A Necessary Analysis Of Gin Blossoms’ “Hey Jealousy”
Everyone has that one or 25 karaoke songs they enthusiastically sing over and over again without knowing the meaning behind the lyrics. For me, this is every song I sing during karaoke. (Except for maybe Ginuwine’s “Pony”. That song is not open to misinterpretation for me — or at least not anymore, since I defeated puberty.)
“Hey Jealousy” by Gin Blossoms is one of those seemingly upbeat songs I added to my karaoke rotation after hours of playing SingStar ’90s on my cousins’ Playstation 2 during breaks home from college. I was too busy mastering the raspiness of the male vocals in Len’s “Steal My Sunshine” to apply any logic to these songs I was killing/butchering.
But I’ve grown as a person since then (started paying for Internet) and I’m going to honor the lyrics of “Hey Jealousy” with a thoughtful, in-depth analysis, based on my own interpretations. And then I’ll go to a more reliable source (the Internet I paid to access) to see if my thoughts are the same as the Gin Blossoms’ — a band I once saw at a concert hosted by Sugar Ray, Everclear and whoever must have funded that time travel portal during the summer of 2012.
Tell me do you think it’d be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I’m in no shape for driving
And anyway I’ve got no place to go
We both know this is a bad idea. First of all, my roommates are still pissed at you for driving your car into our living room the last time you asked to “crash here tonight” (foreshadowing what Busy Phillips’ character would do in an episode of “Dawson’s Creek” years later). And yeah, you’re in terrible shape, but driving doesn’t require that much physical fitness. That sorta gets into my beef with Nascar drivers. Is driving really a sport? Am I even qualified to ponder this? Anyway, you don’t have an Airbnb or somewhere else not invented yet in 1993 you can stay at?
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I’d ever had
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone
Do you know what kind of things people use the phrase “might not be that bad” to describe? The worst kind of things. Like your cousin’s friend’s nephew’s garage band’s first show at a bowling alley (they formed the band last week) or a purse party thrown by your least fun aunt as an attempt for her to appear fun. Also, you “blowing the whole thing years ago” isn’t why you’re alone. You’re alone because dating apps don’t exist yet (it’s still 1993) and honestly, it’s pretty hard to meet people in whatever small town you’re driving through.
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place… hey jealousy
No dude, tomorrow I have to go to work in the morning. And why are the cops after us? Better yet, why are you back in town? Are you going to push your Ponzi scheme on us again? And yeah, when the past is gone, there is something that takes its place. It’s called the present, buddy. Maybe you should start living in it. Welcome to 1993 — Mark McGrath is more than happy to see you.
And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you don’t expect too much from me
You might not be let down
Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
Actually, you’re probably lucky that dating apps don’t exist yet, because I don’t think “not thinking” and “not sleeping around” would be convincing selling points to enter a relationship with you. At this point, I don’t expect too much from you, but I do have a strong feeling you’re going to let me down. Like the time you parked your car in my living room. There are so many street parking options near my apartment!
Hey jealousy
She took my heart
Well there’s only one thing I couldn’t start
A blog? Was it a blog you couldn’t start, because blogs weren’t invented yet? (Hi from 1993, guys!)
Upon Wikipedia-ing this song, I discovered that, shockingly, none of my analysis holds up. This song is actually way more depressing, since the Gin Blossoms ended up firing the bandmate who wrote it, possibly due to his alcoholism affecting his work. Even the lyrics “you can trust me not to think” originally referenced his addiction with “you can trust me not to drink” until the band changed it.
So it’s probably a safe assumption to say that every catchy song you pick to sing at karaoke has a much darker and upsetting meaning behind it. Way to bring down the mood at this birthday party.
