Stop Trying to Read People’s Minds!
Why do people think they know better? Is it really for the best when they act as if they know what’s best for us? No! Instead, we should start taking responsibility for our choices.
“I should have done this earlier, but I worried about you.”
My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. He said he wanted to do it for a while, but he was worried about me. At that point in time, I just quit my job to become an entrepreneur. He encouraged me to do so. He said he would support my dreams. While in the back of his mind, he wanted to break up. So why didn’t he?! Why did he stay? And was it really for the best?
Since the breakup, I kept thinking about what he said. First, I thought it was super nice of him to stick around and help me out. But the longer I spent thinking about it, the more I realised how it wasn’t good for me at all! He wasn’t present in our relationship. He kept his distance, and he wasn’t interested in what I was doing. So really, he wasn’t supporting me. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I did everything to get his attention, and it got me nowhere. In his mind, he probably thought he was doing the best for me, but he wasn’t.
Why Do We Mind-Read?
We all do this mind-reading. For example, how often do you not say something you think? Or how often do you say things that someone wants to hear? And the worst of them all: how often do you act in the best interest of someone else?
I think the main reason for mind-reading is that we don’t want to take full responsibility. It is easier to say that we are doing something because we care about another. In our relationship, it was easier to stay together than to take responsibility for the breakup.
Taking full responsibility for our actions makes us vulnerable. Sometimes it can make us feel horrible, but there is no other way. We can’t mind-read, and we are responsible for ourselves, not for others.
Needs and Fears
Another reason for mind-reading is because we are not aware of our needs and fears. When we choose others over ourselves, we do this because we don’t know what we need or fear.
My boyfriend said he worried about me, which was probably also true. But the real reason why he didn’t break up earlier is that he was afraid. The same is true for me. I used him to make choices for me because I couldn’t figure out what I needed. I was also afraid of the outcome of my choice.
Thus, we reflect our life onto others and tell ourselves we choose in their best interest. But all we do is avoid our real needs and not face our fears.
Your Life, Your Responsibility
You are responsible for your happiness, just as I am responsible for mine. You can’t read people’s minds and know how they will react. You have to make your own choices and take responsibility for them.
You can’t hide behind mind-reading. You can’t know what is best for another person. It is their life, their choice. You can’t make choices for others.
Our relationship even got to the point where I asked his opinion about all of my choices because I couldn’t take responsibility for them. So I used his opinion as an excuse not to have to take full responsibility for my decisions. But it wasn’t right. It made me dependent in an awful way.
Once I started taking responsibility for my choices, I realised how much more aware I became of my own life in general. When you take responsibility for your life, you make sure you do your best in whatever you choose to do. It is up to you to make the best of the situation, no one else.
Choose You
So next time you’re making a choice, don’t try to mind-read. Instead, choose what’s best for you. Take responsibility for your life and do things for yourself. Life is much more vibrant and exciting when you live it on your terms.
About FEM
FEM stands for Feminist Entrepreneurs Magazine (or Finally Eradicating Misogyny, if you’re feeling cheeky), and is a House of Hives publication. We started this magazine to support entrepreneurs who feel disenchanted with the 24/7 hustle culture, the competitive narrative of toxic masculinity and narrow definitions of success, value and wealth that it peddles. We want to talk about balance, the importance of mental health, the power of collaboration and diversity, and much more.
We hope to inspire and support entrepreneurs as they build their businesses in enjoyable and sustainable ways, by sharing stories and tips from thought-leaders and change-makers. Join the mailing list to have the FEM e-magazine sent directly to your inbox.
