My daughter has started to show affection by aggressively patting my face. Some might call it a slap-punch, but what do they know. Her hands are small so I can easily dodge the blows. But the fun happens when she’s ‘forgotten’ there’s something hidden in her vice like grip:

Number one on the pain list is my hairbrush. As its weighty handle collides with my eye socket, I’m reminded of Javascript… The four weeks of pre-course, and the first four weeks of the actual course were all based around the programming language Ruby. In week five, without any slowing in pace whatsoever it’s a handbrake turn into programming in Javascript instead. Javascript looks like complete insanity. It is insanity. I prefer the hairbrush.

Number two on the pain list is that pointy little sucker, the remote control. Or as I now think of him, AJAX. AJAX allows content to update and change dynamically without a user having to reload the entire page. It puts a spring in the step your facebook news feed, and keeps google maps on track. But it works hand in hand with javascript. And as I think I may have mentioned, javascript looks like a hairbrush.

And then there’s the xylophone. I will confess that I haven’t been formally introduced to that 2ft block of coloured wood and painted steel YET, but when I am, I think it will taste like databases. If you want data to persist after a user leaves a web application, you need a database. But not just one, you need three, one for testing, one for development and one for production. And then you need some more acronyms. So. Many. Acronyms. PostgreSQL (try saying that with a fat lip) is probably my least favourite.

But onwards. Tomorrow is week 6, meaning we’re almost at the halfway point. From here on in there will be fewer new concepts, with a greater emphasis on consolidating what we’ve already learnt. Here’s hoping it won’t hurt as much second time round.

Xylophone injuries was originally published in Jess Jones Blogs Makers on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. I have begun seeing Delilah as an instance variable. In object orientated programming an instance variable belongs exclusively to the object created when you instantiate a class. Eg. @eyes = “baggy” might be a variable of object jessica_jones, class KnackeredHuman. Delilah is currently waking up around 4am with a shouty mouth like that big gaping instance variable @. Did I mention that I was tired?
2. Sitting in your bedroom from 9.30am until 10.30pm looking at a computer screen is actually fine. (Potential remoters take note!). You just have to smush all the junk to the edge of the room so the webcam can’t see.
3. On about day two of this, my FIRST week, I noticed that 30 of the 33 KnackeredHumans making up my cohort are men. When I did notice, I instantly wished there were more women. It’s not a thing, these are 30 lovely bright supportive people. But a bit of lady banter now and then would have been a healthy addition to the mix.
4. There’s an app called f.lux which makes your screen fade and turn orange as the sun sets. This makes you have less mental coding dreams/not go blind, which we can all agree is a good thing. Install.
5. Learning to code in a short space of time is really hard.
6. blog_title = “my boyfriend’s supportive words”
7. Zzzzzzz……

You look like you’ve been sucked down the plughole… was originally published in Jess Jones Blogs Makers on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The format of the week was to complete a tutorial for each skill, and then a nine step challenge to be submitted by 10am on Monday. I was expecting to spend Sunday evening weeping into a dressing gown but miraculously I had my solution by Wednesday. Very small fist pump, then back to the “books”. Next week we move onto Ruby, and by the chat on Slack, I’m going to be back of the pack. (I should work in television with lines like that)

Pre-course week one was originally published in Jess Jones Blogs Makers on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The four week pre-course starts tomorrow.

FINAL PREPARATIONS:

Vile and colossal office chair ordered from Amazon for coding comfort. It is both electric blue and has a head rest.

Sticky hand prints dislodged from screen of macbook air (with sensitive baby wipes).

Unprecedented levels of batch cooking. U n p r e c e d e n t e d.

Childminder finally sorted…Capable Jill. Audible sighs of relief. Discover CJ is on holiday for entire pre-course period. Panic. Source emergency nanny at great expense on Sunday night instead of completing codecademy Javascript tutorial.

Friends and family alerted to my imminent disappearance from society. (Jess > Poindexter)

Codecademy Ruby course redone (second time through made much more sense), Javascript codecademy abandoned at 80% — will have to do!

MENTAL STATE:

Oh god can I do this? (yes)

Am I unprepared? (probably)

Can I hand over my Delilah to a complete stranger? (get boyfriend to do it instead)

To infinity and beyond was originally published in Jess Jones Blogs Makers on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.