Life manifests through us, just as electricity passes through different types of lamps, to create a variety of lights. We are all different individuals; each of us is unique. But we are all plugged into the electricity of Life. We are all the same in that. We are all lamps. Some are beautiful chandeliers, complicated constructions of crystal. Others are simple one-bulb lamps.

Whatever our parts are, if we know them and accept them with both their strengths and weaknesses, if we embrace our lack as much as we praise our ableness, relaxation appears within us. And relaxation creates space. Then Life flows in and fills that space with its electricity. The result is light. Life can flow through us if we have space within, and our existence gets illuminated.

When we focus on that kind of interaction, on that kind of collaboration with Life, we are functioning through our true selves. So the true self is not something to discover or find, but something to live by.

fragment from the book “the CRACK — freedom while stuck in human form” by Melinda Asztalos PhD Karma Pema Khandro

www.the-crack.com

Lately, a trend is present in the self-development, esoteric, and spiritual communities by which celebrating and nurturing the inner child seems to solve most problems people have with themselves or the world, and it helps even with their physical complaints. Last night I participated in a sound healing journey that targeted the inner child. It was a surprise program, so I did not sign up for it myself. The person who did that for me is my dear friend, so I went along because the important thing for me was to share another experience with her. Sharing experiences deepens friendships, and the success of the activity bears only secondary importance.

We arrived at a charming place with 5 other people who appeared more accustomed to what was following. The room was welcoming, with soft light, a multitude of crystals, and a delightful scent of lemongrass. The fact that we were in a safe and positive environment was asserted by the impressive presence of the magnificent tomcat Felix who moved around smoothly and utterly calmly until he curled up on a warm blanket. Being a cat mom myself, I know that such trusted behavior of a cat is a sure sign of protection, and thus the place was to be trusted.

Each person cozied up on their mat or chair nestling under a blanket. The master of ceremony was a tall man with a light constitution. I heard that he was 72 but he could easily claim that he was 10 years younger. His presence was gentle and he seemed to have developed the coveted state of acceptance in which one is capable of allowing their environment to unfold freely. He sat down at his table on which different sound instruments were laid out on a thick blue tablecloth. A huge white sound bowl made of thick opaque glass caught my attention. It wasn’t the usual bronze or copper sound bowl and it was truly huge, to my estimate it could even measure 70 cm in diameter. During the session, the sound it made was so liberating that it carried me over to another dimension. Another interesting instrument was a shamanic drum filled with sand-like elements that reproduced the sound of the ocean. That too had a very powerful effect of creating an alternate environment, albeit at times it could be too loud for the sensitive ears.

The session began with sounds that didn’t really form an orchestra, but I liked it. However, soon the man began to direct our experience by planting images in our minds. We were directed into fields of flowers and through mountain paths into valleys where lots of people gathered to celebrate a child who turned out to be the inner child in each of us. These images were not my choice or preference. To me, they were genuinely disturbing. I began focusing only on the silent moments in which the man finally stopped talking. I would have preferred allowing my mind to create its own journey during the session. I would have liked to see where my consciousness takes me or, alternatively, which layers of my unconsciousness get revealed as I am exposed to the different sounds. But that freedom was not given in this session. The man was determined to make us all celebrate our inner child and that inner child took the actual form of us as children, and there was no way around it. Our master of ceremony was a man with a plan.

After the session, he asked me about my impressions and I shared honestly that I would have preferred the session with only the instruments. Some participants, however, liked the idea of the story, and they clearly needed the guidance. They were rather attuned to loving the child they once were, rejoicing at the possibility of carrying the health and vitality of that child within their adult selves. I did not want to shatter their joy, so I only shared my view privately with my friend as we departed.

While in some cases there are benefits to digging up childhood memories and repressed childhood events for processing, healing, and releasing purposes, I truly believe that there is confusion regarding the inner child. Like so many teachings, this too may have been misunderstood. I have followed for a quarter of a century the Tibetan Buddhist education in the Vajrayana tradition and I have integrated those teachings into the modern scientific understanding of the mind, self-awareness, and psychological health. Adding to that mix my doctoral research in mindfulness, I have come to the conclusion that the inner child is not the child we once were. The inner child is rather a place within our personality where we are allowed to be carefree (very distinct from being careless). In that place, we are safe and have the liberty to let our guard down. There, we are not burdened by responsibility and we can delight in the luxury of simply being as we are. The inner child is a part within us that is not afraid of being judged and is not pressured to fulfill the expectations of self or others.

This state, however, has very often nothing to do with the actual childhood of many people. Some are fortunate to have lived the generic “happy childhood”, but in my experience, the majority of us were plagued by fears, responsibilities, and the pressure to perform. Most of us were damaged as children, despite the best intentions of our parents because they infused us unknowingly with their own fears, insecurities, and frustrations. We were conditioned to perpetuate the conditionings of our parents. Some claim to have achieved freedom because they have grown to be the perfect opposites of their parents, but the truth is that being stuck in the conditioning or being consumed by clawing your way out of the conditioning, both keep you fixated on the conditioning.

That’s why even the luckiest among us need 3–4 decades of self-work to process the childhood traumas we have suffered even in the absence of severe problems such as poverty, violence, or disease.

Now, as I am in my mid-40s I can allow my inner child to come out and play when I am in the company of the few trusted people who grant me the kind of safe environment in which I am not expected to satisfy any requirements of perfection. Those are the amazing few in my life who rejoice in who I am and like me as I am. Naturally, this is a two-way exchange, so I offer them the same.

However, that inner child is nothing like the frightened little girl I was once, who never felt that she belonged and was convinced that she must work very hard to earn love because as she was, she was simply not good enough. The inner child that I can experience today was freed because I invested decades in getting to know myself and becoming honest about my different parts, especially the weakest and shadiest aspects of my personality that no one ever praised. I had to learn to like who I am in my totality, especially the weaknesses that were so vehemently judged by my environment. I named those parts “the crack” and I am utterly grateful that today my crack functions as an opening through which the light of Life enters me and my light shines outward into the world as I move through this journey of consciousness development we call the human existence.

www.the-crack.com