Target Is My Safezone
In one of my favorite movies, “Heathers”, one of the main characters talks about how much he loves convenience stores. He explains that he moves homes a lot, but the one thing that is consistent is you can go into a 7–11 in any town and get a slushie.
That character turns out to be a manic serial killer, but I promise the point still stands.
Since I started college, life has been nothing but change and moving. I’ve moved to and from Ohio and Pennsylvania more times than I can count. I’ve lived a few summers in New York and I’ve traveled solo to see friends all over the country. I’ve lived with a new set of people each time, some with better results than others. For someone with anxiety, this level of constant upheaval can be a lot. I want to see as much as I can and live as much as I can, but these experiences still very much scare the shit out of me.
My first year at college, I was lost and alone. I missed my high school friends and living in a rural area was totally new to me. I wasn’t familiar with Ohio and every little thing seemed different. They sing a song called “Hang on Sloopy” and basically you’re treated like a mole person if you find it at all strange. People obsessed over Ohio State without attending the college.
One friend I did make used to take me grocery shopping with him on weekends. Though it wasn’t a grocery store I was used to, there was something about the order, the calmness and the familiarity that calmed me. That was exactly what I needed to feel like myself in a sea of change.
Since then, I’ve realized there is nothing that calms me down like a good chain store.
The feeling that I get when I walk into a Target, Macy’s, Giant Eagle (a grocery store from Northeast OH and Pittsburgh), etc. is better than anything I know. The effect that the fluorescent lights, air conditioning and packed shelves have on me is unreal. It is better and cheaper than any therapy that I have ever experienced. I feel at once a totally sense of control and total nothingness. It’s addicting.
The best part is, half of the time, I never buy anything. Recently, after a fight with my boyfriend, I took a drive to get crappy fast food and walk around Target. I didn’t even bring my wallet in. I just wandered staring at the decorative dog paperweights and the many, many types of trail mix.
Don’t get me wrong, I know we are all slaves to a terrible capitalistic system which cripples the underprivileged and soon the revolution will come and the bourgeois will rise. Totally psyched for it, tbh. But I can’t help but totally crave the safety of these stores.
During my time in New York and at college, I mostly bought from local artists and small stores. I love supporting independent businesses and flea markets are everything to me. (Did you know you can drink mimosas at the flea markets in Cleveland?!) I also love a good Target run. But when I use these stores for therapy, it has very little to do with the goods in the store, but everything to do with the order. Conformity is not great for social mores, but super great for quelling anxiety.
I already know there will be much more change in my life. I’m moving back to New York in a few months, where I’ll be further away from my family for the first time permanently. I’ll soon be entering my mid-20s and I’m always about two steps away from dying my hair silver, but I know that no matter where I go, I will have my weird little safety net.
So the next time you’re feeling a little uneasy, take a lap around your local mall like the smart elderly ladies of your town. It may not do the same for you as it does for me, but I’m sure you can snag a hot pretzel and a cute top.
