Don’t Ignore Her, She Just Needs Attention

“She’s just doing it for the attention.”

“What an attention whore.”

“Don’t mind her, she’s just an attention seeker.”

You’ve heard this dozens of times. Most likely it was about a young woman. Maybe she drinks too many appletinis and dances on the bar while screaming the words to “Drunk in Love”.

Maybe she sleeps with a new guy (or girl) every night. Maybe she brings an acoustic guitar to every party and plays Dave Matthews Band songs when people are trying to mingle. Maybe she even cuts herself, or threatens suicide on a regular basis. But whatever she’s doing, it’s just because she wants that sweet, sweet attention. She begs to be noticed. But why is that such a bad thing? Why is wanting people to acknowledge you looked on with such disgust and contempt?

Attention is defined as “notice taken of someone or something; the regarding of someone or something as interesting and important. The action of dealing with or taking special care of someone or something.” So, it seems perfectly reasonable that someone would want attention.

Everyone likes to feel interesting and important and cared for. Everyone would like to be the main event of the party — but nobody wants to ask for it. Wanting attention is seen as desperate and pathetic. Wanting attention is like following around the cute, popular boy in school like a lost puppy instead of waiting for him to come to you. It just isn’t cool. You become that girl who is trying too hard — but when a person tries too hard for something, it usually means that something is genuinely important.

When I was in high school, I started acting out. I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and didn’t know how to deal with it. To cope with these feelings, I did what any self-loathing 16 year old in 2010 did — I turned to social media. I made Facebook statuses saying “I hope I don’t do something stupid tonight :(“ and “brb having a mental breakdown.” I once live-tweeted a depressive episode, talking about how much I hated myself and then hashtagging it #lmao. The last few tweets were about how alone I felt. They were all tagged with #attentionwhore. And I was. I was being a total “attention whore.” I felt completely alone in the world, was severely depressed and crying out for help. I wanted someone, anyone, to notice — to acknowledge my existence. I needed attention — that sweet, sweet, attention. Was I wrong for wanting that?

Should I have been ignored or mocked just because I wanted someone to notice? Should I have been written off as just another hysterical, self-centered teenage girl?

There was a school near mine where one of the students committed suicide. After it happened, people were shocked. Shocked. The girl had consistently acted out and had threatened to kill herself multiple times, but nobody took her seriously. Nobody listened. After all, she was just doing it for the attention.

The truth is, wanting attention is completely normal. Social interaction and acceptance is a basic human need. By writing people’s behavior off as “just for the attention,” you’re invalidating not only their self-worth, but also their actions. Actions that may very well come from a much deeper, more serious problem.

Now I’m not saying you have to be completely accommodating to people who are making a scene. You can tell that girl to get off of the bar. You don’t have to listen to another cover of “Crash Into Me”. But you should listen. Most of the time when people act out for attention, all they want is to be heard. So the next time someone is doing something just “for the attention,” maybe the best thing you can do is give it to them.