The 3 White Lies Everyone Should Tell
I’m a terrible liar.
It’s not that I don’t know how. Believe me, I can spin a yarn with the best of ’em. In stressful situations, knowing how and when to simplify the truth — or avoid it entirely — is an essential skill, and I will do it as adeptly as possible when the need arises. It’s not a poker face that I’m lacking; it’s more of a poker conscience.
No matter how hard I try, or how innocent it is, I never developed the stomach needed to lie without moral apprehension. As a child, whenever one of my more mischievous friends suggested we do something that our parents didn’t allow, I would squirm uncomfortably, desperately hoping they’d change their mind. In high school, when a friend and I were running late for class, she devised a harmless fib to tell the teacher. When we walked into the classroom, the teacher said, “I know you’d never lie to me.” I’ve never wished harder for the floor to swallow me whole. It’s not that I’m a strict rule-abider or anything. I just have an overactive conscience, and the idea of being dishonest to someone fills me with anxiety and remorse before I’ve even done it. Suggestions of inoffensive pranks have been known to bring me close to tears. People trust me, and lies, small though they may be, feel like betrayals.
It’s only been in the past few years that I’ve discovered the power of positive lying. The idea of a white lie is typically to alleviate guilt in some way, or to avoid taking responsibility for something fairly unimportant. But what if you could harness the power of the little fib and use it for good? There’s a whole world of complimentary embellishments and little white lies that can embolden anyone you meet as long as you have the confidence to say them out loud. There are three basic templates for the positive white lie, each completely customizable. They’re non-profit, cruelty-free and healthy as hell. They blend easily into casual conversation, and can be used to help your friends, your family, random strangers (usually), your cat (probably) and even you.
“You’ve done a great job.”
This is an easy one, mostly because it’s usually not a lie at all. It’s just an exaggeration of a truth. Is your friend wearing a bold outfit that’s outside of her comfort zone? Do you think she might be feeling self-conscious about it? “Your outfit looks great!” Boom, affirmed.
Again, it’s not so much a lie as it is a confidence booster, and it can be used in all kinds of scenarios. Any time a friend, coworker or even a vague acquaintance seems unsure, reassure them if you can. It goes a long way.
“Everything’s going to be fine.”
I have a hate/love relationship with this phrase, mainly because it’s always either a guess or a lie. But, when used appropriately, it can make a world of difference. Let’s face it: things are often not fine. Life can feel like a constant progression from one definitely-not-fine thing to another, and any rational person might find it disheartening. A simple “it’ll be okay” can help someone in the throes of despair or panic by helping them to take a step back. A placebo? Maybe. But, in the event that it actually helps, you get to provide a little beam of hope or clarity for someone who needs it — maybe even yourself.
“I am awesome.”
Say it emphatically. Think it often. We’ve all been rattling around in our own heads for so long, that tearing ourselves down has become an exact science and a cruel sport. It’s especially difficult for women to be kind to themselves, having been conditioned into self-loathing by society and the media. Undoing that damage takes baby steps, and you have to start somewhere. When you feel insignificant or upset, try to remember that you are awesome. Even if it is an exaggeration of the truth at times. Don’t ever forget it. It may not be much, but it’s a start.
Never hesitate to incorporate positive white lies into your daily interactions. When you compliment someone, it might be the only kind words they hear that day. In a society that delights in women tearing each other down, being supportive of one another is a breath of fresh air.
Plus, you get to feel rebellious for lying except, you know, without dealing with that pesky conscience thing.
