How Reclaiming My Femininity Made Me Feel Powerful
Mansplaining knows no age. Due to years of societal conditioning, men are taught to believe anything feminine = BAD. This most likely comes from homophobic parents that raise their sons in a hypermasculine environment so they “don’t turn out gay.” Because of this illogical form of parenting, little boys go to school teasing feminine children for simply being who they are.
When I was a kid, I often heard things like, “What’s that makeup on your face for…are you a clown?,” or “You like Britney Spears? That’s not real music.” They’d say sexist and nonsense things like, “You can’t wear spaghetti straps here, it’s against the dress code,” and “you like The Little Mermaid? That’s a girly love story, Lion King is better.”
Some boys grow out of their problematic views. Unfortunately, a huge majority of them turn into grown men with masculinity more fragile than an iPhone that’s just been submerged in water.
In 2017, their insecurity translates to new microaggressions:
I like girls better with a more natural look.
Pop music is a joke, I prefer classic rock.
You actually read Sylvia Plath? You should check out Ernest Hemingway.
That skirt is super short…you really think your boyfriend is gonna let you go out like that?
Don’t drink Starbucks, it’s basic. There’s this cool hipster coffee shop on 4th street, though.”
And while most adults could care less about pretentious art bros and their opinions, their words do carry some weight. In fact, prepubescent me would do anything to gain their approval. I vividly remember transforming my identity as a child/teen so I could finally be taken seriously by my male peers. I threw away anything conventionally feminine about me and only expressed my conventionally-masculine side so I would no longer be seen as some inferior joke.
So I did what I had to do: I started wearing tracksuits, beating boys at sports and video games, and listening exclusively to rock and alternative music. But still…I wasn’t happy. And most importantly, I wasn’t being the best me I could be.
Eventually, somewhere between my teens and my 20s, I realized that living for male approval was absolute bullshit. I would never be able to be my fullest self with that mindset. While masculinity is apart of who I am, reclaiming my femininity and owning it without shame made me realize you don’t have to be masculine to be powerful. You can be feminine, masculine, a little bit of both, or neither! If I want to rock pink hair and glitter eyeliner while blasting Lana Del Rey and drinking my iced soy latte, I will do that! And you know what? I’m still an intelligent, capable, badass human that deserves your respect.
After years of downplaying my own existence, it felt so empowering to be the fullest version of myself. I can’t even begin to tell you how revitalizing it was for my soul. I no longer had to water myself down to a one-dimensional being for male approval. No matter how you identify, I believe we all have both feminine and masculine aspects to ourselves. To accept both without shame is power. For me, embracing my femininity made me feel whole.
But it sure as hell wasn’t easy. Since women have been considered inferior to men for centuries, I think we often feel pressured to prove ourselves as worthy. We want to be taken seriously. We want our voices to be heard. And because femininity is often seen as degrading, sometimes we water ourselves down so we can be taken seriously.
However, we shouldn’t have to break glass ceilings on the daily for our existence to be considered valid. Not every athlete is going to be a Serena Williams. Not every politician is going to be a Hillary Clinton. Not every musician is going to be a Beyoncé. Women don’t need to break records and take over male-dominated spaces to be considered powerful. Women shouldn’t have to succeed at conventionally masculine hobbies or careers for society to recognize them as worthy. If men can be respected for simply existing, why do women need to constantly prove themselves?
Spoiler alert: We don’t. Whether you’re a man, a woman, or a gender nonconforming individual, your femininity is valid! You don’t need to sacrifice an arm and a leg just to prove you deserve to take up space. You don’t need to answer anyone’s questions. You don’t need to explain yourself.
My femininity is what makes me powerful. And if you don’t think so, I don’t really care enough to try to prove you wrong.
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