“I’m not like other girls”
A discussion of how this behavior is a form of internalized misogyny among women
Those words are often said by those “pick-me girls,” commonly women who frequently seek attention or validation through their words and actions. The term refers to those who constantly try to stand out or be favored in various situations.
This behavior can be seen as insincere or attention-seeking, leading to negative perceptions by others. And with time, the ‘pick-me girl’ trend gained popularity, and people eventually became familiar with the term.
When did this trend emerge?
In 2016, the #PickMeGirl trend surfaced on Twitter, with the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe. These individuals epitomized traditional gender roles, focusing on being ‘good wives’ or ‘wife material.’ They adhered to patriarchal ideals, engaging in activities like cooking and cleaning to boost male egos and reinforce male entitlement. While the trend initially waned, it has resurfaced on TikTok, garnering over 200 million views.
Many people dislike ‘pick-me girls’ primarily due to their perceived annoyance, but more significantly, because these individuals often elevate themselves at the expense of other women, contributing to a divisive and unhealthy dynamic.
According to Urban Dictionary, a ‘pick-me girl’ is a woman who seeks male validation by declaring herself as ‘not like other girls,’ often being subtly or directly derogatory towards other women. She may claim to prefer male company, citing that women cause ‘too much drama.’ She might engage in activities like watching football, wearing Converse sneakers to formal events, and disliking makeup. The term implies that by distancing herself from traditional femininity, she aims to stand out as ‘different from other girls’ to attract heterosexual male attention.
“Pick Me” and Internalized Misogyny
The ‘pick-me-girl’ trend is often seen as a manifestation of internalized misogyny. It involves demeaning other girls to boost one’s self-worth and gain male validation. This behavior arises from the societal emphasis on patriarchal values, leading her to devalue traditionally feminine activities. She resorts to making sexist comments about other girls to eliminate competition for male attention, positioning herself as the superior choice for their approval and praise.
To understand the ‘pick-me girl’ phenomenon, it’s crucial to delve into internalized misogyny, where some women harbor disdain for their own gender. This phenomenon is often subconscious and challenging to recognize, particularly in cultures that prioritize traditionally masculine qualities due to patriarchal values.
Many women have likely encountered internalized misogyny, recognizing past behaviors influenced by societal stereotypes. A ‘pick-me girl,’ however, may not have yet explored why she feels the need to prioritize men and distance herself from other women, without questioning these ingrained beliefs.
The ‘pick-me girl’ seeks validation and desires to be chosen, often by the men she associates with, hoping to become a partner. This pursuit stems from the natural desire to feel wanted and the pain of loneliness or rejection.
This mentality arises from a desire to avoid emotional pain by relishing the notion that men have chosen her out of numerous options. She may be willing to distance herself from other women if it means securing that feeling of being chosen and safe.
The problematic side of this trend
Society often neglects to address issues related to ‘pick-me girls.’ Some content creators imitate them not to address the trend’s toxic aspects but to vilify other women. These portrayals mistakenly label girls who enjoy sports or opt not to wear makeup as ‘pick-me girls,’ ignoring the fact that these behaviors can simply be part of their gender expression and personal preferences.
The ‘pick-me girl’ archetype underscores the persistence of the gender binary in society. Regardless of interpretation, it reduces individuals to narrow stereotypes and links gender expression solely to biological sex, disregarding diverse and nuanced identities and personalities.
It’s crucial to differentiate between the ‘Pick-Me’ behavior and the trend. Both are problematic, with the behavior contributing to internalized misogyny, and the trend perpetuating and sustaining cycles of misogyny within society.
We should promote awareness and address ‘pick-me’ behavior through education rather than shame. Social media is a platform for interaction, and it’s essential to engage in constructive dialogue, support those dealing with ‘pick-me’ tendencies, and foster a more positive and educational environment.
These girls may need our help
While the beliefs and actions of the ‘pick-me girl’ can range from annoying to sexist, it’s important to recognize that these women are affected by patriarchy, whether they are aware of it or not. There is potential for change and growth.
When a ‘pick-me girl’ shapes her identity around male expectations, she restricts her authentic self. This leads to suppressing personal preferences and living in fear of rejection or being labeled ‘just like other girls.
The ‘pick-me’ mentality indicates a woman conforming to restrictive, male-centric standards, which can be internally painful. It doesn’t mean society should endorse problematic behavior. Instead, we can use empathy to understand that ‘pick-me girls’ may not have realized how their actions and beliefs contribute to sexism, internalized misogyny, and the ongoing oppression of women.
Rather than publicly shaming ‘pick-me girls,’ we can consider offering them perspective, empathy, and education. They may choose not to accept, but this approach can foster productive conversations among women on how to support each other instead of tearing one another down.
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