Three simple questions for an effective one on one
Now we see everything that’s going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don’t have the means
To rise above and beat it
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
- John Mayer, Waiting on the world to change
Work is about achieving targets, meeting milestones and changing the world. In the zeal of achieving our targets, we sometimes forget to pause and ruminate about our progress. See if we are treading on the right path. Do some sort of course correction.
A one on one with your manager comes closest to that act of reflection. It’s like the timeouts in any of our favorite sports, like basketball or football, to reflect on the progress and see if things could be done in a better way.
It helps you pause and see the bigger picture. See the forest for the trees, you know. It also allows you to introspect if one is still emotionally invested and aligned with the overall goals for the quarter or year.
The frequency or the timing of one on ones(1:1) is really important. Like, a guitarist who needs to strum all the notes at the right time to play a perfect tune.
You don’t want to make it too frequent like weekly where you just end up constantly reflecting on what’s being done rather than actually doing it. You don’t want to make it quarterly where you take too long to give feedback where it loses its relevance. You have to make it just right. We like to have our 1:1s monthly to keep them relevant.
To make it completely focused and relevant, we have a discussion on three distinct axis — Going Great, Could be going better and Areas of Improvement. The feedback goes both ways, from the manager to their team member and from the team member to their manager.
Here is what we do -
Question #1 — What’s going great?
I’ve been part of some 1:1s where the emotions are invested in discussing things that need to be improved upon. It just spirals down into a black hole of negativity with no way out. This just completely sucks out every possible ounce of enthusiasm from your team member. One has to do a balancing act and see both the positive and improvement areas in the same light. I would go on to say to focus more on the positive than the improvement areas.
Thus, I would recommend to always start the one on one meeting on a positive note i.e. what’s going great in terms of goals, organization, processes or people. It helps both the manager and the team member look at the brighter side of things. This brings objectivity into the discussion and facilitates celebrating the things that went right.
Question #2 — What could be going better?
It’s always great to have the team member share this first rather than the manager dish out the piping hot latest-things-to-improve-upon. It’s necessary the team member feels comfortable on the areas that they could have done better and empowered enough to talk about areas that the manager could be doing better.
Hallmark of a great culture is when team members come up with things that they could have approached differently but didn’t get a chance to do so. Or, shoot holes through the manager’s effectiveness. The idea is to collectively find ways of improving execution.
A manager should only add to the discussion if a team member has failed to recognize any of their blind spots. This also should be done in a constructive way by offering alternatives to their current behavior or execution style. Remember, it’s the session to pause, reflect and improve not pause and find faults.
Question #3 — What are suggested areas of improvement?
I believe the team member should suggest the areas of improvements regarding their execution. This way they can own the suggestions and work passionately towards fixing it.
But, if the suggested areas of improvement are related to project, processes or organization then the manager needs to own up those action items. They need to enable the team member to work efficiently and remove any impediments towards success.
Keeping the meeting short, simple and focused enables both the team member and the manger to have an effective 1:1. One of them acts as a scribe and summarizes the meeting. This way both of them have a good starting point for the next one.
