Excuse Me, I’m Sorry

Hi, Mr. Johnson? Do you mind if I come in? I’m so sorry to bother you. I know it’s hard being the boss. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to me. I was just wondering if I could talk to you about my salary? I’m not sure if you’re aware, but all of the men in the department seem to get paid more than me and I’m not really sure if that’s fair. Sorry if this is a bad time to bring it up, but I just feel like I should be getting paid the same amount of money since I am doing the same job, you know? So, do you think that my salary could be raised?

No?

I’m sorry, but can you tell me why?

Because I’m too unassuming? I don’t come across as commanding as the men?

With all due respect Mr. Johnson, and I don’t mean to be rude, but aren’t I doing the same amount of work? Isn’t that kind of, I don’t know, sexist?

Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you sexist — that wasn’t my intention at all. I am so sorry.

It’s just… I can’t be as assertive as the men in the office, Mr. Johnson. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

If I raise my voice to an audible level, people call me a bitch.

Women need to speak differently than men Mr. Johnson. Our voice inflection needs to go up at the end of sentences or we’ll seem too “headstrong.” We need to apologize for speaking. And then apologize for apologizing. We must pepper our speeches with “I don’t know’s”,“ maybe’s” and “excuse me’s”. Men demean us with the word “bossy” and then wonder why there aren’t as many women running companies.

I can’t speak the way I want to, Mr. Johnson.

But, what I really want to tell you is that it is bullshit that these men are getting paid more than me. I want to tell you that I am sick of starting every sentence with “sorry”. I want to make statements. I want to use my outside voice. I want to be able to be assertive without being told I’m emotional. Emotions and assertion are not mutually exclusive. I don’t want to be labeled “difficult” if I disagree with someone. I want to be taken seriously. I want to give my ideas freely, and without excuses.

I want to be able to take what I deserve.

Women are trained from a young age, Mr. Johnson, to take up as little space as possible. To always be polite, always say excuse me. Never come on too strong, always wait for your turn to speak. It is ingrained in us.

It is ingrained in me.

This is what I want to tell you, Mr. Johnson.

But I won’t. I’m going to give you a weak smile, tell you that I understand and try to exit as quietly as possible.

Sorry for bothering you.

Wait, Mr. Johnson, do you mind if I say one more thing?

Fuck you.