Advice

I once got advice that I initially rejected, but now, see as truth.

“I love you, Heather.” He said that to me. I know this because I saved that text.

And later, when we were winding down and he was ghosting away, he told me that I needed to love me before I could love him or anyone else. In fact, he said, I needed to not be open to love anyone else until I was settled and could love my fine, complicated, self. Without approval of others. Without needing to be loved and desired and needed by anyone.

Anyone other than me.

Devastated. That was my reaction. I teetered on the slippery slope of the rabbit hole, toes dippinginandpullingout.

Until I pulled out.

No epiphany. Just a raising of the curtain. Yes. Yes. He was right.

And I hurt. OhGOD how i fucking hurt. Bones aching, heart throbbing, skin-tearing, hurt.

Anger fury rage

Me: trapped inside my head my heart my encasing cage.

Switch flipped Head tripped

Dear godless: the Rage.