You might feel relief momentarily. You might be depressed for months. You might go on a dating rampage, hook up with someone immediately. But if this relationship meant anything to you, you will soon realize that the world is full of men, but most won’t create the same connection let alone value as the one who came before. Soon, you will realize that maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Soon, you will be tempted to have that connection back. You will text him.

What happens next — the stories you hear of ex-lovers reuniting — that’s the exception. Usually, when you reach out to him, you forgot how he made you feel alone, you forgot how he always had a thing for his ex, you forgot how he didn’t support your dreams, you forgot he stopped touching you and took you for granted. So when you reach out, and he acts exactly like himself — someone who you left, you will regret it. If you both decided it was best to break up, there were real reasons why it didn’t work out, and unless you think deep into why and learn from it, the new relationship won’t be any different.

He might have learned a lot after all those months, he might have had new experiences, but often times, people don’t learn that quickly. And don’t get me wrong, if you’re reading this, you’re going through a transformation. You are someone who is willing to make changes.

So what does it mean when it comes to unfriending your ex? Why did I explain so much in the beginning?

It’s because when you start living your life again, when waking up becomes easier day by day, you will run into your ex’s Facebook profile, see his picture pop up on your chat, and you will be reminded again of his existence. You will remember the text he ignored, the coffee you guys never got, the parties he said ‘yes’ to, your friends who still choose to hang out with him and not you. Your heart will sink little by little, not because your heart belongs to him anymore, but because this stupid online connection, the only connection you have left of him will remind you of how worthless you felt when you needed him most.

So do it. Not because you want him back. Most likely he’ll wonder why you did it. He’ll probably think you’re angry, spiteful or immature. Do it because you don’t need him to know what you’re up to, because you don’t care about his validation nor do you care about the possibility he can communicate with you ever again because you cut him off. Take the power back. Do it for you.

By the time you become your own person, if you had a meaningful relationship, he will come around. Whether you reconcile or not is your choice. Just remember, if you were driven to press that “unfriend” in the first place, he might have hurt you or have gone too far in pushing you away. Value yourself, be with someone who appreciate your efforts.

If you’re reading this, you probably have 2 questions: 1. I like him, but he’s younger, is he someone I can trust to date? 2. But he’s only 24 and I’m 28, am I crazy to think that I’m a cougar right now? I’m so young too though!

Just because you have these questions lingering in your mind, doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it only goes to show that you are truly a modern woman (who may have been raised by traditional parents) who is willing to give this a shot. It is so unfair to write off all younger men when it comes to dating, as there are so many mature, kind and committed men out there. Even so, I wish someone had given me the following advice on what I could expect in a long term relationship with a guy in his early twenties as a mid twenties chick, so I hope I can help you.

In the beginning, everything is rosy

Your connection is unique: Let’s face it. When you found out he was x years younger than you, you were disappointed. Not because you found that a turn-off, but more because you made a connection and realized that despite all that, it won’t lead anywhere because he probably wants nothing “serious” from you. But that ok, since most guys don’t go into talking to women to marry them, they just want to get to know you! Here’s the catch, if you just wanted a casual hook up, you wouldn’t be reading this post — you’re into him.

He has neverending energy: What makes some younger men attractive is that they are definitely mature relative to their peers. They stand out and that’s why you even gave it a chance. The thing is, in the beginning, they are not only mature but they have the fascination of someone who is experiencing life for the first time. First job, first apartment, first real girlfriends…you name it. In hindsight I was in awe most of the time like watching your puppy be happy all the time, which makes you happy as well.

He has naive persistence that men your age has started to lose: Men who are driven to succeed in their early twenties but also in search of female company will have this puppy-like persistence. They have all to gain, and nothing to lose.

You’re secure but you’re not ready to settle for anything. He puts no pressure on you: Men you dated previously were always setting rules and conditions. They knew what they wanted from their women. This younger peer of yours is just happy to have you. He is astonished that he “got an older, more capable” woman and can’t wait to show you off. He doesn’t ask for more or less, he’s just happy being there in the moment and he means it.

You enjoy the idea of being “progressive”: Who said girls can’t date boys that are younger? You’re a modern woman, and if a guy has the courage to court a catch like you, and he perfect in every sense, then why not give it a shot? If things don’t work out, at least you’ll have street cred.

After the honeymoon stage, reality strikes

You’ll realize he is only starting to find himself: I’m not saying that who he is as a person is flawed. I’m not saying that he is not enough just the way he is. However, a person goes through turbulent changes in their teens and twenties that they don’t anticipate. You’ll find that what he becomes as you date or what he retracts into isn’t what you thought he was. He changes, realizes quickly and wants the freedom to be a chameleon until he finds his favorite suit whether you’re around or not.

His youth will make you question your growth: Despite the image of the strong, independent woman, there will be many who will reject your love. Your friends, family, colleagues will make fun of you. Even though you are still in your twenties, they will still call you a cradle snatcher. Sometimes you’d wonder if you really are only into younger men. You’ll wonder if you are just playing or if you see this blossoming into something real. You’ll meet his friends and feel as though you are supervising them, even when you’re only four years apart. You’ll wonder, “why am I doing things I graduated from 4 years ago?”, and you don’t have to look far.

You may earn more than him, and end up having to lead the relationship: You may hate that this is being written during this time, but your earning difference will emasculate him. Knowing this, out of love, you will make extra effort not to. Eating out a cheaper restaurants, agreeing on lower share of rent for him, planning all your holidays around his budget, expecting no gifts on special occasions. Love should conquer all right? You’ll still want to do things, learn things, experience things. He may want to do things that you had done 4 years ago like drinking all night with his friends, spend $200 at a nightclub when he could have spent the equal amount with you.

Sex wasn’t really that great: Let’s be honest, guys who are in their early twenties who don’t get around need help under the sheets. As the older partner, you may have had more partners and therefore, you also know your potential. You can play the Mrs. Robinson card and teach him the steps to your pleasure, but again, however delicate in your approach, you have a high chance of hurting his fragile ego.

Depth is lacking: Over the years, you’ve had many eat, pray, love moments. You’ve had ups and downs with your career, your family and the new found independence from school. Now you’re stabilizing, know what you want and who you are after 5 years of soul searching. What is he doing? Can you talk about the deep needs and learnings with your younger partner who just graduated from school? Unless he’s an old soul, the depth of your communication will remain in choosing what movie to watch on Netflix next, choosing between a vaporizer vs joint, which party to go next.

So it seems that dating younger men in your twenties looks like a no go from my learnings above. But this is strictly my experience and observations of similar relationships I’ve seen unfold with my friends over the years. Maybe this is a symptom of any woman dating younger men. Maybe it’s not a gender driven situation. But if anyone of you are reading this and considering dating younger in your twenties, just beware.

If there is any safe sign to look out for, look at your life stages. Is he still trying to “make it” in his career, barely paying rent, but spending all his money on partying? Does he take initiative in making plans with you beyound this week? Is he emotionally intune with communicating his needs to you? A man needs to be in a safe environment in his career and social life to consider commitment. Whether he is younger or not, I find that those who are not satisfied with who they are today will not be able to know how to be great partners as they don’t even appreciate who they are.

We’ve been taught to take it easy, go with the flow in modern times, now that casual dating became a norm. For those ladies out that who are not fluent in the art of detachment, a younger guy may be your next heartbreak.

I met him 3 years ago when I had just moved to a new country for my job. As a women in her mid 20s, I was more than happy to move without mental or emotional baggage — well, maybe a few furnitures and books.

Long story short, I met a co-founder, then a CFO of a startup who was from a different country, had also moved to live out his dreams. Like most new comers, he hung out with his fellow countrymen, went out to all the handful of the same bars and clubs, joined barbecue parties of friends living in condos, maybe go on a few Tinder dates when things got boring. I did the same.

The night I met him, we talked for hours and I knew he could be my “friend” forever. Well, until I realized he was pursuing me. Once I gave in, everything was history.

The beginning of our relationship was tumultuous to say the least. He was 22, I was 26. He had broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years, and was recovering for a year and a half. My mind was nowhere near dating a younger guy but him, he was different. We courted, fought, committed, moved in and broke up. So here are my learnings:

Pros

They are charming & intelligent: For someone to dare move into the space of running his/her company, they must be brave but also smart. Startup founders will never have a lack of “confidence”.

They will always have exciting things to talk about: When your SO works for himself, he is exposed to cool networking events, people and ideas. He will never stop talking about things that happened that day — well around his company.

They like your stability: Life is crazy as a startup founder. One day you have huge amount of funding, one day everything is breaking down. You on the other hand, have a steady paycheck and a steady job. You are their rock, until you need help from them too.

You love each other: There’s that special something about being with a partner who “lives life on the edge”. You love watching it, you love being part of it, you love him.

Cons

They have to come off as confident but inside they may be depressed: In a space where there is so much pressure and expectations, they have no one to really rely on when they feel down. They will not even want to admit things are not going so well due to pride. You will resent yourself when they distance themselves to gain confidence again. If you become needy, they will become resentful that you can’t magically understand what’s really going on.

Their peers are often douchebags: My experience was that people in the startup world have to fake it till they make it, but also have a ton of talent. A lot of them actually have real passion, but a lot of them are looking for a quick exit strategy with millions of dollars. A lot of them are megalomaniacs. You have to spend time with them and be the, just as successful in “innovative” girlfriend to support your SO. They often secretly sneer at the idea of a corporate person. You need to be strong and keep him back on Earth.

You just won’t get it: Whatever they are going through in this era is so fast and so demanding that you simply won’t get it. No matter how hard you try to empathize the amount of burden on their shoulder, you just need to be there and support them.

Your needs will go unnoticed: It’s not that he doesn’t want to give you what you need/want. He just doesn’t have the time or capacity to fulfill them. You’re not in the scope of his priorities right now (or maybe never until he gets sold) and he’s probably going to be so stressed that it would be a luxury to be getting chocolates on Valentines Day, date night reservations or even sex.

You might feel inadequate: It’s a vicious cycle sometimes. You started out strong and respected by him for being yourself — but as things started to sour with the company, he started becoming distant, more work focused. You might feel neglected and small. Don’t let the bad times get to you keep your own social life and your own activities.

You might become a mom: It’s not that you are not busy, it’s just that they are always going to be busier than you. The time spent doing laundry is time he’d rather network, party or work. So you may end up nannying so much more than you signed up for.

Our relationships was amazing. I believed he was my soulmate — but when you’re young, hungry, ambitious, the last thing you want to be is burdened by your relationship. It should lift up both people but eventually we were bringing each other down. If we were in a healthy situation, my needs would have been perfectly normal (I’m not that needy) but to him, it was too much. I wish I knew these things before I started dating him. Maybe I would have done a better job or wouldn’t have started at all.

We often learn what our behavior towards our partners should be like through our own parents. I had never grown up with family structures where the woman was a steady breadwinner and the father was the “crazy” startup tech guy. Our social standards, gender norms and business models are changing ever so quickly that as a 20-something female with a well paid job finds this world so confusing.

Our relationship was tumultuous, it was exhilarating, different, passionate and sometimes depressing. Just like his startup.

*This doesn’t apply to all men/women who are young in the startup world. This is an observation of a few and my personal experiences.