When I was in school, the idea of a singualar religion, singular possibilities was unheard of. Because I grew up in Gujarat, as a mixed Bihari-Bengali child. I grew up in a diverse community and always enjoyed and valued it, so did my parents. Until I reached Delhi, and 2026 arrived. The narrative started in 2014, when India got Independence! Yes as per many people in this country, Independence only happened in 2014, because of you-know-who!

Delhi is an unfortunate city, because it could be so much more, but it lacks cuture as of today. No art, no activism, no one voicing anything against atrocities in the world. For a city that has witnessed so much, since 2014, its an uncouth centre for singular idealogies, full of bureacrats who waste tax payers monies, and is full of depressed and repressed citizens, who can only honk, shout or make their surroundings dirty!

Motherhood is a journey of a lifetime, other roles come and go but once a woman is a mother, no matter what happens, she strives her best to not abandon that responsibility. I believe that Affection and Mercy are two emotions we learn from our parents and more so from our mothers as we spend a better part of our childhood with them. But if we attempt to take a journey back in into our memories and relate to or try understand some of the times that our mothers had to not only care independently for their own emotional needs but also be as reliant as possible for her children we would be able to realise the strength bestowed upon them. In those days despite the best of education, women pretty much lacked access to resources about managing their journey. Thus, Resilience is one of the most helpful qualities we could acquire from our mothers.

The societal fabric is losing its grip as values have little meaning in our public life, we don’t any longer hold on to them and we are taught to believe anything and everything is Okay, because it is okay somewhere with someone. But mothers have always been expected to perform. I won’t say that mothers of our times have it easier. Despite a more networked and inclusive society, the challenges of the mothers continue albeit they face newer pressures. With rise of broken homes, demanding jobs to take care of, the facilities of the modern times have created different lacunae.

Back in early 90s moving cities every couple of years, living far from your close relatives with two kids was a tough task for most women, like my own mother. And yes many did it and mothers of today also continue to manage the constant movement, settling and unsettling process to ensure their children feel safe and they strive their best to ensure they have stable lives.

The situation for healthcare for mothers is also fragile. The work we do in ensuring better facilities for child birth and nutrition of children highlights the gaps and extra miles we still have to go to cover and ensure dignified lives for mothers from rural and underserved communities. In the urban landscapes, issues like post-partum depression is on the rise due to distant families, affordable access to quality nutrition and social support which impact women and mental well being of their children. To add to that, mothers often are denied full disclosure about the conditions of their pregnancy and options they could choose for themselves for the birthing process. For mothers to raise happy healthier children, it’s pertinent to build an ecosystem of support. It takes a village to raise a child, but when the village has lost its value and the members want to take no accountability, the challenges of newer mothers will continue.

As I reminisce and relate the above challenges with how my own mother, shouldered the responsibilities of raising children, I can understand that each mother relies on her own instinct, spiritual connection and guidance to raise her children. Thus, she is able to still take care of her children be it earthquakes or wars, poverty or prosperity, a lifestyle of privileges or austerity, a mother’s responsibility remains the same. She fulfils her role, with utmost Patience!

The capitalist ecosystem thrives in a valueless society but it’s detrimental to human well being. Isn’t it a shame that with all the progress and money we have generated, we still have poor healthcare, housing, food insecurity and violence.

As much hyper connected we are as humanity, the more lonelier and disconnected we are with human values.

Because much of our time is spent on the noise that is thrown to us across content and information platforms. We have very prompt access to things we don’t need on everyday basis like shopping clothes? But we lack easy access to affordable healthcare; hook ups and causal dating is easy so you get sex without responsibilities but drinking water is not free anymore and for millions, potable clean water now a luxury. No wonder why Mark Burry is investing only in water as a commodity. Yes we have government owned liquor shops, but not enough water ATMs, drug stores with free medicines and consumables.

It’s not to hard to reflect and wonder why, because the values have gone missing and treachery rules the day.

Now the case talks about me loving the other person and it’s not about the intensity with which they either initiated loving me or perceived my love. Thus, being loved, being in love and loving are different feelings. If we understood that well, we certainly would not take love so lightly and will be more mindful of giving more efforts into our relationship.

Imagine how beautiful it would be if the two people in love have the immense potential to forgive the other, be self aware, and invest time in doing their inner work!

While encountering love is by design of the lord in heavens above, loving is an act and hence a verb and certainly a forgotten act in romantic relationships.

Why could I not write the next part, what blocked me from sharing my views and why part 1 feels like an immature view of a woman in a cocoon?

Precisely because my life changed more dramatically and the meaning of Love and Human Relationships have now altered for me against my previous beliefs, and definitely for the good.

When I wanted to write part 2 in 2020 and even in 2021, I was trying to explore what Religion(s) say about romantic love. In Hinduism, I was exposed to the erotica of Love or Sacrifice by mythical characters. The Bhagavad Gita talks about all virtues and values but Love, and no one teaches you how to love. I stumbled upon nothing until I read up about Islam. I may have not read the Torah and many other religious texts, neither the Puranas nor Vedas but I have fair exposure to the preachings of Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity and Islam.

I was born into a Hindu family,

I studied at a convent school

I studied philosophy through the lens of Buddhism and revisited the learnings from school at New Acropolis.

I have analyzed the preachings of Islam through the lens of the human condition!

Love above all is an act of forgiveness and acceptance. When you love your pet or your child, you follow that understanding of love, but its essence often gets lost in romantic relationships or even love for your beloved. There is no such thing as unconditional love, in our modern life. We give and we give, and then we stop when our needs are not fulfilled.

So what should we do about it?

Nothing!

You love and give, without expectations and move on. It is important to understand oneself and our own needs, above anyone or anything else. Often we put our partners on a pedestal and expect them to either fulfil our needs or put restrictions on them, in hopes that they continue to depend on or rely on us for all their needs, even when we ourselves are not truly fulfilled and content.

So I have come to realise, that between a conditioned relationship and free-spirited love, I will choose the latter. And encourage all modern fellow humans and Indians, to embrace their compassion, love and focus towards giving, acceptance and tolerance. Working towards a relationship is more important than reacting towards a relationship. Start by surrounding yourselves with good examples and cherish those who teach you and push you to know yourself better, and to give love better.

I am lucky to have met them in my life, and this was also an opportunity for me to go deeper and analyse my relationships with my parents and brother and especially the loving figure that my mother has been for our family. While all mothers love and sacrifice for their families and children, for a woman to remain content with what she has and draw strength even in situations when she had neither my father nor any other acquaintances around back in the days of no cellphones, it requires strength and grace.

I may continue to add my take on love and modern relationships in my coming posts, as I stumble upon anything significant to share about. As my profile is about soul searching, expect words that may make rethink, or share your thoughts on the topic!

Love is a verb;

Countless ballads and vows,

Spoken assurances won’t make hopes last,

Stand up or down, hold hand or walk along;

A pen no longer is mightier than a sword,

As the writer’s thoughts can be revised,

How difficult is it to edit or wipe away a narrative;

While a sword has the power to write off injustice right away;

A wielder’s intent is the only virtue, in his way.

In times where truth is hard to decipher,

Reveal, showcase and empower with presence,

On the face of fears of humanity,

Not behind screens,

To gossip and monger, on issues;

Which your loved ones too may face one day.

No mother, even your words

Won’t make the dead child in me rise up,

For words were good, but enough,

As I longed for you to stand up!

We had an interesting theme for women’s day 2021 — #Choosetochallenge. And we may be challenging all traditions and dictates of an archaic era in every sphere of life, working towards including everyone. But are we? Think of groups of women you forgot to check in on or wish. Can’t think of them?

You wished your colleagues, family members, your role models and probably some women down the street if you were certainly very inclusive.

What about your domestic help? Or your cook or the cleaning lady. She might not understand the concept of celebrating a special day, she might even not be able to read your message. Did you try to share her a message in her own language or did you make her feel proud of the work, the contribution she has in your success, as she takes care of your home, your children or your parents while you work hard and have no trace of time?

With no laws, no social protection, no formal work engagement and no formal structure of employment, women working as domestic workers are among the most vulnerable groups in India. There are obviously no accurate statistics available with documented numbers ranging from 3.9 to 90 million (ILO). The pandemic has not only been harsh on them, but many of them have not been able to secure work or incomes earned at pre-pandemic levels.

But they are a resilient group, and I sincerely admire their determination, their ability to leverage their acquired intellect to earn, save and invest money for their own needs and for the needs of those dependent on them. With negligible financial literacy, yet they navigate through the social and emotional burden of terms and conditions largely dictated by people who employ them.

Until we together figure out more formal structures of paid domestic work, pause and ask your help, check in on them, respect them give them at least 4 paid leaves a month and a safe and secure working environment. Let’s choose to challenge the status quo for every human life and leave no one behind.

This weekend I accidentally came across the series “Modern Love” on Amazon Prime and binge watched the whole 8 episodes as I have been a fan of the New York Times’ section on Modern Love with some amazing heart-wrenching stories of love of all kinds.

As an Indian living in times of dramatically evolving societal norms, my thoughts drifted towards my own past experiences and stories of love I had heard across cities and among people who have stumbled upon in my life. While in most cases the acceptance of same-sex love or relationships of LGBTQ members typically classified as acceptance of “modern love”, seems like there are many barriers to be broken while love and relationships have multitude definitions in our times. In this 4 part series, I shall like to take you on a journey of love in India, as I see it. For Part 1 we shall navigate through Matching and Dating in Our Times.

Matching with The One.

Beyond dating microsites and apps like Tinder and Bumble, arranged (and family-approved) dating or “matchmaking” through various platforms like Shaadi.com or Bharatmatrimony.com are options that people have. Many a time these platforms are managed by parents or family members of the individual. In terms of algorithms, you could narrow down and filter options not only according to your professional interests and hobbies but can consider the other person’s salary, ancestral lineage and horoscope as well! Ding! Sounds like a good way to find your closest soulmate? And especially when all your tinder swipes are so unmatchable. Well, it still works for a majority of the people, who haven’t found family approved love or for families who are as I like to call it, “shopping” for a suitable match for their wards. While the recent series on Netflix, Indian Matchmaking might be a horrific portrayal of this process, arranged matchmaking does exist across many Asian countries in the world, in similar formats (an Iranian or a Turkish matchmaking show won't be any different!)

Be it the apps or the matchmaking platform, many among us are constantly stressed about meeting the expected standards of beauty and success, while constantly masking true selves. People are reluctant to share their previous statuses and circumstances in many cases, and the emphasis on professional success or achievements make the profiles look more like LinkedIn pages.

The commoditisation of love, relationship and marriage in the country has truly altered the essence of a modern mature understanding of the first step in finding love for women and men. Millennials and Gen Z members yet sometimes fall short of actually owning it up and being able to choose their partners beyond caste and creed or religion while as a group these generations truly believe in contributing greatly to the wider society and diversity and inclusion.

As I write about this, I am reminded of how little might have changed in our social order, while we catapult at neck break speeds across other aspects of our lives. But on the bright side, the adventurous ones might still stumble upon their true love while on a trek to the Himalayas, at a music fest in the northeast, during a yoga retreat in South India or around the corner at the office copier machine!

Moving on to Dating or Courtship

How you may stumble upon a chance at love, can be uncertain or a concerted effort of the universe. Thus, dating probably is the easier part if you have crossed the hurdle and found someone you enjoy spending your time with.

So while dating freely might be easier than in West Asian countries, but to be able to explore how in sync you might be with your partner, personal hurdles and barriers still remain. Loving another person unconditionally and wholeheartedly accepting another human being requires patience, endurance and utter commitment. Your matches might have been on your goals and choice of holiday destinations, but your financial status might change, you might want to leave a cushy job in investment banking and become a social worker, or worse, you might be struggling with a diagnosis of bipolarity! Won’t you want rather want to be with someone who understands your purpose and values more than your ability to make a good deal? Even you have already found the one, you might want to take a step back as you are you contributing to your relationship.

To this day I see many beautiful relationships breaking under the pressure of the external differences as well. Families disproving of the cultural backgrounds or due to their close-minded egoistic demands, don’t realise that they won’t be around to resolve any day to day challenges between two people as their life evolves. Thus, most people prefer to keep their dating under the wraps, not out of choice but to avoid facing the pressure of committing too soon or the fear of being judged. It’s even more difficult for older individuals who are looking for love or a second chance at it. My friends and same-sex couples find it a lot easier to keep up their narrative of living with a friend or a cousin while many men with a children find it a lot harder to let another woman step into their lives, without being judged.

Contrary to the narrative that we are more open to accepting Love as Love, societal challenges are still playing spoilsport in letting people in the country choose and accept whom they want.

In the next part, I would like to talk about the philosophy of love, conversations with my friends and what my teacher said about walking on 3 parallel pathways with someone you love.

And these days I am really scared of them,

Yet I rise, and begin again,

Only to realise, I am not enough to be strong again,

I call out the birds, I call out the trees,

As no longer are my confidantes ready,

To hold their gazes on a dying me.

I understand them,

Little do they know, I can’t decipher myself,

Little do they remember, when I held them,

I cry in utter silence, I douse my inner soul,

Losing my steady resilience,

Each day there’s change.

I will be gone,

I will be judged maybe,

I would be told, I didn’t do more,

I didn’t cry out, loud enough.

But I shouted behind the doors,

And my eyes revealed daringly,

Those questions that were killing me,

I couldn’t have, made this noise enough,

Isolation consumed me.

I cared and I will nurture,

As I still understand them,

More than anything, I will love them,

I am here to guide them,

As they circle around,

With their own unawareness,

And deeply preoccupied,

But in their own maze.

I pray, that each day,

You will witness a change, see the sun,

But not only sunrising above the sea,

As some days, you might witness it rising beyond,

A pile of scattered thoughts.

Its okay each day,

As long as you see it rise,

And I don’t want you to be in an inner fight,

So that you are not scared,

Each day, there’s a change!

-श्रेया

We fight vehemently for equality, equitable access to resources and opportunities while some of us also may be fighting for a daily scrape of food or water or shelter, just to survive as a human. The planet we were born into never had that equal for anybody. But it gives each of us an opportunity to choose, to create something so that we may offer what others lack. So that we may care for those who don’t have what they need to live a life where they can also pause, reflect and choose for somebody else.

The world seems unfair to most of us, and we define it and make peace with it as long as our own wheels are not derailed. We are thinking of those who have, what we don’t have and we compare and amass more to satisfy in ways what we can manage to afford. But if each one of us and takes a share of only what we actually need and offers everything else beyond, wouldn’t it be more beautiful and equal?