In Defense Of The White Lie
Guilt, religion or common decency should cry out to you after you utter a white lie. There should be an understood scarlet letter, or at least crimson hue, that you don after committing such an indiscretion. Overall, it makes you a bit of a dirtbag when you tell a white lie, right?
A disclaimer before we continue: I do not believe you should hurt people or their feelings and, occasionally, white lies can do that. Those white lies should be avoided because they are self-preserving instead of being glib. That being said, I am either naïve, stupid or stubborn, but I don’t have many qualms with the innocuous white lie. I incorporate the white lie into my day-to-day fairly seamlessly. It’s become less conscious than it probably should be, but I find that good white lies are an awfully powerful tool to have up your sleeve. Here’s why.
They Offer Ease of Conversation
White lies are like exaggeration sprinkles that can be liberally or sparingly topped to any conversation.
You went camping in Big Bend last year? Huh, I did too! When I was a kid, of course.
And now we can talk about camping in a way where this human isn’t thinking the entire time, “This person has no idea what the shit camping is,” and I can think to myself, “Hey, I would love to go camping but I have no idea where to start and now I can not embarrass myself and maybe get some information nuggets that would empower me to go camping.”
White lies: allowing us all to metaphorically set up camp sans shame.
They Assist in Avoidance
Sometimes, you’ll find yourself in what Admiral Ackbar so succinctly called a trap: when nothing you say is going to be right. You can divulge your true feelings and instigate an argument. You can say what the person wants to hear and risk overindulging them and perpetuating an uncomfortable situation.
Here, my friends, is when you slip in a white lie.
Friend: “I think I want to dump my boyfriend.”
You: “Oh?”
Friend: “What do you think?”
You: “I think the relationship has a lot of merit.”
Does the relationship? Maybe. But that was enough deflection to neither make you the target of ire nor cement yourself to an opinion. Way to go, white lies.
They Can Protect You
White lies, in addition to their innate avoidance tactics, also can be self-preserving. When confronted by an individual who, for lack of a better word, insists on being nosy, a white lie can offer said individual “concrete” insights that allow you to preserve the autonomy and privacy you deserve. I see this often in women who just got married and immediately are asked by every relative under the sun: “Are you trying for a baby?”
“Yes, but we’re taking our time” you answer, knowing in your head that it simply isn’t true but also isn’t worth the fight. Does this make you a liar? Absolutely. But that nosy relative also wasn’t entitled to the truth — and a good white lie will keep them satiated.
For these primary reasons, I’ll keep turning to a quick white lie when I need to ease off the social tension — and don’t expect me to feel guilty for it.
