Each hot dog will feature a short description and a list of ingredients, which makes it possible for you to recreate them on your own. Enjoy!

The Danish Dog

I’m gonna start it all off with the danish hot dog. This classic hot dog features a stunning red dog, crunchy onions and perfect mix of condiments. I would still consider this one to be one of my favorites after making all of these dogs. I might be biased though.

Ingredients:

• Red Hot Dog
• Bun
• Ketchup
• Mustard
• Remoulade
• Pickled Cucumber
• Diced Onion
• Fried Onion

The Georgia Hot Dog

I didn’t have high expectations for this one but it proved to be amazing. A somewhat funny layout for a hot dog but delicious ingredients. What’s up with the crackers?

Ingredients:

• Open Hot Dog Bun
• Sliced Hot Dog
• Mustard
• Remoulade
• Pickled Cucumber
• Diced Onion
• Fried Onion

The Idaho Hot Dog

Did not know what to expect here. Never really thought of combining these things. It tasted pretty good but the baked potato is just a little too much for a hot dog in my opinion.

Ingredients:

• Baked Potato
• Hot Dog
• Sour Creme
• Bacon
• Chives

Optional:

• Shredded Cheese

The Carolina Hot Dog

An awesome hot dog. Over the course of all these hot dogs, I have embraced chili on a hot dog. Meat on meat, what’s not to love?

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Chili
• Cole Slaw
• Chopped Onion

The German Hot Dog

A simple way of presenting a hot dog and it definitely works. Sauerkraut will never be my favorite food but combined with the potato salad and a seasoned hot dog, it’s pretty good.

Ingredients:

• Frankfurter / Hot Dog
• Sauerkraut
• Potato Salad

The Curry Wurst

Some would definitely argue that this is the real German classic. The Curry Wurst is available almost everywhere in Germany and it’s amazing. It’s really simple to make too!

Ingredients:

• Kielbasa / Frankfurter
• Tomato Sauce
• Chili sauce
• Sugar
• Salt and Pepper
• Paprika
• Curry

The Denver Hot Dog

A spicy alternative. Can be prepped as you like it in terms of spicyness. Add baked potatoes on the side and you got yourself a full meal.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Sour Creme
• Chopped Red Onion
• Green Chile Sauce
• Chopped Jalapenos

The Pickled Veggies Dog

This hot dog is another take on the danish classic. It has a ramson and bacon hot dog topped with ketchup, sundried tomatoes, pickled vegetables and chives on the top.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Sundried Tomatoes
• Pickles
• Pickled veggies
• Chives
• Ketchup
• Remoulade
• Fried Onion

The Cleveland Hot Dog

Definitely one of the weird ones. Fries on a hot dog? Not something I’m familiar with. However, it did surprise me in a positive way. Cole slaw definitely works on a dog and the hot sauce is awesome. The authentic one is not made with sriracha but it worked well for me.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• French Fries
• Cole Slaw
• Hot Sauce / Sriracha

The Pølsemix

This is a danish classic. It is somewhat similar to the hot dog from Peru on the Food Republic poster. We usually make it with curry ketchup. The Cole Slaw is usually not a part of the dish.

Ingredients:

• French Fries
• Hot dog
• Onion
• Ketchup

Optional:

• Remoulade
• Cole Slaw

The Slaw Dog

This is basically the same hot dog as the Gourmet Slaw dog. However, this one has fresh basil on top. I used a spicy chorizo hot dog.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Pointed Cabbage Slaw
• Pickled Red Onion
• Fresh Basil

The Buffalo Hot Dog

A really simple hot dog that combines delicious ingredients. One of my favorites for sure.

Ingredients:

• Celery
• Blue Cheese
• Sriracha Sauce
• Hot dog
• Bun

The Greek Hot Dog

The famous greek salad on a hot dog. I didn’t quite know what to expect but it was pretty good. Remember to use a creamy feta cheese and a delicious sausage to get the best result. I used a Nordic hot dog with ramson og sage.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Feta Cheese
• Red Onion
• Olives
• Cucumber

Optional:

• Basil

The Bacon Cheddar Cheese Dog

Heavily inspired by recent recipe videos on Facebook, I thought the concept would work on a hot dog. It did! However, diabetes.

Ingredients:

• Cream Cheese
• Sour Creme
• Bacon
• Cheddar Cheese
• Spring Onion
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Mushroom Hot Dog

I actually made this after a day of mushroom hunting around Aarhus. I found a few edible mushrooms and mixed them with a few store bought. For this one I used a ramson hot dog.

Ingredients:

• Mushrooms (can be any edible kind)
• Parmesan Cheese
• Ketchup
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Hawaiian Hot Dog

Another interpretation of the one on the poster. A classic Hawaiian Hot Dog is not really anything like this. I found some inspiration online and came up with an amazing hot dog.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Mango
• Avocado
• Red Onion
• Red Pepper
• Cilantro

The Doyer Dog

A Mexican style dog that works! If you enjoy spicy food this one is for you. Don’t hold back on the cheese and jalapenos.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Mustard
• Salsa
• Jalapeno
• Cheddar Cheese

The Corn Dog

An all american classic. I had heard about these but never made them. To be honest they looked a little greasy. But of course they taste great. Get on this one fellow Europeans!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dogs
• Corn Meal
• All-purpose flour
• Sugar
• Eggs
• Milk
• Vegetable Oil
• Baking Powder
• Wooden Skewers
• Salt and pepper

The Argentina Hot Dog

My first ever taste of chimichurri but definitely not my last. It is awesome. I’m going to use it on all my steaks from now on. Get a beef hot dog for this one. It’s way better.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Tomato
• Pickled Red Onion
• Chimichurri

The Breakfast Dog

There are breakfast versions of almost any kind of fastfood. I figured it would work with a hot dog as well. For this one, I switched the regular hot dog with cocktail sausages.

Ingredients:

• Scrambled Eggs
• Cocktail Sausages
• Bun
• Red pepper
• Bacon
• Spring onion
• Parmesan Cheese

The Pizza Dog

If people make pizza burgers I can make a hot dog. Just eat it already.

Ingredients:

• Bun
• Hot Dog
• Pizza sauce
• Mozzarella Cheese
• Pepperoni
• Oregano
• Basically whatever you want

The Kansas City Hot Dog

Definitely not one of my favorite hot dogs in the bunch. I feel like this one is missing something to make it worth making.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Sauerkraut
• Swiss Cheese

The Chicago Hot Dog

I’ve seen people praise this hot dog in more than one place. It definitely is one of the best in the bunch! Everything comes together and makes a hot dog worth serving any day of the week. My take is not exactly like the authentic ones. The real Chicago Hot Dog has a poppy seed bun and celery salt.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Poppy Seed Bun
• Pickle Relish
• Pickle Spear
• Tomato
• Onion
• Whole Peppers
• Mustard
• Celery Salt

The Sonoran Hot Dog

A classic in the southern parts of North America. I went with a spinach and pepper hot dog wrapped in delicious bacon. All the ingredients work really well together. 10/10 would eat again.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Bacon
• Avocado
• Tomato
• Onion
• Mayonnaise
• Pickle Relish

The Lamb Dog

This hot dog is one of my favorites in the bunch. The lamb hot dog is a perfect match for the tzatziki.

Ingredients:

• Tzatziki
• Lamb Hot Dog
• Bun
• Red Onion
• Tomato

The Filipino Hot Dog

A combination of beautiful colors but lacking in taste. I even added sriracha and chopped spinach but it still turned out to be a little bit bland. It is traditionally served as a breakfast meal, which explains the relatively simple concept.

Ingredients:

• Red Hot Dog
• Rice
• Fried Egg
• Ketchup
• Sriracha

Optional:

• Spinach

The Coney Island Dog

A majestic hot dog with chili, onion and cheddar. This bad boy is famous all over the world and I could definitely tell why. For sure one of my favorites in the bunch!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Chili
• Shredded Cheddar
• Onion

The Pulled Pork Dog

Of course I can stuff this in a bun as well.

Ingredients:

• Pulled Pork
• Bun
• Coleslaw

The New York Hot Dog

Named after the big apple itself, this hot dog has a lot to live up to. My expectations were honestly low as I am used to topping my dogs with more ingredients. I couldn’t imagine this one being really tasty. The onion sauce did surprise me though and I am looking forward to getting the real thing one day in New York.

Ingredients:

• Sauerkraut
• Onion Sauce
• Mustard
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Swedish Hot Dog

I didn’t know this hot dog existed even though I live in Denmark. It seems we have very different interpretations of hot dogs around Scandinavia. A little too much for me with the mashed potato but worth it if you’re up for something different.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Mashed Potato
• Lettuce
• Shrimp salad
• Dill

The Banh Mi Hot Dog

The Vietnamese one. Really tasty with great flavors from the jalapenos and the pickled vegetables.

Ingredients:

• Pickled Carrot
• Cucumber
• Pickled Pepper
• Jalapenos
• Mayonnaise
• Sriracha
• Jalapenos
• Hot Dog
• Bun

Optional:

• Cilantro
• Peanuts
• Chives

The Brazilian Hot Dog

A longer process than most other hot dogs but definitely worth it. Basically this is my first time making shoestring fries and they rock. Remember to make a juicy pico de gallo to make up for the dry parmesan cheese.

Ingredients:

• Pico De Gallo
• Shredded Carrot
• Shredded Parmesan Cheese
• Shoestring Fries
• Cilantro

Mini Corn Dogs

The classic with a small twist. It’s really easy to make and it is perfect as a snack for game night. It’s a little bit easier to deal with these small bad boys compared to the regular corn dog. Will definitely make again.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dogs
• Corn Meal
• All-purpose flour
• Sugar
• Eggs
• Milk
• Vegetable Oil
• Baking Powder
• Salt and Pepper

The Smoked Cheese Dog

A Danish specialty on a hot dog. I used a chicken hot dog for this one and topped it with smoked cheese, pickled pepper and chives.

Ingredients:

• Smoked Cheese (rygeost in danish)
• Pickled red pepper
• Chives
• Hot dog (preferably a chicken one)
• Bun

The Artichoke Spinach Hot Dog

Made with a glorious dip, this hot dog really hits home. Use the remaining dip for your chips yay.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Spinach (frozen or fresh)
• Artichoke
• Sour Creme
• Cream Cheese
• Mayonnaise
• Parmesan
• Salt and Pepper

The Guatemala Hot Dog

Seriously amazing. Definitely on my top 10.

Ingredients:

• Shredded Lettuce
• Mashed Avocado
• Tomato
• Onion
• Cabbage
• Mayonnaise
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Nordic Dog

The Nordic Dog combines a number of classic danish hot dog ingredients. A short fat ramson and lovage hot dog combined with the classic danish toppings, pickled red onion and chives.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Pickles
• Pickled Red Onion
• Onion
• Ketchup
• Remoulade
• Fried onion
• Chives

The Colombian Hot Dog

This hot dog features my first ever taste of the quail egg, which has a nice flavor. However, the pineapple didn’t really go well with the mustard and the mayonnaise. I would only encourage you to try it if you wanna try something really different.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Pineapple
• Mustard
• Ketchup
• Mayonnaise
• Quail Egg
• Crushed Potato Chips

The Michigan Hot Dog

Very similar to the Coney Island Dog but without the cheddar and onion. Instead it’s topped with mustard and a pinch of chili flakes. Still a great hot dog!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Chili
• Mustard
• Chili flakes

The Chorizo Pølsemix

A Spanish take on the Danish classic. I quickly fried the chorizo sausage on a pan and added it to the curly fries. It’ll cure your hangover in no time.

Ingredients:

• Curly Fries
• Chorizo Sausage
• Tomato
• Pickled Pearl Onion
• Ketchup

The Blue Cheese Chips Dog

Blue cheese is amazing on a hot dog. Blue cheese is generally amazing. Well, cheese is just pretty awesome.. And mixed with homemade potatoes you got yourself a decent dog!

Ingredients:

• Homemade Potato Chips
• Blue Cheese
• Sour Creme
• Mayonnaise
• Sriracha
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The French Hot Dog

This Hot Dog is a classic in Denmark and it seems really similar to the hot dog from Czech Republic described by Food Republic. It is always the easy choice for people in a hurry. The traditional danish hot dog is far better though!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Baguette roll
• Ketchup

Optional:

• Remoulade
• Mustard

The Dodger Dog

Actually pretty similar to the Danish hot dog. At least a few of the ingredients are the same. It didn’t really hit the spot for me but it’s really simple to make.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Mustard
• Ketchup
• Chopped Onion
• Relish

The Fresh Mayo

Another great hot dog. Salad exists guys.

Ingredients:

• Avocado
• Lettuce
• Tomato
• Mayonnaise
• Hot Dog (spicy one)
• Bun

The Korean Corn Dog

Don’t really know what happened to this one. I think the fault was not chopping the french fries into smaller pieces. If you’re up for a hot dog challenge, give this one a go. It’s really tasty!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dogs
• Corn Meal
• All-purpose flour
• Sugar
• Eggs
• Milk
• French Fries
• Vegetable Oil
• Baking Powder
• Wooden Skewers
• Salt and Pepper

The Spicy Potato Dog

This hot dog is seriously amazing. The crispy potatoes and the delicious toppings make a great dog. It takes a little time to prepare the potatoes but it’s definitely worth the wait!

Ingredients:

• Fried Potatoes
• Peppers
• Sour Creme
• Bacon Bits
• Spring Onion
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Simple Dog

Not much going on here but it’s a really great dog.

Ingredients:

• Pickles
• Pickled Red Onion
• Sour creme
• Basil
• Strong Mustard
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The French Onion Dog

This dog gives you a great combination of flavors. The cheese makes it really savory and the caramelized onion makes sure it’s not dry.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Caramelized Onion
• Fried Onion
• Gruyere Cheese

The Baltimore Hot Dog

I’ve added a little extra ingredients to the classic Baltimore hot dog. Instead of just bologna and mustard, I added fresh tomatoes, peppers and some cress. Before I started making it, I didn’t think I would enjoy it. However, with the extra ingredients on top, I really enjoyed it!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Bologna
• Tomato
• Pepper
• Mustard
• Cress

The Gourmet Slaw Dog

I made a different slaw with pointed cabbage instead of the regular cabbage used in coleslaw. Combined with a spicy hot dog, pickled red onion and fried onion this makes for a great dog.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Pointed Cabbage Slaw
• Pickled Red Onion
• Fried Onion
• Chives

The Japanese Hot Dog

I only made these because they were featured on the Food Republic poster. I guess they could work in a lunch box but I’m not gonna recommend them for anything else.

The Modern Pølsemix

This is a remake of the Danish classic ‘Pølsemix’. This time, I added homemade sweet potato fries, sour creme, chopped basil leaves and a drizzle of sriracha. I served it with some remoulade as well. I used a Nordic hot dog with ramson and lovage.

Ingredients:

• Sweet Potato Fries
• Hot Dog
• Basil
• Sour Creme

Optional:

• Remoulade
• Ketchup

The Chile Hot Dog

This one is quite similar to the Guatemala Dog. The only difference is the preparation of the cabbage. The Chile Hot Dog features sauerkraut, which in my opinion makes it a better dog.

Ingredients:

• Tomatoes
• Avocado
• Sauerkraut
• Mayo
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Chicken Salad Dog

Another Danish dish on a hot dog. A chicken salad is a classic on a piece of bread. I put it on a hotdog and it works. I used a chicken hot dog as well and had an amazing Limfjords Porter on the side, which is a creamy danish beer from Northern Jutland.

Ingredients:

• Boiled Chicken
• Celery
• Apple
• Mayonnaise
• Sour Creme
• Curry
• Dijon Mustard
• Bacon
• Lemon Juice
• Salt and Pepper

The Fried Egg Dog

As simple as it sounds. Make a fried egg and put it on top of your hot dog. Top it off with lettuce, pickled red onion and chili ketchup.

Ingredients:

• Fried Egg
• Lettuce
• Pickled Red Onion
• Ketchup
• Sriracha
• Hot dog
• Bun

The Italian Hot Dog

Another take on the Italian Hot Dog. It basically has a delicious caprese salad on top. I used a spicy hot dog with paprika for this one.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Mozzarella Cheese
• Tomato
• Fresh Basil
• Basil Pesto
• Balsamic Vinegar

The Bagel Hot Dog

Simple to make and perfect for the young crowd. I made these bagel hot dogs in an afternoon and saved some dough to make hot dog buns. Can be served with both ketchup and mustard.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Flour
• Yeast
• Water
• Salt
• Sesame Seeds

The Nacho Dog

One basic law of nature is: Hangover = Nachos. I just put it on a hot dog. And it created a glorious creature.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog (spicy)
• Bun
• Salsa
• Guacamole
• Sour Creme
• Cheddar Cheese
• Tortilla Chips
• Spring Onion
• Red Onion

The Tijuana Dog

Wrapped in a thick piece of bacon, this hot dog turned out to be awesome. Topped with peppers, jalapenos and onion.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Bacon
• Peppers
• Jalapeno
• Onion
• Tomato

The Memphis Dog

A glorious bacon wrapped dog with cheddar, spring onion and BBQ sauce. I used an amazing aged cheddar and thick bacon slices.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bacon
• Bun
• Cheddar
• Spring Onion
• BBQ sauce

The Bacon Onion Dog

A mean dog. I used a huge Frankfurter and topped it with a mix of bacon and caramelized onion. Add some mushrooms if you feel like it!

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog (frankfurter)
• Bun
• Bacon
• Caramelized Onion

Optional:

• Mushrooms

The Blue Cheese Beetroot Dog

More blue cheese please. With delicious pickled beetroot and fried onion. A great combo. Go for a spicy hot dog.

Ingredients:

• Blue Cheese
• Pickled Beetroot
• Red pepper
• Fried Onion
• Hot Dog
• Bun

The Seattle Dog

A simple but really tasty hot dog. It combines raw cabbage with jalapenos and cream cheese. I can recommend a spicy hot dog. I have later been told this is not the proper way of doing a Seattle dog. Apparently the traditional one is made with caramelized onions. For now, you will have to settle with this version.

Ingredients:

• Hot Dog
• Bun
• Cabbage
• Jalapenos

The Norwegian Gourmet Dog

The Norwegian hot dog with homemade fried onions and pickled red onion. Originally, the Norwegian hot dog is not served with all these ingredients but I decided to make a little more tasty.

Ingredients:

• Tortilla or flat bread
• Hot dog
• Ketchup
• Mustard
• Fried Onion
• Pickled Red Onion
• Chives

Thanks for making it this far! I hope you enjoyed all the hot dogs. I’m going to continue to create awesome hot dogs. Keep up with me here on Medium and feel free to message me all your suggestions for new hot dogs.

Who doesn’t love a good weenie?

Story by Albert Serna Jr.

There are few things more American than a good old-fashioned hot dog with mustard and ketchup. For some people, this hodgepodge of unknown meat is generally reserved for outdoor holidays and picnics. However, as of late, there has been a sudden rise in the types of hot dogs that people eat. Even so, we still avoid talking about the mystery meats used or where they came from. Similarly, America has a weird obsession with having sex — but not talking about it. Perhaps this is because, for a long time, to speak of any sexual activity was considered vulgar, even in the bedroom. But if you look close enough, you will find that there are tons of kinky people getting it on in weird places.

As someone who loves both hot dogs and sex, I have decided to compile a list of the weirdest places I’ve had sex, paired with a not so ordinary hot dog that I’ve eaten. And just to give you some fair warning, I am very open-minded when it comes to hot dogs and having sex. I will try to keep this list far enough from porn as possible, but I make no promises.

10 — Sex on the Beach

I have had sex at the beach, under the pier, in the daytime. I know it sounds risky and perhaps a little messy, but if you do it right — which we did — then you’re good to go. This experience was the first time I tried sex in public, so the thrill is part of what got us both off. I would suggest if you try this to bring a towel or blanket to lay down. For this sexual escapade, I would pair the Hawaiian dog. Since we did it at the beach, what’s better than the sweet and tangy flavors of red onion, pineapple and a touch of barbecue sauce? Of course, you need a bun made from a Hawaiian roll to make it legit.

9 — Missionary

Next on the list is the confessional at church. Since — according to the Catholic Church — I am already going to hell, I had no qualms about doing this. I know your first question is if it involved a priest. As hot as that would be, it did not. I was dating a guy who is as far from religious as you could possibly get. We managed to sneak in when no one was in the church, but when we finished and were getting ready to leave, a group of people came in and started praying. I still don’t know if they were there for a funeral or not; we saw a hearse when we left. For this sinful tryst, I would suggest a devil dog. Like its name implies, this is one hell-of-a-weenie. Topped with jalapenos, sauerkraut, Sriracha, onions and spicy mustard, it burns so good. Be sure to eat it AFTER you have your escapade; otherwise, oral activity may be uncomfortable. Sinning never tasted so good.

8 — Horny in a Hearse

Speaking of hearses…let’s just say it was an interesting experience. Nowadays, I am terrified of these rolling death boxes, but when I was younger, I happened to meet a guy who was into it. Don’t worry, there wasn’t a body inside. Now that I think about it, maybe this is why these things scare me. After raising something other than the dead, get yourself a Zombie Dog. This treat is one of the more “unique” choices. It starts with a day old bun and weenie that has been cut in various places. Top it with chili beans, ketchup, pastrami, relish, and grilled green peppers. You can substitute the day old bun with whole wheat or pumpernickel, if you can find it, to give it the look of a freshly opened grave.

7 — Albie Does America

I won’t go into all of the details, but another out of the ordinary place I’ve gotten down is the space behind the screen in a movie theater. It was kind of nerve wracking, and neither my partner nor I were able to maintain our firmness, but it was exciting nonetheless. For this your basic theater dog is what I would suggest. Not only can you enjoy it before and after your escapade, but it also gives you an excuse to be there in the first place. Regular bun, weenie, ketchup, relish, mustard and a sprinkle of popcorn. You may be nervous to try it, but what is life without a little experimenting?

6—That’s a Big Package

I have always had a thing for guys who do some sort of manual labor. Maybe it’s from growing up around these kinds of men and idolizing their masculinity, but whatever the case, I was elated when I was able to smash with one such guy in a warehouse on a forklift. It was a little tight, no pun intended, but we managed. Bonus points because he was in uniform. How do you match a hot dog to this? The package dog. Sounds a little weird and takes a little longer to make, but boy is it worth it. Get a French roll and hollow it out. Next, pack in your weenie, onions, mayonnaise, sauerkraut and two pieces of bacon. You can use some of the extra bread to seal it up or leave it open; it’s your choice.

5 — Rev Your Engine

Halfway through this list and things are about to get weird. Car sex is so 2009, and it is not so unheard of anymore. But how about sex in a car dealership? This is one place I never thought I’d get it on, but there is a first time for everything. I went to the dealership to get some maintenance done after work. I must have been the last customer because I didn’t see any other people. The mechanic was an older but attractive guy, and while I was waiting, I logged onto grinder and saw him. One message led to another, and after my car was done, we climbed in while it was still in the garage and did the deed. Another tough pairing, but I think this garage dog is worth the time to make. You don’t need much; black beans, sliced tomato, mustard, mayonnaise, bits of bacon, and of course, your grilled weenie. Note that to truly make it a garage dog, you need to have the type of grill marks on the hot dog that makes it look a little like road kill — in a good way.

4 — Venus de Culo

I love art, and I love museums, but not as much as I love sex and hot dogs. However, I do think it’s weird, in a good way, to screw-around in a museum, which takes fourth place. I was dating this guy several years back. He was artsy and loved to go out to galleries and art houses. It was while at a certain museum that we got a little frisky. I won’t go into too many details, but it involved a yet-to-be-finished-installation, paint, and a security guard. Use your imagination, but I bet it doesn’t even come close. It was exhilarating and increased my love of art. If you’re going to try this out, I would suggest a hipster dog, otherwise known as the “I-ate-it-before-it-was-popular” dog. A whole wheat bun and all beef franks that are free range and organic: you’ll have a slice of tomato, pickle spear, chives, a light sprinkle of spinach, and if you’re feeling extra unique, some garlic aioli.

3 — Leaves of Ass

Books are amazing things. Like John Waters once said, “If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” I couldn’t agree more, but this isn’t about someone’s home. What about fucking in a bookstore? Not as uncommon as you’d think, but my experience was a little out of the ordinary. It was date-night. I wanted a new book, we were both horny, and bam! We got down in the reference section, which was an open space across from a window. Mind you, the view was a little obstructed, but again, the thrill of being caught was worth it. Your choice for this literary escapade is none other than the unique “Tale of Two Weenies.” As you may have guessed, this dog involves two hot dogs stuck together. Use half all-beef franks, and half turkey dogs. Stick them together with some mayonnaise and top them with sliced tomato, sauerkraut, and chives. If you’re feeling a little wild, you can use two different slices of sausage, but I have not had the pleasure of doing so — yet.

2 — Playing for Both Teams

I am not a big club-goer because: first, I can’t dance, and second, I am too shy to try. But my second most outrageous place I have smashed was in the middle of a club in New York, with a Major League Baseball player. Yup, you read that right. He played in the MLB and is someone who has been rather prominent in the league. Out of respect, I won’t drop his name, but I will say he was a switch-hitter, if you catch my drift. We met in a gay sports bar, got a little tipsy, went to a club, and just did it on the dance floor. Yes, people were all around, and yes, some were watching — but hey, it’s New York freaking City! Now, what better dog to pair this with than a Dodger dog, complete with all the fixings? No, he was not a Dodger, but this dog is probably one of the most recognized in all of MLB. Mustard, onions, ketchup, and relish is all you need for this.

1 — Protect and Service

And finally, the weirdest sexcapade I have ever had is probably one that I get the most heat for. I want to be very clear that I am not about breaking the law, but I do think that sometimes certain restrictions on sex are archaic. Anyhow, number one involves a cop. I lived in Seattle for roughly a year, and while I was there, I enjoyed walking around Puget Sound. It was great, especially because I always saw this very attractive cop. I am very open about my sex-life; it is not something I am generally ashamed of. But this experience makes me double think my past decisions. I exchanged numbers with Officer Sexy and got a text from him saying he was on-duty, but had some time to kill if I wanted to meet up. I guess this was his equivalent of “Netflix and chill.” Sparing the fine details, we used his handcuffs, the back of his cruiser, and some very hot role play. This one is still in the spank bank. Since this took place in Seattle, I am going to go with a favorite from the city. Get an all-beef frank, regular bun, toasted, and top it with sour cream, chives, pickle spears, avocado, and if you’re feeling wild, try some jalapeño: a green hot dog for the Emerald City.

If you have some suggestions on wild places to get down, interesting hot dogs, or you think I’m a freak — give us some feedback. Write a response and give us your thoughts on my being a THOT.

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