I fucked up. I fucked up and I am sorry. I was careless in my enthusiasm.

I started a publication, Femmes Unafraid, last week. I am a one-person operation and worked hurriedly — too hurriedly — to put it together. I added a co-editor. I learned tonight, in an email from my former editor at CG, that my now former FU co-editor has what I consider to be appalling racist attitudes.

I was attending a function with my kid when I got the rather gloating email:’

You’ve hired an editor who doesn’t think feminism is necessary and wonders why we don’t have a white history month. That should be fun too explain!

When I got home, I started poking around and DMed on a twitter a writer for whom I have the utmost respect, and mentioned it to her. She got back to me a few minutes later, and I was horrified: The woman had disgusting views on race. Specifically, she was ‘tired’ of ‘everything’ being about race. She wondered why we can’t have white history month. I didn’t read past the second sentence. I immediately freaked the fuck out and snagged the laptop from kiddo and our exchange student and frantically logged in here.

I tried to delete the FU co-editor. Whether it’s a fucking medium bug, or a google chrome bug? I don’t know. I could not delete her.

So I deleted the entire publication. And all of its stories.

I have re-started it, same name, same email, but now, having to start over.

So. I am exhausted and sad and embarrassed.

I have learned a very valuable lesson: I am old enough to know better, and absolutely should have vetted the co-editor and every writer.

I am sorry. I am profoundly sorry that I didn’t do that and that for a few days, anyway, this publication had someone whose views I find reprehensible and racist, to be part of this.

So. If you no longer want to be part of FU, I understand. I do hope that you will consider joining me again. Going forward, any one who wants to be added must submit three published pieces. Co-editing will only be done by women whose work I am familiar with.

Again. I am sorry. I fucked up.

More, later.

Peace and grace,

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