Medium Is Making Me Fat
Yes, it’s all this platform’s fault.
I’ve posted more here in the last two weeks than I have in months. I’ve also gained another two pounds. Coincidence?
I think not.
At the rate of one pound per week, I’ll weigh close to 500 pounds by this time next year. When they need to knock out a wall to airlift me to the nearest hospital, I’m going to send the bill to Ev Williams. One of his underlings will pay it without blinking an eye.
Let me just go grab some walnuts while I think about this some more. Walnuts are healthy, right? Omega-somethings and whatnot? But then, to balance out the walnuts, I’m going to want a little dark chocolate. Just one square.
The entire bar is square, by the way, so that’s where everything goes sideways, and the next thing you know I’ve eaten an entire bar of dark chocolate. Which I rationalize by saying that at least I’m protecting my dog from accidentally ingesting it. But then I just have to go buy another bar of dark chocolate and the cycle repeats itself.
At least the dog is safe.
At this point, I’m officially a superhero who will live forever. But just to be sure, let me go make another cup of tea. You’re supposed to drink 5 to 10 cups of tea per day to prevent death. Of course, that’s because you…
