What To Say And Not To Say To A Depressed Friend/Colleague

Sometimes it is very difficult to know what to say in any situation, let alone if a colleague or friend is feeling particularly vulnerable, anxious or depressed. You may worry that you will do more harm than good or try to suggest things, which worked for you when you weren’t feeling your best. However, this is a hugely complicated situation and must be treated as such. Positive words help but more often than not showing that you care, that you understand and that you will be there are what most people want to hear. If you do sometimes find it hard to know what to say, here are some of the key phrases you should definitely avoid:

‘Keep Positive’

This is a very empty and unhelpful thing to say to a depressed person. They could have offered this piece of advice to themselves but it is not as easy as that. You could make them recoil further inside themselves and avoid human contact because they received meaningless advice from someone who did not understand. Instead, offer them a hug or ask them to do something. If they decline, do not give up and just make sure you show them that you are there and ready to listen whenever they are ready.

“Pull Yourself Together”

Not only is this quite cruel, the ’tough love’ approach does not work with someone who is depressed. This can lead to them feeling even more inadequate and bullied or attacked. Instead, tell them that they ‘don’t need to do anything that they don’t want to’. This will ensure that they feel safe and understood. Without the added pressure, your friend or colleague may be able to relax and focus on their own mental health.

“You Have More Than Most, You Should Feel Grateful”

Instead, you can tell them, “this is not your fault”. Rather than focusing on the negative elements, which is what they are probably constantly doing already, you can help them to feel confident in their feelings. By showing them that you know this is not their own fault, they will not feel ashamed and may even share more of what they are feeling with you.

“What’s Wrong With You?”

Instead, you can say something like, “I’m not exactly sure what you are feeling but I am here for you” or “you are not alone” and they will know that you are actually a help and not a hindrance.

“I Thought You Were Strong”

For some people, depression can truly be overwhelming and can stop them from doing daily tasks with ease. Putting someone down and accusing them of being weak will only make the situation worse. It is best to just say, “i’m here for you” in this case rather than comment on their strength of character.

“Happiness Is a Choice”

This is simply not true and saying so will alienate the person you are trying to connect with. Instead, focus on them and how they are feeling. Make them certain that you understand how they are feeling without relaying your own experiences, which could be totally different. Perhaps tell them, “this will get better” so that they have some intimidating positivity.

The next time you are faced with a friend or colleague who seems as if they might be having a difficult time with their mental health, think twice before you speak and perhaps quickly refer back here to avoid saying something you might regret!

Feels like you can add to the list? Go ahead and let us know in comments!

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