Dating And Job Hunting… Are Basically The Same Thing

One phrase I constantly hear from young millennials dating in large cities is, “I hate dating. Every date just feels like another job interview.”

The reason it feels this way is because on these dates, you’re forced to fill the time with mundane topics like “What do you do?” “Where do you come from?” and “What do you do in your spare time?” However, as a recent college grad, I’ve also noticed that finding a job and finding love are similar in more ways than just the boring questions themselves. Both processes involve a series of steps in order to present you in the best (but sometimes inaccurate) portrayal of yourself.

Let’s break down how these two life milestones are comparative:

1. Looking for Opportunities in Your Circle

Job:

The job hunt can start in many places for a lot of us. For me, it was my former internships and personal contacts. This was when I thought back to my prior unpaid experiences to see who could help a girl out.

Once that option is exhausted (and, if it is, it’s probably for good reason), there’s also the personal contact route. Even if it’s a “friend of a friend’s mother’s uncle,” I’ll send a résumé if provided with a direct work email address.

Dating:

In terms of looking for that special someone, there are also many areas to search. The most obvious and scary place you could go to is past experiences. These are people who you may have met while you weren’t single, or hook-ups that were missed opportunities for something more real. However, just like reaching out to former internships, you may also find that these budding romances never materialized for the right reason.

Now, don’t go reaching for a bottle of wine just yet — all hope isn’t lost in the initial search. There’s also your social circle. This is where you reach out to friends of friends, which usually goes one of two ways. Either it’s a great match and you guys go on to be together forever, or you have one awkward date and then proceed to see them at every Saturday night outing.

2. Going Online

Job:

The last option, when all else doesn’t bring any perspective interviews, is the Internet. Although this is the easiest way to get a wide scope of your field’s current offerings, you probably know of the challenge that’s also endured (i.e. sending 20 customized cover letters and receiving no response back). This leaves finding a job online feeling less like an easy, accessible option and more like an impossible feat.

Dating:

In terms of finding true love, you can always utilize the Internet to meet strangers who can turn into an IRL relationship. However, like a personalized cover letter, a personal message on OkCupid does not always guarantee a return reply. Similar to the online job search, dating apps like Tinder can often feel like a big pool with no real opportunities.

3. What To Wear

Congrats! Someone noticed you!! Now what do you wear?

Job:

For jobs, the interview outfit is always an unnatural combination of fitting into an office culture but also understanding that you need to look professional. More specifically, you look like the kind of person who can conduct a spelling error-free email. Personally, this usually leaves me wearing a semi-formal Zara dress, but with short black boots. Literally profesh-but-caj.

Dating:

For dating — specifically a first date — this also often results in an awkward-looking attire. You want to look like yourself, so as to not give a false impression of who you really are (and to be recognizable from your default pictures), but you’re also trying to show off the COOLEST part of yourself. This means you might wear an odd combo of clothing that’s different from what you wear day-to-day (i.e. a sundress with sneakers), which probably looks a bit crazy, but IDK, if Lily Allen did it in 2008, why can’t we?

1. Prep

PREP PREP PREP

Job:

This is literally what job counselors tell you all the time. But like, I’m not an idiot — I’m obviously going to research the company before I meet with the HR person. However, beyond the typical information, there are so many other aspects that you still need to learn about the company. This includes knowing everything about it before you go in, like what it pays, what Glassdoor says about working there and most importantly, are there free snacks in the office?

You also have to go through typical interview questions and think about how you’re going to apply them to the little work experience you have. You have to start crafting the lies descriptions about how you were more involved in your internship than you really were. I can’t actually tell them I got coffee for the owner every day. Unfortunately, Starbucks ordering skills are not comparable to intermediate experience in Excel.

Dating:

Just like before an interview, dates also require prep. This usually starts in the form of some casual Internet stalking. It always starts out as, “Just want to make sure this person isn’t going to murder me,” to somehow finding their ex’s Instagram.

There’s also the prep of what to actually talk about on the interview. Not that I’m suggesting it’s a good idea to create future talking points, but obviously you want to be prepared and have some good stories to tell. This is also a good time to think about what aspects of you may be TMI for a first date and more appropriate for a second one… or never.

5. The Follow-Up

Job:

This is unfortunately the thirstiest and most anxious part of both searches. For jobs, the follow-up is often harder than the actual interview itself. There’s a lot of apprehension surrounding this step. You want to come off as interested, but not too desperate. First, after the initial thank-you email, you must wait 1–2 weeks to send the follow-up message, and then stand by for a response. All of this could happen over the course of months, while you slowly spend all the money you had saved for “just in case.”

Dating:

Dating also brings the same anxious behaviors. There’s always the waiting period between a first date or meeting someone and texting them again, so as to not seem too interested. However, in order to show some interest, eventually you have to text back. This unfortunately only complicates things further as emotions remain to be undefined, and you wonder if the other person is dating other people simultaneously.

I think the important takeaway from both — looking for a job and looking for a mate — is that it’s not easy. Both take a lot of time, patience and washing your hair more often than you’d like. However, if you put yourself out there as much as possible, it can only make the chances of finding either greater.

Also, who knows? Maybe there’s someone cute on the 11th floor of your new job, and you can kill two birds with one stone.