it on the train track for my feline friend, hoping this small move would help it to regain trust of my kind. I put back my provisions, and kept heading down the rails.

At one point, I was on top of a bridge as a road stretched beneath me in a perpendicular manner to the rails. I stood, leaning on the metal wall, and looked out at the countryside. I could see the twinkling lights of far off villages at the horizon, between which lay stretches of farmland. The moonlight shone over the quiet road and the tranquil scene.

As I reached the next station, a thought crossed my mind wouldn’t there be cameras? Of course there would, and I did not want to get arrested for vagrancy, trespassing, you name it. At this particular station, along the traintracks there was a kind of tunnel under the platform, for pipes. So I crawled my way though, not convinced I was completely hidden, however I figured if someone did watch the cameras they would probably be more confused and see I wasn’t doing any harm.

The only time I felt frightened was at one stretch of the tracks, where I could hear a train coming. I had forgotten, of course there were no passenger trains going at this time, but of course there were freight trains. Luckily, there was a lot of space between the fence and the tracks, so I headed the farthest away I could from the tracks, over a small burm, and hid on the otherside. I laid in the darkness as it sped by, convinced that no one would see me and that I was far enough so no rocks would be spewed my way. Finally, it passed and the rumbling stopped, and I kept walking. After some time, I heard another frightful noise — dogs. Luckily, they were on the other side of the fence, but they barked at me and I sped away from there until I got to a place where they couldn’t follow me along the fence line.

Finally, after passing several stations, I looked at a map to get my bearings. I had been walking what felt like all night — in reality it was probably closer to three hours. The station I was at was only three stations away from where I had started, and by now any adrenaline I had was depleted. I had to sleep.

I walked into the town, still unable to find any hostel, but I did find a park. There was a large cement box that looked like the shape of the electrical boxes we had here, and it was located conveniently far from the road. I walked behind it, and noticed no passing cars could see me and the grass was dry. I crouched and decided this would be where I would rest. I did not have the room to lay down fully, so I slept in a kind of seated position against the concrete with my jacket draped over me for warmth. I knew I would not be here long, for dawn would soon be upon me and with it, the metro would be running again. I set an alarm, and nodded off.

An hour or so later, I awoke, grateful that no police officer had woken me and I seemed to have not been detected. I walked back to the station, boarded the first train along with those businessmen commuting to work, older ladies headed to the markets, and students headed to their respective schools. None of them suspected the night before I had been lost, trespassed, attempted to smooth relations with a cat ambassador, and slept in a park. I didn’t want to worry my friends at school, and besides, now I was headed back to the correct station. There were no forks on the rails from here on out to Sinchon, and I would arrive before most of my friends would even wake up.

I was safe in the metro once again, headed home. I put my headphones in, closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.