It’s really not you…
I was recently helping a friend prepare a lecture to students on networking, asking for help and professional relationships. Here is a summary of what I shared that I think is valuable for you to know as well.
In business, when people are helping you, it is not because they like you, they don’t know you yet. It is because they want to help. The same is true when people don’t help you. It’s not personal.
Sound believable?
The same is true of love. Love cannot be earned by doing or saying certain things. If someone loves you it is based on their capacity to love. Most importantly, if someone doesn’t love you it doesn’t mean anything about you — it does not mean you are unlovable, it does not mean you did something wrong and it does not mean no one will ever love you. Whether it is your parents, your ex or yourself…
Easiest example? I love dogs. I love dogs whether they ignore me completely or run up to me and lick me. That is because I am capable of loving, not because they have behaved a certain way. Trust me, I even had a dog pee on me once and guess what, still loved him.
We are taught from a young age to behave a certain way so people will like us. Be polite, don’t speak out if you disagree, later in life we are told to go to a good college so people will think we are smart. The truth is, we can never know or control other people thoughts about us. One person may think it is a good school, and another may not. This, unfortunately, is an example of social conditioning and learning to look outside ourselves for validation. This is a terrible habit and can cause worry, stress and anxiety. I teach people to stop that, and to look within, and to focus on themselves.
You cannot and will not ever really know what someone thinks about you, it is your thoughts about yourself that matter. How do you speak to yourself? Is it with kindness and love?
#thoughtoftheday #itsnotyou #lovestory
