How to seek Feedback
As Leaders, we should be Seekers…
I’m definitely a Feedback Seeker. A person who actively seeks feedback about herself in order to improve. Active searching for feedback shows that we are open to criticism. It helps develop trust. It shows that we are interested in the opinion of our teams and that we care about improving ourselves in our role so that we can serve them better. The Seeking Leader sets the tone for the entire organization and shows that feedback is a value, that it is not a punishment when something went wrong, but a necessary fuel to help us grow.
Seeking feedback Leader helps build and maintain relationships with the team. It sets a precedent, it shows that it is okay to ask for help, that we are all only human, and that we should be open to other points of view.
While actively seeking feedback has many benefits, it’s good to remember, especially if you’re a leader asking for feedback, that giving feedback is just as stressful as getting it! So you cannot force yourself with requests, you cannot solicit feedback too aggressively. A good Seeker creates the most comfortable environment possible, safe space around the person whose opinion she wants to hear. If you haven’t been an active seeker so far, there are a few steps you need to take to prepare your teams for this shift in approach.
PLAN WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE AND HOW YOU WILL DO IT
Changing behavior always brings some awkwardness to the relationship. When someone you know well starts to behave in a different way than you’d expect — you get alerted. When a Leader who hasn’t done that before starts actively asking for feedback the usual first reaction is a surprise, people can get suspicious, and the trust temporarily decreases. You can avoid that or diminish it by taking a few steps that will allow your teams to understand the change. I do seek feedback since I remember even when I was in non-leadership roles so I often use my own advice. Below guidance is helpful also if you are starting to work with a new team that got used to working with Leaders who give but do not ask for feedback.
Before you can start asking for feedback it’s worth considering what you’d like to achieve by doing it.
Think about what new standards for providing feedback you’d like to introduce and how you want to do it. There are many ways to start slowly.
There are 2 things worth remembering. If your team is not getting used to sharing feedback and you will ask the group you need to expect silence…
- You may start form asking for feedback about the reached agreement at the meeting ends.
“To sum up our agreement. We will do X by Y and Z. George how do you feel about the agreement we’ve made together?”
• You may start a meeting with non-formal chats formed as a feedback question. “Team I’m interested to learn what you think about our new strategy shared last week. Can we do a round so that everyone can share their view?”
• You may ask someone who had an interesting point in the meeting to stay with you after the meeting and share some more insights.
• You may join or organize retrospective meetings and try to gather information from multiple sources at once
• You may start doing 1-on-1s with your team members.
The last one is a bit tricky and I suggest doing that after explaining what your goal is. Otherwise, a team unused to the 1-on-1s will be stressed they did something wrong that made you feel you have to start your 1-on-1s now.
Regardless of the form you ask for feedback consider a few things
• What would you like to learn, what is the goal?
• How often will you ask?
• What will you ask about?
• Who are you going to ask?
• How will you ask?
PREPARE YOUR TEAM FOR A CHANGE. EXPLAIN WHAT WILL CHANGE AND WHY
The transition from the state — “I am giving feedback here” — to the state — “we all strive for feedback on a daily basis” will be a considerable cultural shock for your teams. Cultural because we are not in the habit of giving each other feedback, as team members we are not taught it. Your employees may treat the first requests for feedback as a trap. React literally with panic and be unable to answer anything. Nothing but “everything is ok”. They do not know yet that they are safe for sharing with you what they really think, they may not quite believe in the purity of your motives, and they may be “sniffing for deception”. Therefore, if soliciting feedback is new to you, explain to them what you are going to do and why.
• Perhaps you want to actually obtain specific information that will help you develop a certain skill?
• Maybe you don’t know what you should improve and you need some tips?
• You may not really need any specific feedback but you may see that your teams are not comfortable with sharing feedback and you want to give them a chance to learn and practice.
Whatever the reason, tell the truth.
• Explain what would you like to learn.
• Share the plan and how would you like to do it.
• Ask your team if they are ok with trying this approach.
ASK FOR FEEDBACK IN ADVANCE — GIVE TIME TO PREPARE
At this stage, you and your team are aware of why would you like to start to actively seek feedback, and what you would like to achieve. Your teams already know and understand what new behaviors they can expect from you and why. Before a certain habit of giving feedback is formed, the first attempts will be unnatural and stressful for everyone. Therefore, in the beginning, do not expect the cornered worker to “sing everything to you” right away. Don’t ask “how am I doing” in general, focus on one specific area in which you want to develop and ask simple, specific questions. If you are asking for an idea on how to improve something, ask specifically and tell the requested person that they do not have to answer right away, but ask them to come back to you with ideas in a form that is comfortable for them. This could be another call, it could be an email. Whatever form that will reduce the stress associated with giving feedback. Try not to impose a deadline, but ask this person when they would like to come back to you with an answer, and let them set a date they feel comfortable with.
DIGEST THE FEEDBACK
By asking for feedback, you indicate your consent to deliver it and your readiness to accept this information. Therefore, it is very important to keep this promise, even if the feedback you received was hard to digest.
The person who answers you honestly has done their job, and it is your responsibility to thank her for it and make her feel heard, understood, and appreciated.
Feedback can be hard to swallow, so it’s a good idea to serve it in small, easily digestible bites. We should ask for it in the same way. Let’s ask for one piece of information at a time, quite specific if possible, and sprinkled with examples. Thanks to this, the person who serves us with feedback will have a much easier task of preparing it, and we, as recipients, will not get sick of overeating.
Summary
- If people don’t expect feedback requests from you they will be alerted when you just start demanding feedback. Begin with an explanation of a goal.
• Consider what would you like to learn/achieve
• Share with the team your feedback plan and let them know about your new behavior
• Prepare helpful questions
• Allow people to choose the most comfortable way to share their thoughts
• Don’t worry if you don’t manage to ask about everything at once there will be other opportunities
Feel free to connect on Li if you’re interested in my trainings
