See end of article for update from The Mahjong Line that was made before the post was published, but after it was written.

Mahjong was a game that my family all knew how to play at some point, and even if we’ve forgotten some of the rules, it eventually comes back to us after a few rounds, like riding a bicycle. It was one of the few games where I learned and refined my Chinese — first my Hokkien, and second my recognition of characters. It was a game that helped me connect better with my grandparents, considering the generational gaps and my Chinese-with-American-accent.

Then comes The Mahjong Line — an entrepreneur’s take on refreshing and revamping mahjong tile design. I was intrigued, and I thought the colors were pop-y and bright. It was like someone decided to give the classic mahjong tiles a bath in the Crazy Rich Asians color palette. It was fun.

However, it also looked incredibly impractical. The bamboo-like sticks and spirals that matched its numbers (i.e. one stick for the number one, two sticks for number two, and so forth) were lost, replaced with words or random dots. What used to be so easy in terms of matching patterns took an extra second — a precious second that could be the difference between finishing your set or losing the tile to another player. I was mildly perplexed, but I dismissed it as, “I may be used to something, but that doesn’t mean it can’t change.”

And then I took a closer look at The Mahjong Line’s webpage, curious as to who created it.

Lo and behold, they were founded by three non-Asian women from Dallas who were promoting it as “Not your mother’s mahjong.” It was supposed to be a refreshing take on a style that reflected founder/creator Kate LeGere’s personality. Not anyone else’s. Not a 200+ year old game’s personality or culture.

I felt incredibly conflicted. I wanted to celebrate and cheer that mahjong has become popular with non-Asians, just as I celebrate K-pop and K-drama becoming more popular with western audiences. (I refrain from saying mainstream because who says that American culture must be the main stream?) I wanted to enjoy the refreshing design, even if I wouldn’t play with it because of its impracticality. I wanted to appreciate funky pops of color.

I wanted to applaud these three women’s entrepreneurial spirit of taking something that they enjoyed and infused their own style in it.

But I could NOT celebrate a white woman taking something from my culture, something enjoyed by my family, and saying, “I can do it better.” I could NOT celebrate a white woman profiting off of this game while glossing over the Chinese history. I could NOT celebrate a white woman highlighting the different game rules based off of the “American Mahjong” rule set, and also cheering that white men can play mahjong too. Oh my — not only is it not your old traditional mother’s mahjong, but men can enjoy it too! *clutches pearls*

First you insult my culture.

Then you insult my gender.

It is definitely a slippery slope when defining whether something is cultural appropriation or not. Where is the line between creating opportunities for one culture, and actively discriminating against others? Is fusion food considered cultural appropriation? (Just because you only put a miso seared salmon dish in your menu does not automatically make your restaurant Asian fusion, by the way.)

However, there are times when trying to be neutral and fun comes off as dismissive and rude. Let me break down the following statements that come from their About Us page, which I’m sure was heavily edited with the help of brand strategy and PR:

On a quest to purchase her first Mahjong set, Kate discovered that the artwork of the traditional tiles, while beautiful, was all the same — and did not reflect the fun that was had when playing with her friends. And nothing came close to mirroring her style and personality.

Break down 1: You try to be respectful by saying “while beautiful” but what you really mean is “plain and boring.”

Break down 2: Mahjong tiles need to be centered around me because I’m the one playing it, not centered around symbolism and history.

There was so much potential in the words and expressions called out during a game — cracks, bams, flowers and winds — and she decided the venerable game needed a respectful refresh. Enter Annie and Bianca, Kate’s Mahjong partners in crime who also have a unique personal style and creativity in abundance. Together, they hatched a plan to bring Mahjong to the stylish masses. And their collective baby, The Mahjong Line, was born.

Break down 1: I’ll barely give this a pass, but I understand it as using terms that are familiar to her (clearly limited) knowledge of mahjong. However, it would be nice to learn how to say the Chinese terms or acknowledge the “cracks” are characters.

Break down 2: “Respectful refresh” my butt after you say that the mahjong tile style doesn’t fit your lifestyle. Does everything in your life have to be given a “respectful refresh”?

Whether you’re partaking in a pickup game poolside with a recurring cast of characters or bellied up to a card table in a game parlor with a cocktail, The Mahjong Line gives the game a modern makeover as playable works of art.

Break down: Does everything need a modern makeover? I thought you said the original tiles were “beautiful” — are they not playable works of art too then?

I think it’s also problematic when two out of the three press links cited in the website no longer work or link directly to your product.

I then checked out the “Learn to Play” page, where the links introducing how to play and the history behind Mahjong all lead to websites that looked like they were built in the early ‘90s and never updated its style or Adobe Flash (Hint: Flash is so 2020). They also all reference American Mahjong, and not the original culture it came from.(Hint: it’s called China.)

I had to dig deep before I finally found the words “China” or “Chinese” anywhere on the website, and it was in their FAQ, buried in the footer of the website:

American vs. Chinese Mahjong

Some have asked, what is the real mahjong? Well, all the madness of mahjong began in China hundreds of years ago so they own that distinction fair and square. When an American businessman named Joseph Babcock returned from working overseas in China, he brought the game with him. In the 1920’s it became a national craze upon the publication of Babcock’s book, “Rules for Mah-Jongg: The Red Book of Rules”. Over time the game evolved from the original Chinese version to be distinctly American with the addition of jokers to the game. Later the official card, printed by the National Mah Jongg League, became the standard bearer of the American version of the game and still is to this day. The card is reprinted every year.

Break down 1: What a fucking dismissive statement. You start out with “well” as if it were a sigh and an aside. You say China owns the distinction “fair and square”… for having invented it?! And immediately you launch into the history of how an American brought the game over and adjusted it to be (break down 2) “distinctly American.”

What is distinctly American about this game? Why must it be distinctly American? Is it because of the “Joker” tile that it becomes American? Do you think that’s enough to change the game into something else, when everything else is the same?

Break down 3: “American version of the game” does not need to be called out. The game is distinctly Chinese and what you are playing is a version of the game. Do you call your rules on using the reverse card in a 2-player Uno game as the equivalent of giving yourself a free pass to go again as the “American version of Uno”?

The Mahjong Line was released in late November 2020, in time for the holiday rush. And it was only after the holidays that the furor and attention around it has increased. While I do sympathize the three women who were trying to start their own business, I pity the fool who thought this was a good idea without having done the research and the outreach.

What they do next will define whether they can keep selling their stock and adding more designs, or if they will quietly disappear in the void.

Ladies, try reading this for starters: https://coldteacollective.com/mahjong-more-than-just-a-game-its-a-chinese-cultural-icon/

Update — Before I pressed “publish” on this piece, it appears that the ladies of The Mahjong Line released a statement on Instagram at around 6:30pm ET. Their “About Us” page has been updated as well.

I appreciate the apology. Generic, and full of “I never meant anything by it,” and I’m sure Rachel Cargle’s Saturday School Lessons could be applied to it. But I am tired. It’s 2021. They launched in 2020. They should really know better now.

Some Thoughts on Mahjong and Cultural Appropriation was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Saturday, November 7, 2020 was a happy day. A joyous day. Not only was it a beautiful day of 70 degrees weather in New York, but it was the day that Joe Biden clinched Pennsylvania and won the electoral college — with or without Arizona’s help. (It depends on which news source you follow, some of which give Arizona to Biden.)

It was a beautiful day to dance on the streets, to celebrate, to feel a release. Amidst a pandemic, a horrible year of losses (230,000+ Americans, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Chadwick Boseman), and racial strife, this was one good news that makes it feel like we really are turning a corner.

But that’s for about 51% of Americans. For 47% of Americans, it’s not that great. I can understand that. In 2016, it felt worse. We, people who voted for Clinton, were the popular majority and we lost electorally to the minority winner. We lost and felt our voices weren’t heard. We mourned through protests on the streets. We mourned with marches through the early part of 2017. We picked ourselves up, vowed to work harder during midterm elections, and looked towards 2020.

Now it’s different, because the popular majority has also won electorally, but I also encourage the 47% to make their voices heard if they wish. I only believe that they should do it as we did it — with their voices and their votes. Not their fists and their guns.

A nerve-wracking Election Week

The races in Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Wisconsin have proven that every vote counts. If you had any doubt before today that your voice would not be heard, it should be dispelled. Regardless of where your state’s electoral votes ended up, your individual vote:

1. Counts towards the popular vote total, and
2. Impacts whether your county is now lean Republican or lean Democrat.

Whichever way you voted, you could have been a swing vote in changing the demographics and the way campaigns should be run. This is important. Because as much of a Democrat I am, I understand that the thinking has been flawed and overshadowed by more liberal folks and their rhetoric. And these results should guide how lean Democrats or lean Republicans should talk to better reach the folks on other positions in the spectrum.

Stereotypical demographics are no longer the same

Don’t lump demographics into blocs — Radiolab’s Bloc Party was incredibly enlightening. The person who you thought would be a Trumpist is a Bidenist. The person who suffers under Trump chooses Trump regardless. There are selfish people on both sides, but some people view themselves as being selfless.

While the number of voting blocs seems to grow as the slices get narrower, it only proves that every American is complicated and full of contradictions.

There are a lot of people who vote based on logic/reasoning and moral standing/emotion. Some people combine the two to make the decision (which can lead to an undecided voter) and some people are able to divorce the two. Depending on what is more important to them, it factors into how they vote. That’s why 70 million people can vote for Trump — we don’t know if they had qualms or did it hesitantly, but that’s why they did it.

It is equally why 74 million people can vote for Biden.

How I see the position of President

I understand that the American President can hold more power than other leaders in other countries. I also truly believe in the system of checks and balances.

With that, I see the president as someone who leads the nation with their view of how things should be, and provide a good example to the rest of the American public. I see the president as a moral leader. They cannot pass laws by themselves.

With that, I cannot ever support someone who is morally abhorrent and selfish. Everyone has flaws. Everyone sins. But some have sinned more than others. And some sins are greater than other sins. And sometimes you have a choice between the lesser evil in the hopes that people do and can change.

What is next

Hard work. Accountability. And an expectation that things are not going to go Biden’s way for the first two years.

But also, hope for stability. Hope for optimism. Hope for an end to the pandemic.

Some Thoughts on the 2020 Presidential Election was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I did not expect to be so confronted by my own unsettledness and Asian-ness through Cathy Park Hong’s “Minor Feelings”. A collection of poetic essays where she retells her past experiences and examines how her race and ethnicity intersects with her work as an artist, it provided a lot of space for introspection and thinking about how I let, or haven’t let, my Asian-ness affect my American lifestyle. I even wondered if my feelings were truly minor, or just as “minor” as Hong’s feelings, or something that should really be major.

“Minor Feelings” sparked a realization in me of how I’ve navigated America by gauging everything by “white-ness” without even realizing it:

• A neighborhood is deemed safe or gentrified if enough white people are walking around on their own, carefree and unguarded. Even better if it’s a white woman by herself. Was this once a dangerous neighborhood? Well, not anymore.
• Is the neighborhood secretly full of wealthy, high income earners? Why, yes — these white people dress like homeless hipsters, walking dogs that they’re able to provide for.
• It’s fashionable to go about without wearing a bra because so many white women are doing it. (I am pretty sure a lot of black women walked around without bras and were looked down upon for bad fashion sense before.)
• Lots of white people shop at this supermarket. It must be fancy.

Why am I inherently trusting everything that is, in essence, “white-labeled”?

Another thing I’ve found is that I don’t want to complain about things I disapprove of because I don’t want to be labeled as a “Karen.” Not only are women generally deemed as “complainers” and “naggers,” but if we say something we disagree with that might be out of step with “the norm” then we might be labeled as a “Karen.” (That term is so fluid: Does it mean women who want to always talk to the manager to “tell on someone”? Or women who flout the rules all the time and fight the manager?)

In a way, it’s safer to just not get involved, right? Mind your own business and I will mind mine. As long as we don’t bother each other, we can coexist peacefully, right? But then, do I end up reinforcing the stereotype of a quiet Asian woman?

I don’t want to engage in a fight if I don’t have to. I like to avoid confrontation as much as possible, even if it means I will agonize internally about what is happening for days and weeks. I don’t want to take the abuse, but I’d rather appear calm so that the abuser would seem crazier.

For example, I once had this encounter on a crowded subway train where I accidentally knocked into the shoe of a man sitting down. He took up a lot of space, and in NYC, the unspoken rule is that in a crowded train, you’re going to be shuffling around so much that people don’t normally apologize for it. I then grasp the metal pole with my middle finger because it’s my least used, longest digit, with less likelihood of transferring those germs to my face. The next thing I know, this guy is stepping on my foot even more. He’s staring at me and giving me the finger, at first subtly, and then more obviously when I choose to ignore him. And then he keeps becoming more passively aggressive until even the lady next to me is wondering what is up with this guy putting his middle finger up randomly when no words have been exchanged. And it’s all because he thinks I’m giving him the finger by wrapping my middle finger around the pole.

And I never said a word to him.

So what is all this talk about being able to stand up for yourself? When should you stand up for yourself and when should you let people do their thing and pass you by? When do you know you’re TRULY in the right and when you’re TRULY in the wrong? There’s no guidebook for that. No one handed me volumes on how to interact for every situation when I was born. We were told when we were children that we should stand up to bullies and defend the helpless. But when we become adults, we are told that we should just mind our own business, and the concepts of “right” and “wrong” have become so gray that we don’t know what truly is right or wrong. It’s not as crystal clear as when we were five and pushing a kid down on the playground. It’s more nuanced: what is the other person’s perspective? What is driving the person to act this way? Should they be pitied or vilified?

And so, the easiest way to deal with all these shades of gray is just to ignore it for now, to run away from a situation where I don’t know how to react. Unless, I’ve seen how a white person has handled it. And then I can emulate it.

Again — why am I living this world based on how “white” the behavior should be?

Growing up, I somehow always imagined myself to be white. I thought that I could pull off certain fashions because I was white and had a skinny body, with the perfect V-shaped face that looked good with every hair cut and make-up.

Even though, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I would see a round-faced, mono-lidded Asian girl with lots of curves. Hell no am I able to wear a skinny bandeau crop top with a really cute Victoria Beckham-styled bob.

I never described myself as “Asian” or “Chinese.” If people said, “Ni hao” on the street because they thought that’s what I’d understand, I’d give them a grimace and think, “That’s racist.” Or if they asked where I was from, I’d reply, “From here (America, New York). Where else?”

But in the same breath I would also easily say, “Chinese people are so corrupt and are swindlers.” Or I would say, “Of course Asian people would line up for free stuff.” I would “other” the Chinese or Asian people, but never the White person that I thought I basically was. Going back to Ibram X. Kendi’s book, this is a big no-no on self-racism that I’m trying so hard lately to stop thinking.

But more so lately, I’ve been finding myself saying, “White people can get away with everything” or “White people can’t keep track of their own stuff in the laundry.” I’m starting to “other” the very people that I’ve used to identify with. I’m starting to realize that I’m navigating a very different world. I’m seeing that when I go to work, there are a lot of people who don’t look like me and also who are all the same shades of light pale white to pale yellow to peachy tan. But no black people. And I’m starting to realize that a lot of the things that I describe in my every day life is based on whether someone paler than me has “okayed” it by doing it first themselves.

And so, once again, it seems to be okay to emulate what white people do. Because if they did and can get away with it, why can’t I? And then we see what happens to people of color who actually do emulate it, and what the consequences are:

Black people arming themselves with guns for self-protection vs. the McCloskeys arming themselves with guns for self-protection.

• Black people will be vilified as criminals. McCloskeys are praised by the RNC and Donald Trump as defending their Second Amendment rights.

Asian police officer killing a black person by mistake vs. a White police officer killing a black person by mistake.

• Peter Liang is actually charged, indicted, and guilty of killing Akai Gurley. (Granted, he’s only on probation and doesn’t serve prison time.) Daniel Pantaleo isn’t even indicted for killing Eric Garner. Breonna Taylor’s killers have not all been fired, arrested, or charged. Even a regular citizen like George Zimmerman is found not guilty of killing Trayvon Martin.

Black person de-escalating a fight between two other people. White person de-escalating a fight between two other people

• Jacob Blake gets shot in the back for having “started” or been involved in the fight. Want to guess whether any white person was shot for breaking up a fight between two other people*? And how many times have we seen people break up fights in movies — however violent — with little to no consequences to themselves?

We want to be like white people. But when we do, we get dismissed and put down for trying to act on the rights that we are given by being born here in the States.

There’s a lot of feelings of guilt in me, which might be related to the indebtedness that Hong writes about. Indebtedness and gratitude are two things I can really relate to as a child of immigrants. I’m lucky to come from a successful family that already did the “hard work” of starting over back in the Philippines when they immigrated there, making it easier to start on better economic footing by the time they immigrated to United States. But there is still a sense of indebtedness to my grandparents’ generation knowing what their expectations of their children and grandchildren were, and knowing that my parents’ generation still had to work hard to make things even easier for me.

There is a sense of indebtedness that I have to the friends I’ve made here. Instead of feeling gratitude that I have friends, I feel indebted that they are so kind to even grace me with their friendship, and thus I don’t want to end up losing it. I’d tolerate their jokes and their ridiculousness if it just meant that I would be part of their circle. Hong’s description about her friendship with Helen definitely hit home in some ways. Though my friends didn’t have a mental breakdown as Helen did, I found myself putting up with a lot of things and seeking acceptance and affirmation from people I shouldn’t seek it from, or even need to.

Acceptance and affirmation should come from myself.

And then it’s difficult to move away from that past because these are the friends that I’ve had for over ten years. You can’t just throw that away! You have to keep paying them back and staying friends with them! But that’s indebtedness and guilt speaking. The guilt of not being a good friend. The guilt of not being a good daughter, wife, sister. The guilt of just not being good enough as an employee. It’s beyond imposter syndrome, which implies the feeling of inferiority is only in the professional life. Guilt and indebtedness is what speaks to the feeling of inferiority in the personal life.

Whether it’s valid to feel this way or not, the sense of indebtedness vs. gratitude definitively rings true. Is this a result of feeling indebted to the immigrant generation before us, and the awareness that things are hard?

“Minor Feelings” opened my eyes to the undercurrent of conflicted emotions that end up defining how I choose to act. I like to think I act a certain way based on my instilled moral code. But it is a code that is defined by my subconscious realization that I am not like white people and don’t wield the same power as they do, and so I need to act or identify with “white” people as much as possible to be able to attain the power. I wield my face, which looks so common and like any other Asian, as my mask, to make it attractive to all sides so that I will never feel too foreign to them. I wield my ability to change my mastery of English, my ability to mimic an accent, to endear myself to the person I’m speaking to. I lose myself in the process of becoming myself.

And suddenly, the minor feelings that Cathy Park Hong refers to don’t feel so minor anymore.

*I would be happy to be proven wrong here and be given examples of when this has happened. I cannot recall any situation I have seen off-hand where a white person intervening in a fight has been killed by police and ended up in the news for it.

Some Thoughts about ‘Minor Feelings’ was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Here’s a mini pet peeve of mine when it comes to networking, interviewing, or reaching out to people for help.

There’s no “thank you.”

I get it: people are busy, and people can be forgetful. But I also think that if someone offers to help you, or you ask for help and the advice is useful or not, a simple thank you goes a long way. It’s the easiest way to acknowledge the message, whether you use the information that is shared with you or not. You can either send the “thank you” after you have read the message (whether it’s a text, direct/private message, or email), or send a thank you immediately and say that you’ll look into it later. (Whether you actually read it later or not is up to you.)

Last year I worked at a startup called Olmo, which was every bit of a startup that you could imagine. The goal of the company was to help make networking better. Aside from being involved in the very beginning of a new concept and product, I learned so much about networking and dealing with people in a professional capacity that I had not known before. I used to not want to talk to people unless it were really important. I used to think that networking happened at bars and consisted of introducing yourself and what your job is, and then engaging in meaningless small talk. I used to think that you didn’t have to follow up with people and you were allowed to ghost people more often.

But that’s not how it has to be.

One of the points in this article by Olmo’s founder is to create quality relationships out of networking. You want to go for depth, not breadth. It’s not about adding as many people to your profile as a “connection” or a “friend.” I’ll be honest, sometimes you are going to meet people at a bar/networking event that you don’t click with and won’t follow up with later because they’re really not going to help you at all. That doesn’t mean you have to forget your manners at the door.

I also want to add that sometimes your friends are your network. Not all of your friends necessarily work in the same profession, and even if they do, do they specialize in different things? Even if you are all doctors, are you all the same type of doctors? Or are you a mix of heart surgeons, neurosurgeons, and obstetricians? (Yes, I’m looking at you all, Hospital Playlist.)

And so, when you ask a friend for help to find a job, or a recommendation, or advice, it’s only fair to say “thank you (for helping me).” Add another thanks if it goes somewhere to an interview or give them an update afterwards.

And if a friend offers to help you, unsolicited, then thank them or acknowledge after they’ve provided the information.

If you’re interviewing, as an interviewee you’ve heard that you should thank your interviewer after the chat. (Which, after a quick Google search, I see that there is some debate on whether you should do it or not.) Some folks do the thanks in person right after the chat, which is sometimes sufficient too. But if you follow up to share some additional thoughts because you both agreed that you were going to (as an interviewee), I think the interviewer should acknowledge it in some way. Whether they want to hire you or not, I think a simple “thank you” or acknowledgment would suffice. Sadly, the American workplace culture allows companies to essentially ghost prospective employees. It’s no surprise employees are doing the same to companies. We tell interviewees to expect silence and develop a tough skin – but why? Why do we have to?

Let’s get back to some manners and decency on both sides, eh?

I’m also not saying we have to give effusive thanks: “Thank you so much for that insightful conversation! I learned X, Y, and Z and would love to work with you in the future!” or “Thanks so much for coming in and interviewing us! It was a great chat!” Let’s not pander, nor mislead prospective employees. A simple: “Thanks for the opportunity to interview and speak with X, Y, and Z. Look forward to hearing from you soon” works, and can be followed up with a, “No problem. [Maybe a timeline on what happens next regardless?] Thanks, [Name].”

If we teach our children to say their “please” and “thank you’s”, why do we not enforce this with adults who should know better?

I will admit that I wasn’t always like this — and I’ve definitely learned being on both sides of the coin. But I’ve learned that it’s just better to acknowledge than to not, especially if you are an active participant in the conversation (and not one of the many CC’s in an email where you truly can’t provide any insight). I don’t think people will always expect good news, especially when it comes to networking or finding a new job.

But let’s normalize some manners, and normalize not being jerks to one another.

Thoughts on Networking was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

There are a lot of articles about what makes a good leader. Not just a good boss, but a leader.

A leader is someone who influences others and leads by example. Someone who is willing to put in the hard work themselves to prop employees up. A leader is someone who is willing to listen, learn, change, and grow the company. Someone who is a team player, and understands how to raise everyone up. A leader is someone who will develop people to be their absolute best and is willing to be more of a bottom-up than a top-down manager.

A boss is someone who is directive and would rather rule by fear and power rather than work together with the team. A boss is someone who may be the expert in the room but is also unwilling to hear any suggestions. A boss is someone who blames others for mistakes and demands results that match their expectations. A boss wants all the credit but none of the responsibility.

We always want to work for a manager who listens to our concerns, who will give us a raise and/or a promotion because we deserve it, and will always drive us to succeed. We don’t want a manager who grinds us to the bone. There may be some roles where it’s going to be grueling, but you would want to be compensated fairly for it and to be respected for it, wouldn’t you?

And now let’s look at the current president, who claims to be a great leader and was able to make millions with his company. Never mind the fact that he’s been bankrupt multiple times. Let’s look at his claims of being an outsider to Washington politics.

And yet… to me, he matches the definition of a “boss.” He tries to rule with “law and order,” praises dictatorial leaders around the world who dismiss the idea of change and democracy (see: Kim Jong Un, Putin), threatens with force and sides with white supremacists, blames Dr. Anthony Fauci because the coronavirus cases haven’t gone down, switches his stance on taking responsibility when it’s convenient for him, and takes credit for the successes in the stock market but none of the failures.

Has he inspired anyone to work with him?

Has he shown any art of negotiation?

Has he shown any willingness to listen to others?

No. He only wants to listen to the echo chamber that is in his head and select folks around him. Though he is an outsider to Washington, he is incredibly ill-equipped to lead because he doesn’t even lead in his real company. He’s probably just a boss there. But what America needs is a leader, because that kind of manager is the one that is successful. And if America wants to be a leader to other countries, it must have a leader who can do so within the country.

So I legitimately don’t understand why some people in this country are okay with Trump as a president and to be re-elected. Regardless of his values, do you want to work for someone who doesn’t care if you get sick and die? And then won’t pay your health insurance or disability when you get put on leave? Do you want to work for someone who disparages you every day through your race, sex, gender, class, etc? Do you want to work for someone who doesn’t listen to you regardless of your GPA or your education?

And if you say, “Well, life isn’t fair. Tough shit. Deal with it.” then I ask, “WHY?” Why are you okay with life being unfair? I can understand that you can’t control what other people think of you and your personality, and that you can’t always win the lottery jackpot. But why do you have to put up with it when you spend a majority of your life working? Why do you have to put up with it when working is a means of putting food on the table, roof over your head, and raising a family?

And if you’re not okay with work giving you a hard time regardless of the effort that you put into your job (and this is just your professional life, not even your personal), then why are you okay with a boss like Trump who is affecting both your professional AND personal life?

If you are not okay with a boss who shuts down your ideas to the point that you don’t want to report anything to him, if you are not okay with a boss who won’t let you have a seat at the table so that you can also progress in your career, if you are not okay with a boss who’s going to discriminate against you because you’re a woman or a minority or LGBTQ+, if you are not okay with a boss who makes fun of you behind your back and calls you stupid, if you are not okay with a boss who threatens your job and livelihood with retaliation when you did nothing wrong, then why are you okay with Trump as a president?

He claims that he wants to run America like one of his businesses. Except all his businesses failed and ended up bankrupt at one point or another. (Note, being bankrupt doesn’t mean the company goes away.) Well… guess he’s doing well there because that is one thing he can do, and has done.

To note, I don’t believe this argument about leadership is a Republican vs Democrat debate. I don’t believe this is about conservatives vs liberals. I believe that everyone regardless of their political leanings wants a fair boss who won’t disrespect them. And I believe that they want a boss who shares similar personal beliefs. But if your personal belief includes ordering people around to do things without proper compensation and regard to their health and life, if your personal belief includes equating respect with power behind your title and not because you’re a hardworking person yourself, and if your personal belief is to not listen to others who are possibly smarter or more experienced, then I think you need to rethink some of your values. Because you just might be one of those bosses that people shit on behind your back and complain about.

We just can’t do it behind Trump’s back because America isn’t an office where all the citizens can go to another country for happy hour and talk shit about him.

Thoughts on Failed Leadership was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Ibram X. Kendi starts each chapter with a definition of racist vs antiracist views on gender, sexuality, ethnicity, space, culture, etc. He then goes into providing examples from his own life to help explain scholarly concepts, which helps immensely in grounding the definition into something that is more actionable. It helps to understand how one’s everyday thoughts and actions can stem from deep-rooted, unconscious racism. We must all give ourselves allowances to make mistakes, and we must all understand that some psychological behaviors are universal. Knowing all that, plus this book, helps arm us with tools to actively combat racism.

(Caveat: I have more in my reading list, but I’m going to focus on just this book right now. This cannot be the only book in my arsenal, or anyone’s. But just like how video game characters start off with just one weapon in the beginning of the game, as you journey further, you can either arm yourself with new ones or create wholly new ones. Looking at you, The Last of Us.)

His chapters particularly on ethnicity really hit home, because it can be applied beyond just Africans, black South Americans, and African Americans. Ethnic racism involves looking down on others within the same ethnicity to create a hierarchy from within. It’s almost natural to create some sort of order, to always feel like you’re better than someone else. It happens with or without race involved; if you’ve felt envious of others’ advantages and you will do anything to be better than them, you’ve already set a hierarchy in your head where you see the other person as higher, and you lower.

Now layer on the aspect of race, where you see yourself as “better than the other (race, ethnicity, color of skin).” If you are not them, you can see yourself as better than them. You refuse to see yourself as lower than them, or even on an equal plane, because you want to prove that you’re not like them. Kendi’s real-life example of this concept was incredibly enlightening and really hit home:

“So if African Americans went to Ghana, consumed British racist ideas about Ghanaians, and started expressing those ideas to Ghanaians, what would Ghanaians think about that? What would you think about that?”

This particular quote came from Kendi’s post-lecture chat with a Ghanaian student who believed that African Americans didn’t work hard enough to raise themselves up, and thus mitigate the racism that they faced. Of course, this was not taken well in Kendi’s class, and rightly so. All those African American students were in the same college class as that Ghanaian foreign exchange student; one could not say that they didn’t work hard enough to mitigate the racism they still faced regardless of their education. Education is not visible on the body, but skin color is. See: Christian Cooper, the Harvard-educated bird watcher who had police called on him by a white, college-educated woman because he was black.

(Spoiler alert, the Ghanaian student realized that his judgments were misplaced.)

Now why did this lesson hit home? I could rework this quote and say, “So if Asian Americans went to China, consumed westernized racist ideas about the Chinese, and started expressing those ideas to Chinese people, what would they think about that?” Because, it’s true — there are times in my family where we would look down on Chinese people from China, ascribe stereotypes about them (i.e. “They’re cheaters to get as much money as possible”), and even if we don’t say it to their face it would color our interactions with those people. And it’s unfair and incorrect. Not every Chinese person is a cheater; the ones we encountered are cheaters and they happen to be Chinese, but that does not allow us to ascribe that stereotype on all. We could easily meet an Italian person who’s a cheater, a Japanese person who’s a cheater, a Ghanaian who’s a cheater. It’s not their race that makes them a cheater – it’s their personality and the person itself who’s the cheater.

What I really liked about this book was that every concept could be applied to every race, which proves the concept of antiracism. It really helped reframe a lot of thoughts that I had about race. Even though his book was focused on Blacks vs Whites for the most part, his definitions and his explanations don’t have to be. And sometimes, you need a framework to really understand a concept. Antiracism is not about pitting white vs black, yellow vs brown, or whatever, and allowing for the underdog to win sometimes. Antiracism is about removing race as a factor when striving for equality, to actively find ways that truly promote equity instead of placing judgment based on the color of their skin. (It’s also only one step when trying to erase your prejudices; there’s also homophobia, transphobia, anti-feminism, and so forth.)

I have seen a lot of social media posts that also say (and I paraphrase), one bad apple (bad cop) does not mean all apples are bad, but when they protect the bad apple, they spoil all the good apples (good cops) — hence, defund the police. And in a way, it sounds like a bad generalization or stereotype is being ascribed to the profession. But, I don’t think that’s really what most protesters are trying to say. The good cops that protect the bad cops, or allow them to continue their cycle of abuse, are just as bad because they don’t stand up to unjustness. Non-action can be as bad as a bad-action. Why do they not stand up to the unjustness? Because the system punishes them for speaking up. Because the system gives power to the veteran over a rookie. Because it’s hard to speak up against a superior regardless of your profession — and not all jobs provide a safe space to do so.

We want to strive for safe policing and equality as well. We don’t say all cops are bad because they wear the uniform. We say that cops can be good OR bad, but the system surrounding it needs to be improved. We have seen examples of cops who actually engage with the community, or don’t engage in violence. They do exist. But if they exist, why do we still have so many cases of violence and unjust imprisonment? Why do we still have cops whose first reaction is to fight with weapons rather than flight, or de-escalate?

As with everything in this damn country, you hit them where it hurts to prove a point — their wallets. Hence, the calls for defund the police.

It’s kind of like, “hate the game, not the player” — though, sometimes we should probably hate the player that’s making up the rules as we go. The system is broken because the people who created the system were broken; now we need to fix it. (Not every “fixer” will be perfect, and we’re still going to make mistakes along the way. But it’s better than keeping it the way it is.)

I digress. Now let’s get back to the book.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to power and self-interest, and as Kendi gets to this realization by the end of the book, I felt a sense of completion and satisfaction. It felt like a good answer to his thesis, as if all the chapters were leading up to this. I don’t know if combating self-interest is the only answer, and I’m sure there are going to be some extreme dissents of how self-interest and individualism is embedded in this country’s culture, and to be against it is to be against USA. But it’s definitely a start. Everywhere you go, someone is preaching about loving one another and being kind — whether it’s the Bible, a house plaque from T.J. Maxx, a Black Eyed Peas song, and heck, even Ellen Degeneres’ motto (which — whether she lives up to it or not is a whole different story). But no one in the government is practicing this on a local, state, or federal level. And that’s a problem. Once we can change the minds of the people in power, or replace those in power with better people, we can take a more concrete step forward in antiracism.

I really appreciate how Kendi admits that he still struggles with racist thoughts every so often. It’s hard to unlearn deep seated biases, but taking active steps forward to help future generations is where the work needs to go. You have to keep fighting the cancer instead of just letting it spread, especially if you are only in stage 1. And if it’s already in stage 4, do everything you can to excise it.

Thoughts on ‘How to be an Antiracist’ by Ibram X. Kendi was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’ll keep adding after I finish consuming the things I’m engaging with, because I don’t want to recommend anything I haven’t completed and can’t provide feedback on.

1619 —( I listened to this on Apple podcasts, but the link is to NYTimes. I’m pretty sure it’s available wherever you listen to podcasts.) This was a revelation. I didn’t post about it in my Juneteenth article until I finished it, and oh my. Every episode centers around a theme, from slavery, to music, to healthcare, to land ownership, and is woven into a beautiful, informative narration. The last two episodes around land ownership were hard for me to get through, primarily because it was so infuriating and steeped heavily in racism. And I could relate particularly because I was trying to get a loan myself at that time — and listening to June Provost’s struggles were illuminating and difficult to hear when contrasted with my lack of struggle. But everything is excellently done. I’m sure you can also read it on NYTimes, if you have an account with them.

The Tulsa Race Riots — funnily enough, I learned about this through the podcast Stuff You Missed In History Class and not the show Watchmen (although, I’ll watch that soon because it has gotten good reviews). It was a good intro to this part of history. I love this podcast, and I think the hosts Holly and Tracy are fantastic. It is by no means in-depth because their episodes are on average about 30–40 minutes, but it is a good overview if you want to dip your toes in it to get a summary and then go deeper in the topic

13th — you can watch this documentary by Ava DuVernay about the 13th Amendment, and how slavery hasn’t ended just because of the Emancipation Proclamation. The struggle is real, and this documentary is tightly woven. Definitely changed my mind a lot about companies that I have purchased from, and also about how integral it is to vote and influence your local elections to bring about greater change.

Black Past.Org — this links directly to an explanation about Junteteenth, but there are a lot of other histories about Black people and events on this site that are good as an educational resource.

Homegoing — this novel by Yaa Gyasi was amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. I read this some time ago and it really started a shift in understanding the Black experience from one perspective. It’s fictional, and thus dramatized, but it’s rooted in reality and understanding of human nature. And that’s what we need to remember — everyone’s human.

The Hate U Give — a lot of people have recommended this novel (or movie) by Angie Thomas. I think it’s important as well, mainly because Starr Carter, the main protagonist’s age reflects the current generation that is affected. Because no child should have to die over a misunderstanding. Because also, every one of those children in the book are given “rules of conduct” either explicitly or implicitly to survive and fit in.

Rachel Cargle / The Great Unlearn — primarily with The Great Unlearn, which Rachel Cargle (academic, writer, lecturer) curates, it is a great resource to understand how your language influences and is influenced by systemic racism and bias. I love how she breaks down real life examples of problematic language in social media to make it even clearer what she’s explaining in concept.

Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ “Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable” — I had the privilege of hearing Luvvie as a keynote speaker for my company when we were “Pausing for Action” to reflect how my company could do better. And I found out about her Ted Talk that is succinct and helpful in explaining how to start the conversation. How to speak up when things are scary. In fact, setting up this portion of my blog was scary. Saying anything on social media was scary. Saying something to my family was scary. But she acknowledges it, empathizes with it, and is that gentle nudge to do it anyways.

“How to be an Antiracist” — this book by Ibram X. Kendi was a really good read. He layers in his own experiences to illustrate how to be a better antiracist, and it’s very telling how deeply embedded racism and power are. I will admit it was a rough start for me as I haven’t read non-fiction books in a long time. But don’t let his scholarly points dissuade you from finishing it. More power to him and his family for battling cancer several times over. Now it’s our turn to fight the bigger cancer called ‘racism’.

Just Some #BLM Links and Resources was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

June 19 was not a special day for me until about twenty years ago, when I learned that it was the birthday of Jose Rizal, a Filipino nationalist who fought against Spanish colonial rule. On top of that, it was the birthday of one of my aunts.

Twenty years later, it’s taking a new meaning with the wider recognition of Juneteenth — primarily for people who are not black. It’s part of a forgotten history, where I don’t believe I’ve ever really learned about it, nor was it emphasized, in history classes at school. I was completely unaware of this day of independence.

But, better late than never.

I participated in a rally today to commemorate, to honor, and to also add my voice to this movement where we actively work to become anti-racists, and remind local and national leaders and the NYPD that we are NOT okay with what is happening. I participated to re-affirm my stance, to be part of a change in my small community level (my family and friends). I participated to hear from all these young, intelligent, and bright men and women who want to see a better place for themselves and their future children. It was definitely an emotional day.

So, in case it gets lost in the media, here are some pictures of today’s Juneteenth rally, one organized by Freedom March NYC and the other by an individual @jaylonzoo (which ended at Borough Hall). I blurred some faces, and highlight particularly the signs that were made.

If you’ve gotten this far in the article, then here are some resources and links to things I’ve read and listened to:

The Tulsa Race Riots — funnily enough, I learned about this through the podcast Stuff You Missed In History Class and not the show Watchmen (although, I’ll watch that soon because it has gotten good reviews). It was a good intro to this part of history. I love this podcast, and I think the hosts Holly and Tracy are fantastic. It is by no means in-depth because their episodes are on average about 30–40 minutes, but it is a good overview if you want to dip your toes in it to get a summary and then go deeper in the topic

13th — you can watch this documentary by Ava DuVernay about the 13th Amendment, and how slavery hasn’t ended just because of the Emancipation Proclamation. The struggle is real, and this documentary is tightly woven. Definitely changed my mind a lot about companies that I have purchased from, and also about how integral it is to vote and influence your local elections to bring about greater change.

Black Past.Org — this links directly to an explanation about Junteteenth, but there are a lot of other histories about Black people and events on this site that are good as an educational resource.

Homegoing — this novel by Yaa Gyasi was amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. I read this some time ago and it really started a shift in understanding the Black experience from one perspective. It’s fictional, and thus dramatized, but it’s rooted in reality and understanding of human nature. And that’s what we need to remember — everyone’s human.

The Hate U Give — a lot of people have recommended this novel (or movie) by Angie Thomas. I think it’s important as well, mainly because Starr Carter, the main protagonist’s age reflects the current generation that is affected. Because no child should have to die over a misunderstanding. Because also, every one of those children in the book are given “rules of conduct” either explicitly or implicitly to survive and fit in.

Rachel Cargle / The Great Unlearn — primarily with The Great Unlearn, which Rachel Cargle (academic, writer, lecturer) curates, it is a great resource to understand how your language influences and is influenced by systemic racism and bias. I love how she breaks down real life examples of problematic language in social media to make it even clearer what she’s explaining in concept.

Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ “Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable” — I had the privilege of hearing Luvvie as a keynote speaker for my company when we were “Pausing for Action” to reflect how my company could do better. And I found out about her Ted Talk that is succinct and helpful in explaining how to start the conversation. How to speak up when things are scary. In fact, setting up this portion of my blog was scary. Saying anything on social media was scary. Saying something to my family was scary. But she acknowledges it, empathizes with it, and is that gentle nudge to do it anyways.

There’s definitely more out there. I have books in my queue borrowed from Libby (the library e-book app that connects with local libraries; for me it’s the Brooklyn Public Library system), including How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. And once I’ve read it, and more, I’ll add and share it here.

Happy Juneteenth, 2020 was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Thank you America, for reminding me that most of the country is not full of cities, and that people who are lucky enough to live in or be raised in one are essentially living in a bubble.

Thank you America, for reminding me that we are like Venn diagrams with very small sections of overlap — we mostly associate with people who think like us, act like us, or look like us, and rarely reach out to others.

Thank you America, for reminding me that I live in a metropolitan, bustling city and it is unlike the rest of the country.

Thank you America, for nominating the improbable candidate because you wanted something different.

Thank you America, for reminding me of the time I wasted my vote in high school for a class president that wasn’t going to do anything because he said our votes — and his subsequent actions — wouldn’t matter.

Thank you America, for showing me a glimpse of a more equal and progressive world, only to take it back to what we have had for hundreds of years: a white older man who claimed to know better than everyone else.

Thank you America, for disappointing me as a country of immigrants and showing me that you’d still pick the man who looks most like you.

Thank you America, for giving me a glimpse to what you might have felt when we elected our first black president and could not stand behind it.

Thank you America, for opening my eyes to the possibility of more latent racism that I had not encountered in most of my life because I was shielded by my community, by my upbringing, and by the city I was born and raised in.

Thank you America, for showing me the hypocrisy in wanting more transparency, and yet siding with the man who hides more with his brash words than the careful woman who unwittingly bares it all.

Thank you America, for showing me that a woman must battle twice as hard and face more obstacles before she can prove she is worthy.

Thank you America, for telling me that it’s not okay to have multiple faces for the world and accept different viewpoints depending on the audience, and that instead we should have one face regardless of how irreverent we end up being — though I do wonder if that standard applies to a woman.

Thank you America, for opening up the possibility that as a woman I would not be allowed to have one ‘face’ because I would be perceived as brash and crude and unfitting to work with.

Thank you America, for choosing to have us look like an ass on the world stage in this increasingly (unavoidable) connected world where nothing can be done alone.

Thank you America, for picking a man who seems like he is a leader, but isn’t a manager, and he does not know how to manage relationships as well as he does sinking ships.

Thank you America, for picking an individual and not a team player.

Thank you America, for showing me that there is much more you fear than just fear itself, and you will latch on to anyone who will confirm your fears rather than help you confront it.

Thank you America, for showing me that people still fear voicing their opinions and being judged for who they support, and forcing me to acknowledge that this too is unfair.

Thank you America, because today you have lit a fire in me to fight back and to protect even more fiercely the city that I love.

Thank you America, because as much as I wanted to leave and abandon this country I now want to fix it.

Thank you America, because you are forcing me to confront a fear that I have rather than run away with it.

Thank you America for reminding me that as always, there is much work to be done. And I can only hope that as a woman and a daughter of an immigrant, I can create a better place for my children one day.

An Ode to Election Night 2016 was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Please stop what you are doing. The past couple of years have been riddled with protests on race, on gun violence, on police violence — issues that sometimes highlight what little is being done to address them. Protests seem to be a part of the fabric of our society these days, and it is definitely a good way to attract attention to an issue and exercise our freedom of speech and assembly. But what is happening tonight — a protest against a presidential election result — is one that I believe needs to stop.

Michelle Obama kept telling us, “When your enemies go low, you go high.” Even if the protests haven’t become violent, you are not taking the high road by complaining through a protest. Actions speak louder than words, and right now the “action” (the protest) is saying that you are disrespecting the actions and opinions of half of all Americans who voted for Trump. Your “action” through this protest is showing that you are disagreeing with the result just because it’s not your result. And the fact that these protests are happening in major cities throughout the country, where Clinton won most of her votes, shows that you are acting within your bubble and within your community, and are not thinking about the rest of the people in your state, in your country.

Imagine the pain others may have had who didn’t vote for Obama in the years prior. The pain others felt who didn’t vote for Bush or Bill Clinton. To them, their candidate had lost. Their candidate failed them. And for them, they were disappointed too. They had to give the winning president-elect a chance. They did not protest.

We may all think that Trump is not like all other candidates. But that puts him in an unfair position; why must he be subjected to this displeasure so specially, compared to the other candidates? Regardless of what he has said and done in the past (where both his actions and his words show that he is a sexist and misogynist, among other things), we have not yet seen what he has done as president. And therefore we cannot protest him on things he has yet to do.

If we protest the sheer fact that he was elected by half the country, then we are protesting the validity of the people who believe in him, who agree with him fundamentally. We are protesting the opinions of others who simply disagree with Clinton. We are thus disrespecting and shunning the Americans who are simply not like “us” — and that is a reason we have become so divisive. When we live in our little bubbles we forget what the rest of the world looks like. When we forget what the rest of the world looks like, we make inconsiderate decisions. No matter to the education level of these people, the race of these people; I know enough college-educated non-whites who voted for Trump too. And they had their own beliefs and reasons for why they thought Trump the better candidate that is no less valid than my own beliefs and reasons for why I thought Clinton the better candidate.

I do not enjoy the fact that Trump has been elected. I do not believe in him at all and I personally hope there would be something that would make him unfit to be president. And I would be lying if I didn’t feel a satisfaction of knowing that there are thousands and millions of others who feel how I feel. But I also know that my satisfaction is wrong. That my satisfaction is not going to lead to anything substantial and is not going to resolve anything. That this protest is not going to magically change the results.

If we don’t accept what is going to happen, we are going to remain as divisive as ever. And the only way forward is to listen to each other, to trust in the system and the senators and the representatives that we elected, for us really understand what the country’s problems are and how to fix it. Remember, no president can do everything on his/her own, so to an extent Trump is not the one who is going to define our future as Americans. It’s us.

So please, stop protesting. Instead, offer the branch of peace and say, “I understand that you want Trump as your president. Now let us work together to build a stronger economic, social, moral future for all our children. Together.”

Much love.

Dear Protesters, was originally published in Kaede + Jun — Real Talk on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.