Know Your Worth and Never Dim Your Light
You probably know that feeling when you are super-excited about something, but when you share it with others it just doesn’t land? So how can you keep on shining bright in the face of such adversity?
Trigger warning: mention of suicidal thoughts.
Biases
How many times have people told you that you can’t do something because of the way you look, the way you talk, the way you are? We all have internal biases, and it’s crucial to recognise them because another person’s bias has nothing to do with your capabilities.
I have so many examples because it’s hard to earn respect when you are a cute, small woman. I remember how many times people told me “no” or “maybe” right after I put all my heart and soul into a proposal. Just because they didn’t think a cute girl like me could do it.
If you hear that you can’t, you aren’t enough, that might dim your light. That’s what you shouldn’t let happen.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
I hope you have experienced at least once in your life that burning sensation deep inside you that said: “Go for it, you got this.” I hope you had a great support system because I haven’t always had that. I’ve heard so many times that I can’t do something, that I’m not ready for it, and I would start to doubt myself. That fire turned into embers, and I wasn’t sure how to go on. Even before I got a chance to shine, I convinced myself that I shouldn’t even try.
When you believe something, it will also happen. If you dim your light, nobody will see the flames inside you. That is the self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to make sure to keep fuelling that fire.
Know Your Worth and Shine
How do we escape this vicious cycle? How do we become something that others might not see in us at times? The key is to know your worth. If you believe you can do it, if you have this fire burning inside you, telling you YES YOU CAN, well, you can.
The problem most of the time is that we give up before we even really get started. Your first experience trying might not go well, and you might want to give up. That is the moment to shine. Learn from your mistakes, take a few classes if necessary and keep going.
As long as the fire is burning inside you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It might not always be easy to fight for what you want, but make sure you don’t let others dim your light.
Go All In
A lot of times, I catch myself playing it small, playing it safe. When I felt an inspiring fire inside me to become a leader, I spent many hours just studying what the best leaders do. When the time came for me to share these new skills with others, I played it small. Yes, I know how to lead a meeting, but I still haven’t learned about giving feedback. You know, maybe I’m not ready yet…
When I decided to switch careers and focus on inspiring people, at first I still dimmed my story. I told people I wasn’t feeling well. I said I was taking a break. In reality, I was struggling with suicidal thoughts and I was completely lost.
Then it happened. I decided to shine and go all in. I started sharing my whole story with others. I started speaking my truth, the fact that I was ready for change. I was ready to start something new.
When you go all in, the real magic happens. As long as you believe in your fire, it will catch on at some point. You just got to keep going, going all in.
Don’t Try to Impress
Sharing your light and trying to impress others with it are not the same thing. You have to believe in yourself, not others. When you shine and know your worth, others will see it too.
But way too often I see others adjust and compromise their light to impress others. It just doesn’t work like that.
The best example I could come up with is RuPaul’s Drag Race. If you don’t know the show, please start watching it after you finish reading this article! So each episode someone will get the critique from the judges that they were outshined by another competitor. Then they start to blame the other, the colour of their dress, the challenge itself. But the judges point out the cold, hard truth every time. All the competitors had the same chance to shine in the challenge, so if they don’t, that is one hundred percent their own doing.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop trying to impress everyone. Believe in yourself and shine.
Shine Like a Disco Ball
There is just one more thing to add. When you reach that place, where you can show the world your light? Shine like a disco ball. Don’t get distracted by the shiny little lights on the wall. Don’t just drip your light. No. Be that disco ball.
The only way I can describe this feeling is by thinking about a concert. All night long, you stand on that stage, staring at all those lights doing all kinds of cool things. You feel the energy building up in the room. Then the light specialist goes all in. All the lights go on. Cue the dramatic effect. You see everyone’s face in awe. You hit that high note and you shine.
About FEM
FEM stands for Feminist Entrepreneurs Magazine (or Finally Eradicating Misogyny, if you’re feeling cheeky), and is a House of Hives publication. We started this magazine to support entrepreneurs who feel disenchanted with the 24/7 hustle culture, the competitive narrative of toxic masculinity and narrow definitions of success, value and wealth that it peddles. We want to talk about balance, the importance of mental health, the power of collaboration and diversity, and much more.
We hope to inspire and support entrepreneurs as they build their businesses in enjoyable and sustainable ways, by sharing stories and tips from thought-leaders and change-makers. Join the mailing list to have the FEM e-magazine sent directly to your inbox.
