How Veganism Taught Me To Be Kind To Myself
Two years ago I signed up for a class called Interlocking Oppressions simply because I wanted to get out of my terrible film class and this one happened to fit my schedule nicely. What I wasn’t expecting was for this class to change my perspectives on a lot of things and be a catalyst for huge changes in my life.
This was the course description:
Among theorists and activists it is commonplace to focus on one, very particular kind of injustice. Thus, it is not at all unusual to encounter feminist activists who eat and wear animal flesh as well as animal activists who are not particularly concerned with the plight of women. Yet, the marginalization and oppression of animals has been linked (through what Karen Warren calls “the logic of domination”) to the marginalization and oppression of women. It is also often thought that the same forces that relegate women and animals to the realm of the “other” operate on other marginalized groups. In this course we will explore the nature of inter-locking oppressions by examining the connections between the domination of animals and the domination of women as well as other marginalized groups.
Before taking this class, I considered myself a feminist, but I had never really considered animal rights issues. But after a few days into this class, it made sense to me that the oppression of women and the oppression of animals were linked and that I really needed to care about both issues.
So I decided to become vegan. I didn’t give up animal products cold turkey, for lack of a better term. It’s a process, and one that varies for everyone. I gave up one thing every week. Red meat, chicken, fish, direct dairy, foods processed with dairy, hot Cheetos, honey, etc. It’s over two years later and I’m still working on cutting out refined sugar.
I was the first person in my social circle to become vegan. I didn’t know any vegans before my journey, and neither did a lot of my family and friends. Because of this, I found the negative social consequences far more difficult than the dietary restrictions themselves. I was frequently being dismissed, judged and attacked by people I was close to. It was a very isolating experience.
When I confided in a friend about how difficult it was dealing with people’s personal attacks, he told me that I should expect that if I’m being so vocal and confrontational about veganism. The thing is, I wasn’t. With self-improvement comes (at least a little bit) a backlash. Whether you’re adopting vegansim, getting into health and fitness, cutting back on partying/drinking, reading more, etc., some people will meet these decisions with aggression toward you. It’s most likely because your presence alone forces them to confront their own habits. And that can be an uncomfortable thing to face. So they take it out on you.
At first I responded to these situations with anger and frustration. I would get into arguments that were never satisfying or productive. Eventually I realized that the best way to respond was with compassion. For example, like I mentioned earlier, when you start going vegan, it’s a process. You’re not expected to give everything up all at once. You’re going to make mistakes, and you need to remember that that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re trying your best. Some people will try to trap you in your mistakes and make you feel bad about it. Here’s one way you could handle it:
Them: That candy has gelatin in it. You can’t eat that. I thought you were supposed to be vegan.
You: Oh, really? That’s a bummer. Thank you for letting me know. I’m still learning.
Respond with compassion. They won’t expect it. They’re looking for you to react negatively and feel defeated/guilty. And it’s important to keep in mind that you are learning.
For a while, it will seem like the only interesting thing about you is your veganism because that is all anyone will want to discuss with you, whether it be prodding questions like “Where do you get your protein?” unsolicited and presumptuous comments like “I like meat too much. And I could never give up cheese” or downright mean things like “Are you eating your vegan hippie shit again?” It’s like you have become this alien creature and your friends and family forget that you know… you also like feminist punk rock, martial arts films and collecting Barbies.
I’ve always had trouble articulating myself verbally, especially when it comes to situations where I feel like I have to defend myself. When you decide to become vegan, or make any lifestyle change for that matter, people are bound to ask you why you’re doing it, and some of them will be more interested in antagonizing you than in what you actually have to say. So how do you approach a question like this?
I tell them as much as they want to know. I don’t make it a point to always bring up my veganism. When someone asks, I tell them. And if they want to know more, I tell them more. I know that people are vegan for a lot of different reasons such as ethical, health, weight-loss, the environment, etc., so the answers will vary, but here is the general formula I follow:
Them: Why did you go vegan?
Me: Ethical reasons.
That’s it. I keep it as simple as possible, because I’ve found that a lot of people are just trying to provoke an argument.
Them: Okay, so you don’t want to support the cruelty toward animals?
Me: Yeah, animals, food-workers, farmers, etc.
And so on. I try to only tell them as much as they are interested in knowing. It’s not my intention to tell other people that they shouldn’t eat meat, but if they bring it up and are genuinely interested in learning more, I am more than happy to discuss it with them.
This will pass. My veganism has now become a part of who I am. I am no longer being confronted in my daily life, but it does allow me to actively practice my beliefs every day to the best of my ability. I don’t always get it right, but going vegan is also about accepting that.
Becoming vegan was the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’m really happy that I did. I don’t regret not doing it sooner. It was definitely the right time for me. I was in a place where I could be open-minded about it, I had the resources to educate myself, the means and the advantage of living in a vegan-friendly city. Veganism isn’t for everyone. And that’s okay. It’s important to recognize that it just isn’t possible for everyone. There are parts of the world where people are vegan out of necessity, where meat is a luxury. In Western society, veganism is a privilege. Access to fresh produce, vegan restaurants, the ability to afford vegan products like cheese, alternative milks, pizza, cookies, etc. is a huge privilege.
Veganism for me, was the beginning of my journey to becoming a more thoughtful and compassionate young woman. It taught me how to think for myself, seek out information and to live more consciously. It’s also been two years since I began washing my hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar, my makeup is cruelty-free, I’m trying to give up fast fashion and I also want to start living a more minimalist lifestyle. There are also so many other things, and chances are there’s no way you could possibly live a completely cruelty-free and ethical life. No one is 100% morally consistent, but you can always do your best.
A big part of that is compassion. Not only for those whose rights you are fighting for, but also your fellow woman and wherever she may be in her journey — and of course, YOURSELF!
The professor who taught the Interlocking Oppressions course, Karen, became my vegan guru in the months following. I was having a particularly hard time early on, and when I emailed her about it, this was just part of her wonderfully wise response:
I don’t think being perfect is required of anyone about anything. Most of us are imperfect in some arenas. So, while I adhere to a strict vegan diet and do not deviate from that, I’m still working to remove all chocolate made by companies who use slave labor out of my house. Though I’m an environmentalist, I am currently having a huge remodel done on my house. These kinds of things… it’s not to say I’m proud that I don’t always adhere to all my values, it’s just to say that no one is perfect. So, I don’t think it is better to be an omnivore than it is to be a vegan who occasionally dips into non-vegan foods. My feeling is that it is more important to try to be vegan than to try to be a perfect vegan. If striving for perfect veganism gets in the way of trying to live a more compassionate life, then it can’t be the right thing to strive for, it seems to me. You want to be compassionate with yourself in addition to the animals of the world and the environment. So, my sense is that we have to do our best.
Be kind to yourself. That’s the most valuable thing this journey has taught me.
