The Rise of Emotional Leadership
The time has come for women to courageously tap into our creative capabilities in order to become truly visionary leaders.
Leadership is about productively challenging the status quo, and finding innovative solutions. Though this can be accomplished by logical, directive study of what already is, the essential ingredient to progressive change is daring to think outside our already established box. No innovation has ever been accomplished without creativity, yet creativity is rooted in our emotional capacity.
If we, as women in business, block our emotions to be “more efficient”, we are essentially suppressing our ability to access our creative powers.
The challenge of emotional intelligence
Whether it is already valued as a leadership skill or not, emotional intelligence is an innate quality available to all humans. The challenge is though that we can only access as much of it as we have personally experienced ourselves. Opening ourselves up to profoundly exploring our own emotions can be a daunting task, to say the least. Given that it is not part of any job description or performance review, we often opt to avoid such “unproductive” discomfort. Instead, we focus on getting more universally recognised, intellectual qualifications that do not entail having to face our feelings.
Over the years, the suppression of emotions has become an acceptable — if not required — protective mechanism for women in business. It has been so widely accepted for us to shut out our feelings that it has become the status quo. So far so that in fact “being emotional” has evolved to become an undesirable characteristic, if not an insult, in a business context.
In a competitive situation where candidates are on par with respect to academic qualifications and professional competencies, it is not unusual to resort to emotional warfare. Women have experienced this at work as well as in their personal life. It is a cruel tactic used when competing for the attention of a potential partner. But it is furthermore being commercialised in all forms of advertisement which, on a daily basis, emotionally pressure female consumers into buying whatever it is they promote.
Therefore, we have developed the self-sabotaging belief that the more effective we become at suppressing our emotions, the better our defence is in times of competitive criticism. However, essentially all this does is limit the depth of our capacity for emotional intelligence.
The cause and effect of emotional warfare
For millennia women have been conditioned to be primarily occupied with their physical appearance, to attract a male provider and therefore ensure our own survival. It is obvious that this preoccupation (deeply connected to our fear of survival) is a subconscious and highly effective emotional trigger for others to take advantage of. While it is morally reprehensible, it is has become common practice in business as well as in private. We have come to a point where it is second nature for many women to have become fiercely emotionally guarded.
Oftentimes how our body looks is the source of our greatest vulnerability, so we see it as a weakness and do anything possible to protect ourselves from the emotional fallout of being criticised about our appearance. Nevertheless, one of the primary concerns about becoming emotionally guarded and suppressing emotions, especially in regards to how we look, is that we are essentially rejecting a part of ourselves. When we subconsciously reinforce such behaviour over years, if not decades, we end up rejecting not only our one true competitive advantage in a business context but also the key to our personal happiness: our uniqueness.
The quest for emotional self-leadership
In order for us to have full access to our emotional intelligence and therefore our creative capabilities, we have to embark on the daunting journey of facing our feelings. This includes all of them, the good and particularly the bad. It is in the negative feelings we harbour about ourselves that we find our greatest potential. Not only that but for this emotional endeavour to truly become effective, we have to discover the root cause of our self-sabotaging feelings, as well as uproot and transform the respective thought patterns our brain has programmed in response to past emotional difficulties. It is the challenge of allowing ultimate emotional vulnerability.
Given that most of us (myself included) have spent a lifetime being “strong” and “pushing through”, this outlook feels incredibly uncomfortable. For an ambitious, career-minded businesswoman, like I used to be, it seems a dauntingly high price to pay to acquire an underappreciated professional skill. We sense that it is needed but it does not feel save to let our emotions take over.
Furthermore, due to the lack of emotional leadership role models, our brains have little to no evidence that this approach will be worth the risk of letting our well-constructed walls down. It is indeed a courageous act to approach this new frontier, but the world of possibilities and vision we find once we break our own emotional barriers down is far beyond what we could have ever imagined possible.
Embracing our uniqueness feels uncomfortable, even vulnerable at first but when we become courageous enough to discover ourselves, something inside us welcomes that long-awaited curiosity with open arms. The professional and personal rewards of doing this work are immeasurable and eventually, we become those role models that others will feel inspired by.
Because it all has to start with us. It all starts with courageous emotional self-leadership.
About FEM
FEM stands for Feminist Entrepreneurs Magazine (or Finally Eradicating Misogyny, if you’re feeling cheeky), and is a House of Hives publication. We started this magazine to support entrepreneurs who feel disenchanted with the 24/7 hustle culture, the competitive narrative of toxic masculinity and narrow definitions of success, value and wealth that it peddles. We want to talk about balance, the importance of mental health, the power of collaboration and diversity, and much more.
We hope to inspire and support entrepreneurs as they build their businesses in enjoyable and sustainable ways, by sharing stories and tips from thought-leaders and change-makers. Join the mailing list to have the FEM e-magazine sent directly to your inbox.
