Three weeks ago I picked up a book from my household library called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It was kind of dusty and old, and as I found out later it had been sitting there unopened for years. It was recommended by Oprah so I picked it up and started to read. The ideas that I read about in A New Earth have been transformational in my life and I am grateful to be able to recommend it to everyone. After all, for myself, Abby and Karishma this was the last chance we had to write a blog post. Knowing that I was writing this week I had to share this book with readers.

A New Earth, as I interpret it, is primarily about letting the ego dissolve. This sounds strange, so let me explain. Growing up I played hockey, and at school and elsewhere I identified myself as a Hockey Player. I wore my Waterloo Wolves jacket (my hockey club’s merchandise) almost everywhere, as if I was promoting this identity. In University, my Hockey jacket is my Math sweater: I am proud to say I am a Computer Science student at the University of Waterloo. A New Earth showed me why the pride I felt was wrong.

When I started reading A New Earth I immediately began questioning why it was I had always been so identified with being a hockey player and now being a CS student. The reason is ego. I wasn’t wearing the jacket to symbolize how sport can bring people together, support a healthy lifestyle, or to encourage other people to try the sport of hockey for their enjoyment. I wasn’t choosing to wear my Math sweater over other clothing for the sole purpose of promoting that UW is positively pushing the world forward through research and developing thousands of intelligent minds who will make a difference. I had other intentions aside from the good ones. The jacket told people that I was athletic and the Math sweater told people I was smart. My ego was and still is to a lesser degree attached to these characteristics. A New Earth has taught me that seeking praise and recognition from others for certain qualities or material objects does not make the world a better place and is damaging to anyone’s mental health.

A New Earth has taught me that seeking praise and recognition from others for certain qualities or material objects does not make the world a better place and is damaging to anyone’s mental health.

Here is why. If I think back to the moments or periods when my mental health was poor, I can tell you that these moments or periods all had something to do with feeling stripped of the identities that I was clinging on too. Whether it was a shortcoming in a sports game, a bad presentation, or test, outcomes like these made me feel that I was either not athletic enough or that I wasn’t intelligent enough. In other words, my ego was the source of the suffering that I experienced. My ego told me that if I wasn’t athletic and smart then I was nothing at all. Why did I or anyone else need to be perceived by others a certain way to feel happy and confident? When I asked this question for the first time I began to realize that I didn’t need to be anything in anyone’s mind. This idea, for me, was liberating.

If I think back to the moments or periods when my mental health was poor, I can tell you that these moments or periods all had something to do with feeling stripped of the identities that I was clinging on too.

Now you might think as I did and ask: is the belief that you shouldn’t feel the desire to identify with anything a recipe for apathy? Also, will letting go of the ego make me less successful? The answer is no. Eckhart Tolle says that if you discover your life’s purpose and remove ego from your life and work then you can be more effective than ever. This intuitively makes sense to me. I perform my best when I am focused on exactly what is happening in the present moment and this is only possible when I am doing something that I am passionate about. I perform the worst when I am thinking about variables outside of my control. For example, when I go into a presentation worrying about how others will judge me, I don’t meet my expectations because my focus is everywhere other than where it should be. Whereas, when I go into a presentation excited to share ideas with my audience I naturally leave behind negative thoughts and achieve a state of flow. In this state, where the ego doesn’t exist, I am usually surprised by how well I do.

If you can see the truth of these ideas in certain areas of your own life, read A New Earth for a much deeper understanding of how ego is controlling your mental health. I hope that this book can have the same positive effects on your life as it has on mine.

Abby, Karishma, and I want to thank you for tuning in this semester to Math Soc’s mental health blog. We hope that we were able to make a positive impact on our reader’s mental health. At the moment whether or not this blog will continue next semester is yet to be determined. If it is, the blog will be written by a team of new writers. We wish you all the best going forward and want to remind you to stay positive and take care of yourselves.

Sincerely,

Samuel

Let Go of the Ego was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This is an anonymous post about a student’s struggle with feelings of loneliness. We all feel lonely from time to time, and for some of us, we may feel lonely a lot of the time. This is one student’s journey.

When I was a kid, I was popular. I had a friend group of about ten, and we would hang out every single day in and out of school. Things were a lot simpler when your friends lived on the same block as you, wasn’t it? Things changed when I was 13 and my family up and moved to a city 45 minutes away from my hometown. It wasn’t that big of a move, but my old friends quickly forgot about me as their lives moved on without me there. All of a sudden I was faced with the big task of making new friends, something I hadn’t done since Kindergarten.

To put it short, it didn’t go well. I’ll are you the details, but I was an emotionally anxious wreck at the time, and I didn’t really click with anyone. Everyone already had their own friend groups and they weren’t open for applications. Very quickly into Grade Eight, I realized I wasn’t going to make friends so I stopped trying before I could fail. I thought, “screw it, I don’t need friends”, and I threw myself into my school work. This mentality unfortunately led to a really dark time in my life. Of course, there were other things going on to make it so dark, but I felt so lonely through it all. I felt awkward and unwanted like there was something wrong with me.

I thought if I could just make it through the year, then I would be in high-school and it would be an opportunity to re-start.

When high-school started I was determined to find my group — I was not going to spend another year alone. It didn’t exactly work out. I found people I clicked with, and we would hang out in classes or choir practice, but everyone always seemed to have closer friends than me. It seemed like people liked talking to me at school, but outside of school I never had anyone that wanted to hang out with me. I was never anyone’s go-to person or their #1, and I still craved a big group of close friends. Oftentimes I still felt very alone.

I think university is expected to be the place that you truly find your group, or at least that’s how I thought about it. I mean, in all the TV-shows and movies people always meet in college, so that must be where my group of friends were hiding, right? I went into university with big expectations. I was going to find a group of friends and we were going to do everything together. Things didn’t exactly go to plan, yet again. It was a lot like high-school. People seemed to like to talk to me, I got along with pretty much everyone, but I didn’t have the friendships that I had been dreaming about for so long.

But what if the friendships that I had been dreaming about don’t exist? It’s taken me a long time to realize that my perception of what friendship has to look like is highly flawed. Maybe I’ve been watching too much TV, but I’ve always thought that if I didn’t have a big group of friends that I hung out with every day, then I was friend-less. I couldn’t appreciate what I had: about 5 friends that didn’t really know each other, and that I hung out with every so often when our schedules would line up just right.

I’ve romanticized the classic friendships in my favourite TV-shows and movies. But are they even attainable?

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have a lot of friends and that I still hope to have my ideal weekly board-game group at some point in my future. But right now, I’m trying to realize that friendship doesn’t have to look like it does in Hollywood. The truth is, life is busy, especially as a student. I don’t always have time to get together with friends every single week. A lot of my friends don’t live nearby anymore, and I might only see them once or twice a year when they come back to visit. But just because life is busy, and I may not have the time to sit in a coffee shop all day with my friends, doesn’t mean I don’t have valuable people in my life who care about me.

Loneliness can sometimes be a state of mind more than it is an actual fact of life. I have friends and people that love and care about me…so why do I still feel so lonely? It’s not an easy question to answer, but for me, it has to do with invalidating my friendships because they don’t fit the “friendship-mould” that I’ve created. One of my best friends is my brother, but he doesn’t count because we’re related. My other best friend lives an hour away, and we only talk a few times a month, so she doesn’t count. But these are such arbitrary rules that I’ve set in place, and they absolutely don’t exist.

There are no rules to friendship.

Realizing that my friendships can look however I want them to look and still be valid has been a huge revelation in my fight of chronic loneliness. There is no set number of friends that I need to have to be happy, and there is no set number of times that I need to hang out with friends for it to still be a valid friendship. So what if we only talk in that one class twice a week? That is a valid friendship. I’ve realized that comparing my friendships to TV-shows and movies and expecting them to look the same just isn’t realistic. I may not have the weekly board game group of my dreams quite yet, but I do have friends, and I am not alone.

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

Chronically Lonely was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

As a great deal of Southern Ontario eases into Phase 3 of the quarantine lockdown, I know that many people are starting to breathe a sigh of relief. Many people can begin slowly going back to their jobs and helping restore some normalcy to their lives. A hot, new question that is bound to come up is, “What did you do during quarantine?” When the lockdown began during March, social media was blowing up with stories about how people were spending their time. Some learned new languages (the Duolingo Owl will haunt them), some learned to bake, and some started a new workout regime. It seemed like everywhere you looked, people were making the most of this new “free time” at home. However, that’s not the case for everyone.

What do the rest of us say when we feel like we haven’t done anything? It’s not that we haven’t done anything; we worked, and we studied, and we lived our lives to the best of our abilities. Did we accomplish anything enormous and life-changing? Maybe not. But like everyone else, we made it through the lockdown with our head still screwed on which should be considered a feat in itself. Strangely, it’s not.

It feels like there was and still is, an overwhelming amount of pressure to come out of lockdown having accomplished something. Like dealing with the lockdown in your own way wasn’t enough and you had to prove that you didn’t just waste away the last 5 months of your life. For myself, I can list off everything that I did, and none of it includes something that would have deviated from my normal routine. I didn’t learn a new language, I didn’t learn how to bake bread, or become a master chef, or a hair colourist, or makeup artist. I studied for my exams, I worked at my internship, and I watched Netflix as per usual. That was how I chose to deal with the lockdown.

I think that this need to have accomplished or achieved something during the lockdown stems from the mentality that all free time available should be used to “grind” or work to make yourself better. It’s more commonly referred to as “The Work-Grind” or “Hustle Harder” lifestyle, wherein every minute of spare time is used to make yourself better, work harder, and obsessively strive for more without an end goal. A NY Times article describes it as, “glorifying ambition, not as a means to an end, but as a lifestyle.” The work doesn’t stop after you clock out of the office anymore.

I would like to note, that there is a huge difference between the work-grind lifestyle, and filling some spare time with a new hobby, skill or activity. The work-grind takes every minute of every day and turns it bettering yourself through monetary, social or entrepreneurial value. It doesn't allow for any breaks, as everything you do furthers this lifestyle. Whereas taking up a new hobby to fill some spare time, like some of us have during quarantine is not a bad thing. In fact, it was encouraged to help people stay sane and retain stability during the lockdown. As long as it is done in a healthy way, that allows for breaks, self-reflection and other things in between.

Here’s the main issue that many people have found with this “hustle culture”: it glamourizes the stress and toll that learning something or working at something can have on someone’s physical and mental well-being. A 2018 Forbes article summarizes it best;

“At best, we’re collectively pushing an ethos that encourages self-sufficiency and more passionate work lives to improve our overall happiness. At worst, we’re perpetuating a culture that’s driving a highly caffeinated, sleep-deprived and anxiety-ridden generation to forsake everything but work while falling further and further into depression and debt.”

We’ve seen how during normal times, this is a culture that is pushed on us by the collective pressure of our more successful peers (or at the very least, more successful in our eyes). So how does this apply in COVID times? Almost exactly the same way. When lockdown began, lawmakers encouraged us by describing it as a work-from-home break or a staycation. Essentially saying that “During these hard times, try to relax, chill out, and we should be back to normal soon.” But it didn’t take very long for us to start seeing all of these incredibly talented people showing off new skills that they learned during their time off. It felt like the pressure to keep up with what other people were doing was growing. You could not take one step on Twitter without seeing a story about someone learning yoga or taking a computer science course.

With this pressure building, the hustle culture is perpetuated. Suddenly universities were offering classes for free to fill your time. YouTubers were posting how-to’s and tutorials, and people began taking up new hobbies and challenges. By no means am I disparaging genuine growth of one’s skills; only that the sudden onslaught of it at such a rapid pace in a short period may not be effective. Burnout is rampant among hustle culture. For all intents and purposes, this lifestyle has you running at breakneck speed without stopping for a break and eventually you just run out of steam. This is how a lot of people can become disillusioned with a life that they are living because while they are filling all their time, they cannot find meaning it what they are doing and it has exhausted them to the point of not wanting to do it. Burnouts are a true killer to productivity in various different parts of your life and they create a difficult slump to pull oneself out of.

Now we return full circle to the question I started with; what do you say to someone when you feel like you haven’t done anything during the lockdown? Well, you did. You made it through a pandemic quarantine! Is that not an amazing accomplishment in and of itself? These were uncertain, unprecedented and downright scary times but we as a community pulled through and are slowly making our way to the finish line. The accomplishment doesn’t lie alone in how much you learned; rather it works in tandem with how much you survived. It is a testament to our strength that we stayed safe and stayed sane during the lockdown.

The point of the quarantine was to preserve the health of our communities and help lower the risk of catching COVID-19. While it’s fantastic that some people were able to do so many things during this time, it’s not a bad thing to say that you just lived your life to the best of your abilities. You worked, maybe you studied, caught a couple of Zoom calls with your friends and family and maybe binged a few tv shows. You made it through the last 5 months, you accomplished that.

Cheers,

Karishma

References:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/zachconway/2018/11/16/how-hustle-culture-can-make-or-break-our-life-and-wealth/#579c661a4c35

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/26/business/against-hustle-culture-rise-and-grind-tgim.html

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

I Don’t Think I’ve Done Anything in 5 Months was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Our habits are the things which we do every day, again and again. They make up the bulk of our daily actions whether we acknowledge it or not. With that being said, the quality of your life and the trajectory it is moving in is largely determined by your habits. Thus, we need to be mindful of our habits and use the right tools and strategies to eliminate, create, and manage them. Otherwise, one can expect to feel like a tiny boat at sea, completely at the mercy of the ocean’s chaos. In this week’s blog post, I want to share how to reclaim control of your stress and productivity during this exam season and beyond.

Breaking Bad Habits

1. Make Your Bad Habits Difficult To Perform.

If performing a bad habit is easy then your only defense mechanism against temptation is your willpower. I’m sure many would agree that willpower alone is an insufficient antidote for breaking bad habits. This is why to successfully break away from bad habits, strategically creating obstacles that prevent you from executing that bad habit is necessary. For example, about two years ago I noticed I was spending an unhealthy amount of time on youtube; I was mindlessly consuming videos that were adding no real value to my life. I successfully removed this bad habit by making it impossible to perform. I downloaded a browser extension called “Cold Turkey Blocker” that blocked Youtube on my browser for 30 days. The only way to view Youtube now was to remove the Cold Turkey Blocker extension. Deleting the extension from my browser would have made me feel very poorly about my self-discipline and required effort. As a result, since using Cold Turkey Blocker I have spent significantly less time on Youtube.

2. Take Away the Cues.

Every habit can be deconstructed into three steps: cue, routine, and reward. The cue of a habit is something that triggers you to perform the routine of a habit. Notifications on your phone are an example of a cue. The vibration or sound created by a notification on your phone causes an impulse in your brain to check social media, games, or whatever the origin of that notification may be. Notifications are clearly a cue for many habit routines but not all cues are so obvious. Identifying the cues to your unique habits will likely require some reflection. After all, cues come in many forms, they can be a time of day, a place or even a person. Once you can identify your cue and make an effort to remove it from your environment you will find yourself performing that negative habit less and less.

3. Find An Accountability Partner.

Having someone who you respect hold you accountable to your behaviour is a powerful motivator. This is because failing publicly is much more embarrassing than failing privately. Not only is developing good habits with a partner more effective, but it’s also a lot more fun. Succeeding together is much more rewarding than succeeding independently!

Now that we know how to overcome our bad habits let’s learn how to build positive ones from scratch.

Creating and Managing Positive Habits With the Martin System

Recently, I came across a video that caught my eye. It was titled A Better Way to Track Your Habits by Thomas Frank. In this video he shared a system for tracking your habits that he coined “The Martin System”. I have recently begun using this system and have been enjoying it so far. Specifically, I like that in this system you record your failures so you can avoid making the same mistakes twice. Here’s how it works:

1. Write down and number each habit you want to track. Note that you must leave at least three lines of space below each habit.
2. Set up a 15x1 table underneath each habit and label each column from 1 to 15. Each cell in the table represents one day. You will track your habits by writing either a “+”, “-” or a “0” in each cell depending on how the day went. A “+” denotes a successful day of habit building, “-” denotes a failed day of habit building, and a “0” signifies that you were unable to perform the habit because of a good reason.
3. On a separate page create two sections; one titled “failure notes” and the second section titled “cycle review”. In your failure notes, you will record the days you failed to perform the habit you are trying to build. You will write the habit number, the day, and what caused you be unsuccessful. You will write in the cycle review section when the 15 days of habit building are over. The cycle review section is an opportunity to gain insight into how you can change your approach to your next habit-building cycle using the Martin system. The failure notes section will help you assist you in completing the cycle review section.

Below is a visual example of how this system works.

Note: the first number to appear in each entry under “failure notes” corresponds to the habit that I failed to perform. For example, my first recorded failure is about failing to perform my third habit (be in bed by 10 pm) on day two.

If you want to get the most out of this system create a list of actionable advice for yourself based upon the insights you gain in the cycle review section. As seen above, I realized that technology was getting in the way of developing good sleeping and exercise habits. As such, going into the next cycle I am going to improve my sleep by taking tech. out of my environment one hour before bed. Similarly, I noticed that because I wasn’t planning reading time into my day I often got lazy and failed to meet my goal. To be more successful going forward I need select a specific time of day to do my reading.

Conclusion

If you want to improve your mental health, physical health, and overall productivity you must improve your habits. However, you can not expect to overcome your bad habits and build good ones without a good set of tools like the ones shared today. Willpower alone is not a valid strategy when it comes to habitual success.

With that being said, I hope you use these tools to help with the stress and challenges presented this exam season and life beyond these next few weeks.

Best of luck.

Samuel

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

A Short Guide To Eliminating, Creating and Managing Habits was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Well, it’s that time of the term again — two more weeks until the final exam period. This is usually about the time when I start to lose some (or all) of my motivation to do anything. Compounded this year to my regular blues though is the uniqueness of this term in particular. If I’ve learned anything through this experience, it’s that working from home is not for me. Between the lack of socialization and the inability to go out and do fun things to break up the mundaneness of life, my mood has been pretty low lately. Suddenly I have way too much time on my hands to ponder the point of life — and it’s not a pretty picture.

Anyone who struggles with mental illness, or even just someone who occasionally feels blue, will know how incredibly draining it can be. Suddenly life feels pointless, and every small task is like climbing Mount Everest. People tell you to “just do it”, and wouldn’t it be great if it were that easy? But at the end of the day, as students and employees, we need to find some way to stay productive, even when our motivation is drained. So, how can we accomplish things when all we really feel like doing is climbing into a blanket fort and never emerging? I can’t promise I have the answers for everyone, but here are some things that have worked for me:

1. Be Kind to Yourself
   Usually, when I get into this mindset I start to treat myself quite…sub-par. I’ll beat up on myself for lazing around, for not doing enough, or sometimes even for just thinking about how I don’t want to work. I’ll tell myself: “You’re such a lazy slob”, “You’re never going to be successful”, “You’re a terrible employee, they shouldn’t have hired you”. For the longest time, I thought that if I scolded myself enough I’d somehow snap out of it. But I’ve realized that for me, “tough love” doesn’t work. Beating up on myself just makes me feel more depressed, meaning I feel even less motivated to do my work.
   If I actually want to be more productive, I need to be nicer to myself. This means celebrating any accomplishment, no matter how small. When you’re depressed or just down in the dumps, doing any task is a great accomplishment because you’re beating the odds! Feel good about anything that you cross of your to-do list, even if it’s just writing the title of your 10-page essay — that’s something!
   Along with giving yourself credit for the things you do (no matter how small), keep in mind that breaks are very important to maintaining productivity, and it’s perfectly normal to take them regularly. Getting all your work done in one big burst of productivity just isn’t attainable, and you shouldn’t put those expectations on yourself, especially when you know your mood is low. Be kind to your mind and to your body by giving yourself breaks when you need it, and not beating up on yourself for needing them. Sometimes going on a walk or getting some water can be just what your mind needs to stay productive throughout the day.
2. Take One Step At A Time
   I think we all know the feeling: you’ve been given a new assignment at school or at work, and it just feels so unattainable. It’s like you’re at the base of a mountain looking up, you can’t even see the peak, and you’re expected to climb to the top. It can feel so crazy and unrealistic that you just want to curl into a ball and quit before you start.
   Well, before you do that, try taking a deep breath and just take it one step at a time. Pick a small task that can get you started and think to yourself, “All I have to do right now is ______”. Don’t think about anything else, don’t think about what you’re going to do after that. Just think about doing that one thing. Then, once you’ve done it, think of another small task, and say to yourself, “All I have to do right now is _____”. This can help to break assignments that seem huge and unachievable into smaller, achievable tasks so that you don’t get overwhelmed trying to think about everything you need to do. Just take it one step at a time, and soon enough you’ll find yourself at the top of the mountain.
3. Use Your Coping Mechanisms
   Sometimes you need to confront your sadness (or whatever is sucking away your motivation) head-on. You might be really struggling, and it might seem impossible to even take one step toward productivity. If that’s the case, you may need to address the root of your problem before you can try to be productive.
   Making use of coping mechanisms is a great way to combat a low-mood, but what a coping mechanism is can be different for everybody. Personally, I go for a run (or a walk if a run sounds too overwhelming), I do some guided meditation, or I call up some friends. If it’s really bad and all of the above sound too difficult, then I’ll call my therapist. Your coping mechanisms may look very different from mine, or maybe you don’t exactly know what helps you quite yet. Try exploring what is helpful to you when your mood is low, and be sure to make use of those activities when you’re at your lowest (hint: therapists are a great tool to use to help you explore coping strategies that work for you, and to remind you to use them!).

These tips are not a catch-all way of being productive when you’re low on motivation. If they don’t resonate with you, don’t disparage. Know that there are others who are also struggling, particularly in these unusual times, and that you will come out of this stronger than before. If you do one thing today to take care of yourself or to check something off your to-do list, feel satisfied, and try to keep your streak going another day! In the meantime, as we’re finishing up the Spring term and getting ready to head into another very abnormal term, check out this great TEDx Talk by Tom Oxely where he discusses the importance of talking about mental health in the workplace.

All the best,

Abby

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

The End of Term Blues was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This is an anonymous post telling the story of a co-op job search during the term of Winter 2020. As thousands of Waterloo students go through the experience of a co-op job search, we understand how stressful it can be. This is one of those stories.

I don’t think any of us expected 2020 to turn out the way that it did. The running joke of the last 7 months has been, “Okay, this month is over, what’s coming next?” A lot of us had plans we wanted to see fulfilled that were put on hold. For me, my co-op search was completely derailed.

I’ll spare the drama and say that this story has a happy ending and I got a job. But the process was pretty far removed from what I thought it would be. Some context: Spring 2020 was to be my first formal co-op term at the university, which meant it was the first time I would be using WaterlooWorks. Boy, I was very unprepared. The resume I made years ago and kept updated had to be completely scrapped — and wasn’t that a harsh reality check. Rather than applying through job boards, I was now going to be competing for jobs with my classmates. Was I supposed to be taking my friend’s feelings into account when I applied to the same jobs as them? How many jobs were too many to apply for? What do I do when everyone I know has a job and I don’t?

These weren’t the standard questions that I could ask my co-op advisor about since they mostly fed off my insecurities, and to me, those were too embarrassing to convey out loud. Looking back on it, I probably would’ve made it easier on myself had I sucked up my pride and just asked the questions. It didn’t help that right around the first application period I was pulling 20-hour days trying to keep myself on top of my schoolwork. I felt like I was burning out barely 3 weeks into the new term. How was that even possible? How could the semester be stressing me out this bad when it never had before? I remember wracking my brain trying to think of why this term was any different than before. I took 6 courses in my second year while juggling a part-time job and I still fared better back then vs right now.

After the first 2 rounds of applications, I had barely managed to scrape together 30 applications. Surprise, surprise, I got zero interviews. And maybe I could’ve lived with that if anyone else was going through the same issue. But in my eyes, everyone was doing so much better. All of my friends had interviews, multiple interviews. I heard my classmates bragging about getting interviews for jobs that I had applied for and never heard back from. Offers were going out and I was sitting there desperately applying to every job I could without even a rejection email to comfort me. Would it kill companies to just send a rejection letter and call it a day so that I don’t have to feel creeping anxiety every time I check my email?

As I slipped into the continuous round with over 60 applications and still not a single interview, quarantine hit. Suddenly the game changed. So many classmates had their offers rescinded and low and behold, we were back to fighting for the same jobs again. I had hoped that once most of my classmates found a position, the competition in the continuous round wouldn’t be so bad. Nope. Now I was seeing 200+ applications for a single position and crying because, why would they hire me over them?

In hindsight, I don’t think I consciously realized how bad I was getting until I had a friend point it out to me. I was moody and upset all the time. I wasn’t sleeping properly, I had nightmares about finding work. I was feeling resentful of the people around me who found work. I felt like a ridiculous water fountain with how much I was crying. I do think it’s valuable to look back a few months later and reflect on those times from a fresh perspective.

I think the turning point was when I actually got an offer for a position, but a glitch in the email server meant that it went unseen for almost a week before I found it. By that point, they had already given the position away to someone else. Up until this point, I had been content to let myself be ruled by the flow of my inbox. My mood was dictated by whether I received a good or a bad email regarding my current employment status. This moment? The moment when I thought I lost my only chance at employment and therefore graduating? This was the moment when I refused to sit back and be passive.

Oh, I cried about it for a good while, until it occurred to me that this could still be fixed. I was on the phone with my advisor, begging them to help me figure something out. I sent 8 emails to everyone who I’d been in contact with during the job search process, begged them to contact me. I wouldn’t let myself lose this last chance.

It was 3 days of genuine nail-biting, teeth-grinding anxiety as I waited for responses from someone, anyone that could help me fix this. Fun fact: I have to get a new night-guard now. I’m not sure if it was luck or paranoia that had me awake at 8 am when my advisor emailed me saying that she’d managed to find me the same job, just in a different department. I was waiting for that elation to hit. That moment of “Yes!! I did it, all my worries are gone!” But it never really came. While I was happy, that my job search had finally come to a close, why didn’t I feel satisfied? Had I just spent 4 months stressing, and panicking and worrying for it to come to such an anti-climactic ending?

It’s been a few months since all of this came to a close and it’s helped me realize a few things. I had placed my need for a job on a pedestal and devoted my entire life to it. I was convinced that if I didn’t get a good job at a reputable company (something fancy, like Amazon or Blackberry) that my entire career post-grad would be derailed, and it consumed me. I let myself flounder in the shadows of my peer’s success rather than take it as an opportunity to grow and bring myself to their level. It’s definitely easier said than done to tell myself that it will never happen again because I still suffer from comparing myself to other, more successful people regularly. But seeing everything I struggled with and the small but key ways I tried to pull myself out and make it better, helps me understand why I did what I did, and how I can learn and grow from it.

• Anonymous

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

Looking Back was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Defining a Growth Mindset

At some point along your academic journey, you have probably heard of the term “Growth Mindset”. The concept of a Growth Mindset first became popular when Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford, published her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success in 2006. In Professor Dweck’s own words, a student has a Growth Mindset if they “believe their talents can be developed (through hard work, good strategies, and input from others)” (Dweck, 2016). The opposite of a Growth Mindset is a Fixed Mindset; to have the latter mindset is to believe that an individual’s abilities are fixed and potential is solely based on innate talent. In reality, almost all of us are somewhere in between a Growth and a Fixed Mindset.

Three Fundamental Differences Between a Growth and Fixed Mindset

Motivation

Fixed Mindset: the desire to appear talented to others motivates people with a fixed mindset.

Byproduct(s):

• This mindset derives value from what other people think.
• A fear of looking stupid or inadequate drives decision-making.

Growth Mindset: A person with a Growth Mindset is motivated to become the absolute best they can be.

Byproduct(s):

• A person with this mindset will make decisions to become the best version of themselves.
• This mindset does not avoid failure but embraces it as a learning tool.

Effort

Fixed Mindset: Believes success shouldn’t require effort; having natural talent is the only way to be successful.

Byproduct(s):

• A fixed mindset believes that having to work hard is a sign that you are not good enough and never will be.

Growth Mindset: Believes effort is paramount to achieving success.

Byproduct(s):

• There is no substitute for hard work if you want to achieve something incredible; not even genius.

Failure

Fixed Mindset: In the event of failure someone with a fixed mindset is ashamed and tries to hide the failure and cover up any weaknesses.

Byproduct(s):

• Avoids whatever has caused them to fail in the past at all costs.

Growth Mindset: Believes failure is a chance to learn and grow from your mistakes so you can come back better.

Byproduct(s):

• Believes failure is meant to be a learning tool and is not a sign that you should give up or be ashamed.

A Simplified Approach to Developing a Growth Mindset

Below I reflect on three steps I believe we all must take to develop a Growth Mindset. I also reflect on what each step means to me. I recognize that the path to a growth mindset is not the same for everyone and the steps I have outlined may have very different meanings to different people. Use these steps not as a guide, but as inspiration for your own introspection on what developing a Growth Mindset looks like for you.

Step 1: Ask yourself, “what value do I gain from appearing to be talented”?

In a fixed mindset, we choose to avoid new opportunities that could lead to failure to maintain an unsustainable appearance of perfection. As a consequence, we sacrifice personal growth for what others think of us. This is foolish. People think about you and your life far too little for you to base your decisions on their opinions. So go ahead and fail fearlessly knowing that every misstep you make in life will only temporarily slow you down and then subsequently push you forward.

Step 2: Identify who you want to become.

What does living a life that is authentic to your passions and interests look like for you? This is the life you should aim to live and the person that can live that life is who you need to become. I firmly believe that when you live authentically failure is much easier to deal with because we know we have directed our energy in the right place — and in believing this we have no regret. This ability to reach for one’s goals without having to fear or worry about failing(which is inevitable) is the essence of the growth mindset.

Step 3: remember to be grateful for the opportunity to pursue the best version of yourself.

We don’t all get the opportunity to seek our potential and so as Canadians, it is important to be grateful. For University students, we can be grateful for the opportunity to receive an education. We can also have gratitude for the high-quality of life that we live in Canada. How does being fortunate assist anyone in developing a Growth Mindset? If you’re reading this you likely have all the necessities of life and more. It is valuable to recognize that anything you have beyond necessity is unneeded. With that being said, one could say that you have nothing to lose because everything you need you already have. Thus, a Growth Mindset is a no brainer; we have all we need and anything more is a bonus — scarcity is not our reality.

Conclusion

A Growth Mindset is a operating system for life that allows one to go after their potential relentlessly without fear of failure. Developing a Growth Mindset is a process unique to each individual, however, a commonality between everyone who seeks a Growth Mindset is the re-evaluation of core values. In short, one must find a way to put the development of oneself ahead of the perceptions of others. I wish you the best of luck on this journey towards a Growth Mindset — it will not be easy but I think it will be worth it.

Samuel

References

Dweck, Carol. (2016, January 13). What Having a “Growth Mindset” Actually Means. https://leadlocal.global/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Dweck-What-Having-a-%E2%80%9CGrowth-Mindset%E2%80%9D-Actually-Means-HBR.pdf

Dweck, Carol. (n.d.). Mindsets: Developing Talent Through A Growth Mindset. https://openeclass.panteion.gr/modules/document/file.php/TMD244/%CE%95%CE%B2%CE%B4%CE%BF%CE%BC%CE%AC%CE%B4%CE%B1%2012%3A%20%CE%A3%CF%8D%CE%B3%CF%87%CF%81%CE%BF%CE%BD%CE%B5%CF%82%20%CE%A0%CF%81%CE%BF%CF%83%CE%B5%CE%B3%CE%B3%CE%AF%CF%83%CE%B5%CE%B9%CF%82%20%CE%BA%CE%B1%CE%B9%20%CE%91%CF%80%CE%BF%CF%84%CE%B5%CE%BB%CE%B5%CF%83%CE%BC%CE%B1%CF%84%CE%B9%CE%BA%CE%AE%20%CE%9C%CE%AC%CE%B8%CE%B7%CF%83%CE%B7/Mindsets.pdf

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

Growth Mindset — What It Is and How to Develop One was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Looking back as we hit over 100 days in quarantine, the last couple of months certainly haven’t been easy. Many of us feel like life right now is in a state of eternal pause. Maybe we’re putting off decisions until we know more details, or we’re living in the moment to avoid thinking about how we’re going to manage in a few weeks. Constantly being trapped inside, not being able to see friends, family or socialize and perhaps the hardest, the shift in work dynamic.

Many of us had to go through a rough transition in working or studying from home. What used to be routine has now been downgraded to staring at a computer for most of the day. It’s easy to see how draining it can be. For the social butterflies, the extroverts who gain their energy from social interaction, resigning yourself to speaking only over the phone or web is hard. Speaking as an extrovert myself, I miss the simplicity of being able to go for a cup of coffee in between classes and catching up with my friends.

The average work setup in a working/studying-from-home environment is just a desk and a computer. We work, we maybe take a break for a snack or a meal and we keep working. The comfort of being around your co-workers or fellow students is gone and the lack of social interactions can be incredibly stifling. It’s easy to get lost in work if there’s no one else there to talk to. And this can have a massive drain on one’s mental health.

For myself, I find it so hard to step away from the computer. I feel like if I have nothing better to do, I should just work to achieve maximum productivity. As a result of this, I can get burnt out easily and lose any motivation to complete tasks that are actually enjoyable. It’s a continuous struggle to separate work from regular life when I’m being forced to work in the confines of my childhood bedroom. Where I’d normally be chatting with co-workers at work during my coop, or my roommates during school, I have to sequester myself to a corner of my house to make sure I get my work finished. It can be incredibly difficult not to feel like a worker drone.

Everyone took a hit when quarantine began. People, businesses, communities, even the mental health industry. In the beginning, access to mental health resources was difficult to get. Call lines, online webchats, counselling services became blocked, as resources were limited and the influx of new calls clogged the system. While 3 months later, we can see growth and development in online services and yes, this helps in the long run to de-stigmatize the need for faster-reacting mental health services, it was a tricky situation.

So even now, how do we keep ourselves from struggling? How do we make light of a difficult situation? We still miss simple social interactions like eating lunch with friends or going out after work. Well, easiest to start is recognizing how out-of-the-norm this situation is for everyone. By doing that, it can help remove a sense of loneliness that quarantine can impose. We’re all going through this together. It sucks, and it’s okay to acknowledge.

The creativity seen by people who are coping with staying inside all the time has been astounding. We are still able to keep our friendships and connections through means like web calls, virtual parties and game nights, and now that restrictions are being lifted slightly, safe in-person interactions while maintaining social distance.

And, there are still hundreds of resources available in mental health services if needed. Due to Covid-19, there have been massive strides made in accessing mental health services. Provincial and federal organizations are making leaps and bounds in providing readily available online services. There is an encouragement to reach out and use these, even if you don’t feel like you need to.

Here are some quick and easy resources that are accessible right now.

Government of Canada — Mental health and COVID-19 for public servants: protect your mental health. https://www.canada.ca/en/government/publicservice/covid-19/protect-mental-health.html?fbclid=IwAR2Uwlwp1j6VoA7ZtA1rkfSpcOwDt-bsWJjhFvdOUebpRFthvl-icS9kOaY

Canadian Centre for Substance Abuse and Addiction. https://www.ccsa.ca/Impacts-COVID-19-Substance-Use

University of Waterloo Mates Program.
https://wusa.ca/services/uw-mates

University of Waterloo Glow Centre for Sexual and Gender Diversity. https://wusa.ca/services/glow-centre-sexual-and-gender-diversity

President and CEO of the Mental Health Commission of Canada (MHCC), Louise Bradley, has helped to launch web services for all of Canada, saying

“We know that a big part of opening the door to care is raising awareness. So, we’re reminding people that there are free, readily accessible mental health supports available, even in a time of physical distancing.”

The Canadian Centre for Substance Abuse and Addiction, who plays a pivotal role in assisting in mental health crises and concerns have also released statements on reaching out for help when needed.

“While physical distancing measures have created challenges for people accessing in-person services, there are many excellent virtual care options available to help Canadians. If you’re struggling during these challenging times, please don’t wait to reach out for help. Seeking care and seeking care early can safeguard mental wellness and reduce substance use harms.”

- Rita Notarandrea, CEO of CCSA

For now, as restrictions slowly begin to list, as people begin to go back to work, we can have hope that while maybe work and school may not be exactly as it was, we can return to a mild sense of normalcy. Quarantine has displayed our resolve to maintain stability during turbulent times and it’s incredible to see the payoff at the end.

I hope everyone is staying well and staying safe.

Bye for now,

Karishma

Resources

Canada, Public Health Agency of. “Government of Canada.” Canada.ca, 10 May 2020, www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/diseases/2019-novel-coronavirus-infection/mental-health.html.

“Virtual Care Crucial during COVID-19: ‘Don’t Wait to Seek Help,” Say Mental Health and Substance Use Organizations.” The Suburban Newspaper, 28 June 2020, www.thesuburban.com/life/health/virtual-care-crucial-during-covid-19-don-t-wait-to-seek-help-say-mental-health/article_58e7d11e-b8a3-11ea-8c96-a33708205366.html.

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

Life on Hold was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This Sunday, June 28, marks the day 51 years ago that the Stonewall Riots began, sparking a wave of LGBTQ+ political activism that would continue to impact the community for the years to come. A year later in 1970, America’s first gay pride parade took place in Manhattan, marching from Stonewall Inn to Central Park. Similarly, Canadians took up the fight for equal rights around the same time. Canada had its first Gay Liberation Protest and March in 1971 at Parliament Hill, and several years after in 1979 we had our first official Pride parades. While the protests and marches had begun however, the fight would continue for years to come.

Today, we celebrate Pride month throughout the month of June as a time for the LGBTQ+ community and its allies to reflect, learn, celebrate, and act. In honour of Pride this year we want to talk about mental illness as it relates to members of the LGBTQ+ community, and hopefully raise awareness about the overwhelming numbers of individuals who struggle with mental illness in the community.

Fast Facts:

• LGBTQ+ people have double the risk of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than heterosexual people.
• LGBTQ+ youth face approximately 14 times the risk of suicide and substance abuse than heterosexual peers.
• 77% of trans respondents in an Ontario-based survey had seriously considered suicide and 45% had attempted suicide.
• Some research suggests that the use of alcohol, tobacco and other substances may be 2 to 4 times higher among LGBT people than heterosexual people.

Now, you may be wondering: why are these numbers so overwhelming? Well, there’s no easy answer. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, three significant factors play a role in our mental health and well-being: social inclusion, freedom from discrimination and violence, and access to economic resources. Unfortunately, the LGBTQ+ community often face adversity in all three of these domains, leading to struggles with a wide array of mental illness. Furthermore, general social stigma around the LGBTQ+ community can make the process of coming out or concealing your identity a stressful and even terrifying experience for many members. Lack of family or social support, social isolation or alienation, and internalized oppression can all be factors that contribute to higher rates of mental illness in LGBTQ+ individuals.

Fast Facts:

• Bisexual and trans people are over-represented among low-income Canadians.
• Trans people in both Canada and the US report high levels of violence, harassment, and discrimination when seeking stable housing, employment, health or social services.
• An Ontario-based study of trans people found that 20% had experienced physical or sexual assault due to their identity, and that 34% were subjected to verbal threats or harassment.
• Hate crimes motivated by sexual orientation more than doubled in Canada from 2007 to 2008, and were the most violent of all hate crimes.

Unfortunately, compounding on the difficult social environment that LGBTQ+ individuals have to navigate is the relationship between mental health professionals and the community. In the past LGBTQ+ identities have been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and classified by professionals as mental health disorders. It wasn’t until very recently, in 2013, that “Gender Identity Disorder” (or trans identity) was removed from the manual and replaced with “Gender Dysphoria”.

Though LGBTQ+ identities are no longer classified as mental health disorders, many individuals in the community continue to report homophobic and transphobic experiences when consulting mental health professionals. Not only does the LGBTQ+ community suffer extreme adversities that lead to higher rates of mental illness, but they also struggle to find proper and inclusive support from mental health professionals.

Fast Facts:

• The majority of the health care providers who did not identify as LGBTQ reported feeling a certain degree of discomfort when having to address LGBTQ specific issues with their patients, such as access to transition services for trans patients or family planning/reproductive health specifically for LGBTQ populations.
• Among health care providers who regularly take sexual histories of patients, most do not usually screen for non-heterosexual sexual activity.
• Over half (54.7%) of health care providers reported having never received training for cultural competence in relation to LGBQ populations, and 60.4% reported having never received training for cultural competence regarding trans populations.

So, how can we improve the mental well-being of LGBTQ+ individuals? Well, if you’re an ally start by actively (and loudly) showing your support. Make sure your loved ones know you support the community. If someone comes out to you, be supportive of them! Learn more about what it means to be lesbian, gay, trans, bisexual, two-spirit, etc. so you can better support such individuals in your community and your inner-circle. Help stand up against larger structural discrimination by leading by example and calling out prejudice and discrimination when you see it.

If you’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community and need to talk to someone or otherwise get mental health help, there are inclusive services on campus and in the Waterloo Region that you can access. Here is a list of some resources that provide inclusive support:

• The Glow Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity is an on-campus service dedicated to promoting a healthy attitude toward all sexual orientations and gender identities.
• SPECTRUM is an LGBTQ+ community venue in the Waterloo Region that facilitates various programming and support groups.
• KW Counselling Services is an LGBTQ+ inclusive service in the Waterloo Region that provides various forms of individual and group counselling.
• LGBT Youthline offers confidential and non-judgmental peer support to youth aged 26 and under through telephone, text and chat services.
• The Sexual Assault Support Center of Waterloo Region is an LGBTQ+ inclusive service in the Waterloo Region that provides various forms of support to victims of sexual assault.

Wherever you are in your journey of self-discovery and coming out, there are safe places for you to go, and I hope that you find them and use them when you need support. It’s called the LGBTQ+ community for a reason: we are a community that supports and loves each other. I hope that, if you haven’t already, you can find the community very soon, and find people who love and cherish you for who you truly are. Above all else, know that It Gets Better.

Happy Pride,

Abby

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

Mental Health and the LGBTQ+ Community was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Perfectionism. What comes to mind when you hear the word? A lot of people picture a hard-worker, someone who strives to be the best they can be. It’s a trait that employers seek and people admire. But for me, perfectionism is the root of my anxiety. It’s sobbing on my bathroom floor because I didn’t meet my standards. It’s the pit of worry in my stomach when I start a new project. It’s writing and re-writing this one paragraph for the past hour because it didn’t sound just right. It’s one of my greatest flaws — and no, I’m not just saying that to sound good in an interview.

The desire to do well is something we can all relate to. I don’t think anyone is ever OK with failing an exam or doing poorly on a project. Perfectionism, however, is this desire to do well taken to the absolute extreme. It’s the wish — or rather, the need — to be perfect. Many hold the belief that perfectionism is a healthy motivator, but the reality is that it can have extreme negative affects on a person’s well-being. According to Healthline, perfectionism can lead to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and self harm. Overtime it can even cause people to stop trying to succeed all-together.

So what does perfectionism actually look like?

1. The Fear.
   When you picture a perfectionist you might picture someone who is constantly working, but in reality, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes perfectionism can be paralyzing. It can stop us from starting a project (or even taking a project on) unless we’re certain that we can do it perfectly. Alternatively, if we do take a project on we’ll often experience severe anxiety about whether we will be able to do it well enough. Oftentimes the fear of failure can be so overwhelming that we think we’re better off just not trying.
2. The Expectations.
   Setting goals for yourself is important in life. Ideally, these goals motivate you, and falling short of them is just a reason to reassess. Unfortunately, a perfectionist’s goals tend not to work this way. I, and other perfectionists like me, tend to adopt an all-or-nothing mindset, where anything that isn’t perfect is considered a “failure”. While others may accept good work across a spectrum, perfectionists tend to see only one good option (perfection), and the rest is unacceptable. Perfectionism is like a cycle in this way. You set unreasonably high standards, you don’t meet those standards, you crumble because you “failed”…and repeat. It’s exhausting, stressful, and can sometimes completely consume you.
3. The Criticism
   Celebrating success is one of the better parts of life, but perfectionists often have difficulty doing just that. We tend to obsess over small imperfections, and sometimes it’s all we can see. We are overly critical of our work, and extremely hard on ourselves when “failure” does occur. It can sometimes feel like you have someone following you around pointing out your flaws constantly, making it impossible for you to feel good about your successes. Oftentimes it may even feel like you’re always failing, when in reality the people around you may say the exact opposite.

According to a recent study published by the American Psychological Association, perfectionism is on the rise among college students. From 1986 to 2016 researchers report a 10 percent increase in self-oriented perfectionism (having high expectations of oneself), a 33 percent increase in socially prescribed perfectionism (perceiving others to have high expectations of you), and a 16 percent increase in other-oriented perfectionism (having high expectations of others). This means that college students are putting more importance on perfection than ever before, leading to an increase in all types of perfectionism.

So how do you overcome perfectionism in your life?

1. Recognize it.
   The first step to overcoming any problem is recognizing it as a problem. Take a moment to reflect on your expectations and your relationship with failure. Are your expectations for yourself realistic? How do you react when you don’t meet them? Have others told you that your expectations are unreasonable? Keep an eye out for perfectionistic thought habits such as: all-or-nothing thinking (ex. “if I have to ask for help them I am weak), catastrophic thinking (ex. “if I don’t do well on this test I will flunk out of school”), probability overestimation (ex. “even though I studied all night, I’m sure I will fail this midterm”), and should statements (ex. “I should never make mistakes). Also be aware of common perfectionistic behaviors like: procrastinating projects, excessively checking your work, agonizing over small details, avoiding trying new things, and constantly re-doing things to make them “perfect”.
2. Challenge your negative thoughts.
   Perfectionism is a problem of the mind, and so it’s natural that the way to overcoming it is with the mind. To overcome perfectionism you have to change the way you think about life. You have to change how you view yourself and your work — which is no easy feat. But with some time and practice, I promise you it can be done. To begin, start challenging your perfectionistic thoughts with more positive, realistic statements. For example, if you think to yourself “I’m a failure” because you made a mistake, you could challenge this thought by thinking “Nobody is perfect, it’s OK to make mistakes”. Now I’ll admit, at first this process seemed like complete bologna to me. It felt like my negative thoughts had a megaphone and I was responding in a whisper with positive statements that I didn’t even believe. But it’s OK if you feel like that, just keep up with it. You don’t have to believe the statements at the beginning — just start getting in the habit of saying them. You have to train your mind to think more positively, and that can only be done through practice.
3. Get some perspective.
   Perfectionists often fail to consider how other people would view a situation when agonizing over it. That is, oftentimes we take our thoughts and beliefs for truth, when really we should consider some other perspectives before doing so. For example, I may see myself as a failure because I finished a class with a 68%. But, from an outsider’s point of view, this is actually a perfectly acceptable grade considering the course subject wasn’t my strongest and I actually improved from the midterm. So, next time you’re agonizing over something, take a moment to consider how another person might see it. Sometimes it may even be helpful to consider what you would say to a close friend if they came to you with your situation. Taking some time to step back and consider another person’s perspective can help you to have more a realistic picture overall, stopping your perfectionistic thinking in its tracks.

While these methods have worked for me, they may not do the trick for you — and that’s no reason to panic. Above anything else, if you think you may be a perfectionist I recommend seeing a therapist to talk through your negative thought habits and learn some strategies for coping. Unfortunately, perfectionists oftentimes have trouble asking for help, but I hope you will see how dysfunctional aiming for “perfection” truly is, and know that there is no shame in needing help.

It has taken me awhile to recognize how toxic my thought patterns can be, and even longer to admit that I needed help. I hope that you will now be able to recognize perfectionism in yourself and in your friends sooner, and that we can develop more positive thought processes as a generation.

Wishing you well,

Abby

References

Curran, T., & Hill (2019). Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429. https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-bul0000138.pdf

Heitz, D. (2017, December 24). Perfectionism. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/perfectionism

How to Overcome Perfectionism. (n.d.). https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/

If you’d like to share a story, write your own post, or chat with us, you can get in touch through email (mathsoc.mh@gmail.com), Facebook, or Instagram. Alternatively, if you would prefer to contact us anonymously you can use our Google Form. We’re here to make sure your voices are heard — regardless of faculty.

Picture-Perfect was originally published in Mental Health @ uWaterloo on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.