Getting Out Of Bed In The Morning Is My Greatest Form Of Resilience
Trigger warning: This post contains sensitive topics such as depression.
I got out of bed this morning. I woke up with plenty of energy and the motivation to greet the day, accomplish something and kick today’s ass. I had somewhere to be; there were people counting on me to be at work, human beings I’m accountable to and plans I made with friends afterward. I was excited to leave my apartment, walk around the streets of New York City, see what the rest of the world was up to and find out what today had in store for me.
I got out of bed and today was a good day, but not every day is a good day. There have been days, months and years throughout my life where I haven’t felt inspired to get out of bed, and for the longest time I couldn’t exactly figure out why. There were days when I skipped class, called in sick, cancelled on friends and did whatever it took in order to ensure that I could stay in bed all day with nothing to do.
I made the choice over and over again to neglect my responsibilities and make sure I didn’t have any plans, commitments or reasons to get out of bed and face the world, although it didn’t exactly feel like a “choice.”
My lack of energy and motivation wasn’t something I actively decided to let affect me; I had succumbed to it, and what I didn’t realize is that it was all linked to my depression and anxiety, and that I’m not alone in my struggle to feel motivated enough to leave my bed.
It’s a hard feeling to explain; it’s almost like a wave of nothingness takes over my entire body, a feeling of emotional numbness that starts in my brain and seeps into the rest of my being. That’s what my depression looks and feels like, and how it manifests itself in my life. I know I have to check in with myself if I’ve had a morning (or two) when I try to come up with an excuse not to leave my bed. Because depression makes simple decisions like getting out of bed in the morning feel difficult, and the actually difficult decisions feel even more impossible.
It’s much easier to want to stay in bed all day. Who wants to face the rest of the world when it’s filled with crappy situations and unfortunate realities, and when you’re feeling like you’re not equipped to handle any of it? When I stay in bed, I don’t have to deal with all that; I don’t have to deal with anything.
I may not overcome all of my struggles in a day; it’s unrealistic to expect that I’ll solve every single problem, anxious feeling or depressive state within a 24-hour period. It’s a work in progress because I’m a work in progress.
But in the face of depression, mustering up the energy to simply get out of bed and face the day is a victory in it of itself. That’s why waking up in the morning and getting out of bed is often my greatest form of resilience; it’s how I show my strength and take a step into becoming more acquainted with the world around me. Even if I don’t accomplish anything of serious significance that day — I may not solve world peace or anything of similar importance — getting myself out of bed and having a reason to function with other people is a personal conquest that makes me feel like I’m coming out ahead.
I got out of bed today and even though I didn’t necessarily do anything extraordinary or life-changing, sometimes just doing that alone is enough.
