I’m Listening
I don’t know you, but if you wanted to tell me your deepest darkest secrets — the ones your family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, any other super important people in your life don’t know — that’d be great.
You see, I’m a secret hoarder. I love hearing other people’s secrets and gossip. They don’t even need to be people I know — I’m perfectly happy to eavesdrop on subway stranger Becky telling her roommate Lila about how their friend Kate cheated on her boyfriend Steve and oh my god do you think they’re going to break up before unpausing Serial.
Every week I devour Slate’s Dear Prudence column, often neglecting to read the actual advice offered once I’m done collecting confessions about things like twincest and covert abortions. I frequent the Whisper app and have the site bookmarked on my computer. I don’t think twice about asking my friends to elaborate when I overhear them trying to stealthily discuss someone I’ve never actually met.
I’m not sure why I have such an affinity for secrets, though it’s possible years spent watching Frasier as a child has something to do with it. (Thanks, Mom.) I have no interest in blackmail (not that I’d be any good at it), and while there are plenty of people who see gossip as an opportunity for self-righteous judgment, I’m not one of them. (Have sex with your brother all you want. Abort away. That’s my motto.)
I don’t even have any desire to spread the secrets I hear — I’m actually great at keeping things quiet, unlike some people. (Looking at you, Peter Pettigrew.)
Maybe I’m just predisposed to nosiness. Or maybe it’s the writer brain, the instinct to try to absorb every little detail of what’s happening around me and store it away like a chipmunk. Or maybe I’m just so boring that I want to spice up my drama-free life with a bit of borrowed excitement. It’s hard to say for sure, but I bet it’s a bit of all three.
What I do know is if you want to get anything off your chest — a steamy affair, a deep-rooted hatred for your boss, that candy bar you “forgot to pay for” as a child — I’m listening.
